


The Sun Will Always Shine

by notbeezy



Category: ATEEZ (Band), Atiny
Genre: ATEEZ - Freeform, Angst, Atiny - Freeform, Fingering, Flower Talk, Fluffy Angst, Kinda, M/M, Rimming, Sanshine, Strangers to Lovers, Woosan, bc i have needs, blowjob, face fucking, fox mingi, hongsang, hongwoo, hongyoung, idk what to tag, implied sex, jongsang, like im not descriptive, lots of fluff, minsan, minsang, planet talk, sanggi at some point, sangi - Freeform, sangjoong, seongho, smut at some point, sorry the tags are a mess i added as i went, yungi, yunhwa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-06-25 11:40:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 100,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19745011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notbeezy/pseuds/notbeezy
Summary: Mingi feels like the dullest ray of sunshine. San is the brightest side of the moon. They say this kind of relationship never works out, but what if it can? What if the moon decides one day he refuses to allow the sun to die so he can live? There are eclipses after all.orMingi is a painfully insecure Instafamous model who meets a curious art student named San and they try really hard to make this thing between them work. Even though Mingi doesn't believe in love and San doesn't believe in giving up.





	1. Friends? Not A Chance.

**Author's Note:**

> um.. ok.. so basically heres me show casing the side of leo's and cancers no one ever sees. if you don't agree with my personal view, im down for POSITIVE criticism.
> 
> also the italics are their inner thoughts.  
> also x2 things are kinda repetitive for a reason.

It’s raining again and Mingi is sitting on his balcony with his hand out just enough to feel the rain on his fingertips.

_ Cold. _

The rain reminded him of himself. In the sense that everyone claimed to love the rain, but they either hide under umbrellas or sleep the day away.

People claimed to love him, but they either found ways to avoid interacting with him directly or pretend he’s not there.

The water is probably dirty from floors above him, but he didn’t care (that too somehow reminded him of himself).

_ Was this acid rain? _

The thought makes him pull his hand back.

He really should pay more attention to the weather considering Seoul was terrible when it came to pollution. 

Heavy sigh escaping him and he realises he’s been holding his breath this whole time. He really needs to stop doing that. He’ll give himself dizzy spells again.

**_Ding_ **

Make sure you have the shoe endorsement done and ready for review by Thursday.

_ Oh, yeah. That thing. _

It was already late afternoon Tuesday and he hadn’t even opened the shoe PR package. It arrived Saturday and he hadn’t, or rather couldn’t, think of a proper post. Who only gives a week for an ad to be made anyhow? He reaches his hand back out towards the rain.

_ Dirty water trying to cleanse other dirty things. Keeping everything filthy and yet, people pray for this. _

He looks at his phone sitting on the small table he has to take up some of the space (even though he hardly comes out here) and figures he should post  _ something _ . It's almost been a full day. Stupid rule’s that need to be followed or this is all gone.

He raises his phone and takes a boomerang shot of the rain hitting his fingertips.

“Be careful of the rain ~”

Not wanting to show his face-

_ God, my face. _

He shivers and puts his phone back on the table and pulls his knees to his chest.

_ Why does everything have to feel so sad when it rains? _

With that question lingering in the sticky humid air, he goes back inside. The bone dry a/c slapping him in the face. But the question is left outside with some of his sadness.

He opens the box, red mesh shoes. There's so much excess fluff and pointless decoration for these boring shoes. He can almost hear the tree’s crying from their waste. Why was mesh so in anyways? How repetitive the instagram fashion world was. Everyone had the same personality, wearing the same clothing and they were all on this unreal level of beauty. Which always confused Mingi since he didn’t think he was on that level. Yet here he was, pushing almost 800 thousand followers.

_ Why? _

He looks through his closet and picks out clothes that’ll match with the shoes (he’ll gift them to someone he knows. He doesn’t need another pair he’ll never wear). Happy red was one of the better colours on him.

“Tomorrow.”   
His voice scares him a little. He hasn’t spoken all day. Or has it been two?

He climbs into bed, feeling better once all he can see is darkness from the layers of blankets he’s hiding under.

If he can’t see any of himself, there’s nothing to hate.

_ Dramatic. _

* * *

San is splashing every puddle he can without pestering the people walking next to him. He loves the rain. He loves  _ when _ it rains, even if he can’t be in it the way he is now. He twirls his umbrella and watches the droplets spin around him. Reaching his hand out to feel the cold on his fingertips.

“Drink up, Earth.”

It’s been so hot lately.

_ A cold shower for the Earth. _

The sun was peeking through the clouds and he points his finger slightly towards the rays of light.

“Not yet you. This was barely a sip for the trees.”

He twirls his umbrella again. He should be in more of a rush for his class but things just seemed more happy when it rained.

Once he’s closer to his building, he closes the umbrella and allows mother nature to cleanse him the way she sees fit. His dimples becoming puddles of their own as he smiles from this decision.

His class room is ice cold compared the the warm humid air outside and it basically slaps him in the face. He almost regrets getting so wet.

Sitting through his lecture, he’s practicing eye drawings instead of really paying attention. He’ll skim through whatever notes Wooyoung has written down since they both have this course. Skilled with his hands in many ways, art was his passion.

Although photography was kicking his ass, he knew he just needed the  _ right  _ muse to come along and spark his talent in that area as well.

(Or at least that's how it worked in the movies).

His portraits were due on Thursday but he had other homework that was the slightest bit more important and needed to get done first.

“Tomorrow.”

He whispers to himself.

All of his eyes looked like his ex girlfriends. Which made him frown.

_ I need diversity in my life. _

  
  


/wednesday/

* * *

Modelling for the big shots on a professional set must be exhausting. Mingi has it easy compared to them. Things were mostly done on his terms. Had he chosen to scramble for a shoot the day before product review in the industry (the real one not this made up talent show based on the popular vote) they’d eat him alive.

_ Give them diversity. _

He thinks as he’s walking around town on another rainy afternoon.

He stops for coffee (checking the last time he posted a coffee photo out of habit) and thinks of the most normal pose he could possibly make while still showing off the shoes.

_ This is so stupid. Why did I ever dream of this? _

He’s hyper aware of the few people who have already noticed him.

_ Keep cool, breathe. No one ever approaches you. _

That reminder makes his chest tight.

_ Why doesn’t anyone ever say hello? _

Que flashback memory of the meltdown he had when people swormed him.

_ Oh, yeah. _

They call his drink, snapping him out of it before his dark thoughts spiral and he picks a seat next to the window. For the lighting obviously.

Obligatory food photo (that will be posted at  _ least _ and hour after he’s gone).

_ Fuck, there’s too many people here to set up my phone. _

He misses the times when he could do something this silly with ease and without worry but lately, he’s consumed by his negative thoughts. He can’t stop the way he doubts himself or hates things about himself. Which is interfering with his “job” that requires him to be confident in every way for his audience. Que him biting the inside of his cheek.

Right now he needs someone to help him and he mentally kicks himself in the ass for not calling Yunho to help him.

_ He’s busy with university. And it’s been weeks. How selfish would it be to only call him because I need a photo. _

He glances at the boy sitting next to the trash can. Soft blonde hair falling into his eyes and Mingi wonders how he can see his computer screen. He’s got a notebook opened and he’s writing things as he moves his head from laptop to textbook. Mingi can see the colourful lines from him highlighting sections even being tables away.

_ Just ask. He already seems uninterested which means he won’t stick around after. _

He walks up, all wide smile and sunshine voice

“Hi! I, um.. Can I ask you for a small favour?”

The boy looks up with a curious expression and Mingi is realising how beautiful he is in lightning speed.

“Sure?”

“I need to take some photos for an ad I’m doing but I don’t have anyone to help me. I had an unrealistic deadline and other things prevented me from getting this done sooner. I know this might be annoying, but um, would you mind taking a few shots of me?”

The boy smiles and his cheeks dimple, Mingi can feel his heart pounding.

_ Oh god, he’s lovely. _

“Perfect! I need to practice my photography skills!”

He closes his textbook and stand’s up.

* * *

_ Holy SHIT this guy is hands down the second most handsome person I’ve ever met. Keep cool, be cool. _

San closes his laptop as well and follows this angel to his table. He sits awkwardly while looking up at San.

“It’s a shoe ad. So I, or you rather, need to make sure that’s the focal point. But it needs to not look so forced.”

San takes the phone from him and pouts his lips the way he does when he was brainstorming.

“I know that sounds silly and if you can’t think of-”

“Okay slouch a little. Cross your legs as well, however you normally do when sitting.”

The boy listens and slides himself down a bit.

“Great! Turn a little, you have too much sun in your face. Can’t see those beautiful eyes.”

The boy gave a small smile and lowers his gaze, following his instructions.

_ A blush? A FUCKING BLUSH?! _

San smirks when the boy regains his cool exterior.

“Just take photos, I’ll change up my poses.”

And he does. Listening to San’s guidance as they go. Giving a shy smile whenever San would fix his hair or gently turn his head a certain way.

_ Is he a model? He’s breathtaking, of course he is. _

He hands the boy his phone once he feels they’ve taken enough photos, admiring how his fingers look with those rings.

“I’m San, by the way.”

“Mingi.”

There giggles behind them and San looks confused at the girls they came from.

_ Rude, why are they eavesdropping anyways? _

“Do you want me to pay or tag you in the photos?”

“What, why? Tag me where?”

Mingi looks confused now.

“On instagram. For credit?”

“Oh I actually don’t have instagram. I’ve never really had anything to post. And I see all my friends daily so I’m not missing out on their lives, you know?”

“So you really don’t know me?”

There's an awkward silence between them before San’s eyes grow wide,

“Oh shit, you  _ are _ a model!”

Mingi laughs. The way he covers his mouth and tries to hush himself tells San it’s his real laugh and it warms his heart.

“How refreshing it is to not be known.”

* * *

Mingi looks through the photos, San moving his things over to share the table.

“These are actually really nice. I look  _ decent _ for once. I won’t have to edit anything except maybe the colour.”

“Are you fishing for compliments, because I will give them free of bait.”

Mingi can feel his cheeks burning but he chooses not to look up from his phone.

“Did you want me to take more photos of you?”

“Aren’t you busy?”

Mingi recalls San’s spread on the table before, perhaps studying or working.

_ How selfish of me to interrupt him over silly photos. _

San looks like he’s thinking. He’s got this pout that makes his sharp feature turn soft (like Mingi’s heart currently).

“Well, I have a photo project I need to complete and you’d be perfect for the job. I help you, you help me. Sound good?”

_ Perfect? _

“I’d have to ask my manager.”

“I won’t sell the photos. I won’t let them be published or whatever it is you’re worried about.”

San seems genuine and him not knowing Mingi (the whole instafamous part), he felt okay with this.

“What’s the project?”

“Lighting, contrast. How well I can pull off both in one shot. Your cheekbones are to die for. I’m just know you’re the best fit for these kinda shoots.”

“I’m not fishing.”

“Then I guess I’m just jumping into the boat.”

_ What if he knew it was sinking? _

* * *

San takes photos of Mingi walking with his umbrella. 

The red matching his jacket and shoes.

_ On purpose? Cute. _

“Walk a little, further.. Further.. Okay stop, yeah right there. Okay now look up at the sky, but kinda sideways. Tilt the umbrella back a tad more, perfect.”

Mingi does as he’s told.

“Okay reach your hand out to feel the rain.”

He does, but he also looks at San from the corner of his eyes which makes him nervous.

“You’re side profile is stunning.”

Mingi smiles softly and San captures it.

_ Gorgeous. _

“I said I wasn't fishing.”

“And I said I was jumping.”

Mingi walks back over to him, San can feel butterflies slamming themselves against the walls of his stomach.

“For your project, do you shoot at a studio?”

“No I have my own equipment at my apartment. Unless you’d rather be somewhere less personal?”

He shakes his head no.

“I’m not in the mood for an audience.”

San leads him back to his small apartment, enjoying the rain and forcing himself not to splash every puddle. Not that Minfi seemed to mind. He was quiet, on his phone. Probably tending to his followers.

“So Instagram famous? What’s that like?”

He rolls his eyes.

“Annoying most days.”

“Oh..”

“It must be a weird thing for actual talented people to hear. Some bust ass since childhood for fame and all I had to do was get the right angle.”

San stays quiet. He looks at Mingi quickly and smiles to himself.

_ Muse. _

San is happy the place wasn’t a wreck and that he remembered today was trash day.

He grabs the back drop cloth and his tripod while mingi stands in the threshold still.

“You can come in, Mingi.”

Saying his name gave himself butterflies.

“Can you tell me where the bathroom is?”

“Yeah the door right after the cabinets of the kitchen.”

He slips out of his shoes and disappears.

* * *

Mingi wants to splash water on his face but he put a light layer of makeup on.

_ Damn acne. _

He sighs and dreads looking but he has to.

He’s rational, he knows there is nothing wrong with his face because if there  _ was _ he wouldn’t have almost 800k people willingly looking at his face.  _ Waiting _ for him to post his selfies.

He exhales a shaky breath and looks.

No creasing, no sweating. Hair still styled in soft curls. He puts on lip balm and smooths his shirt.

_ What if his classmates know me? What if they think I’m charging him for the shots? What if- _

A soft knock brings him back.

“Ready when you are!”

Mingi looks at the set up and is impressed with how resourceful San is. He’s never been to a professional shot, so he had nothing to compare this to. But, it was close to what he’s seen online.

San was slender but very toned. The way his shirt draped over him and was tucked into his jeans (that fit  _ well _ ) really suited him. Black tends to wash people out but somehow, it made his skin tone pop. Mingi had to remind himself not to stare.

He does his best to step softly to not startle San as he fussed with his camera. He smiles brightly at him and Mingi can’t help but return one.

“Oh wow, I need another photo of you smiling.”

“Another?”

“Yeah I took one earlier, which you  _ will _ send to me.”

Mingi smirks and feels his confidence trying to bubble up.

San has him sit on a stool and takes off his jacket. Mingi feels a little naked without something hiding him.

“You’re so broad, it’s nice.”

“How so?”

“There’s just something sexy about broad shoulders on a handsome guy.”

_ Handsome? Wait.. sexy? _

San smirks down at Mingi.

“You are too. Is that what’s so appealing about you?”

San fixes Mingis hair a little,

“I’d like to think there’s more to my charm.”

He holds Mingi’s chin and tilts his head just a bit, making eye contact with him.

“Just like I’m sure there's more to yours.”

He fixes the light above Mingi and the negative thoughts formulate again.

They felt like fire ants rushing in to attack his brain.

_ Why did I agree to this? My acne is going to literally be shining in every photo. My neck is so long and full of stubble. This shirt makes me look- _

“Have I told you side profile is absolutely stunning?”

Mingi tries to hush his mind.

“It’s nice to hear, again, I suppose.”

San’s dimple shows even from behind the camera.

_ You just need to make it through the shoot. You can do this. _

And he did, pushing back the intrusive thoughts further and further with every gentle compliment and encouragement from San.

San show’s Mingi what he’s got so far and he’s grateful that the small issues he was worried about aren’t coming up in the photos. He looks almost interesting (dare he say).

“I still need one of you smiling, sit back down and face me.”

Mingi is nervous but listens.

_ My teeth are so- _

“Do you know the three major mountains in Korea?”

Mingi thinks, pulling his bottom lip.

“Not by heart.”

“Seoraksan,”

**_Snap_ **

“Hallasan,”   
**_Snap_ **

“And Choi San.”

Mingi tries to hold it, he really does. But he can’t. He laughs extremely hard at the cringy statement from this lovely boy. He doesn’t even try to hide behind his hand or quiet his loud laugh. He also doesn’t notice San has taken several photos of him.

“That was the worst line I’ve ever heard.”

“But it got you to smile naturally.”   
“You've got good photographer tricks.”

“No, I’ve got a good model.”

Mingi walks over, putting his hand over San’s and turning the camera to review the photos.

* * *

San steps into Mingi’s space. Butterflies bursting from the jar his stomach was trying to contain them in.

“What do you think?”

“I think you made me look like a professional.”

“Well you’re naturally good looking so it was easy.”

Mingi looks down at him and clears his throat, stepping way. San misses him already.

“Satisfied?”

“Almost.”

San extends his hand,

“Your phone.”

Mingi hesitates but hands it over.

_ Good boy. _

He texts himself the photo of Mingi from their walk over.

“We can talk more now.”   
Mingi looks at the message

**Cute**

He can tell Mingi is trying not to smile and it’s absolutely adorable.

“And we can plan to meet up again.”

“Again?”

“If you’d like.”

“I’d have to check my schedule.”

“You’re busy, I get that.”

Mingi pats his pants like he’s looking for something.

“Let me pay you seriously, it’s the least I can do.”

“Let’s go on a date, actually.”

Mingi freezes and laughs nervously.

“That’ll be payment enough.”

“Isn’t that prostitution?”

They both share a loud laugh, San stepping closer. He can’t help but feel pulled towards him.

* * *

Mingi hasn’t been asked out on a real date since he was at 50 thousand followers.

_ Stop thinking in numbers. _

San can sense his anxiety (despite hiding it with laughter) and holds his hands up like he’s been caught doing something wrong. Backing up slowly.

“Take time to think it over. We can talk more before hand. But, the offer will be there until you're ready.”

Mingi blinks as San grabs his jacket and walks back over to him.

“Did you want me to walk you home? Or to the subway station?”

“I don’t live far from here. I think I can make it home on my own.”   
“Text me when you do.”

_ A joke, this has to be a joke. _

“Sure.”

San walks with him down stairs and to the front of his apartment building. Mingi feels extra shy but glad about this small action.

“Thank you, for today.”

“It was a gift.”

Mingi smiles his sunshine smile and waves goodbye.

“Text me!”

“I promise!”

_ Pinky promise. _

/thursday/

* * *

San is setting up his shots of Mingi, keeping the ones of him smiling for himself. Thinking about his eye smile, how his lips thinned out enough to make room for his wide and toothy smile. Mingi’s laugh still ringing in his ears. Still echoing back home.

Mingi didn’t text him until late last night. Said he fell asleep.

Which was fine. It’s not like San paced around his apartment wondering if he came on too strong and made him uncomfortable. And it's not like San got extremely giddy when he finally heard his phone ding and saw  **Mingi** on the screen.

And it's not like he stayed up as late as he could texting him. He definitely didn’t pull out some of his funniest stories to keep Mingi interested and get extra happy when Mingi would share a few stories with San as well. And he didn’t jog around his room to keep himself awake even when Mingi insisted he go to bed. Not at all.

One of his classmates examined his four portraits.

“Isn’t this that insta famous guy? Minki or something?”   
“Mingi.”   
San corrected with the taddest bit of annoyance. Another two come up and they chatter about how cute he is.

“Wait  _ you’re  _ the San in his caption?”   
“What?”   
One pulls out her phone.

“San how clueless can you be?”

“I don’t have Instagram!”

She shows him Mingi’s recent post and he smiles at the photos he chose, one not involving the shoes. He was puckering his lips and looking off to the side, coffee stir placed on his top lip.

_ Those lips were made for kissing. _

**‘New kicks are officially my go tos! There isn’t a place I can’t wear these to. Use code SMINGI for 30% OFF! Photo credit: San💖’**

“Are you hot?”

San covers his face and he feels how warm he is.

_ Why am I blushing. It’s a stupid heart. _

He now whips out his phone.

-getting an ig

-oh?

-just to flirt with you on a public platform

-i’ll make sure to block you !!

\- òwó

His class does know of Mingi, few following him for awhile now. They said such nice things about the photos and he’d think them genuine feedback if they didn’t ask more questions about him. And San felt really protective of the small information he had of Mingi. Unwilling to share any of it. Reminding them that this was about his project and not his model.

“Can I take a photo of these?”

“No!”

Everyone looks as shocked as San does when he raises his voice.

“He can just get into some trouble, is all. I promised I wouldn't let them spread. Please respect that.”

The professor gave him excellent praise for his shots. Said this was the best thing San has turned in all semester.

-you’re gorgeous cheekbones got me the best grade i’ve gotten in this class!

-glad i can be useful 💘

There’s something about that text that makes San’s stomach turn, but he reminds himself he doesn’t know him well enough to assume anything.

-thought about my offer?

-it's been one night

-which means you’ve had time to think it over

-that erger?

-interested is better

-well, i have

\- ôwô and?

-when’s your last class?

San is smiling so wide and he doesn’t care who can see him. Finally he could see Mingi again and it would be a  _ date _ .

_ It’s only been hours, San try and have some dignity. _

-3:30 but i get home around 4:30

-meet me halfway?

-anywhere you’d like 💞

_ Yes, YES anywhere as long as I can see you again you lovely human being! _

San slips his phone into his pocket and he’s radiating joy.

He looks down at his clothes and sighs. He wore a plain white shirt and light wash jeans. This isn’t a date outfit. But no amount of speed will get him home in time for a quick change.

_ It’s fine, he won’t care. What matters is how much fun this date is. _

* * *

Mingi is looking through his clothes. 3:30 is here and they’ll both agreed on a bookstore that’s a twenty minute drive for both of them.

_ Okay it's too hot for a jacket again, no knit sweaters. It's basically summer so how about yellow? _

He pulls out three tops that could be paired with his black jeans. He looks at his shoes and finds a grey pair with yellow accents and wonders if he should change his pants.

_ Does it matter, really Mingi. Does it? _

He picks a wide neck shit and puts on his shoes before his brain tries to convince him that’s a bad choice. He doesn’t want to look in the mirror but he has to. He’s tired of telling himself this. He should just  _ look  _ without having to mentally prepare himself. Without reminding himself that what he sees isn’t distorted the way he feels it is.

_ I can’t do it. _

He shakes his head as if that’ll remove these thoughts and lightly traces over his cheeks, eyes closed hoping that’ll lessen the chance of him feeling an imperfection. Spoiler, it doesn’t. But there's only one. Which means he doesn’t have to look in the mirror because he won’t cover it.

Heavy, shaky exhale.

_ Stop holding your damn breath! _

He looks around for his contact box and remembers he hasn't ordered new ones. He grabs his glasses and huffs.

_ It’s fine. These hide your nose and make your eyes look bigger. _

Another pep talk he forces himself to believe in before heading out.

* * *

San hops out of his uber and strides with excitement into the bookstore.

Spotting Mingi wasn’t hard, considering his shirt. San watched him look over the books; finger tips grazing each spine before his index finger lands on one that he deems worthy of his interest. San smiles to himself as Mingi pushes his glasses up while bringing the book closer.

_ I’m fucked. I can already feel it. _

He walks over to Mingi, clearing his throat before getting to him so he doesn’t startle him. Mingi smiles brightly when he notices it’s San, closing the book and turning to him fully.

_ He is made of sun rays. _

“Hi there!”

“Hey!”

San can’t think of anything to say, too distracted by how handsome he looks and Mingi rocks from heel to toes.

“I uh, thought this would be a nice spot. No pressure, get atmosphere.”

“Do you come here often?”   
San mentally smacks himself. Mingi is holding in his giggle. San wants to pinch his puffing cheeks.

“Another terrible line.”   
“No pun intended this time.”

Mingi leads San through the store, showing him where each section is. The employee’s greet him and ask about how he’s been with sincerity. He introduces San to each one as if they’ve been friends forever now which makes San feel important.

Once San picked out a book on Simon Vouet, Mingi lead them up stairs where there was a small cafe with lots of houseplants. It was so cozy up here.

“An art book?”

“I can never stop worrying about school.”

“More homework?”

“You’re about to make fun of me but, this is actually for my next course. I’m trying to be one step ahead of the crowd.”

Mingi picks a table in the back, near a window and San wonders if he picks these tables out of habit.

“Why would I make fun of you? You take your major seriously.”   
He sits and San can feel that “fucked” feeling again.

“Coffee or tea?”

“Surprise me.”

* * *

Mingi keeps a cool exterior when San smirks at him. But once he turns around, he exhales hard.

_ God damn it Song Mingi stop holding our fucking breath! _

He watches San order; looking intently at the menu, hand on his chin and bright smile once he places the order.

_ How does he always have a smile to share? _

Mingi flips open Sans book. He wish he could appreciate art for what it was and not just “pretty”.

“My favourite part of that painting is the goat.”   
Mingi can feel his heart drowning in those dimples.

“ Virgin and child with John the Baptist as a Boy, Saint Elizabeth and Saint Catherine is a lengthy title.”   
“Not much originality back then.”   
“Or now.”

It's silent again and Mingi wants to kick his own ass.

“I should start practicing this style. I’m so used acrylic and watercolours. It’s easy to get comfortable in one spot once you perfect it.”

He shrugs and runs his hand through his hair. Mingi holds his head up with one hand.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of this in no time.”

Another pause of silence. Mingi slides the book back over to him.

“You should show me some of your artwork.”

San seems shy suddenly, shaking his head.

“I don’t consider it art.”

“Modesty?”

They smirk at each other as their drinks are brought to them. Mingi looks at his drink curious.

“If you guess that flavour, I’ll show you my work.”

Mingi brings the cup to his mouth in record speed, taking in a big gulp of the ice drink. San watches as he holds the coffee in his mouth, thinking over the possibilities.

“Definitely caramel.”

San keeps a straight face. Mingi takes another gulps holds his chin.

_ It’s a spice. Not a seasonal spice but.. _

Mingi loses his train of thought when San looks through his book, lips pursed.

_ Does he want me to figure it out or does he want to keep his artwork private? _

He sighs and pushes his glasses back.

“I don’t know.”

“You do.”

San doesn’t look up from his book and Mingi opens his book now as well, leaning back.

“Cinnamon.”

San smiles like he’s proud of him, still not looking up from his book.

“So when do you wanna come back over?”

“I’ll check my schedule.”

It’s a more comfortable quiet now. Mingi deciding to let San read in peace and that this was enough for him. Every so often, San would show him a painting he found interesting and explain why he felt that way. Mingi thought he wasn’t doing enough for this so called date. But San didn’t seem to mind or seem bored.

“If I’m boring you, just tell me.”

_ Can you read minds? _

Mingi waves his hands at him.

“No please, keep talking. I’m enjoying your view on these things. I feel like the boring one.”

“Not at all.”   
San winks and scoots his chair closer.

Mingi pulled out his phone and checked his schedule, he didn’t have anything to do but post  _ something _ to his story.

“Are you busy tonight?”

San perks up and shakes his head.

“How about we have that art expo tonight then?”

San smiles so wide that his eyes practically disappear.

“One tiny favour?”

San leans close him, looking at him curiously.

_ Don’t hold your breath. _

“Take a photo with me for my story? I need to post something once a day.”

San blushes up to his ears and Mingi can’t help but giggle.

_ Cute. _

“Don’t worry, I won’t post our faces. And we can leave right after. People tend to come to the places I post about.”

San nods, clearing his throat.

Mingi puts his phone aside and arranges the table more aesthetically for his account before placing San’s hands a certain way. Doing a peace sign before snapping the photo. Finding a filter to make the colours more vivid.

“ **Don’t spend so much time locked up at home! See lovely people and read good books ~”**

“You have pretty hands.”

* * *

_ Fucked, completely fucked. _

San follows Mingi back downstairs and say’s goodbye to everyone he was introduced to.

“Come back with Yunho! We miss you two. It’s quieter these days without our favourite duo.”   
“I’ll make sure to tell him, he loved this place. Forgive me for being gone so long.”

Mingi pauses once they’re outside.

“I didn’t mention that I used to work there, when I was still in university.”

“What a cool job!”

“And Yunho is my best friend.”

“He’s lucky.”

Mingi smiles and it's not genuine, which makes San’s chest hurt. Mingi blinks quickly and looks around,

“Where did you park?”

“Oh, I don’t have a car.”

“Good. I haven’t driven someone around in weeks, I miss the company.”

Mingi grabs his index finger and leads him to his car. San knows his face is still flushed from earlier. Which was silly. He didn’t have an instagram, no one would even guess it’s him.

_ Would he mind if they did think something was going on? _

San wants to hold more of Mingi’s hand but he doesn’t want to push. This longing for more is what’s keeping his cheeks a soft pink.

They reach a deep red Audi A5 and San fully grips Mingi’s hand,

“Seriously?”

“Nothing special, I know. But I-”   
“NOTHING SPECIAL!?”

Mingi smile’s fondly at San.

“Dude I  _ wish _ I could afford this!”

He unlocks the door and hands San the keys,

“Drive it.”

“What?”

Mingi walks to the passenger side. San looks at the keys in his hand. Mango keychain the only thing besides a house key attached to it.

“Mingi-”

“Let’s go, I have insurance.”

He gets in and San can’t feel his cheeks from how hard he’s smiling.

The cabin is  _ gorgeous  _ just like it's owner. He lets his hands slowly slide down the steering wheel and looks over at Mingi.

“I just might get a boner.”

Mingi just laughs loudly like he does and explains the controls to him. San listens carefully since this wasn’t his car and it was insanely different from what he’s used to. He has Mingi go over things one more time before taking off.

It’s a smooth ride. He wants to go as fast as his heart can handle. And almost like reading his mind,

“Zero to sixty in five seconds. Just once, okay? Try it.”

San glances over at Mingi who’s got a smirk that screams danger. But he listens, watching the gauge drop to zero before pushing the pedal to the metal. They both let out a small giggle as they fall back from the acceleration and San carefully bends a corner. His heart racing like this engine. Mingi squeeze’s his hand and he takes the hint to slow back down.

_ When did I grab his hand? _

“Well?”

“Yeah, I have a boner.”

They share another laugh and Mingi runs his thumb over San’s,

“Maybe when you're done with finals, We can drive out to the countryside and you can  _ really _ take some corners. Drop the top, feel the wind on your face.”

“I’d like that.”

* * *

Mingi can admit he likes holding hands. Like,  _ really _ enjoys holding hands. He missed this feeling. He’s glad San hasn’t pulled away. He felt anchored for once and not like he was trapped. Plus San driving with one hand is kinda sexy.

_ Very sexy. _

When San does let go, it’s to park properly and Mingi has never felt his hand so empty.

_ Relax, it’s not a big deal. _

When they get out, San tosses him the keys and lets out a yell,

“That was so amazing.”

San takes Mingi’s hand once more, pulling him close. Smile wide enough to thin out his eyes again and Mingi can feel his heart kick starting.

_ Relax, Mingi. Relax. _

San leads him up to his place and through his small space to his art room. San hesitates before opening the door and flicking the light. Wall to wall, full of different pieces. There’s canvas upon canvas, rolls of posters piled on each other, stacks of papers and sketchbooks everywhere. Mingi couldn’t do anything but ogle.

_ Imagine having this much passion for something. _

Mingi trails his fingertips over the pieces, trying to pick one. Wondering if San would deny him viewing rights if he chose wrong. He grabs a canvas and looks at San who nods an okay to him. It's a painting of a woman, who has a painting on her back. Mingi is amazed by how incredibly real this picture looks. Like she’ll get up any moment now. He ever so gently traces the lilies on her back and he looks up at San who’s biting his thumb nervously.

“This is gorgeous.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s unreal, I’m sorry. I don’t have the proper vocabulary to give you the credit you deserve.”

Mingi looks at a navy blue sketch book and picks it up, looking over at San who gives him another nod to go on. He flips through slowly, looking at every portrait San drew of who (he assumes) is the same woman. Some realistic, some pop arty, some simple sketches and lots just features San was focusing on that particular day.

Mingi can feel mixtures of emotions swirling inside of him for the first time in months. Admiration being the top one. Not just for San but the passion he clearly had. A whole room dedicated to keep his moments of most ingenious pieces. He wondered how San felt when he was hard at work. How that woman must’ve felt knowing she was the center of every piece during their time together.

_ How is he this captivating after one day? _

“What’s that like?”

“What?”

Mingi closes the book softly and looks over at him.

“Being absolutely brilliant and so talented.”

San smiles shyly and Mingi finds himself walking over to him without thought. He gently grabs him by the neck and kisses San, who holds his waist. Mingi starts to pull away realising he should’ve asked first but San shakes his head yes. Smiling into the kiss as they pull each other closer. It’s slow, it’s soft. Just what Mingi needs right now. What he’s needed this whole time. He runs his fingers through San’s hair,

_ Soft. _

San walks back towards his desk and they break apart for seconds while he hops up on it, pulling Mingi back to him with a smile still on his lips. This time wrapping his arms around Mingi’s neck. He touches his dimple quickly, he needed to just once. Soft.

_ Everything about him is soft. His hair, his lips, the way he holds me. _

Mingi grips his thighs and San sighs, pressing himself against Mingi more.

_ Electric. _

His heart feels jolt after jolt with every turn of their lips. The wet sounds of this kiss filling the room and it’s quiet in Mingi’s head of once.

  
  


* * *

_ I knew it, made for kissing. He is absolutely delicious. _

San doesn’t remember the last time a kiss made him this dizzy. Can’t remember the last time he was this willing, this easily swayed. He didn’t even know him properly and yet, here they were. Making out in his art room. A place only a handful of people have seen.

_ More than a muse. _

Mingi starts to pull away again and San bites his lower lip, cupping his face.

_ No, no baby boy not yet. Not yet. _

And that mind reading skill kicks in, Mingi is leaning back into him.

Some of the butterflies in Sans stomach flew all the way up to his chest and down to the bottom of his spine. This boy, this fresh and different boy with so much for him to figure out was already driving him insane. Maybe it was the car ride over here.

_ Yeah the car boner caused this. _

Mingi pulled him by the hips and San smiled against his lips, gripping a handful of Mingis hair.

_ Okay, perhaps this isn’t the car boner. _

Can you fall in love with in twenty four hours? Could he set the record for that if someone says no?

_ This isn’t love. Stop being a fucking water sign for once. _

Mingi pulls away and San presses soft kisses on his jawline.

“I should go.”

“Absolutely not.”

San says with a laugh. But he looks at Mingi and there’s something wrong.

_ Oh no, am I a bad kisser? _

“Talk to me.”

Sans voice is soft, low and he’s still holding Mingi.

“I just think I should go, that’s all.”

San’s arms fall to his side in defeat and Mingi steps back,

“It’s not you. That was lovely,  _ you  _ are lovely. I just know myself. I’ll screw this up if I don’t go.”

“You can screw me up, it’s okay.”

He pushes his glasses up and softly laughs at San’s boldness.

_ They’re foggy, hehe cute. _

“I’ll text you.”

San hops off his desk and take’s Mingi’s hand, walking him to the door. Soft kisses on each knuckle until they reach it.

“Tell me when you're home.”   
He can’t help but kiss those plump lips again. Lacing their fingers on both hands.

“I will.”

Another.

“Don’t fall asleep again.”

One more, Mingi giggles.

“I won’t.

Just  _ one _ more.

“Bye.”

Mingi is the one to close the small space between them this time.

“Bye.”

“Maybe I should walk you out.”

“No, San. Goodbye.”

He watches him until he’s in the stairwell. San closes the door, smiling from ear to ear.

_ Wow. _

* * *

Mingi can feel his throat swelling. He felt so stupid. He knows he isn’t ready for someone to be in his life. Much less someone like Choi San. He couldn’t take that back.

_ Why? Why is it so hard for you to take things slow? He is too good for your bullshit. Idiot you just met and you kiss him over his talent? You’re just like the people who play you for you lame excuse of fame. _

He pauses at the bottom of the staircase, bending over. Dry heaving and vision blurry. He couldn’t focus on anything. Not his breathing or the feeling of his jeans. There was nothing to anchor him to the world. Nothing to snap him out of this. He felt his legs wobbling beneath him and he can’t find the rail to hold himself up.

_ Pathetic. _

A stranger is coming in and he’s panicking even more.

“Hey, are you okay?”

He helps Mingi up and finally he comes out of it enough to thank them before taking off to his car.

_ Disappear for days. Who’s that easy after one day? _

  
  


/two weeks later/

* * *

San is studying hard for finals. He can’t seem to focus, waiting for a text he was promised. He did get an instagram, he felt embarrassed about admitting he only got it because of how much he missed Mingi after one day.

_ Mingi _ .

Even thinking his name made the pit of his stomach rumble with ache. He’s posted three actual photos (two brand ad’s and one of his cat) and once a day on his story like he’s supposed to. He was out, doing something different everyday. With new people each time. Except for one guy with mint blue hair. San noticed him a few times and wondered if that was Yunho.

Sure, San could try and message him. But Mingi recently hit 801 thousand followers and planned to have an instalive with his followers soon. Which meant the over flow of comments and dm attempts are sure to be at an all time high.

_ What happened? _

San kept replaying his “I’ll screw this up” over and over. The way his words now seemed to hold so much fear and concern in that moment but San was too consumed in his own intentions to notice properly. What was really torturing San was how wrapped up he was in this boy. It was one day. One full 24 hours of mostly texting and one electric kiss. He knew the bare minimum, if that, about him. But here he was trying to study for English and his brain is just pulsing thoughts of

_ Lips made for kissing. God when he grabbed me by the neck.. He had been so shy and kept his distance every moment before that. What the fuck? _

“What the fuck?”

He puts his head down on the table of the library. More thoughts about that day run through his mind. A chair scoots out and he peeks up to see Wooyoung sliding over a hot cup of coffee and he smiles at his best friend.

“Studying rough today?”

“No I’m just preoccupied.”

“You know pretty boys just break hearts for fun.”

San is annoyed at that comment but he has not right to be. He really didn’t know Mingi the way he wanted to.

“Hey, did you ever find out which neighbors was having a complete meltdown the other day?”

San flinches at the sip he takes,

_ Caution, hot. _

“No. I still think it’s weird though.”

“Tallish, curly dark brown hair, thick glasses? Nothing?”

“Doesn’t even sound like people in my building.”

Sans phone lets him know Mingi is going live. He looks at Wooyoung and back at his phone.

_ Oh well. _

Mingi waves at the camera. He is at a dog park.

_ Cute. _

“Hello everyone! Yunho and I brought Minnie to this lovely park!”

Yunho is running wild in the back with three dogs chasing after him and San can’t help but giggle. He was correct, Yunho is the blue haired boy he's seen in Mingi’s story. It’s darker now, this suits him more.

“How is everyone?”

**tallest_san: missing you**

San feels silly hitting send but he asked, and he answered. Mingi’s hair was in loose waves and he still had his glasses on. San remembers how they fogged up during their kiss.

“It’s so bright out today. Make sure to take in some of this sun!”

He falls back on the grass and San sinks a bit in his seat, pulling his bottom lip to hide his smile. Wooyoung leans over,

“We should go to that park.”

San doesn’t acknowledge his suggestion.

“You guys missed me? Ah, sorry I haven't done this in awhile. Lots of things to get done. Forgive me, I miss this as well!”

“I’m serious! It’s like fifteen minutes away.”

Wooyoung is tapping Sans shoulder like a five year old begging for something at the store.

“That’s creepy..”

“You literally made out with him.”

“Yeah but he clearly doesn’t want to talk to me.”

Wooyoung shrugs and sips his coffee.

“Ah, I still don’t have a dog. Sushi likes being the only baby in my life.”

The way he says  _ baby _ makes San pout.

**tallest_san: you need two babies in your life**

“I need two?”

San’s heart pounds really,  _ really _ hard in that moment. Mingi smiles softly the way he did weeks ago. Like he knew. There were other comments about two pets but that smile was..

_ It wasn’t for you. _

“I’m too selfish, like Sushi. One is enough for me. One baby that is all mine and I am all theirs!”

San’s leg is bouncing rapidly and he’s not sure why he feels this way. It clearly didn’t mean anything. But he wanted it to. He wanted to matter.

**tallest_san: what a shame, you’ll miss out on all the love this world has to offer.**

Mingi sits up and sighs,

“You guys I’m not as lonely as you think! Don’t worry about me, take care of your own hearts. Give your love to people who deserve it and they’ll return it back, but more!”

And then he looks into the camera,

“Don’t wait around for anyone.”

San felt his heart pound really hard again and he turns off the live feed, throwing his phone across the table. It makes Wooyoung jumps a little.

“Jeez..”

San grabs his things, apologising to Wooyoung and leaves.

_ Why are you so angry? It was one stupid kiss that didn’t mean anything. You’ve dealt with worse, you’ve felt worse from far more awful people. Suck it up. _

His phone is ringing but he doesn’t feel like talking. He’s trying to bring himself back down.

His calves are on fire. He’s been so focused on relaxing that he doesn’t realise how far he’s walked. He slows his pace, huffing a little. Body thankful for the change. Head still spinning with a million thoughts but at least he wasn’t pulsing with anger anymore. He stops, bending his head back so the sun was hitting his face.

_ Try one more time. That’s all you’ll give yourself. _

He searches for his phone in his bag. He’s twenty minutes from his apartment and he just knows he’ll regret walking the whole way home tomorrow when his body is screaming at him. He thinks about what he should say to hook a response.

**(3) Missed calls: Mingi**

San would’ve fell to the floor if the phone didn’t light up again with the name he’s been waiting to see.

“Tallest San?”

He's quiet. He’s excited and relieved but also still so upset. Mingi can feel it.

“I know-“

“You don’t.”

San starts walking again and Mingi sighs.

“I don’t, not from your view. But I’m sorry. I just needed to think things through.”

“You could’ve said something, anything. A stupid emoji would’ve been fine.”

There’s bite to San’s words.

_ Relax. _

“It was one day, I get that, but you left me wanting more-“

“I shouldn’t have. I know better.”

San lets out a sarcastic laugh. Gripping the strap to his bag and walking fast again. His calves feel like they’ll cramp any second now but he doesn’t care.

“You know better? What the fuck does that even mean?”

Silence.

“ANYTHING would be good right about now, Mingi.”

“Listen it’s just.. can we start over? Pretend that didn’t happen and become friends? Like actual friends because that’s honestly what I need most right now.”

“You’re  _ friend _ zoning me after ignoring me? You think this is the way to start over?”

San turns the corner and see’s Mingi leaning against the wall of his building. They both stare at each other from the distance, Mingi smiles softly at him. He hates it. He hates it because he feels himself simmer down just at the sight of that stupid smile.

“You’ll thank me for it later.”

San hangs up and he can't seem to slow his breathing.

_ One day San. It was one single day. He’s here, he’s willing to be around so just keep him. _

Mingi pushes off the wall, holding a bag behind his back.

San walks up to him and fakes a smile. Mingi holds out the bag,

“Peace offering?”

San just walks past him,

“Come up.”

* * *

Mingi exhales hard as he follows San.

He already knows the way: third staircase up, make a left, and fifth door on the right with the bright blue handle.

_ He hates me, that’s okay for right now. _

San takes the bag from him once they’re inside. They’re standing awkwardly in the hyeon gwan.

“It’s food. I figured you’d be hungry after class.”

San doesn’t say anything. Just takes it the the kitchen and pulls out some plates to serve them both.

Mingi sits on the floor in the living room, folding his legs under him and looking at the art hanging from the walls.

_ He must be proud of these. _

He notices how similar the women in these paintings look.

“Who is she?”

San glances up at the pieces.

“My ex.”

Mingi’s chest tightens and he holds his breath.

“My last muse, honestly. Being with her really fired up my creativity. Even if it was just her, over and over again.”

San brings over their plates and sits close by him. Mingi exhales and he smiles when taking the plate.

“Does that mean you haven’t made anything since?”

“For class. I practice a few new styles, but I never really like anything.”

He looks over at Mingi, who’s mid bite. Soft smile, different than before when they were outside.

_ So you can fake it. _

“I’m sure they’re lovely, like all the things you do.”

They eat in silence and Mingi is grateful he doesn’t have to do much when San was around. San talked so much during the time they shared that it made Mingi dizzy. He was so used to being the one in the spotlight, even before the internet fame. Even when he didn’t want to be. Lately he’s grown to enjoy the quiet.

“This is so yummy!”

His tone happy and he even wiggles a little bit.

_ Don’t get soft, Mingi. _

“Yunho made it.”

San looks at him again.

“Tell me about him.”

“He’s tall, goofy, super sweet! Like it’s almost impossible to get angry with him. Even if he’s being annoying, he gives this huge, toothy smile and his cheeks get all chunky. Ugh you just wanna mush him. He’s always around when I need him, or anyone honestly. Aggressively affectionate. A huge baby! But also not? He’s like, the most grown up person I know but also still very much has childlike wonder bubbling out of him. He’s been around since we were teenagers. I think he’s the only person who really knows me. Which is nice because I really couldn’t have found a better person, you know? Like, I’m never going to regret knowing Yunho.”

“You must love him.”

Mingi rolls his eyes and San has this confused look on his face that makes Mingi want to pinch his cheeks.

_ Love. _

“I don’t believe in that.”

“What, love? A feeling we experience? You don’t believe in a  _ feeling _ ?”

They stare at each other again, waiting for the other to break.

“Seriously?!”

Mingi looks down at his food. San isn’t trying to be funny, he’s genuinely confused. Mingi knows from how wide his eyes are and the way he’s dipping his head to be in his line of sight

_ God not this, anything but this. _

“Who broke your heart?”

Mingi frowns at the question and shoves two spoonfuls in his mouth.

“You gotta swallow at some point. I’ll wait.”

_ Damn it. _

He chews slowly and San rolls his eyes.

“This girl you see, the lovely art as you call it. She broke my heart. Twice.”

Mingi looks around again. Knowing for sure he would’ve burned every last piece if she broke his heart twice. That makes Mingi feel a wave of sadness.

_ Twice. _

He knew he couldn’t hurt San again. His heart was too good for Mingi to even touch. He swallows and takes a second before asking,

“And you still show her off?”

“Is it not some of my best work?”

San asked with a laugh.

“Well.. She’s all I’ve seen. I’m sure you’ve created something better.”

“But these were made with love. Which is  _ better _ than what I’ve created out of curiosity or boredom.”

San moves his food around before looking back at Mingi.

“Have you never made something just because you love a person and you need something tangible to show it?”

Mingi shoves more food into his mouth and San shakes his head at him.

_ He can see right through me. _

“Love is more than what we describe it to be. It’s more than two people melting their souls together or a life well lived with your partner. It’s not just  _ who _ we express that feeling, whatever it may be, to. But  _ how _ we express it.”

“Love language.”

San turns his body to Mingi,

“Yeah but not just those things. Not just touch or affirmations or gifts. It’s cooking,”

He holds up the plate.

“It’s these pieces,”

He waves around at his walls.

“It’s perhaps making the bed or having lasagna every Thursday. Maybe it’s having one name solely for that person or having a secret spot that’s only theirs to share, you know? It’s more than a feeling or me giving you a gift. It's not just how am I  _ doing _ these things. How am I  _ showing _ my love? It’s, it's almost timeless?”

Mingi doesn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say anything, really. He’s never felt anything close to what is being said.

“No, that’s not the word..”

San pouts, trying to think.

“It’s infinite.”

He snaps, wide smile on his face.

“Yes! Exactly!”

Mingi smiles, happy that he was able to help.

“ _ How  _ we express love outside of the five normal ways is infinite. Or extremely close. Because they’re off from what everyone else is doing. She’ll fall for a person and it’ll never compare to the multitudes of works I made for her, of her.”

San takes in a deep breath before stopping himself and Mingi scoots closer.

* * *

San blinks and clears his throat, flashing his smile quickly.

_ Shit, shit. _

“Did you wanna talk about it?”

“There’s really nothing to talk about.”

Mingi nods slowly at him.

“No ones ever broken my heart from loss of love. I guess, lack of love? I’ve never  _ fallen _ in love. But the people I’ve tried to date usually just use me. For one thing or another. Recently it's been for followers which..”

_ How dare they. _

He shrugs.

“It’s why I told you I’m selfish with my love.”

“You told your followers.”

“No, I was talking to you.”

_ Relax. You’re still not important. _

“Clever handle by the way.”

“Top three.”

They giggle softly and San is glad he’s got a better view of Mingi while he eats.

_ Bunny. _

“Does having these up make you miss her?”

San thinks about the question. He should be honest since they’re just friends.

_ Friends. _

“Not always.”

Mingi looks disappointed by this answer.

“And it’s not even her that I miss. I miss my drive, my creativity. There was something about her that really fuelled my productivity.”

“How long has it been?”

“Seven months, I think.”

“How long were you together?”

San smiles at the flood of happiness as he recalls the good moments and Mingi pushes food around on his plate.

“Two years. We knew each other in high school but I was way off her raidar back then.”

“Did you know you loved her back then?”

San laughs loudly at the question, he covers his mouth and Mingi looks away. San grabs his hand and shakes his head.

“It was cute, please.”

Mingi opens his fingers so that Sans slide between his.

_ It doesn’t mean anything. _

“No I was busy trying to build a portfolio. I really needed a Scholarship and while I was great at sports, art just called my name.”

“Sports?”

San beams with pride, puffing out his chest.

“Yeah, I was a mean liberio.”

“Volleyball?”

San nods, running his free hand through his hair.

“That’s.. Actually really hot.”   
Sans confidence blew away with shyness. Mingi smirks at the sudden change in his face.

_ Will you pick a side? _

“I used to dance. Before this, I don’t know, job?”

“Why’d you stop?”

“Not everyone’s cut out for the academic side of dance academy.”

San hates the tone Mingi has whenever he talks about himself but, it’s not his place to mention it.

“I’m sure you're selling yourself short. Also, I’d like to see you dance someday. I’m pretty good at dancing too.”   
“What can’t you do?”

_ Convince you this thing between us could work. _

Mingi takes his hand back and San has never felt his hand so empty.

“I’ll wash these.”

He stands up and takes the plate from San.

San climbs up on the couch and watches him. The way he back muscles flex through his shirt even though it’s a little too big for him.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.”

“Why not?”

Mingi looks over his shoulder,

“Friends help each other out.”

_ I fucking get it. _

“Can we..”

San tilts his head curiously and Mingi looks back at the dishes.

“This is stupid but, I really like holding hands. And it would be great if we.. Could hold hands.. even though we’re friends.”

San holds his head in his hands, fondness smeared across his face.

“We don’t have to if you don’t-“

“Please always hold my hand. Don’t ever ask, okay? Whenever you want or need to, my hands are yours to hold.”

_ So it did mean something. _

Mingis shoulders relax and San is glad he was able to take that weight off him.

_ How lonely can you be? _

* * *

_ Good, this is good. Friends hold hands. This is normal. _

He dries the plates and turns to San finally. San jumps a little like he’s been caught doing something and Mingi supposes he was caught staring.

“Did you wanna hangout or do you have studying to do?”

“I should probably study.”

Mingi walks over to the pouting boy.

“Can I help? Or try to?”

San lights up at the suggestion and points to his backpack. Mingi grabs it and huffs,

“Holy shit what do you have in here!?”

“Not much.”

He pulls out two text books, two notebooks, his laptop, a sketchbook, and a pencil bag. On the side is a water bottle with stickers all around.

“This is not much?”

San shakes his head no.

“Sometimes I have three textbooks and need to bring my laptop bag.”

“Since when did university require you to carry books around?”

San gives a frowny pout.

“Hey, I paid good money for these books. I’ll be damned if I don’t use them.”

He flips open his textbook and hands it to Mingi.

“Can you read this chapter to me?”

“Just tell me when to pause or if I need to reread something, okay?”

San listens with his eyes closed and it takes some pressure off of Mingi. There’s a love hate relationship forming with how Mingi feels when he stares. San never breaking eye contact when he’s talking also creates chaos in his mind. At one point Mingi was sure he fell asleep. Then he snapped his head up like a demon and began writing some notes.

This almost made Mingi miss uni. He was learning with San and it brought up memories of him studying with Yunho in their old shared dorm. The late nights that never felt sour thanks to his trusty BFF. He recalls the late night runs to the corner stores and how they’d make plans to sell feet photos for money when the stress was too much for them. Picking out strangers that would definitely be big buyers of their content. Ah, Yunho. Mingi tried not to smile when thinking about him. Yunho was the one person he loved sharing with people because how could you not want the world to know him? That would be like keeping the best candy to yourself. Or a good film hidden behind the shelf. He felt like the sun after rain. Mingi could pour out all his sadness until he was empty and Yunho would always be there to mop up the mess. Never making him feel stupid for being so vulnerable or look at him in a way that made him feel weak. He would just smile the way he always did and say, “Do you feel better?” And yes, Mingi always did. He knew that if anyone would be there to catch him, it’d be Yunho. So when Mingi showed up at his dorm two weeks ago having a full blown meltdown over his (supposedly) stupid mistake, Yunho didn’t skip a beat. He knew the drill. The only confusion was  _ why _ did Mingi feel like he couldn’t be with San?

_ Because I’m not ready. _

Mingi feels San nudge him with his toes.

“Oh, hmm? Are you ready for me to continue?”

“You’ve been in your head for ten minutes.”

He feels bad for making him wait. He hates how much he floats around in his own thoughts.

San stretches and Mingi lifts the book so he can lay his legs across his lap.

“Do you wanna talk about it? I could use a break.”

“Just thinking about Yunho.”

San places his notebook on the floor and makes grabby hands at the textbook. Mingi hands it over and once that too is on the floor, San nods at him. Waiting for him to continue.

“I just didn’t realise I missed him so much.”

“When did you last see him?”

“I think a month or so went by.”

San is asking the question with his eyes and Mingi doesn’t want to  _ really  _ get into it. But if he wanted to be friends, he had to open up. Just a little.

“I kinda had a meltdown and I lashed out at him. He didn’t take it personal, he’s usually the one scrapping me off the ground but.. I felt really bad. It seemed like I was only going to him when I  _ needed _ something instead of  _ wanting _ to be around him. I mean, he never said that, but I just thought he could use a break from me. Not that this break helped because I still went to him when I was having yet another meltdown a few weeks ago.”

Mingi feels San stiffen and he knows he’s saying too much.

_ Quit over sharing for the love of god. _

“Anyways! Turns out he was just giving me space and waiting for me to call. The clueless leading the clueless. It’s almost like nothing changed. I help him with dance and he goes with me to Instagram bullshit events.”

* * *

_ Holy shit, holy shit it was him that Wooyoung helped. Side note, I will kick his ass for not describing him accurately. Wait perhaps Mingi doesn’t want me to know it was him. _

San grabs Mingi’s hand. He tries not to smile because it’ll seem sympathetic and he truly doesn’t pity him.

“I’d love to meet Yunho some day. Once we’re better friends.”

San swears he can see rays of sunshine coming from Mingi every time he smiles.

“That would be great!”

Mingi’s phone rings and his lips flatten.

“Hello? Hi, hi how are you?”

There’s airiness in his voice but not his face. Which makes San hope he never gets this side of Mingi.

“Tonight?”

Mingi looks at his watch.

“I’ll be a little late, but I’m sure I can stop by. Can I bring someone?”

He looks over at San, which gives him butterflies of hope. Mingi traces lines on his shin.

“Should I wear anything in particular? Okay then, sounds good. See you soon.”

San doesn’t say anything. He watches Mingi text away and those butterflies of hope are starting to settle.

“So if I leave for about two hours to change and bring back a shirt for you to wear, would you wanna hang out?”

_ RAGING BUTTERFLIES OF HOPE _

“I could clear my night, if it’s worth it.”

“Small loft party, maybe a certain rapper will be there.”

San raises an eyebrow and Mingi smirks at him.

_ Fuck he’s hot okay, focus. _

“Alright, two hours.”

Mingi hops up with that sunshine smile and salutes him.

“It's a friend date!”

The reminder hits San in the chest.

//

_ What the fuck am I supposed to wear? Wait, he said he’ll bring me a shirt. _

San stops his pacing and the butterflies erupt in him again.

He pulls out his phone and facetimes Wooyoung.

“Hellooo-“

“I have a friend date.”

“Okay?”

“He’s bringing me a shirt to wear.”

“He as in?”

They stare at each other.

“SERIOUSLY SAN THAT FAST!?”

“He brought me food!”

He’s all pouty and Wooyoung’s hawling laugh echoes even when he’s not actually around.

“What’s the issue if he’s already bringing you half your outfit?”

“I’m just nervous. I feel like I’m going to do something completely idiotic-“

“Wouldn’t surprise anyone.”

“I- wow how rude can I vent please?”

Wooyoung shows San the floor,

“All yours!”

“I hate you.”

He sighs and looks at Wooyoung through the screen with such defeat.

“I wanted to be mad. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself and never contact me again-“

“Well.. he already ignored you.”

“WOOYOUNG!”

“I’M SORRY!”

“It feels easy with him.”

“You don’t know him.”

“But I want to! I just know that he’s  _ different. _ He’s pure sunshine. He just wants to be friends and a part of me hates it but there’s a bigger part of me that wants anything he’ll give me.”

“When did you become such a clingy person?”

San looks offended and Wooyoung lets out another laugh.

“You like my clinginess!”

“Yes, I  _ love _ it but please promise tonight you won’t be overly clingy? Take it slow for once.”

San chews the inside of his cheek.

“Okay Youngie.”

“You’re naturally charming, you’ve got the cutest dimples and you’re a smooth talker. Your mind, YOUR MIND! Picture that meme of the human with the light shining from it's brain and the third eye is open.”

San laughs, he knows Wooyoung is trying to flush out any worries he’s got.

“I’ll text you.”

“Bye!”

//

San settles for plane old skinny jeans and waits for Mingi to show up with his shirt.

_ What a curious thing to do. _

-i’ll be up soon! couldnt find something to match you

-õwõ match?

-mm, i usually match with yunho when we go out.

_ Oh, it’s a friend thing. _

San decides not to respond and flops on his bed. There’s an oil painting of lily pads. They were her favourite, so he always made sure to keep some around. He doesn’t think of her when he looks at this particular piece. He thinks about the time he was in Japan with Wooyoung and his family. They went to lake Yamanakako that summer and took a swan boat out. San wanted to blend in with the swans already treading across the water. There weren’t any lily pads. The lake was smooth like glass. The ripples from the swans and the small waves from each boat didn’t seem to make a difference. It was missing something but who was San to feel that way? He took several photos so that he could add whatever he wanted to this lake without someone telling him that it was beautiful as is. He knew that. He knew that no matter what he put on the canvas, it could never measure up to what nature has already perfected from scratch. But he also knew that was the point of art. To make everything his own version of beautiful. At least, he felt that was the point.

He wonders if Mingi would enjoy this piece. Or that place. There’s a soft knock and San smiles to himself, knowing his  _ friend _ was here finally.

He opens the door and Mingi looks like his photos when he’s out at events.

_ That’s the point, idiot _ .

San just couldn’t comprehend his change in features. This soft and shy boy he was fond over suddenly had this edge to him.

His hair was styled back, undercut showing.

_ Sexy. _

The way his dark eye makeup made his eyes smoulder.

_ Very sexy. _

He had the softest red tint on and San inhaled deeply,

“Wow.”

“Green okay?”

He looks at the shirt. It’s a messy tie dye tee with a few x marks on it.

“Um..?”

Mingi giggles,

“Hongjoong is a designer. He gives me a lot of free clothing to plug his line. I don’t mind helping him. He’s a good guy.”

_ Then why the lack of enthusiasm before hand? _

“He’ll be excited if he sees you in something of his. Just say I showed you the line. Oh and mention how much you love neon. That’s also a thing for him.”

San nods, looking over the shirt. It wasn’t ugly. Just different. Which is a good thing (he hopes).

“You got it!”

He throws on the shirt and looks for shoes to match. Mingi is done up but he supposes that he  _ has _ to be.

He walks out and Mingi gives him a smile that makes the butterflies rage in him again.

“Ready?”

“If you are.”

The car ride was filled with Mingi telling San about the people who’d be there that would talk to them.

  * Hongjoong: designer, CEO and founder of fashion line NE∞N. A brand in which donates a portion of proceeds of their sales to Polished Man (San almost teared up, what an angel). A brand known for the standout pops of neon colour in the fashion world, giving twist to modern trends. Really affectionate, no need to be alarmed.
  * Seonghwa: father owns the dance academy Mingi used to attend (Yunho is currently attending and they are _very_ close to say the least). Models for Hongjoong’s line but is focused on his dance career. While judge you openly but very kind hearted underneath it all.
  * Jongho: another instafamous person. More into fitness and health. Mingi and he promoted a sport clothing line together once and have been friends since. Extremely funny, pinchable cheeks. Will in fact roast you for your dumb choices.



He mentions how Yunho might be there but didn’t go into details about him. Maybe he thought he said enough earlier.

Mingi reaches over hesitantly and grabs Sans hand. He runs his thumb over his,

_ It’s okay, I got you. _

“I’m not much of a drinker.”

Mingi admits as if San would be bothered.

“Good, you can babysit me.”

Mingi squeezes his hand.

//

The loft was on the 28th floor and you could see the lights from outside, changing every so often and San is nervous.

_ You’re charming, cute dimples, smooth talker and third eye opened mind. Remember that. _

San counted the clicks of each passing floor while in the elevator. Mingi looks bored already.

“I will be down to leave at any moment.”

“Noted.”

They smile at each other before the elevator doors opened. Mingi leading the way. San noticed his shirt is the inverted colour scheme of his.

_ Matchy, matchy. _

Mingi doesn’t knock, he walks in and his whole face changes. It lights up the room in a different way than it does when they’re alone. People yell with excitement when they see him. San is being introduced to many faces as Mingi strides past that he doesn’t really process who’s who. But he supposed Mingi already mentioned the ones he  _ needed _ to know.

There’s a short neon red haired guy walking over to them and San guesses Hongjoong.

“You made it!”

“Said I would!”

Mingi gives his sunshine smile and hugs him tightly.

“This is Hongjoong, Hongjoong this is San.”

“San?”

He’s got this smirk while he says it and glances at Mingi who keeps his eyes on Hongjoong.

“This is the talented photographer from the fila ad?”

“I am.”

“Where have you been hiding this one?”

Mingi smiles with his lips pressed together and San bushes his knuckles against his,

_ Take it, you don’t have to ask. _

And he does, firmly and looks over at him.

“Coffee shops.”

* * *

Mingi holds his breath as Hongjoong laughs.

“I’m busy with university.”

“Is photography your goal?”

“Not really but as an art major I force myself to be well rounded.”

He’s glad San is good at talking. He eases his grip but San squeezes, as if asking him not to. So he doesn’t.

“Mingi, you should bring him by the shoot next week. It’ll be good for him to have some experience under his belt.”

San looks at Mingi and he tries to exhale slowly.

“Yeah sure, we’ll be there.”

Hongjoong claps his hands,

“You’re wearing one of my favourite pieces!”

San smiles brightly,

“Green is one of my best colours!”

Hongjoong smiles wide enough to thin out his eyes.

“Also, donating the proceeds melts my heart. Glad I can support not only a growing business but also one with morals.”

“Go back to that coffee shop and pick me up ten more of these little blonde bitches.”

They all laugh. Which Mingi isn’t faking. He’s really happy San can play his part.

Seonghwa shines under the small accent lighting and Mingi excuses them.

Seonghwa has the nicest smile he’s ever seen (perhaps  _ after  _ San). He gives a small wave before he notices Yunho telling a story with his arms. Mingi can feel his body get lighter.

“Hey you!”

“Long time!”

Mingi gives him a one arm hug, not wanting to let go of San just yet. Yunho stops the story to flash that chunky cheeks, toothy smile of his.

“Hi, I’m Seonghwa.”

“San, lovely to meet you.”

He glances down at their hands and gives Mingi that questioning, confused look. He wishes San hadn’t seen it.

“How’s dance going?”

He asks, not wanting to answer his nonverbal question.

“Hongjoong takes up too much of my time, that’s how.”

“For practice or Yunho?”

He rolls his eyes and looks back over at San.

“How can you stand him?”

“By sitting!”

They share a giggle and San runs his thumb over his.

_ I know, it’s fine. _

Yunho earns a roar of laughter from the bunch listening to him and he winks over at Seonghwa.

“How’s my best friend on this fine evening?”

“I just saw you, Yunho.”

Mingi does let go of San to fully hug him. Yunho made everything feel safe, secure. Yunho holds his shoulders and Mingi almost forgets about everyone else.

“Hey, um. This is San.”

Yunho still has a smile but he furrows his brows in confusion as he looks over San. Mingi is begging with his eyes for Yunho to not do what he always does, which is to say the exact thing Mingi  _ doesn’t _ want him to say.

San laces their fingers and softly laughing at him.

“You’re cute.”

He whispers in Mingi’s ear.

“San? THE San?”

“Yunho-“

“It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Yunho shakes his free hand and Mingi wishes the earth would swallow him whole.

“I.. Hello, forgive me. There was just a glitch in my brain.”

“Too many spins while dancing?”

Seonghwa laughs and Mingi is grateful San is quick on his feet.

Jongho lands a harsh slap on Mingi’s shoulders and San jumps a little.

“You answer Joongie’s calls but not mine?”

“You try and kill me at the gym, of course I’m sending you to voicemail.”

He wraps an arm around him and nods at San,

“Jongho!”

“San!”

There’s always a bubbly tone to Sans voice when he’s talking.

“You both need a drink!”

“No-“

“YES we do. Get Mingi something fruity and get me something dark, on ice.”

Everyone looks at San with wide eyes but he just flashes his dimples.

“Where’d you find him?”

Jongho asks with a grumpy pout.

“Coffee shop!”

Hongjoong throws his arms around them and San winks at him.

“Play nice Jongho. Mingi hasn’t brought anyone around in months. Don’t scare him off.”

_ Why does this happen to me? _

He looks over at San,

“You’re stuck with me.”

San says with such a matter of fact attitude.

A song comes on that makes San drags Mingi to the dance area,

“Jongho, I’ll get the drinks after this! You, show me those dance moves you mentioned.”

Mingi feels like he’s suffocating between all these people. But San was pressed against him in the right way. Each sway of their bodies sending those electric jolts from the kiss through his body. San’s are eyes low, face close. Too close. Mingi can’t handle the way his brain is pulsing

_ Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him again. _

Jongho comes with their drinks and a girl, smushing himself between them. Mingi misses San already. But he takes this chance to push out of the crowd. He searches for Yunho, wanting his tie to this Earth more than anything. He feels someone hug his arm,

“Hey.”

San laces their fingers again and smiles gently at him.

“Hi.”

“Let’s get some air?”

_ It’s like he knows. _

Mingi nods and leads him to the balcony. He finds Yunho and Seonghwa out there too. They’re standing close and whispering to each other. Not paying any mind to the company they have now.

“You’re a magnet.”

Mingi looks at San in confusion.

“The moment you step into any space, people gravitate towards you. Like they can’t help but be near you.”

He’s still hugging his arm.

_ Like now? _

* * *

Six drinks and too many songs later, San is losing himself on the dance floor. The way everyone feels against him, the loudness of the music, the dizziness filling his head. Studying for finals made him forget what fun felt like.

He decided not to drag Mingi into this again. Told him to babysit him from afar. Jongho yelling how much he likes him. Wooyoung was right, he was doing what he does best; blending into a crowd he didn’t really fit into.

There’s a girl that’s dancing too close, dragging her hands across his body in all the wrong ways. Wrong because she wasn’t who he wanted touching him. Wrong because he couldn’t have Mingi the way he craved him. He tries to melt into her. Telling himself there’s other people out in the world who will want him.

“Don’t wait around for anyone.”

_ But what if I want to? _

Just then, Mingi squeezes himself between the two. San smiles up at him, wrapping his arms around his neck. Mingi holding his hips as he finds the rhythm to the song. San lets him lead. Enjoying how his fluid movements feel. This was what he wanted. He was what he wanted.

_ Electric boy. _

He didn’t want to seem available. He pulled Mingi close, smirk on both their lips.

“Hey there.”

Mingi slides his hands up to Sans waist.

“Hi.”

_ Kiss him, those lips were made for kissing. It’s disrespectful to be this close and do nothing about it. _

San doesn’t kiss him. He knows better. No matter how much he drinks. He traces his finger over Mingi’s bottom lip and tosses his head back, trying to lose himself in the music again. He feels his head being pulled back up right and Mingi is pulling him to his face.

_ Oh. _

San cups his face as their lips connect and sighs.

He couldn’t feel anyone else but Mingi. He felt the bass from the music but that was it. It was like everyone moved away from them because they knew San had been waiting weeks for this. Like they wanted him to have this moment all to himself.

Mingi pulls away but stays close to his face. San kisses his nose and then his lips.

_ God these lips. _

“Lets go to your place.”

Sans heart is slamming against his chest. He nods mindlessly and lets Mingi lead him out of the party.

* * *

Mingi ignores Hongjoong calling his name and feels his lungs expand properly once he’s in the hallways.

_ Thank god. _

San is wrapped around his arm again and Mingi’s heart is soft. He kisses his nose again and Mingi just touches their foreheads. Wishing the elevator would hurry up.

“Did you have fun?”

“I did.”

The doors open and San tugs Mingi inside. His brain is quiet for once and he doesn’t feel anything but bliss when San pulls him into an open mouth kiss. Backing them into the corner and rolling his hips against Mingi’s. San untucks his shirt and glides his hands up Mingi’s stomach.

“You have abs?!”

He doesn’t give him a chance to answer, maybe he didn’t mean to ask out loud. He connects their lips again and Mingi can’t help but smile.

_ He’s different. _

The doors open but Mingi doesn’t step away from him. He almost hides San from whoever has just stepped in this small space with them. San holds the small of his back and kisses his nose.

“You’re nose is so cute. I want to kiss it forever.”

And he gives it two more. Mingi is dizzy with fondness.

“You’re so lovely, San.”

“You like that word, don’t you? Lovely this, lovely that. It’s so cute.”

“Are you just now feeling those drinks?”

“No, I’m feeling  _ you _ .”

Mingi checks where the elevator is and slowly peels himself from San. Who whines and pouts.

They walked to the car in silence, sharing shy glances and trying not to giggle. Mingi opens the door for San and he kisses his nose.

_ I could get used to that. _

During the drive he could feel San staring at him and it sets him on edge. To Mingi, there was nothing to stare at. Nothing good anyways.

He tries to stop himself from ruining this and holds San’s thigh, rubbing his thumb in small circles.

“No, no that’s going to get me in trouble.”

San places his hand on the back of his neck and holds Mingi’s thigh.

“I know not to cross this line.”

He lightly makes a line on Mingi’s thigh. Which he can’t help but laugh at.

“Okay, San.”

He gently runs his fingers through the bottom of San’s hair.

_ Soft, always so soft. _

Mingi didn’t know how he would drive without San’s hand on him now.

_ A tie, a lovely and soft tie. _

//

San seems nervous once they’re inside. Mingi already knew what was going to happen.

_ Nothing. _

He guides San to his room, as if this were his place.

“Do you have a pajama drawer?”

San turns pink,

“N-no.”

“Oh, okay.”

He walks over to San and holds his chin,

“I’m going to wash my face. Do you need help getting undressed?”

San’s ears turn red and Mingi bites his lower lip, trying not to laugh.

“No, lovely, I don’t mean it like that. We’re going to bed, okay?”

San pouts and nods.

“I can manage.”

Mingi can’t help it. He  _ really _ can’t help himself right now. He kisses San again, holding the back of his neck (which San really likes but ssh don’t tell Mingi) and San presses himself against him.

Mingi didn’t feel like San was trying to eat ice cream when they kissed. He knew just what to do, how to tilt his head and tongue moved in sync with his. The liquor on his breath didn’t bother Mingi like usual when he kissed drunk boys. Maybe it was because San wasn’t another drunk boy he was using to fill this void.

_ Different. Electric. _

He pulls away, looking over San’s gorgeous face. Unable to understand why on Earth he’s even interested.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Hurry.”

He washes his face and sighs when he notices two blemishes.

_ Don’t have a meltdown. It doesn’t matter. _

He takes of his jeans and folds them before walking back. Trying buy time and to push his insecurities down. San is sitting with his legs folded, shy and sleepy smile when he sees Mingi.

“Hi.”

He says while patting the bed.

“Hi, again.”

San leans over, resting his chin on Mingi’s shoulder.

“Nosy.”

Mingi tilts his head so San can kiss his nose. He’s happy, he is oozing the feeling on to Mingi.

San flops back and tugs Mingi’s shirt.

_ You shouldn’t. You really should sleep on the couch. _

There’s something about the way San looks laying there; shirt bunched up at the waistband of his briefs, hair a mess and eyes low from sleep. Dark from how much he wants Mingi.

He crawls on top of him. Hesitating before San pulls him down for a kiss. He rolls his hips again and Mingi pulls away.

“No, San you were drinking. You’re not thinking straight.”

“I’m not drunk!”

He’s whining and Mingi is trying  _ really  _ hard to not be hard.

“Well you’re not sober.”

San huffs in defeat and pouts, turning his head away. Mingi kisses the curve of his jaw, soft and slow butterfly kisses down his neck. Half way down San grips his shirt and Mingi softly sucks on the spot.

“You’re making this hard!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t stop.”

He lets out a soft laugh against his shoulder and lays down. San plays with his hair while looking down at him. He hates it. He doesn’t want him to really see him. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel the most comfortable he’s felt in months.

“Turn the light off?”

San reaches over and he’s glad there’s nothing left to see.

“You’re so handsome.”

Mingi doesn’t respond. He just lets the room fill with their breathing.

_ There’s nothing to hate if there’s nothing to see. _


	2. Begin Again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gentle push and pull of fresh new feelings from two boys who have been hurt in the past.
> 
> reminder the italics are their inner thoughts.  
> reminder x2 things are kinda repetitive for a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall know that song by taylor swift?  
> i hope everyone likes this bc i was real iffy about it.

San woke up first, used to early mornings either for university or work. He snuggles into the warm body next to him.

_ He’s still here. _

He slowly opens his eyes and sees Mingi shoulder. Happy he wasn’t dreaming. Almond skin glowing in this dim room. Blinds creating shadow lines across them. He kisses along his shoulder and peaks over, taking in how cute he looks asleep. Lips slightly parted and hand curled under his head.

_ Don’t wake up just yet, sweet boy. _

He slowly gets up and stretches the sleep from his bones. Searching in the low morning light for fresh clothes. He gently crawls back into bed and Mingi turns over. He freezes, Mingi lets out a heavy breath settles again. San kisses his nose.

“Be right back.”

He whispers to the sleeping boy.

It takes him a full minute to actually get back out of bed, so distracted by the wonder of Mingi. His hair was flat now and he was so  _ warm _ . San could’ve cuddled him all day.

_ Sunray. _

There’s a coffee shop nearby that San always stops by on his way to, well, anywhere really. The workers know his order and are always happy to see him. They were wondering who this new order was for. Seeing as though they also knew Wooyoung’s order. But Mingi was becoming San’s favourite mystery. Not just for others who didn’t know about him but for himself. The way San could read him but also get surprised with each moment they shared was enticing. He wondered if they thought it was for his ex. He can’t recall if they remembered her order. Seven months have past and plenty of drinks have been made. San hopes they forgot about it if they did. Or at least detached his face from it. He ordered them breakfast sandwich croissants along with their drinks.

_ What does a model eat for breakfast? _

He leaves the question on a corner for someone else to pick up. He didn’t care. He just hoped Mingi would still be sound asleep when he returned.

He remembers last night, vividly. He’s slightly embarrassed about the way he whined. He’s not normally like that (Wooyoung laughs in the distance). He couldn’t help it. He wanted Mingi to know he  _ really  _ wanted him, any amount of him, last night. And if that meant needy drunk San had to come out, then that’s the card he’ll play.

Even as they slept, whenever Mingi would turn or move away, San would fix himself to fit perfectly next to him again. Never wanting to be too far. That was a thing for San though, always needing to feel the person next to him. Even if they weren’t cuddling. Mingi didn’t seem to mind. He would relax under San every time.

//

The apartment is quiet when he walks back in. He does his best to put everything down lightly and tiptoes over to his room. His heart drops to his stomach when he finds an empty bed and clothes missing.

_ Oh. _

Then he hears the toilet flush. His heart climbs its way back up his rib cage and settles comfortably in relief.

“San?”

“I’m here!”

He shuffles his way out to see Mingi still very sleepy looking. Rubbing his eyes and face puffy, little bits of hair sticking up in the cutest way.

“You didn’t have to wake up.”

San says before kissing under his jaw. Mingi leans into him, letting San hug the tired boy with both his arms tightly.

“Missed you.”

San feels his heart pound really hard and hopes Mingi can’t feel it.

“Here, I got you coffee and something to eat.”

Mingi slowly lifts away, sleepy smile on his face at the mention of food. San kisses his cheek a few times and pats his tummy.

“Let me get you a clean shirt.”

He finds a white shirt (why does he own mostly white or blacks shirts) with red lettering and hands to Mingi, who he swears is sleeping while standing.

“Arms up.”

Mingi listens. San gives him a moment to stretch before lifting his shirt over his head. San doesn’t pay any mind to the bare skin in front of him. He’s too caught up in admiring how adorable Mingi is right now.

“What time is it?”

Mingi asks while trying to get his arms through the shirt. San pulls out his phone and doesn’t want to tell him.

“It’s 7:40-“

“IN THE MORNING?!”

He hugs his waist, under shirt to feel his warmth again.

“I’m an early riser.”

Mingi just lays his head on San’s shoulder.

San loved this closeness but he knew he’d allow Mingi to talk him back into bed if he didn’t get going.

“Come, the town looks lovely this time of day from up there.”

“Up where?”

His sleepy tone hints curiosity. San just smirks and grabs the drinks.

“Get the food and lets go.”

Mingi holds on to the back of San shirt.

“Why isn’t there an elevator?”

“It’s just one flight up!”

San tried to sound cheery even though he can tell Mingi isn’t a morning person.

_ Mental note: to just cuddle until he wakes up. _

Once they reach the top floor, San shoves open a door that reads “do not open” and Mingi squints his eyes from the morning sun.

“I love it up here.”

There’s a small green table with two wooden stools that San leads Mingi to. He looks around at the house plants set up around the rooftop.

“Are these yours?”

“No. Ms. Eunhee from the first floor can’t always make it up here so I take care of them for her every now and then. I try and bring her up at least twice a month. But her arthritis is a bitch most days.”

* * *

Mingi tried to think of someone kinder than San. He runs through every person he’s met and excludes Yunho because to Mingi, Yunho is golden no matter what. But there isn’t a soul like Sans.

“You’re lovely.”

San’s dimples slightly dent his cheeks.

“Sit, keep me company.”

He does, less annoyed about the time now. Still looking around and taking in the scenery.

_ This is like a secret fort. _

“The buildings all have shadows casting at different angles and I sometimes makeup stories for my neighbours.”

He sips his coffee and leans forward, pointing.

“Like I say the person on the third floor, fourth window from the right corner, either hates mornings of has a night job. The blinds hardly ever open but the lights are usually on in the early evening. I like to think that they sleep in until eleven or so. They must have a pet, if not then wow. How lonely. I’d guess a fish since I’ve never noticed something in the blinds. They probably cook themselves a decent lunch, or dinner I suppose since they work nights. Something homey and cozy feeling. Being up at night can have it's negative effects. So I think they probably have something that’ll make them smile when they open their lunch tin."

San talks with his hands a lot and Mingi finds it entertaining. He takes a bite of his sandwich and is happy that it’s yummy. San points in another direction.

“And in that building, fifth floor corner window, the blinds are always open. There’s nothing to see really. He is always home by five and has a dog. It’s so cute! Wherever he goes for work or school must not have windows for him to look out because he’s always near his.”

“You talk like you know them.”

“Maybe I’m just a good story teller.”

There something in the wind that feels like a warning to Mingi. They eat a few bites in silence before San breaks it again, pointing behind Mingi.

“Under that pot there’s a sketch book inside a ziplock bag. Hand it to me?”

Mingi looks where he’s being pointed to and retrieves the item. San flips open the book and shows Mingi a page that’s very similar to the view he has now.

“You’re so talented.”

“Tell me what it’s missing.”

He looks up confused.

“There’s nothing-“

“There’s always  _ something _ .”

_ Who am I to even think such a thought. Wait, perhaps this is a test? _

Mingi thinks about wait he was just told. He looks over the drawing and back at buildings.

_ He said something he wants me to notice. _

And then he does,

“Here.”

He points to the corner window on the fifth floor.

“Blinds are closed.”

San is hiding his smile behind his cup of coffee as he sips it. Mingi feels good, like  _ really _ good that he was able to figure it out.

“You’re a good listener.”

His phone rings and it’s his manager but just sends him to voicemail.

“Not gonna answer?”

“I would rather spend a little more time with you.”

“Will you get in trouble?”

“I’m not really worried about it.”

San reaches over and pulls Mingi’s hand to his lips. Mingi counts each kiss (five).

“Do you have class?”

“Not on Fridays. I have work. But I should be done around two if you’re available.”

“I have a few meetings today. But, how about dinner?”

Mingi’s heart is racing. When was the last time he asked someone out? He doesn’t. People aren’t worth the trouble. But San, well, he was worth  _ something _ alright.

“Yeah. I’d love that. Keep me posted.”

They take turns making up stories for the people they see in the windows. Mingi is glad San doesn’t think his imagination is boring. Mainly because Mingi was making up lives for people that he wished he had. Like one was full time dance teacher with two cats (probably the top dream life goal for him). Another was a videogame designer for Nintendo with two cats, who just signed a deal for their new game on the switch. San really likes that one. They made up a game that was a cross between sims and animal crossing. San also points out how Mingi keeps giving his characters cats and there may have been a small debate about which pet was superior, cats or dogs. Oddly enough hamsters ended up in the mix, which is a minor detail but it became neutral ground and they came to an agreement. They both learned the other is stubborn and will argue until blue in the face. But it was fun, it was different than what Mingi was used to. People either agreed with him or chose to give up.

_ A challenge. _

He picks up the third call from his manager.

“Hello? Sorry I’ve been caught up.”

He smiles at San. Wondering if he can hear the not so happy tone on the other end. Reminding him about being on time today and how him being away from his phone is alarming.

“I’ll be there. I know, I know. Thank you.”

“Did we reach max morning time?”

“Yeah. I’m actually running late. But if I speed home I can at least style my hair.”

“Guess this means I’ll have to wake you up earlier next time.”

Mingi glares but he isn’t intimidated by him. San leans over the small table and gives him Eskimo kisses.

_ Don’t hold your breath. _

San kisses his nose and Mingi cups his cheeks. San smiles brightly and Mingi looks over his face, melting away. Becoming puddles in those dimples of his.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.”

He was still holding his face. Looking at his lips, everything screaming to press his against them. But he doesn’t. Knowing if he does, he’ll stay and get himself into trouble.

//

Mingi is sitting in a conference room with two other people as managers discuss the terms for a collab. One of them being a boy who is making Mingi self conscious from the staring his doing.

_ He probably follows you. Relax, it’s okay. _

He starts to chew the side of his thumb and looks at his phone. Noticing San sent him a selfie, making a kissing face with finger hearts.

-too soon to say i miss you?

Mingi wants to reply but he knows there’s a no phone rule that he’s already breaking. He looks up and the boy is still staring, head in his hand.

“Yes?”

“You’re even hotter in person.”

Mingi huffs and rolls his eyes. The boy giggles and turns his attention to the managers that seem to come to a conclusion on the deal.

Hongjoong is offering a contract for a limited edition summer line made for couples of all genders and sexualities. There will be other models for the shoot but the three of them were under the same company so it made sense that they’d all meet up. Mostly to pre-warn them about the couple part. They had to post twice a week during the promotion for the line on their pages.

Mingi already hates this idea. But he’s excited that he’ll actually be on a set this time. For the  _ first  _ time. The thought gives him little bubbles of happiness. He’s always advertised Hongjoong’s line from home.

_ Wait until San hears! _

“Mingi, you should go to lunch with these two and get to know them.”

His manager suggests, interrupting his thoughts. He nods at her. He’d rather be home but he knows this is a chance to get his foot in the door somewhere else. He doesn’t recognise these two from Instagram. Meaning they're actual models.

_ Great. _

The girl smiles kindly at him,

“I’m Chaeyoung.”

“Mingi.”

She leans back in her chair,

“You’re on Instagram right?”

He tries not to sigh and nods.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“You have the cutest cat!”

He relaxes back in his chair too and smiles genuinely.

“Sushi is my baby!”

“You should make a page just for her.”

“I think I would lose more than half my following.”

They both laugh.

“Yeah, when I post my dog I feel like everyone’s more excited for him.”

She points at the boy who’s staring again.

“That’s Yeosang.”

“Hey.”

He smirks at Mingi.

“Hi.”

He says flatly before looking back at Chaeyoung. Yeosang shakes his head.

“I love a challenge.”

“He barks more than he bites. Just keep on ignoring him and he’ll move on.”

Mingi pulls out his phone,

-really good news to share!

-uwu cant wait to see you ~

-ps, miss you too

“What do you two want so for lunch? And Yeosang if you say chicken-“

“CHICKEN!”

His eyes soften and his whole face turns round, looking like a small child. His arms raised in the air as he laughs at Chaeyoung's annoyed face.

_ Oh, wow. _

“I actually know a good chicken place not far from here. There are other options too, Chaeyoung.”

She shakes her head but agrees. Yeosang smiles with his teeth and Mingi would almost call it cute (almost).

//

Madfry wasn’t too busy today so the three of them felt comfortable eating there. Mingi was on edge from being around new people but at least they understood the whole needing to take photos part. They even took some with him.

“I want one with just you.”

Yeosang says leaning over into Mingi’s space. Mingi doesn’t smile in the photo, he covers half his face with a peace sign. Yeosang doesn’t mind.

“How long should we wait to post them?”

“When we’re diving away.”

Chaeyoung answers, sour tone to her voice Mingi knows all too well. He assumes something similar must have happened to her.

“So, Mingi. Will this be your first shoot?”

He nods, not wanting to admit it out loud.

“Really? You put out so many ads, I for sure thought someone would have booked you by now.”

He turns to Yeosang. Unsure if he’s surprised or patronising him.

“Never really wanted to until recently.”

_ Please stop change the subject. _

“Yeah I didn’t want to do modelling either.”

Chaeyoung pinches his cheek,

“He wanted to be a teacher.”

Mingi looks at Yeosang who rolls his eyes and folds his arms. But he doesn’t move her hand away. He’s actually trying not to smile.

_ Baby. _

Mingi shakes his head at the thought and thankfully their food comes. They all take photos of the table and then each of them in front of their plates. It was nice not hearing someone groan or rush him. He always felt bad making his friends follow his stupid rules.

_Maybe this could work._ _Maybe these two could be my friends as well._

“Let’s do a before and after of the table!”

Yeosang is already above them, trying to fit all the chicken and bowls of noodles in the frame.

Yeosang doesn’t care about his imagine when eating. He has little spots of sauce on the corners of his mouth and does a little dance every time he enjoyed whatever he was biting into. He even stole noodles from Chaeyoung.

_ Yeah, he’s a baby. _

They shared how the two of them have been friends for a few years now and that this was their tenth time shooting together. She told Mingi about one shoot they did for winter wear and how Yeosang looked like a marshmallow in one of the jackets. But the photographer kept telling him he looked chic. They laughed through that whole story, Mingi included. Yeosang told him about a sports ad they did where they  _ actually _ had to workout for the commercial portion. And how they both lasted maybe ten minutes before wanting to quit. Mingi felt that one. Sharing about how Jongho had him doing deadlifts for their ad and how he couldn’t feel his thighs or traps for a week. Chaeyoung mentions how she met Jongho once at an event and it makes Mingi happy that she had the same view of him; funny with pinch-able cheeks. Too often you find people that aren’t who they say they are. Which sets a red flag off for Mingi when it comes to these two. But he knew how to play his part. He knew that if things took a turn for the worst, they are just doors he needs to open for his own career.

When Yeosang is done taking a photo for the ‘after’ part of their lunch, they wait together outside for their rides. Agreeing on captions and which photos to post.

Chaeyoung waves and smiles wide at the two of them before heading to her car.

“She’s adorable.”

Yeosang looks at Mingi.

“So are you.”

“Openly flirting with me is against a rule for us.”

“I’ll make sure to read the fine print when I get home.”

Mingi looks at him, really examining his face. He sees a red spot by his eye and one on his cheek bone that was showing through his makeup.

“I have an Instagram too, not that I mind you staring.”

Mingi looks away, embarrassed.

_ Idiot. _

His car pulls up at the say time as Mingi’s. They wave to each other but Yeosang steps closer to Mingi,

“Later, Minmin!”

He kisses his cheek and gets in the car. Mingi’s manager is glaring from the car but not at Mingi. Mingi wipes his cheek and gets into the car that’s waiting for him.

“Have fun?”

“I did, actually.”

She taps her briefcase.

“I know you chose not fully submerge yourself into this world but, Mingi, listen when I say keep that boy at arms length.”

He looks at her.

_ She never comments on who I’m with. _

She checks her watch.

“We’ll be at the next meeting in about 40 minutes so if you need a power nap, take it now.”

He slides down in his seat and looks out the window. He watches the endless building pass by and counts them like modern day sheep.

_ I miss him. _

* * *

San is cleaning up the art supplies from his lesson with the twins when he is notified that Mingi has posted.

He slides through the photoset, smiling at how Mingi seems so happy.

**Made some new friends today and ate some amazing food! Big news to come ~**

He clicks the tags and picks the girl first. He recognises her from a suit wear ad he saw a year back. He based a character he drew off her.

_ She’s cute as ever. The short blonde hair suits her. _

**Nothing better than good food with good company to match ✨**

He likes her photoset of them and goes back, clicking on the boy.

**Yummy ~**

He looks through his photoset and something in San hurts when he sees a selfie of this boy very close to Mingi. He doesn’t like the photoset. He clicks his story, seeing the before and after photo. There’s a heart next to Mingi’s handle.

_ It's not a big deal. They're probably coworkers and have to interact, you know this game. _

He goes back to the photoset and looks through the comments. People already talking about him and Mingi. Couple this, cute pair that. San closes the app.

**_Ding_ **

-sushi sound good for tonight?

San is feels silly for almost getting worked up.

-anything is good as long as i get to see you

-youre so lovely

-owo i cant wait to kiss your nose

-*࿐♡

_ Breathe, there’s nothing to worry about. _

He looks at the paintings the twins left, such blossoming talent that he had the privilege of teaching. They were his favourite students, two twin girls Kyungok and Misun. He felt mean admitting this, but these two were the only ones he saw that had true potential. Not that he couldn’t groom the others into becoming something great. But these girls were already a force to be wreckin with.

San, in these moments, always considers being a teacher. Passing along his knowledge to fresh brains that could actually change the industry instead of just adding to it. He wanted to create art simply because that’s what’s on the forefront of his mind, at all times. Paint this or draw that. He saw things in various colours outside of the hue they were already given. His mind was just constantly begging him to put something down on paper. Even if it was messy. Or didn’t work out how he planned. Art was flowing through his veins and it was never an option to not become an artist.

_ He is yellows, reds, and oranges. _

He thought back to the mango keychain and it suddenly all made since. Maybe not the way Mingi intended it but his brain connected the dots.

_ Warm, electric, sunray, magnet, mango. _

His fingers twitched and he looks for his sketchbook. Grabbing a yellow colour pencil doodling a sunflower.

_ No. _

He scraps the page and sighs. Thinking about Mingi’s eyes. The iris, the shape, the way his lashes curled up. This all made sense to him.  _ Why _ he was those colours.  _ What _ made him feel so warm. How could it not be  _ this? _

He stops and looks at his rough sketch.

Mingi’s eye being the head and his lashes being the petals. He doesn’t know how long this took, but San is proud of this. Proud of the feeling he had when making it. It was messy but that’s what he felt. Emotionally messy.

_ Yes, this is it. This is the start of something new. _

//

San is laying in bed, waiting for Mingi to let him know he’s on his way. He already has clothes laid out but he didn’t feel like being ready. Afraid his nerves would be worse.

_ I already went on a date and literally spent the night with him, why am I so nervous. _

San looks at his phone. He doesn’t want to look but he’s curious. He wants to know what else people are saying but he also doesn’t  _ really _ care. He knew Mingi liked him. He knew this could work.

_ Why am I jealous? _

His phone vibrates in his hand,

-walking up now!

_ SHIT SHIT WHY DIDN’T HE TEXT ME SOONER?! _

-almost ready!

San lies and ditches his clothing at lightning speed. He trips over himself when trying to put on his pants. Huffing while trying to button his shirt and running to the door just as Mingi knocks.

“Hi!”

Mingi laughs and looks confused.

“You good?”

San lets him in,

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re finally here.”

Mingi pulls him into a kiss, confused smile still on his face. He’s so gentle, San can’t remember the last time someone treated him as if he’d break under their touch.

“Well, you’re all out of breath and you’re buttoning your shirt wrong.”

San looks down at his lopsided doing. He sighs and starts to undo them but Mingi swats his hands away, doing it for him.

“Let me do it.”

He doesn’t look at San. If he did, he’d see how flustered he was. Mingi straightens his shirt out and smirks.

“You have abs too.”

San recalls his little outburst in the elevator.

“mm.”

He nods and watches Mingi. The way his slender fingers move each button into its proper place.

_ Can you go back to taking it off? _

Mingi finally looks at him and he looks away.

_ Shit never mind. _

He kisses his cheek, lip balm smells of mango.

“Your beauty marks are adorable.”

San still can’t look at him.

“Where’s dinner?”

Mingi kisses the other beauty mark and turns San to look at him.

“A sushi bar in the city.”

“Okay but am I dressed for the place? Do I need cash or can I pay with my card?”

Mingi hooks his fingers on to San’s belt loops, pulling him until their bodies touch.

“You look handsome and it’s my treat.”

_ You’re treading into dangerous waters, Sunray. _

San holds his jaw with the tips of his fingers and ever so lightly kisses Mingi’s nose.

“Then let's go.”

* * *

San laces their fingers and leads them out. Mingi is holding his breath again. He waits until they’re down all three flights of stairs before he lets it out.

_ Wow that’s a new record. _

In the car, San holds Mingi’s thigh and he places his hand on the back of his neck.

San sang along to most of the songs on the radio and encouraged Mingi to perform (yes not sing along but  _ perform _ ) a few songs with him. And he did. Which made his soul feel like it was soaring. He only did this with Yunho. But San, well, he felt familiar. Like it’s always been this way.

//

San looks around at the small bar. Mingi wonders if he expected more. He searches for Mingi’s hand and squeezes when he finds it. Face lighting up,

“This is so cool!”

_ Thank god. _

They get a corner table and Mingi pulls out the chair for San. Who kisses his cheek before sitting.

“Order what you want, I don’t mind.”

San is looking over the menu and Mingi laces their fingers. He feels his heart pound really hard when San smiles at the notion.

“What if I want one of everything?”

“For your stomach's sake, I’d have to tell you no.”

He giggles and runs his thumb along Mingi’s.

_ Please always do that. Every single time my hand is in yours, even if it’s one swipe. _

Once they order, San tugs on Mingi. Eyes wide with curiosity.

“What was the good news? I’ve been waiting to hear about it.”

“I was booked today! For a real shoot.”

San’s eyes grow wider (if possible) and he grabs Mingi’s other hand. Squeezing them tightly and shaking them with excitement.

“That’s beyond good, that’s great! That’s fantastic!”

_ Say the right word. _

“You’re so talented, I’m like..”

San leans across the table,

“Really proud of you.”

_ Thank you. _

San cups Mingi’s face and give him a bunch of kisses on his cheeks before pressing their lips together.

_ He’s not afraid of being seen with me. _

The thought scared Mingi. This wasn’t about two boys kissing in a public space. This was about how he felt within himself. People wanted to post about being with him but they would always dance around the topic of actually  _ being _ with him. Even before all this, people found something about him that wasn’t part of their “taste”.

And maybe that’s why he started his page. He wanted to prove that he was in fact handsome. Maybe he wanted to feel wanted back for once.

San made the effort for no reason other than he liked Mingi. This was such a foreign concept.

“Tell me everything. What’s the concept, what’s the brand, who’s the photographer? Is it a solo deal?”

_ He actually cares. _

San laces their fingers again, running his thumb of over Mingi’s.

“I’m shooting for Hongjoong, actually. My manager told me he wanted me on set and not locked away.”

“I agree, you deserve to be in spreads everywhere.”

Mingi disagrees but doesn’t say it out loud.

“It’s for a limited edition line.”

“Ooh, how cool.”

“It’s a couples line.”

“Spicy, tell me more.”

“I met two of the other models from my company today. They’ll be shooting with me and a few others.”

San smiles a fake smile and Mingi wants to take his hand back until it’s real again.

“I seen! Did you have fun?”

“I did actually. It’s good that I make these kind of friends. I gained twenty thousand followers today.”

San looks like he’s thinking but his soft and sweet smile is back.

_ Where’d you go, Lovely? _

“Yes you’ll grow and it’ll benefit you. But I hope they’ll become good friends of yours.”

That last part sounds fake but their food comes and Mingi doesn’t bring it up.

“Would you um, wanna come? Maybe?”

“It’d be an honour.”

“It’s not the one we’re going to next week. It’s the week after. I’ll get the actual dates and if you're not tied up with school, it’ll be another date.”

San talks about his students while they eat. Mostly a pair of twins. But he speaks positively about all of them. Mingi wonders what it would be like to watch him work. Both when creating a piece and teaching.

_ Would he even want me around long enough to experience that? _

He watches San chew his food. You can see his dimples with every munch.

_ I’m not saying enough. The lunch was a bad topic. He already told me about his day. Why can’t I think of anything to say? _

He stirs his drink with his straw.

_ Oh! _

“Do you have a best friend?”

San sits up properly, nodding with joy as he finishes what's in his mouth.

“I do! His name is Wooyoung.”

“I’d like to hear about him.”

_ Not me talking more but, at least he knows I want to get to know him as well. _

“Oh wow, where do I start?”

He leans back in his chair, their fingers barely interlocked now.

“I met Wooyoung when we were children. I can’t remember how we ended up playing together at recess.. But I do remember he kicked a ball at my head during the game.”

Mingi laughs and San smirks.

“He’s a huge brat. But a lovable one. So sweet you get cavities most of the time. You always want to hug him! Mainly because he’s a great hugger. Fantastic listener. He doesn’t just nod away or give you “okay.” “mhm!” he really hears what you’re saying and tries his best to feel whatever emotion you're feeling. Does his best to be apart of the conversation. Very optimistic, like almost outrageously. He’ll put his full faith into anything, no matter how impossible someone says it is. He’s got good luck tucked away behind his ear because let me tell you, things work out in his favour more than not.”

“I feel like Yunho is the same way, I mean about the luck.”

“We need to plan an actual friend date so they can meet. Maybe after you're first  _ official _ shoot.”

Mingi thinks about how Yunho gets along with just about everyone. He wonders what he’ll say when he brings this up to him tomorrow.

San clears his throat and touches his index finger with Mingi’s, pushing them up to make a small triangle. Mingi smiles to himself,

_ Tiny San. _

“Did you plan to stay over again?”

The table is overflowing with awkward shyness and hearts beating too fast.

“I’d love to, if you want me there.”

* * *

San relaxes now that it’s settled.

“Of course I do.”

_ Seriously, who broke your heart? _

He knew people hurt others and sometimes it isn’t intentional. He knows it’s unavoidable. San has pieced his heart back together enough times to know what the aftermath can feel like, look like. But Mingi didn’t deserve to be hurt. San has already decided that much. He knows he can’t fix another person, but he did hope to give Mingi whatever he lost along the way back in order for him to feel wanted around San. Because he was the only thing running wild in his thoughts.

//

Mingi let him drive back to his place. San could tell he was tired and as much as he wants to ask about the meetings, he doesn’t. He just holds his thigh and lets soft music fill the car. Hoping this was enough for Mingi. Trying not to think about how boring he might seem compared to all the people Mingi meets with every other day. Mingi would draw circles around his knuckles and lean over to kiss his cheek every other red light. San was keeping track.

_ Next one. _

He slows to a stop and from the corner of his eye, he sees Mingi glowing red. He’s not sure if it’s from the colours he sees people in or the hue from the traffic light. But it’s like he knew San was waiting for this.

Mingi leans over and turns San’s face, holding his jaw and gently pecks his lips a few times.

“I’ve thought about that all day.”

He sits back in his seat and San feels the butterflies slamming themselves in every direction inside him.

_ You thought about me? _

//

Mingi grabs a backpack out from the back seat and San raises an eyebrow at him.

“Did you plan ahead?”

“Well you don’t have pj’s and I figured I should be prepared.”

_ You’re so precious. _

San flops on his couch,

“I’m so full! I don’t want to move.”

“Do you want me to undress you this time?”

San’s face is burning and Mingi laughs with satisfaction.

“Is it your goal to make me feel like a preteen because you succeed every time.”

Mingi searches through his backpack and pulls out a change of clothes along with skin care items.

“I need to get a handle on skin before this shoot. I might take a little long. You can go to sleep if you want.”

“No, I wanna sleep with you.”

Mingi’s holding in his laugh, making his cheeks do the puffy thing and San would love to soak in his cuteness but he is too embarrassed. He covers his face with a pillow.

“NOT LIKE THAT!”

“Maybe next time, then.”

San removes the pillow from his face but Mingi is closing the door to the bathroom.

_ Did he just schedule sex? _

San smirked to himself and then pushes the thought further back for a different moment.

_ Don’t you dare get an actual boner right now. _

He hears the sink running and what Mingi said about his sinks in. San frowns, he finds himself disliking the tone Mingi has when talking about himself again. Like he was always disappointing San. But had San really earned the right to say something yet?

He knew his view of Mingi was still only equal to the break of dawn. But he also knew that Mingi was every warm tone cloud that fills the sky.

The sink stops and hears humming from the bathroom.

_ Cute. _

San lifts himself from the couch and kicks off his pants. Making a mental note to do laundry soon.

Mingi comes out in a poke a dot on set and San could not understand how his heart is continuously reaching new levels of fullness when it comes to this boy.

“All done.” 

He has a child like grin on his face and puts his stuff away.

“Do you always wear cute pajamas to bed?”

“Yes it helps me feel cute.”

“Cuter.”

San corrects Mingi but he doesn’t get shy or smile like he thought he would. He’s inside his head again.

_ Where are you going, Sunray? _

San walks over, running his hands along his shoulders,

“Silk? Fancy.”

Mingi turns to face him, San holding the collar of his shirt. He looks uneasy.

“Talk to me.”

“Just tired.”

He starts to unbutton San’s shirt but this time he’s not flustered. He trying to find the crack so he can patch it up. Just for the night. He notices a blush forming on Mingi’s cheeks and decides to drop it.

_ It’s not your place yet. _

“Like what you see?”

“I do.”

San tilts his head up and hesitates before pressing his lips against Mingi’s.

_ Distract him. _

He can taste the strawberry lip scrub and mint toothpaste. He can smell his lavender night cream.

Everything about Mingi made San’s senses heighten. It was almost overwhelming.

Mingi pulls off San’s shirt, hands wandering everywhere. Giving San goosebumps. He pulls away, running his tongue along San’s upper lip. Dangerous smirk and glowing red again. Deep red.

_ Sexy. _

Mingi backs him up to the couch and sits him down, unbuttoning his pj shirt. San leans back and watches him.

_ Very sexy. _

He straddle’s San, who runs his hands up and down Mingi’s thighs. There’s something about the way the silk feels. Maybe it’s the person wearing it. He pulls him closer by the hips, looking him over and trying to decide where he wanted to kiss.

_ Don’t get worked up just yet. Don’t seem so easy. _

Mingi yawns and San laughs.

“You did mention you were tired.”

Mingi nods, leaning into San’s space. He slides one side of his shirt off and leaves wet kisses along Mingi’s collar bone.

“Are we sleeping out here?”

San shakes his head no. Hands finding their way to Mingi’s waist.

_ So warm all the time. _

He notices how still Mingi is now. He looks up and presses soft kisses along under his jawline (which Mingi really likes but ssh don’t tell San that).

“Lets go to bed.”

Mingi relaxes again, hugging San. Almost like an unspoken thank you. Which bothers San. He didn’t expect anything from Mingi but his company.

San buttons Mingi’s shirt back up.

“So you don’t get cold.”

Mingi seems to disappear into his head again.

_ Come back to me, Sunray. _

When they get into bed, Mingi curls up into San’s side. He runs his fingers through Mingi’s hair.

“You know, just sleeping in the same bed is enough for me.”

Mingi nods.

“Or I can sleep on the couch.”

He wraps his arms around him, shaking his head no. San kisses his nose.

“I just got shy.”

“More than shy.”

Mingi covers his head with the blanket. San can feel him trying to steady his breathing. He lightly scratches his scalp and whispers,

“I got you, Sunray. Don’t worry.”

He feels Mingi hug him tighter.

“Can you turn off the light?”

San reaches over to the night stand and turns the light off. Mingi pokes his head out and San kisses the top of it.

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

* * *

Mingi wakes up to the smell of food. He reaches across the bed but it’s empty. He stretches and flops over, looking up at the ceiling.

_ Oh, yeah I’m not home. _

He looks around the room and sees a painting on the nightstand. He really likes San’s work. But there’s something familiar about the scenery. He reaches to touch it but San walks in, making him jump and take his hand back.

“Good morning!”

Mingi sits up and giggles as San kisses his cheek a few times.

“You sleep okay?”

“Mm.”

He nods at him.

_ God my morning breath. _

San kisses his nose.

“Have some time for breakfast on the roof again?”

“I can make time.”

Mingi notices his clothes folded neatly on the bathroom counter and this fuzzy feeling fills his chest.

_ I was sure I messed up last night. _

The ache still lingering nearby. Almost like over cast, threatening to rain but when exactly? Guess you’ll have to carry an umbrella around and stay tuned.

He changes and looks in the mirror. His skin had a glow to it and his hair was okay.

_ Just relax and make it through breakfast. _

San is tying a plastic bag with containers in them when he comes out.

“Hope it was okay that I took out your clothes.”

“It was.”

San hands him coffee that smells like cinnamon and blueberries.

“Ready?”

Mingi nods and follows him back up to the secret fort (Mingi has decided that’s what it is from now on).

There were sunflowers on the table and Mingi runs over to smell them.

“Like those?”

“My favourite.”

San sets up their containers and Mingi wonders if San put these here for him.

His plate has two pancakes, fluffy looking eggs with veggies chopped inside, and sausage. No one, seriously no one besides Yunho, has ever been this kind to him. Even before Instagram.

_ There has to be a catch. _

San kisses his nose before sitting and Mingi doesn’t know what skydiving feels like but he’s sure what San makes him feel is close enough.

“Do you have plans for today?”

“I do, seeing Yunho later.”

San chews and gives him a nod to go on.

“Just catching up. He and Seonghwa have a recital soon so it’ll most likely be me watching them practice the majority of the time.”

“What kind of dance are they doing?”

“Ballet, I think.”

San’s eyes go soft and Mingi can’t stop himself.

“Did you want to come?”

“Is that’s okay? I know bff time is important.”

“I’m sure they won’t mind.”

_ Hopefully. _

San smiles and the clouds in Mingi’s head clear enough for the sun to shine down on them.

“Then I’d love to tag along.”

//

Mingi doesn’t understand how San has the energy he does with such little sleep. But perhaps he’s already used to it.

-hey, mind if i bring someone along? kinda too late if you say no

-san, i'm assuming?

-pretend i'm not predictable for once

-thats fine, mango. cant wait to see you!

-♥u♥

San is watering the plants and singing softly.

“Does that actually help them like people say it does?”

“I hope so. I always apologise if they don’t like my voice or song choice of the day.”

_ What are you made of? It’s clearly unlike anyone else. _

He checks his phone for the time.

“We have about twenty minutes. Maybe I can show you the school if we have time.”

“Just a few more and I’ll be done.”

He bends over to whisper to the planets when he’s done watering her each one.

He walks over and whispers,

“I tell each of them they’re my favourite and they’re the most beautiful one up here, but not to tell the others in case one might get jealous.”

He puts a finger over his lips for Mingi to keep his secret.

“They all have grown so much knowing that.”

“But it’s almost a lie.”

San looks surprised at Mingi’s remark.

“They are  _ all _ my favourite. It’s like picking children, you can’t. Or rather, you shouldn’t so you don’t. You just find particular things that stand out most and say “this is why you’re special compared to others” which makes them think they’re one step above their siblings. But if one were to go missing or die, there’d be a sadness you couldn't fill.”

He looks around at the assorted pots.

“If one plant were to die, it’d be hard for me. So no, it’s not almost a lie. Not even a tiny bit.”

“Okay, Lovely.”

//

Mingi is nervous about Yunho meeting San. Not because he doesn’t think they’ll get along. But rather because this was the boy he cried over in his bed. The boy Yunho didn’t ask about despite how protective he was over Mingi. It wasn’t a malicious feeling Yunho had, it was more curious.  _ That _ is what worries Mingi. The questioning he was surely not afraid to impose.

San rubs his thumb on Mingi’s thigh,

“Come back. You’re driving.”

He never broke Mingi from his thoughts suddenly or with annoyance in his voice. He was gentle and gradual. Like low tide ebbing.

“Yeah, sorry if I scared you.”

“You didn’t. Just want you to be present.”

Mingi can see him in his peripherals, staring like he does. This is a moment where Mingi doesn’t mind. He knows he’s not really looking at him. He’s trying to figure him out.

“I’m here, promise.”

//

The academy is still the same. Mingi left around this time of year and there is an eerie feeling in the air with how time seems to have not passed.

He waves around for San’s hand and when he finds it, San kisses it.

_ Breathe. It’s just Yunho. _

He leads San through the campus filled with trees that are full and green with little white flowers. Mingi misses sitting under them between classes when going home just to come back was a waste of time and gas. His head fills with nostalgia. San doesn’t seem too impressed but he’s okay with that.

The hallways echoed with their footsteps and Mingi is surprised he still remembers his way around.

“Do you miss it?”

“A bit.”

He looks over at San who is giving him that curious look.

_ Asking is a lot easier than staring, Lovely. _

“I just don’t have the time to come back.”

“mm.”

Mingi tugs him through two more hallways before hearing the soft music from the dance practice room area.

Mingi looks through each small window on the passing doors before he sees a spinning head of blue hair. He smiles to himself, excited to see his best friend.

The door opens quietly and they slip in, sliding against the wall to remain unseen. Their was another pair dancing with them. Mingi and San sat on the floor and watched.

Seonghwa was a different person when dancing. They both were really. But there was such elegance to Seonghwa’s movements that separated him from others. As if he was born to dance. Each pirouette resembling a spinning top set into perfect motion. Every tour en l’air seeming effortless. He was gracefulness at it's very finest. It was impossible to peel your eyes off him long enough to give the others recognition.

Yunho was a performer. Whether it was dancing or acting, hell even singing. He was phenomenal at it. Watching him twirl around was impressive. It was like all the clumsy awkwardness left his body when the music turned on. His muscles remembering their purpose and putting forth maximum effort into grasping the choreography within hours. 

This always made Mingi feel less than. He was surrounded by people who had so much aspiration inside of themselves. And they actually had the drive to achieve their dreams. Where as he felt everything was so out of reach.

_ I don’t deserve to be apart of their lives. _

San is holding his knees to his chest and watching intensely as the pair gracefully float through their choreography.

_ I wish you could’ve seen me dance. _

The overcast in Mingi’s mind grows darker but he forces himself to remember this wasn’t about him. He needed to watch his best friend and support him.

The instructor calls for a break and Yunho collapses to the floor. Seonghwa smiles down at him, shaking his head.

“They’re really good together.”

Mingi looks at San who’s watching Seonghwa let Yunho climb on his back.

“Agreed.”

He waves at Yunho, who smiles excitedly.

“You made it!”

Once in front of them, Yunho falls to the floor and lays in his best friends lap.

“Hi!”

“Hey.”

Mingi combs away sweaty hair from his forehead.

“You looked amazing, both of you.”

“You did!”

They were still catching their breath but smiled and modestly shook their heads.

“There’s still so much we need to work on.”

San looks up at Seonghwa with his curious eyes and tilts his head. Seonghwa sits cross legged in front of them.

“I think you looked weightless.”

Seonghwa smiles confusedly at him.

“Thank you?”

“You glided out there. Like someone was holding you by a string, pulling you along as if you were a feather. It was breathtaking.”

Seonghwa looks at Mingi,

“Can you marry him?”

San hides behind his knees.

“We literally just met, Seonghwa!”

“How did you two meet?”

Yunho asks, as if he doesn’t know. Mingi glares down at him.

“Coffee shop, hello they told us this.”

“Yeah but I wanna hear the story, not the place.”

San looks at Mingi. He doesn’t look at him but he can feel his gaze.

“I asked for some shots. We hung out. And we’re here now.”

“How boring.”

He flicks Yunho on the forehead. Seonghwa flicks him on the forehead back.

“I’d flick him just to have your back but I need to stay on everyone’s good side for a few weeks.”

They all laugh. Which makes Mingi relax. He puts his hand next to San’s, just needing to feel him. He didn’t want to deal with the question he knows they wanted to ask. 

“It’s boring but it's ours.”

San hooks their pinkies and gives them his dimpled smile.

“It’s fine, I’m always alone when it comes to choosing to protect Yunho or me.”

Seonghwa rolls his eyes and looks over at San.

“He’s a dramatic one.”

“I have a thing for theatre.”

Yunho tilts his head back to look at San,

“So, art major?”

“So, dance major?”

They hold a stare. San grins and Mingi wants to laugh because he's already figured out just how annoying Yunho can be.

“I love art. I wouldn’t call myself an artist just yet, but one day I’ll be able to say my pieces are in everyone’s home.”

“Do you have a particular area you want to specialise in?”

San thinks about this. His lips pouting the way they do and Mingi finds this really cute.

“I just want to be good enough at everything. So that when a client asks for, let’s say pottery. I’m capable of creating something worth the money they’ll pay. But more importantly, when they see it for the first time, they’ll  _ feel _ extremely proud to own it. Making art isn’t just about how I feel about the piece when I’m done.”

He looks over at Mingi,

“It’s about the person receiving it. How they’ll react. Who they’ll show it off to. I want people to love my work as much as me.”

“He’s beyond talented.”

San smiles shyly and lays his head on his knees. Only facing Mingi now and it sends a chill down his spine.

“Yeah I get that.”

Yunho’s voice breaking Mingi from the staring contest and he looks at his bestie.

“Yunho is one of the best dancers I know.”

Yunho beams with joy from the compliment.

“You’re good too. He was my top completion when we first started!”

San lifts his head with wide eyes.

“Really?”

“Mm! He’s so fluid. I’m sure you remember from the party.”

Mingi goes to flick him but San stops him.

“He’s right, you are fluid. I hope I can see what you’re capable of. I mean, if you want to and have time.”

“He would score so many guys at dance camp. It was the wildest time ever. He would always wink and say, “it’s all in the hips.” yeah, I’m so sure.”

Seonghwa flicks him this time.

“Didn’t we talk about how you should keep some things to yourself?”

Yunho pouts and Seonghwa leans down to kiss his forehead.

“You were scoring bitches back in the day?”

Mingi feels his face flush at San’s question.

“We’d just hide behind a tree and makeout badly for an hour. Nothing like that.”

Yunho turns his head to speak but Seonghwa covers his mouth. San shrugs,

“I don’t care either way. You’re just so shy with me that I found it really intriguing, is all.”

The other two burst into laughter and Mingi wants to disappear.

_ Oh no. _

“SHY!?”

Seonghwa points at Mingi,

“Him? Song Mingi, a shy boy?”

Yunho sits up and shakes his head.

“Yeah right. He’s the farthest thing from that. He must really like you if he’s being shy. He oozes confidence and could pick up  _ any _ guy he wanted with in five minutes.”

San looks at Mingi and smirks,

“Then I guess I’m not as easy. I think it took maybe ten?”

They giggle and Mingi would kiss him if they were alone.

“Mingi, losing your touch there?”

“Perhaps I am.”

_ Thank you. _

The instructor yells for the four to come back and Yunho pouts.

“We’ll be back. Oh hey, musical dance nerds are gone for the day if you want to show him  _ your _ spot.”

He winks at Mingi and he would’ve kicked him if he wasn’t so damn fast.

“Your spot?”

Mingi can feel his ears burning.

“It’s nothing. Just where the costumes are.”

San stands and gives Mingi his hand,

“I could go for a quick round of dress up.”

Mingi hesitates but takes his hand.

* * *

San feels so sneaky. Mingi keeps looking around and making sure no one is watching despite being told they wouldn’t be found.

Mingi walks him across a huge stage with cherrywood floors. The lights are off but there’s a small glow on the floor showing the isles of rows. It makes San feel small for once.

They’re a door behind the third curtain and Mingi smiles as he opens it for San. It’s ice cold and smells like mothballs but the amount of clothing makes him hold his breath.

“Whoa..”

“Be anyone you want.”

They search through boxes and racks of clothing. Trying on hats and scarves that didn’t match. They laughed as they tried to speak in different accents. San was so animated sometimes. He always wondered how good of an actor he’d be. From the way he makes Mingi laugh and clap, he’d say pretty decent.

Mingi finds a silk shirt that looks like it's apart of renaissance era and San feels his skin prickle.

He puts it on with a hat and spins,

“I’d rather hear a dog bark than a man swear that he loves me.”

Mingi tosses his hat and folds his arms, looking as unimpressed as possible.

“Much Ado About Nothing, what taste.”

San walks over and smoothed out the shirt. Enjoying the way it felt against his skin, they way it felt on Mingi. How he looked with it draping off his shoulders. He was exquisite.

“It’s a classic comedy. No one can top that.”

“So..”

He looks up at Mingi, innocently curious.

“Why is this your, um, spot?”

Mingi’s ears are red again and he looks away.

“I used to hide in here with boys.. And just makeout, you know?”

“You are so sexy it’s overwhelming.”

Mingi scoffs. San doesn’t like that. He was being honest and Mingi didn’t believe him.

_ I’ll show you. _

He wraps his arms around his neck, kissing under his jaw. Mingi holds his waist, tilting his head just enough for San to fit better. San pulls him closer and softly bites down on his neck, Mingi sighs and his hands fall down to his hips. Pulling him until their bodies touch. San cups his face and Mingi closes the space between them. Tongue gliding into San’s mouth and caressing his in just the right way.

_ All the other boys who helped him perfect this, shout out to you. _

Mingi pulls away, biting his lower lip and pressing a kiss in case it hurt. It didn’t, it felt painfully good. He twirled the ends of his hair and they held a low gaze.

Mingi lifted San, who gladly wrapped his legs around him, and looked for the sewing table. He walked over, making sure nothing sharp was on the surface before placing San down (how did he end up like this again so easily?).

San pulled him back for more, missing his lips already. Mingi smiled as they kissed. That oozing confidence was surely there. San couldn’t stop running his hands along Mingi’s body. The silk really lighting a fire in him.

“God you can’t wear silk any more.”

Mingi licks along his top and San whines, wanting more than that.

“You got a thing for silk?”

“I have a thing for  _ you _ in silk.”

Mingi rolls his hips against San’s and it feels so good. San pulls him back, kissing him as if Mingi were truly his last meal. Adjusting himself so they could grind against each other a little better. Feeling more friction as their lips moved together with ease. Mingi held the edge of the table, letting San squirm around freely.

San was allowing Mingi to get them carried away. Soft moans filling the room as both of them rock in sync. Their pants both too tight but this was enough. He loved the way Mingi sounded and the idea of what he  _ could _ sound like when coming undone made his dick twitch. But San didn’t want to push Mingi. Not after last night. He knew if he wanted to get anywhere, he had to let Mingi lead when he wanted to lead. And if that meant dry humping in a small closest then he’d settle for that.

He pulls away, Mingi staring at the thin line of spit strung between them.

“Just make out, huh?”

Mingi has such a devilish smirk on his face.

“Mostly.”

He grinds against San roughly, making him moan the whiniest moan he could muster. Which Mingi likes apparently because he did it again, and again. San was tipping already. It was almost embarrassing how easily Mingi got him worked up. He knew he needed to bring himself back down somehow.

“Mingi we need to cool off. I don’t want to walk out of here with cum on my pants.”

Mingi holds the small of San’s back and rolled his hips. Letting out a low moan that San is saving for later.

“There are plenty of options for you to change into.”

“Yeah that’ll be really unnoticeable.”

Mingi is so close his lips graze San’s as he says,

“I could.. I could suck you off..”

San looks over his face. He can’t read him. The suggestion was so shy but he’s pupils were blown.

“You don’t have to.”

Mingi just tilts San's head, gripping a handful of hair and kisses the spot on San’s neck that is his ultimate weakness. Slowly rolling his hips a few times while he sucked on it. Swirls of orange hues danced around Mingi. San was buzzing.

“Mingi..”

It’s drawn out, it's breathy, and it’s so  _ needy _ . San can feel the haziness in his head taking over. The offer on the table was in his grasp.

“You’re going to get me into so much trouble down the road.”

Mingi’s unbuttons his jeans but San stops him.

“Not here.”

Mingi pouts and San is ready to let him drop to his knees but he knew this wouldn’t end well.

_ I don’t want to lose you for another two weeks _ .

He kisses his nose and rubs his ear lobes.

“Did I do something?”

“You did  _ everything _ right. I just want to wait.”

Mingi nods, unsure but San gently kisses him. It’s not like before. There’s a slow and stillness to it that settles the air in the room. Mingi leans into again, relaxing. San cups his cheeks and sighs.

_ You’re addicting. _

The door opens and Mingi hides his face in San’s chest, who smooths his hair down. The student mumbling her sorry and closing the door.

He can feel him shake just a little.

“It’s okay, she couldn’t see you. I got you.”

“mm.”

San lifts his head, smiling brightly to reassure him.

“Let's go back to the dance room, yeah?”

Mingi nods, pressing a soft kiss against San’s cheek. San hums at the notion and Mingi does it again, making San giggle.

“I need a moment to let this go away.”

San looks down and smirks.

“Me too.”

They separate and he misses Mingi already.

Mingi pouts, drawing small circles on San’s knees.

“What is it?”

“I just..”

He smirks and San braces himself as Mingi looks up at him through his lashes.

“ _ Really  _ wanted you in my mouth.”

San let his head fall back.

_ I’m trying to be a good person. _

Mingi giggles but San doesn’t want to look at him just yet. He needed to hold himself together.

“You’re so double sided it makes me dizzy.”

“I’ll be good, promise.”

He slowly brings his head back up, eyes still closed. Mingi kisses him and it makes him open his eyes.

_ You’re definitely good. _

//

Seonghwa invited them to lunch, his treat. San refused a handful of times, not wanting him to pay for his meal when they were just meeting. It was useless. Yunho congratulated him for going in circles for twenty minutes. Said he can only imagine how long he and Mingi go round and round before one gives up.

_ Why is everyone so damn stubborn in this group. _

The cafe was large, white and full of planets. San felt at home. He felt under dressed but he supposed they all were. He couldn’t imagine this place being a regular spot for him. He wasn’t struggling when it came to money, but he wasn’t this comfortable either. Mingi leaned over and kissed his cheek before pointing out what was good in the menu. The three of them talked, loudly. It was nice to see Mingi open up around him. He felt like Mingi was always watering himself down. Yunho must be the key. San takes mental notes on how Yunho responds to Mingi. The way he talks to him. Trying to find an in between for himself so that Mingi could trust him more. It was important to San.

Mingi held his thigh under the table and San looked over at him.

_ I told you about this, Sunray. _

Mingi winks and continues the conversation in play.

People are warm naturally but here’s something about Mingi’s hand that high up on his thigh that makes it feel like fire to San.

“What did you think of our dance?”

San moves Mingi’s hand down and smiles his sunshine smile.

“It was truly something to watch. Every bounce from you was done with such ease that you barely heard your landings. It was causing clouds of lavender to puff out from under you feet. And Yunho, you did this grand jeté that was so elegant. All I saw pink shoot from your fingers.”

They awkwardly turn their heads to Mingi.

“He’s an artist. You think he doesn’t see secondary colours?”

San feels his face burning. He doesn’t talk about his synesthesia with anyone but Wooyoung.

Mingi slides his hand up his thigh and San stands up.

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

He splashes his face with water and exhales hard.

_ That was too close for comfort. _

The door creaks open and San sees a very worried looking Mingi in the mirror.

“Hey.”

San just presses his lips together.

“Our food arrived.”

“I’ll be right out.”

Mingi walks over to him, seeming nervous to touch him but places his chin on his shoulder anyways.

“Was it me?”

San shakes his head no and kisses his nose.

“Just got shy.”

“More than shy.”

They holds the stare for a few more moments.

_ What is it about you? _

Mingi kisses him quickly. It surprises San, he would’ve missed it if his eyes were closed.

“I’ll be waiting.”

San comes back to the table and Mingi scoots closer to him. Yunho is giving Seunghwa butterfly kisses. Seonghwa looks embarrassed but he makes no effort to pull away.

“It’s endless with these two.”

“Do you want some too?”

Yunho walks over and starts to kiss Mingi’s cheek. He’s squirming and pushing Yunho away but it’s no use. Yunho’s limbs are too long.

“San does he let you kiss him or put up a fight like this?”

Mingi pinches him and San turns his head, soft kiss pressed against his lips.

“He’s a good boy with me.”

Yunho looks down at Mingi who’s beat red.

“Wow, you are shy with him.”

Mingi swats Yunho away and clears his throat. San leans over and whispers,

“I’m better that this game.”

Seonghwa is giggling while trying not to look at Mingi. He regains his cool guy composer, hand placed so high up on San’s inner thigh that his pinky touches the fly.

“Are you?”

They hold another stare before Seonghwa asks,

“So do you always see colours when you look at people?”

San thinks for a moment.

“Not always. Or maybe I do but I don’t notice them. Like now, there’s nothing. But I could just not be focusing enough.”

Mingi slides his hand from side to side.

_ You’re such a tease, Sunray. _

“Do the colours mean anything? Like is there a book that tells you what each colour means?”

“Maybe but I like to figure out each meaning for myself. Like the colours are only a portion of what that person is. Hmm, that probably doesn’t make sense.”

He huffs, leaning back. Mingi runs his hand over his crotch once. San does his best to seem unbothered.

“Like my best friend, Wooyoung, he’s all heavy grey and turquoise but he’s also foam from ocean waves. He’s fresh baked bagels and the smell of clean sheets. Sometimes these things don’t come to me in the same order or even in the same amount of time. I think it just depends on how close I am to the person. Or if they interest me enough.”

Yunho does little baby claps,

“We were interesting!”

Seonghwa looks at him fondly.

“Yes, baby, we were.”

Mingi’s hand slides lower down and San furrows his brows at him.

“I’m sure you’re flooded with those thoughts when it comes to him.”

Yunho says with a teasing tone but happy smile painted across his face.

San laces their fingers but Mingi is focusing on his food.

“I’m actually still figuring him out.”

“But you have  _ seen _ what you’ve described, right?”

San puts a finger over his lips,

“It’s a secret.”

Mingi takes his hand back and San feels like he was punched in the gut.

“Mingi would be green if I could see colours.”

Seonghwa looks curiously between San and Yunho.

“He brings life into people. Like we grow and become such great people when he’s around. It’s so, I don’t know, not dead exactly. But it’s differently dull when he’s not around. He’s like the sun and we’re plants.”

San notice Mingi smile as he chews.

_ You love him. Regardless of what you say. _

“Yeah he’s a pain in the ass but I do miss him when he’s gone for too long.”

“Okay, okay. You guys know I won’t say the L word. Just drop it.”

Yunho rolls his eyes and looks at Seonghwa,

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“And I love Mingi even though he refuses to admit that he loves me back.”

“Mm, I think I love him as well at this point.”

He can tell Mingi likes hearing them talk to him like this. San wants to hold his hand but he doesn’t.

_ He’s a baby. _

“Can we just eat in peace for once?”

//

He lets San drive back home again. Mingi looked really sleepy and distracted. He was lightly scratching the back of San’s neck, humming to a song playing on the radio.

He grabs San’s hand and laces their fingers. San is happy for the contact and kisses each of his knuckles.

“Did you have fun?”

“I did. Even though you almost made me jizz my pants twice today.”

Mingi has this shit eating grin on his face. San just knows he’ll be seeing it more often.

“Your friends seem nice.”

“They like you.”

San raises his eyebrow. Mingi shows him his phone,

“We’re talking about you in the group chat.”

San scoffs and Mingi giggles.

“Hey can we just.. sleep when we get home? I know it’s early but I need a power nap.”

“Of course.”

Mingi goes back to looking out the window and humming along to the music.

//

Mingi kicks off his pants and dives into San’s bed. He snuggles into the pillow as San strips to his briefs.

When he gets in, Mingi immediately pulls San towards him, grinning like a small child.

“Lights off!”

“Why? I want to see you while you sleep for a change.”

As if he didn’t watch him while he slept already.

“But..”

Mingi says softly and San doesn’t like this change in mood. He reaches over and turns the lamp off.

“There, Sunray.”

Mingi cuddles into San’s neck,

“Thank you, Lovely.”

“At least tell me why?”

“There’s nothing to look at.”

San flips Mingi on his back and kisses his nose.

“Can I kiss your gorgeous face until you fall asleep?”

Mingi pulls San on top of him and San is already having the worst (best) thoughts.

“Sure.”

He leans down and presses soft kisses against Mingi’s warm skin. Taking his time with each and every one. Making sure there isn’t one space on either side of his face left unkissed. Mingi giggles throughout the whole thing. Whining about how San is not letting him sleep but that didn’t stop him, nor did Mingi try stop him despite protesting (poorly). He’d sneak gentle kisses on his lips every so often. Not allowing himself to receive more than that because Mingi didn’t want anything more right now.

He was the big spoon, which was a nice change. Mingi in general was a nice change. San didn’t want to think about just how much he liked him. All he could think about was Mingi being warm as ever and what he wanted to cook them for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> editor belle, thank you for your hard work.
> 
> 19+ ppl follow me on twt: goteez_ !!  
> pls leave comments/kudos reassuring me bc i am a leo and i will die without positive reinforcement weeeee !!!!


	3. Scratching The Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a past. But are the people in our lives trust worthy enough to hear about it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been sick pls forgive me for this chapter being so late.
> 
> reminder the italics are their inner thoughts.  
> reminder x2 things are kinda repetitive for a reason.

Mingi was bouncing his leg as San drove to the location for Hongjoong’s shoot. He couldn’t pinpoint why he was nervous. It seemed like so many things were buzzing around in his head. San would squeeze his thigh every so often to calm him down but today it wasn’t working.

_They’ve already met, will you stop holding your breath and relax for once._

He exhales hard and San flashes a smile at him quickly before keeping his eyes on the road.

Mingi and San have agreed to see each other on the weekends. Since San has university and Mingi could work around his art classes during the weekend. They talked about this Sunday night when Mingi was extra pouty about leaving (but he did _not_ want to be woken up at dawn anymore). Plus it was nice to not be home all day, everyday, with his thoughts. He’d leave during the classes and tend to Sushi. Doing whatever chores he needed to while San was working.

This was the first weekend trying this out (obviously). San managed to move his classes to the morning hours only so he could keep his plans with Mingi. Which made him feel guilty. The kids probably felt rushed and he thought maybe San lost money for shorter time slots. But San reassured him that everything was fine. It was one day.

“You’ll put a hole through the car if you keep that up, thumper.”

Mingi lets go of San’s neck to hold his hand firmly.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Do you want to talk about it?”

_Why am I so transparent._

“I’m not sure. Maybe I just know Hongjoong is going to be my boss soon and I.. really don’t know what to think. I’m just nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous. But just remember he loves your work and personality already. You’ve gotten past the hard part, impressing him.”

San runs his thumb over Mingi’s and his shoulders feel weightless again.

“You’re going to be fine, promise. Today I’m the one that’s going to be a mediocre joke.”

“Don’t say that. You’re beyond talented.”

“As are you.”

Mingi leans over to rest his head on San’s shoulder.

_I’m trying to trust you._

//

The building is a large warehouse with three different sets made up already inside. There are tall pop up rooms for models to change in and Mingi smiles to himself when he sees the sign “non binary buddies” as an option. Hongjoong always had a way to include everyone around him.

Speaking of, Hongjoong is yelling about backlighting when Mingi finds him. He doesn’t want to interrupt him but when he saw an annoyed looking Seonghwa, he couldn't help himself.

“What, is the prince actually coming out bad?”

Seonghwa gives a smirk and Hongjoong twirls around on his heels.

“Actually he’s coming out lovely as ever, but he could look even better if my crew could GET THE RIGHT ANGLE ON THE BACKLIGHTING!”

San giggles. Which is fair because Hongjoong isn’t very intimidating. The crew mumbling under their breath as they do their best to fix what Hongjoong says is wrong. Seonghwa walks over and Mingi drapes himself over Seonghwa as they hug. Who is used to this from his boyfriend doing it (Yunho hated labels but Mingi knew the truth. It’s been five months, get over it). He smiles brightly at San,

“Hey you! Glad you made it.”

Hongjoong pulls Mingi and San into a tight hug,

“Yes I’m glad you’re both here. But you, come with me. Let me show you all the equipment and introduce you to the two photographers on set today.”

He pulls San by the arm before he can say a word and the other two shake their heads.

“Are you sure he’s ready for all this?”

“Not even close. But I like him.”

Which makes Seonghwa’s eyes wide with curiosity.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve heard that sentence leave your mouth.”

Mingi rolls his eyes and watches San listen closely to Hongjoong speak. His blonde hair having a lavender hue to it from too much toner last weekend. It’s fluffy and messy, Mingi loves his hair like this.

“MinMin?”

Mingi doesn’t want to look to his left and see the face that matches the voice.

“MinMin! It is you!”

Yeosang’s arms are around his neck as he pulls him into a full body hug and Mingi puts on his sunshine smile.

“Hello.”

He gently removes him and steps back.

“You know him?”

Seonghwa asks in a whisper.

“Yeah we just met. We’ll be working together. Didn’t you see my post?”

“Hwa wouldn’t know because he has me blocked on insta.”

“That doesn’t erase you from a photo.”

Mingi mumbled.

“I don’t go on that app unless it’s work related.”

Yeosang plays with a necklace Seonghwa has on and looks at him with innocent eyes,

“How long are you going to be mad at me, Hwa?”

Seonghwa swats his hand and fakes a smile,

“I’m going to call Yunho.”

Yeosang smirks and hugs Mingi’s arm, watching Seonghwa walk away.

“Miss me that much you came to watch me work?”

He tilts his head, bottom lip between his teeth and shy smile forming.

“Hongjoong invited me for work purposes.”

“Couldn’t flatter me, just a tiny bit?”

Mingi notices he doesn’t have makeup covering the red patches on and around his eye.

“Birthmark?”

“It’s called a stork bite. Most people lose it by the time they reach ten but me?”

He winks so Mingi can see it over his eyelid,

“I’m a special case.”

Mingi moves hair from his face to see it better on his cheekbone.

“It’s cute, pretty cool honestly.”

Yeosang stands up right, creating a space between the two of them. He looks as if he’s surprised by the compliment.

Hongjoong claps his hands and breaks them from their staring contest.

“Sangie! Get your ass changed already! Ten minutes!”

“Oops, be right back!”

He kisses Mingi’s cheek before heading off. Mingi wipes his cheek and looks around for San. When he finds him, his cheeks are red, jaw muscles flexing as he focuses on the crew touching up Seonghwa’s makeup and hair.

He walks over and places his hand on the small of San’s back.

“You okay?”

San doesn’t look at him but instead behind him. Mingi goes to turn but San holds his jaw and kisses his cheek a few times. Mingi smiles and leans into him.

Yeosang glides past them and they lock eyes briefly. San narrows his eyes.

_Oh, crap._

Yeosang listens to the photographer as he’s given direction and Hongjoong is fixing his top just a little.

Yeosang scams the line of faces and winks once he sees Mingi.

Mingi hooks his pinky with San’s.

Watching Seonghwa model was a different kind of breathtaking than watching him dance. Every turn of his face, every change of clothes that fit him _well_ , every hue of lighting Hongjoong would cast on him didn’t change the fact that he was immensely handsome. Indeed a prince if they could ever describe what one would look like

_Ethereal._

Mingi envied so much about Seonghwa’s appearance. Like how they both had larger noses but Seonghwa’s fit his face whereas Mingi felt his stuck out. Or how Seonghwa’s lips were big and plush, giving him this sexy edge. Mingi thought his lips made him look like a fish. Even his eyes were beautiful and full of sparkles. Whereas when Mingi’s friends drew him, they just made thin lines for his eyes.

Which was silly, all of it. His followers told him other wise and some days he’d bask in the overflow of comments. Allowing him to think positively about himself. But today wasn’t one of those days.

Yeosang is dangerously good at his job. Mingi can’t take his eyes off him. He’s been doing this a while so he knows his angles, his poses. His confidence at max but this was different. This was the feeling of him knowing he was good at his _job_ and not attempting to flirt aimlessly. Which made his shoot that much better. Toning it down when given direction and managing to make every shot, his best shot.

San is called over to watch up close. Nodding along and taking mental notes about the settings on the camera. Looking at every piece of equipment he was being pointed to and trying to remember their functions. Mingi smiles to himself when he sees San’s lips pout.

_There goes that brilliant mind._

San offers a slight change in the lighting and different angle for the camera which surprises Hongjoong.

“Your call, your shots.”

He takes the large camera from the photographer and hands into San.

“No, no this isn’t my gig-“

“Ten shots won’t hurt his paycheck. Sangie, listen to San here.”

Yeosang looks San up and down before giving him that soft, child like smile Mingi remembers.

The crew quickly sets the lights to what San has asked and he lowers himself. Giving Yeosang guidance and slightly enthusiastic encouragement.

This angle makes Yeosang look taller. Even when he bends over a certain way, San is making sure he’s elongated. The shadows on his face from this angle make his features seem sharper.

Mingi makes his way over to watch San up close. Enjoying the fact that he gets to watch him work. It’s nice to see him behind the camera and not be in front of it.

San walks closer to Yeosang, suggesting a pose and takes a photo from the shoulders up. Showcasing the stork bite.

Yeosang walks over and shoves his way between Hongjoong and San.

“Wow, I look fantastic.”

“These are really good San.”

Yeosang wraps an arm around his shoulder,

“You under a company? Maybe I can pull some strings.”

He’s incredibly close to San’s face but Mingi realises he’s got no regard for personal space.

“I’m just an art student.”

“A very handsome and talented one.”

San wiggles free and Yeosang is being turned away to have his makeup touched up.

He smiles at the woman who’s focused on blotting his face.

“You’re eyes are lovely.”

Mingi pulls San into a hug, letting San lean against him with most of his weight. Mingi kisses his forehead and smoothed back his hair. San has the fondest look in his eyes.

The woman thanks Yeosang and smiles brightly.

“Oh, wow you’re smile is beautiful.”

She just shook her head and tells him to open his mouth, reapplying tint to his lips. His smile is inviting but it’s got mischief hidden in the corners.

“Yeosang if you don’t stop flirting with staff-“

“Should I save all my flirting for you, Joongie?”

Seonghwa flicks the side of his head with such force, it makes a loud cracking noise. The makeup artist jumps a little.

“Hey!”

They glare at each other for a moment.

“He’s your elder, more importantly your boss. Be respectful and above all, professional.”

Seonghwa walks past him to his makeup artist. The woman nervous to touch him after such a cold moment.

“He scares me.”

San nuzzles into Mingi’s chest.

“He scares everyone.”

Yeosang is pouting when he looks at the pair.

“MinMin, you didn’t tell me you were dating someone.”

San separates from Mingi.

“We’re not official.”

Mingi looks over at San, who has his hands behind his back.

_What’s your angle?_

Yeosang tilts his head, child like smile being forced down (poorly) as he looks at Mingi,

“MinMin? You’re not _officially_ dating this really cute art student named San?”

“Not yet.”

Yeosang’s smile fades a little, but San now has one and Mingi’s chest fills with softness.

Hongjoong tugs San along to show him more photography related things; he’s still looking at Mingi.

“Did you say that to be nice, or do you really wanna date him?”

Mingi looks at Yeosang with furrowed eyebrows but he’s genuinely curious.

“What does it matter to you?”

“Everything.”

The air is thick all of a sudden and Mingi feels nervous to be alone with him.

Seonghwa clears his throat and Yeosang leans himself forward,

“Yes, Hwa?”

“We’re do for an outfit and hair change.”

“Lead the way.”

There’s a taunting tune to his words but Seonghwa just calmly walks ahead of him.

_I wonder what happened._

//

Mingi back hugs San as they watch and listen in on the conversation about the next concept.

Mingi was tired and he hadn’t even done anything. Hongjoong looked like he needed a ten hour nap. Yeosang is holding Hongjoong’s waist and nodding while he talks. It’s bothering Seonghwa but he keeps his distance.

Mingi kisses the back of San’s neck, he leans back into him. Mingi kisses until he reaches the curve of his jaw and San runs his fingers through his hair, gently scratching his scalp.

“Are you okay? Is Hongjoong talking too much?”

“Yes but I’m a very sufficient sponge.”

“Can I steal you away for a real kiss?”

San slowly walks backwards with Mingi and they slip into the non binary buddies changing area.

San’s hands are all over Mingi once the door closes. As if he hadn’t touched him in weeks. He holds his neck and pressed their bodies together. Mingi slides his hands down slowly, slipping them into San’s back pockets. He grips San’s ass with both hands and moves San so that he grinds against him, earning a low groan of pleasure. He breaks away and glares at Mingi.

_Lovely sounds, just for me._

“Song Mingi, if you give me a boner I swear-“

“Swear what? Hmm?”

San gently pecks his lips before pushing him away.

“You’re such a goddamn tease.”

“Who says I’m teasing?”

There’s a knock and a model walks in, undressing as they pass them. San grabs Mingi’s hand and leads him out.

“Behave.”

The rest of the time was spent watching. Hongjoong was such a good brand owner. The way he involved himself and praised everyone for all their hard work (mainly dealing with his micromanaging), it really made Mingi feel proud to know him. There was a sadness in the air once things started to be taken down. For Mingi anyways. Everyone cheered and clapped when Hongjoong gave them the okay to go home for the day.

Yeosang was changed into baggy clothes and looked sleepy as ever. Mingi wanted to tuck him into bed.

_What no you don’t._

He gave a small wave to the pair (and no San was not snuggled into Mingi’s neck so Yeosang could see. He actually loves being there thank you very much) and walked out.

Seonghwa does the cutest run to Yunho, them crashing into each other. Yunho peppers his face with kisses, smoothing down his hair. Mingi knows Yunho falls easily and fast for people. But it’s been awhile since he’s seen his best friend _this_ kinda happy.

“Mingi!”

He runs over and drapes himself over the pair.

“Hello Sannie!”

San smiles at the giant teddy bear.

Hongjoong sighs heavily.

“What a day! I’m exhausted. And very hungry.”

“Let’s all grab something to eat.”

Yunho looks down at them.

“I promised my best friend we’d hangout. I haven’t really spent time with him.”

San breaks away from the hug finally.

“So bring him along.”

Mingi nods at Yunho’s suggestion, laying his head on Yunho’s shoulder.

_You are my favourite tie to this earth._

“Hmm okay, I’ll ask. I've been meaning to have you two meet. I think you’ll like each other.”

San’s eyes widen as he notices Seonghwa’s judgy glare. Waving his hands,

“NO, NO I JUST MEANT IN A FRIEND WAY! LIKE WE CAN ALL BE BUDDIES AND-“

“We agreed they’d be really good friends. Their similar and it’d be nice to have group outings.”

Mingi holds San’s hand and he hides behind him.

_It’s okay you babbling cutie._

Seonghwa laughs and smacks San’s shoulder.

“I trust you.”

He gives a side eye to Hongjoong before tugging Yunho along.

“Text us the details.”

The pair look at Hongjoong who watches the other two until they’re out the door. He laughs to himself before clasping his hands,

“I’ll add San to the group chat, we’ll go from there.”

He waves and heads back to speak with some staff.

_It’ll come out sooner or later._

San is hugging Mingi’s arm as they walk, kissing the curve of his jaw.

“Did I behave well enough for you?”

“Mhm, you where a very good boy.”

“Then can we do something that I’ve been thinking about?”

San looks curiously at Mingi and nods, smiling.

“What did you want to do?”

* * *

The shit eating grin is back.

_Oh, crap._

Mingi gently pushes San against the car, holding the back of his neck as he kisses him. Mingi presses his leg between San’s, rolling his hips. San sighs softly, Mingi licking into his mouth. Running his hands up inside his shirt to hold his bare waist. Lifting him to sit better on his thigh.

“Mingi can we at least get _in_ the car?”

“No I thought I’d blow you right here, out in the open.”

San can feel his face burning with a blush that’s going all the way up his ears.

“Just kidding.”

He tilts his head.

“Unless?”

San wacks his chest, causing Mingi to laugh the loudest San has ever heard.

“UNLESS NOTHING YOU-“

Mingi cuts him off with another open mouth kiss. San is already dizzy.

Mingi opens the door and pulls the chair forward.

“Get comfy.”

San is nervous. He has only had sex in a car twice and it was in the dead of night, out in the middle of no where.

It was early evening still, in a parking lot with people shuffling into their cars.

But Mingi was on a mission. And San couldn’t think about those things for long. His lips were _addicting_ , his hands were touching him in all the right places, and god of Mingi rocked himself into San one more time.

_I’m gonna lose it._

“Mingi not that I’m not enjoying this, but is this _really_ what you’ve been thinking about?”

Mingi captures his lips in the slowest, most sensual kiss San has ever experienced. Leaning up to press himself against Mingi. San feels butterflies dancing up and down his spine. Hands gently holding Mingi’s jaw as he undoes his jeans. Moaning into his mouth when Mingi strokes him.

“Hmm you’re thicker than I thought.”

“Thanks?”

Mingi exudes every warm tone San has ever seen. He tried to find a comfortable position between San’s thighs and huffs with annoyance.

“We don’t fit.”

He climbs into the front seat and leaned the chair back.

“Sit in the middle.”

“We can do this at my place.”

“Middle, now.”

San is taken back by the tone Mingi is using. He sits where he's told and Mingi positions himself.

“This isn’t comfy but I really want your cock in my mouth.”

“Is this because I was jealous on set?”

“Pants off please.”

“You don’t have to do this to prove-“

“Shut up and let me put your cock in my mouth!”

San lifts himself to slide his bottoms off. Mingi holds his hips and gives his hard dick a wet, open mouth kiss through his briefs.

_I’m so fucked up right now._

Mingi wastes no time, licking from his base to the tip and back down again. Leaving sucky kisses back up with his eyes closed, truly enjoying himself. San tried to keep his voice down. Still paranoid about being seen.

Mingi pushes himself forward to kiss San, biting and pulling his bottom lip.

“Why aren’t you making all those pretty sounds I love hearing so much? I’ve been such a good boy, right?”

_If I wasn’t hard before I sure as fuck am now._

“Yes the best boy, but we’re in a damn car Mingi.”

“The windows are tinted.”

“That doesn’t make the car sound proof!”

He rolls his eyes, sliding himself back down and looking up at him as he swirls his tongue around the tip of his cock.

San whines and covers his face. Mingi slowly bobs his head, rubbing his thumbs on San thighs.

_Be anything but gentle with me right now, Sunray._

He knows he’s got to give Mingi the freedom to lead. The strength San is showing by not face fucking Mingi until he’s in tears, unreal.

The way he hollowed his cheeks made his cheek bones look even better. His lips thinning out around him but not disappearing. How he was pushing San further and further into his mouth with such determination.

Mingi slides his hands up San’s shirt, pinching his nipples. San squirming under him. Giving up on holding back on his moans.

“God you’re so _good,_ Sunray.”

Mingi looks up at him, pushing San all the way in his mouth. Making San moan loudly and grip a fist full of hair. Mingi nods at him.

“Tell me when you can’t take it, okay?”

Mingi gives an impatient nod. San lifts him off almost all the way before pushing him back down. Mingi looks at him annoyed and whines, smacking his thigh. That’s all San needed to start roughly moving Mingi’s head.

The car now a mixture of moans and gagging. San can't get enough of it. Any of it. The heat in the car, his mouth, the way he sounds, and most of all; the way he looks. Lips turning deep red, cheeks flushed, and spit running down his chin. The way his eyes would flutter shut when San pushed his down too hard. His little grunts when San would call him _good_ or _sexy_. It was overwhelming in the best way. He pulls him off for a quick break and the way he gasps sends tingles through San’s body.

_I’m so, so fucked up right now._

“Why’d you stop?”

Mingi’s voice is hoarse and he pushed himself forward to suckle on the tip of San’s cock. Finding a spot to suck on just below his head that makes San jump a little from how good it felt.

“ _God_ , you’re mouth is heaven.”

“So is your dick.”

San pulls him by the hair for a kiss. Mingi slowly stroking him.

“You’re such a good baby boy, Sunray.”

Mingi smiles sweetly before sliding himself back down.

He didn’t even realised he was so close. Mingi was half way down his cock when he came. Surprised look on Mingi’s face as his mouth filled with cum.

San’s moan cracks and he doesn’t know what to be embarrassed about first. He keeps his eyes closed.

_Fuck I’ve never came that fast._

But the feeling of Mingi’s lips on his dick still and the oddest noise forced him to open them.

“Are you.. are you fucking blowing bubbles with my cum?”

Mingi nods as if this was normal. San has goosebumps for the weird stimulation. Mingi’s eyes are dark and hooded with lust still. Making San wish he hadn’t finished so quickly.

Once Mingi’s done, he looked under the seat and pulls out a towel. Cleaning himself up and wiping down San. Who can’t look him in the eyes just yet.

_Why are you always prepared?_

“Can I kiss you or?”

“I just need a second to find my dignity.”

Mingi giggles and turns his face, soft kiss from his swollen lips.

“You’re so yummy, Lovely.”

San touches their foreheads.

_Yeah, I’m fucked._

“Let me drive. You did such a good job, Sunray.”

“I did?”

“Mhm, I think that is the new world record for fastest nut in all of history.”

Mingi laughs and hides his face in San’s neck.

“Hey, I should be the one hiding.”

He lifts Mingi back up, cupping his face.

“You are electric.”

Mingi’s cheeks are turning even more red.

_You literally just had my dick in your mouth._

“Can I do that again when we get home?”

There’s something about the way Mingi just referred to his apartment as home, as in their home, that sends those jolts of electricity through San at rapid speed. More so than the blowjob.

He runs his thumbs over his cheeks, soft smile that’s oozing fondness.

“We’re supposed to meet the others, remember? But maybe after.”

Mingi pouts but he nods, leaning forward to snuggle in San’s neck. San combs his hair back and peppers kisses on the top of his head.

Hongjoong knocks on the window,

“You could’ve at least pulled away from the other cars Song Mingi!”

//

Mingi spent the entire car ride back leaving sucky kisses all over the side of San’s neck. He was sure that one point Mingi was going to crawl into his lap.

San noticed Mingi was still hard.

_Why the fuck are you walking around with a boner like it’s no big deal?!_

Mingi must’ve read his mind because he puts San in front of him (which San wasn’t complaining about) and hugged him as they walked.

When they reached San’s door, Mingi held him by the tummy and turned his head to kiss him. It was awkward but San made it work. Fumbling with his keys but Mingi wasn’t letting up. Which made San laugh and pull away from him.

“Can I open the door? Can we do this inside?”

“Mm no I was hoping you’d let me fuck you right here in the hallway.”

San covers his mouth. Mingi kisses his palm.

“Children live here, Mingi.”

He’s whisper yelling and Mingi is trying to hold back his laughter.

Once inside San kisses along Mingi’s jaw as he tugs San over to the couch, undoing his jeans.

“You’re not topping me.”

Mingi stops and laughs.

“Yes I am.”

San folds his arms, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No, you are not.”

They both hold their ground. San rolls his eyes,

“Why on earth would you think I’d let you?”

Mingi scoffs and now fold his arms.

“Why not?”

They both laughed at the awkward tension in the room and San pulls Mingi back to him, but he stops him.

“I’m taking a shower.”

“Come on Mingi, let me at least-“

“I can do it myself.”

San watches him grab a towel (that’s now his towel during the weekends) and he sticks his tongue out as he closes the door.

_That, Sunray, is why you won’t top me._

San is sitting on the couch, leg bouncing as he heard Mingi being obnoxiously loud in the bathroom. Moaning swear words and his name.

_Such a brat._

“MMM SANNIE, BABY FUCK YES JUST LIKE THAT!”

_I wonder what he’s imagining._

San slides down in the spot.

“OOH YES LOVELY, YOU FEEL SO GOOD!”

“THE WALLS ARE PAPER THIN!”

“YOU WANNA BE FUCKED AGAINST THE WALL?! SEXY!”

He hits the wall a few times.

“MINGI!”

“YES, SCREAM MY NAME! LOUDER LOVELY!”

San pinches the bridge of his nose, softly laughing.

It’s back to just him moaning. San would be lying if he said he didn’t want to be in there. He can even hear the pace of Mingi’s hand pumping himself.

_Don’t get a boner, Choi San have some strength._

“SANNIE! MMM LOVELY SAN, SAAAAAAN!”

San gives a soft whine at the sound of his name leaving Mingi’s mouth in such a way.

“YOU'RE AN IDIOT!”

San’s face flushes when Mingi’s deep moans change in pitch and he mumbles to himself.

_Oh._

It’s quiet for a few minutes. San thinks to get up and check on him. But he comes out in just his briefs, proud smile on his face with the towel hooded over his head.

“You think you’re so funny, huh?”

He nods and crawls into San’s lap.

“I hope you don’t actually jerk off that loudly.”

“Only when thinking about you.”

San pulls the towel over his face and Mingi giggles. He lays in the crook of San’s neck and yawns.

“Hey, no mr we have people to see.”

“Just five minutes.”

He kissed his nose and nods.

San reads through the group chat messages saying to meet at this Italian place by 5pm.

_Okay I’ll give him twenty and then I’ll get him up._

San holds Mingi tightly, whispering about how handsome he was as he drifts off into sleep.

San slept with Mingi a handful of times already. But there was something about him curled in his lap, holding on to his shirt while he dreamt that made this time feel _different_.

His hair was flat unlike any other time they’re together. His body still warm despite not having a proper cover. He’d kiss his nose whenever he would shift, which made Mingi nuzzle his face into San’s chest. San felt like he had the world in his arms.

_What are you made of? It’s clearly unlike any other._

His front door opens and he knows it could only be one person.

“Why do you have a cell phone? It can’t be to communicate with people.”

“Shut up! Why are you so loud?!”

Wooyoung looks at the pair on the couch and then at his phone.

“And? We have to get going!”

Mingi hugs San’s neck as he starts to wake up.

“Who are you on the phone with?”

“Me, and he’s not on the phone. He clearly doesn’t know where it’s at or perhaps you’d be dressed and this wouldn’t have to be our first meeting.”

Mingi stiffens.

“Wooyoung-“

“I’m closing my eyes.”

Mingi runs to the bathroom and San smacks Wooyoung’s butt. Angrily whispering,

“Seriously do you have any shame?!”

“Oh, like this is the first time I’ve found you with a boy!”

“Yeah but this isn’t just a boy, this is _Mingi_ okay!”

“Listen you might not mind being late but I do!”

“We won’t be late you hangry brat!”

Their whisper arguing halts when Mingi comes out of the bathroom.

“Hi..”

“Hello! I follow you on Instagram, so I know your name but if you wanna introduce-“

San karate chops him in the gut and Wooyoung puts him in a headlock.

“WHY ARE YOU SO VIOLENT?!”

“YOU LITERALLY HAVE ME IN A HEADLOCK!”

Mingi laughs and Wooyoung lets go, smoothing down his shirt.

“I’m Mingi.”

“Wooyoung.”

San huffs and Wooyoung smiles brightly.

“Let’s go! I’m starving.”

//

San and Mingi keep their hands to themselves during the ride over. Which is painful for San to say the least. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. It’s like they’ve always been placed somewhere on Mingi.

“So how was the shoot?”

“Good, informative.”

San glances and Wooyoung through the rear view mirror.

“I’m actually shooting next week if you wanna keep San company.”

“That’d be so cool! Are you sure I can tag along?”

Mingi smiles his sunshine smile at Wooyoung.

“Of course.”

“Oh wow, you’re smile is better in person.”

“Don’t start flirting.”

Mingi laces his fingers with San.

_Finally._

“Jealous, again?”

San shakes his head no and Wooyoung folds his arms.

“Rude. I could _totally_ steal your boyfriend.”

“WOOYOUNG!”

It’s silent for a few moments.

“For the record, as of right _now_ , he couldn’t steal me from you.”

“RUDE!”

They all laugh and San runs his thumb over Mingi’s.

* * *

Hongjoong brought his laptop and is working while waiting.

_Joong take a break for once_.

Hongjoong doesn’t notice them until they’re at the table. He looks so tired but his smile is as energetic as ever.

“Hi! Sorry I just need to finish up something so I can keep at a decent time tonight.”

Wooyoung sits next to him, giving San a look. Who gives him a nod and Wooyoung cheeks turn pink.

“This is Wooyoung. San’s best friend and boyfriend stealer.”

Hongjoong eyes widen and Wooyoung waves his hands.

“It’s an inside joke.”

“That close already, Mingi?”

Hongjoong pulls out his phone.

-BOYFRIEND?!!???!!!!?!???

-we havent worked out that detail just..

drop it

Hongjoong smirks and looks up.

-seriously joong i will wreck you

-kinky

He winks at Mingi who glares at him.

“So Wooyoung, besides stealing boyfriends,”

He covers his face.

“What do you do?”

“I’m studying child behaviour development.”

Hongjoong’s eyes go soft.

“Did you have a certain group you wanted to focus on?”

“Special needs education.”

“That’s incredibly sweet.”

“They deserve more than the school system gives them. I just want to help.”

San has his head in his hands. Mingi holds his thigh.

_Another golden soul._

“Your brand supporting Polished Men is my favourite part of the whole thing. You’re clothes are lovely, like seriously you have such a brilliant eye for what you do.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend but you’re definitely stealing my heart.”

Wooyoung giggles and Hongjoong goes back to typing.

He gives San another look. Who gives him an eyebrow raise. Which Wooyoung responds with a sigh and bites his thumb nail. And San pats his head, nodding before they both smile at each other.

_What’s that like?_

Yunho covers Mingi’s eyes and Mingi pretends to think.

“Is it my best friend-“

“YES!”

“Seonghwa!?”

Yunho pouts and Seonghwa is laughing as he waves at San.

“That’s foul, Mango.”

San grabs Mingi’s hand and looks like he’s just remembered something he wasn’t supposed to forget. Cheeks turning pink when he clears his throat.

“This is Wooyoung, my best friend-“

“Boyfriend stealer as well.”

Hongjoong laughs nervously at Mingi.

“Not literally.”

Seonghwa smiles kindly.

“I’m Seonghwa. Please don’t steal my boyfriend.”

“I’m Yunho, his boy..friend. And Mingi’s best friend.”

Mingi cringes at how Yunho struggled with the word but, Seonghwa doesn’t seem phased.

“It’s lovely to meet all of you. Weird, since I follow three of you on Instagram.”

“Who’s the odd man out?”

Wooyoung glances at Yunho and picks up the menu.

“I am just STARVING!”

//

The dinner is filled with San and Wooyoung’s high pitch laughing at _every_ joke Yunho is telling. It’s adorable but the way it’s fanning Yunho’s ego. His poor shoulders, having to hold up his inflated head.

Mingi is glad this feels _normal_. Not that seeing his friends for dinner felt anything different than this. But it was usually awkward when Mingi brought someone around. Like his friends knew they wouldn’t last for some reason or another. They kept walls up knowing this person would leave as quickly as they came. It was easier to not be attached. Which Mingi learned the hard way.

So having San here with his life long best friend, Mingi was sure things would be doubled in awkwardness. But they fit right in. They were making just as much of an effort as San was.

_Maybe Seonghwa told them I liked him_.

Yunho bops his nose.

“You plan on staying here on planet earth?”

Mingi smiles.

“Yes you nerd.”

San looks at him curiously, holding his thigh under the table. Giving a small squeeze. Mingi just placed his hand on top of San’s. He spreads out his fingers so Mingi’s can slip in between.

_Oh, this is what it’s like._

“Look at these wonderful shots San took today.”

Hongjoong turns his laptop and clicks through photos. Mingi squeezes San’s hand.

“Sannie, these are so good.”

“Thanks Youngie.”

“Lowkey, this guy is handsome.”

Seonghwa laughs sarcastically and folds his arms. Yunho pinches his cheek and kisses his forehead.

“Not as handsome as you, lovebug.”

“It’s not about being handsome.”

Hongjoong sighs, closing his laptop.

“Does anyone want dessert?”

“YEAH! What do you recommend.”

Hongjoong leans into Wooyoung’s space and points,

“This is always yummy. Do you like honey?”

“Yes.”

They’re super close and Seonghwa rolls his eyes.

Yunho holds his chin. Giving him a look, small pout on his lips. Which makes Seonghwa soften his features. He hugs his arm and leans on his shoulder.

_What the fuck is going on?_

After dessert they all stand outside saying goodbye. Seonghwa is feeling all the wine he had finally and Yunho can’t stop telling him how pretty he as they walked away. A giggly pair that anyways seemed to have their hands all over each other with kind words spewing out of their mouths at any given moment.

_Is that love?_

Hongjoong yawns and stretches.

“I’m going to sleep until noon tomorrow.”

“You work hard, you deserve it.”

He smiles fondly at Wooyoung.

“Has Mingi invited you to his shoot already?”

Wooyoung nods.

“Good. I’ll see you next week.”

He waves before walking off.

Wooyoung exhales hard and shakes San,

“HIM SO CUTE!”

San laughs and holds his forearms,

“HIM LIKE YOU!”

“ME!?”

They look at Mingi.

“Um.. well I mean, he _was_ flirting-“

“GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!”

He sighs and watches Hongjoong drive off.

“What are the chances?”

“Does it matter? You’re the lucky one.”

Mingi wonders how long Wooyoung’s has had this crush. They talked so well through our dinner, he was impressed. As easy as it is to talk with San, he still get nervous.

“Hey, are you staying over?”

“Is it couch city for me?”

San gives him a look.

“I don’t mind sleeping on the couch. Or going home for the night.”

“No! It’s already Saturday.”

_I don’t wanna miss out on you either, Lovely._

“I’m teasing him, Mingi. Please if I have to see those puppy eyes all night I will put him in another headlock.”

San hugs Mingi’s arm.

“Please protect me and I swear to attack Yunho next time he tries to pin everyone against you.”

Mingi laughs loudly.

_If only you knew I wasn’t a knight in shining armour._

“Does San usually drive your car?”

“Recently yes. Why?”

“Can I.. drive your car?”

Mingi and San both answer at the same time,

“Sure!”

“No!”

Wooyoung looks between the two.

“Mingi you have zero idea about his driving skills.”

“Well, to be fair, I didn’t know how well you drove until I let you.”

“HA!”

Wooyoung is beaming with joy, hand extended for the keys.

“Hey, what happened to forming an alliance?”

San pouts and folds his arms.

“I gotta stay on his good side.”

He winks and San recalls his words. He sucks his teeth,

“This isn’t the time to be petty, we could die.”

“Excuse me I’m right here.”

Mingi hands him the keys. Wooyoung looks at the keychain.

“Mango.”

He holds it up to Mingi.

“I don’t see it.”

He walks to the drivers side all giddy and hops in.

San climbs in the back,

“Dear universe please hear my pled-”

“SHUT UP!”

Mingi shakes his head, scratching the back of his neck.

_Am I ready for this? No._

But he likes San. And that’s all that mattered.

//

Wooyoung is sitting cross legged on the couch, looking up at the paintings in the living room.

“When are you going to take these down?”

“I like them.”

Wooyoung rolls his eyes.

“Put them in storage. Hang something else up. I hate seeing her _everywhere_.”

The defensive best friend side is showing and Mingi feels a little bad. San was proud of these but Wooyoung only saw reminders of what had happened.

“She’s only a portion of the work. A small one, as of recently. I need to remind myself what I’m capable of.”

“You’re capable of so much more.”

San exhales hard while handing him a blanket, annoyed look on his face.

_I wonder how many times they’ve had this conversation._

“At least sell them. Get them out of here and make room for something fresh. Better work.”

San’s turned away from him while he puts clean pillow case on. He can’t see San’s face. How the topic is triggering something Mingi knows all too well.

“Seriously San it’s been-“

“I like them too. A lot, actually.”

Mingi is hiding his worry behind that matter of fact tone.

_Fuck I should get between best friends but.._

“It’s his art, he should show it off as long as or however he wants.”

Wooyoung runs a hand through his hair.

“All I’m saying is that there are other pieces that deserve to be shown off.”

San hands Wooyoung’s the pillows and pulls Mingi into the room. Closing the door a little too loudly.

“Modest, San!”

He tugs Mingi to him, cupping and looking over his face before Mingi closes the space between them.

_Use me to distract yourself, I don’t mind._

San backs him up to the bed, soft sigh coming from him as Mingi slides his tongue in his mouth. The hold San has on his face loosening.

“Why are you so good at kissing? It’s unfair.”

He sits Mingi down. Combing back his hair as he waits for the next move.

“I shouldn’t do this.”

He straddles Mingi, who holds his waist.

“Do what, Lovely?”

“ _You_.”

_Oh._

Mingi lifts San’s shirt over his head and then his own.

“It’s okay.”

San lets his fingertips graze down Mingi’s torso. Thinking about everything besides Mingi.

“No, it’s not fair to you.”

He kisses his nose and Mingi stops holding his breath.

_Breath you idiot._

“Do you.. wish she were here?”

San looks at Mingi with such hurt that he regrets asking that. San laces their fingers and shakes his head, hair falling into his eyes. He touches their foreheads,

“No.. No, Sunray, I didn’t even want Wooyoung to stay if that meant not having you here.”

“I would’ve understood if you said yes.”

San lifts his head, grip on Mingi’s hands tightening.

“My mom said she never read a book more than once hoping the ending would change. I should’ve listened.”

Mingi pulls him by the back of the neck and kisses the spot on the that always gets him. San glares.

“Can I at least make _one_ loud comment?”

“...Fine.”

Mingi gets out from under him and jumps on the bed,

“MMM SAN, YES JUST LIKE THAT!”

They giggle softly and San gets up to jump with him,

“OH FUCK MINGI!”

Mingi pulls him by the neck for a kiss and bangs the headboard on the wall. San loses himself for a moment before stopping him.

“WAIT no sssh my poor neighbours!”

“POOR ME!”

Wooyoung yells from the couch.

They fall in bed, laughing quietly. Slipping under the covers and letting their lips find each other again. Giggles fading out as they kissed with purpose.

Mingi could feel his heart overflowing. He’s never had a partner consider him the way San does. They don’t think about his reaction or feelings in the long run. Mingi knows that’s partly his fault. He should say what he means and not what people want to hear. He shouldn't be what they want him to be but instead what he wants to be for himself. They say Leo’s are the most authentic of the zodiac. But he could remember the last time he didn’t feel like the world's biggest phony.

San was curled up sound asleep in his side tonight. Even though Mingi tried his hardest to be the little spoon. He didn’t mind, he just figured San would want privacy. He knew he was upset. Regardless of how he tried to hide it. It was in the way he kissed Mingi. It was in the way he grabbed fist fulls of hair or sheets. Even when they broke apart for air, he’d hide in his neck or kiss along Mingi’s body. San didn’t want to be seen. Not really, anyways. But even in the dark, San was still the brightest side of the moon.

Mingi wanted to know so badly what happened. He got that not everyone over shared like him and that San was clearly a private being when it came to certain topics. He at least wanted to know if he could ease the pain of this poorly bandaged wound. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask, not yet. The past was the past and if anyone hated bringing it up, it was Mingi.

_You are too lovely to feel this way._

//

Morning came sooner than either of them wanted. San’s alarm going off and Mingi is surprised San is struggling to get out of bed.

“Why did we stay up so late?”

Mingi rolls on top of him, smoothing back his hair and leaving butterfly kisses over his face. San hugs his waist lets his eyes close again.

“You have to teach the future of Korea.”

San keeps his eyes closed. Mingi keeps showering him with kisses.

Wooyoung opens the door,

“Sannie, there’s no food.”

“WOOYOUNG SERIOUSLY!?”

Wooyoung closes the door, knocks, and opens it again.

“Yes, Youngie?”

“I’m hungry.”

Mingi giggles and sits up, rubbing San’s thighs. Loving the way they’re laying on his. The way San looks laying under him, just briefs and his golden skin.

_Chiefs kiss._

“We’ll be right out.”

The door closes and Mingi traces the waistband of his briefs. He can see goosebumps on San’s skin.

“Can I fuck you _now_?”

“I have work in thirty minutes.”

“It’ll only take me twenty.”

San scoffs, sitting up on his elbows.

“You think I’m that easy?”

“Well.. You did cum kinda fa-”

“Shut. _Up_. Song Mingi right now, I was overwhelmed.”

He puts on that smug smile and gets out of bed.

“Guess I’ll have to take care of it myself while I’m home.”

“I won’t be the first to break.”

Mingi opens the door and looks over his shoulder,

“You already did, Lovely.”

“DON'T! BE! RUDE!”

San yells between throwing his stuffed animals at Mingi.

“Wow he never throws his babies.”

“Never?”

Mingi looks back and San, who’s glaring again.

“What bottom culture.”

“I SAID-”

Mingi runs into the bathroom before San launches another stuffie.

//

Mingi has his arms around San’s neck and he can feel San smiling as they kiss. He doesn’t want to leave. It worries him how attached he feels. But last night was the first time San’s bright personality cracked in front of him. It’s been a while since Mingi had to be the strong one. Granted, he only showed Yunho his vulnerable side.

San gently pushes them apart.

“Mingi.”

Quick peck.

“Yes?”

Another.

“I have five minutes to set up because I’ve been standing here with your tongue down my throat.”

Mingi pouts but Wooyoung separates them, hugging San tightly.

“Stealing him for the day!”

He pulls Mingi by the wrist and waves.

//

Wooyoung is quiet for the first bit of their walk. Mingi isn’t sure if he’s following Wooyoung somewhere or if he’s just killing time until his thoughts are formulated enough to speak.

He steals glances every now and then; he’s gorgeous. In that boy next door kinda way. He wonders if Hongjoong would be able to truly appreciate him since he’s around models all day. But perhaps that’s what Hongjoong finds interesting. Wooyoung was not a model. Though he could be.

“This is weird right?”

Mingi snaps out of his thoughts.

“A little. Only because we’ve been so quiet.”

Wooyoung smiles when he sees a line of food tracks.

“Do models eat street food?”

“I’m sure I can out eat you.”

“Lets bet!”

“What are we betting?”

He stops and thinks, bottom lip between his teeth.

_Cute._

Wooyoung snaps his fingers,

“Loser has to carry the other home.”

“Hope you haven’t missed leg day!”

“You sure have been.”

Jongho’s voice is music to Mingi’s ears.

“Hi!”

They hug quickly (Jongho not being fond of PDA makes Mingi the most annoying friend he has. ex; Mingi still trying to hang on him).

“This is Wooyoung. You remember San, I brought him to the party?”

“Mingi, you know I’m busy. Which party and which boy?”

Wooyoung blinks his eyes and Mingi is internally screaming.

“Dumbass, I’ve literally been seeing him for weeks now!”

Jongho gives him that surprised looked Seonghwa did at the shoot.

_God I hate my friends sometimes._

“Oh wait, the blonde bossy one?”

“He’s not bossy, but yes. Anyways shut up. This is his best friend.”

Jongho turns so that only Mingi can see him mouth ‘sorry’ before smiling brightly at Wooyoung.

“Hello! Nice to meet you.”

“I follow you on Instagram.”

Jongho lights up.

“Really?”

Wooyoung isn’t as good as San when hiding that something is bothering him.

“Is that off putting to say? Should I not mention it?”

“No, no it’s fine! I love not having to guess. I think it’s awkward when I have to tell people about my job.”

“Why?”

He tilts his head curiously the way San does and Mingi pulls out his phone.

-miss u

-uwu miss u

Mingi loves that even through text, San is animated.

“Because people don’t think it’s a real job.”

Mingi answers, bitter undertone to his words. He pinched Jongho’s cheek, earning a glare from the younger boy. Mingi will never admit how terrified he is that one day Jongho may snap his fingers in half.

“So, bet still on?”

“Hell yeah!”

“What’s the bet?”

“Whoever our eats the other, carries loser home.”

Jongho sucks in a sharp breath before pating Wooyoung’s shoulder.

“What?”

Mingi laughs loudly as Jongho just walks ahead of them.

Mingi can remember the last time he ate this much carelessly.

It was five months ago.

Yunho and Seonghwa were starting fresh with this whole dating thing. Winter was harsh this year but Mingi tired of his apartment (something he hardly says). They were freezing despite being walking marshmallows and having hot sweet potatoes in their hands.

Mingi loves the snow. He loves that each snowflake is different and the science behind why that is. He loved slipping and sliding as he walked these, for once, not so boring streets. Loved that he could drink endless amounts of hot cocoa without anyone telling him that much sugar is bad for his health. He loved going home for the holidays and seeing his hometown lit up with lights and corny decorations. It was such a magical time to be alive (yes he was in fact _that_ person).

Seonghwa had been begging to go inside a restaurant, any one at this point. Yunho was being cheesy and saying he’ll keep him warm. Mingi was busy running wild, ignoring both them and the sting of the icy wind cutting his cheeks.

But they did go inside of a barbecue spot. He didn’t even realise he was this hungry. In all honesty, he didn’t even realise he was so down until he looked at his friends who were laughing at something he said. He had just gotten dumped by someone he assumed to be different, spoiler; they never are.

Maybe that’s why the food tasted so good. And the cold air didn’t hurt. He felt like he was being revived. Even if it was fleeting. He was full in this moment. Of food, of happiness. The universe was smiling down on him. Reminding him that even the dullest ray of sunshine is still blinding.

So here he was again, full of good food and happiness. After three hotteok’s, some tteokbokki, a shared twiggim, and two bungeoppang’s. Wooyoung gave up when Mingi asked about stopping for ice cream.

“Where does all of it go?!”

“I walk a lot.”

Wooyoung’s groaned at the lie, leaning against a building they were near.

“We should work out this week.”

“Jongho don't ruin this mood for me.”

Mingi is looking for cafe’s hopping enough time has passed and San could meet them soon.

“I gotta run, but hey seriously let’s hangout. I've missed this.”

“I’ve got a shoot this upcoming weekend but-”

“Whoa wait, a real shoot?”

Mingi nods proudly.

“YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!”

Jongho hugs Mingi tightly, he loses his breath. Jongho lifts him up and sways.

_Baby hulk._

“Please, I’m being crushed.”

He puts him down and smiles sweetly.

“I’m really proud of you. We’ll celebrate before the shoot!”

Hearing that word, it being directed at him, Mingi felt like he was floating on cloud nine.

“Wooyoung, you’re invited to anything Mingi is invited to. I really enjoyed your company today.”

Wooyoung is beaming.

“Oh, and San obviously. Which we still need to talk about.”

_God just let the earth swallow me._

He waves and Wooyoung does the head tilt.

“Why is it so shocking for you to be dating San?”

“It’s not.. San.”

Mingi sighs.

“It’s the dating part. I went through a rough patch and I was basically a revolving door for boys.”

It felt weird admitting this to Wooyoung before San.

“Everyone has a hoe phase.”

“I just haven’t told San.. My friends are just protective. The last guy really did a number on me. It wasn’t all his fault. Nothing ever _completely_ just one persons fault-”

“It’s okay, don’t explain yourself.”

Mingi blinks at him.

“I really do hope you and I become good friends, but this is a conversation you should have with San first. He’ll get so sentimental if he knows you had verbal diarrhea with me after one afternoon.”

_I’m surrounded by the best kind of people. What a shame they’re stuck with me._

“Okay, you’re right I shouldn’t over share so easily.”

Wooyoung smiles and Mingi is floored by it.

“Venting is healthy. And I’ll always be up for listening. I just know my best friend.”

**_Ding_ **

-twins cancelled on me. slightly upset T^T however, kissing your nose will make me feel better ~

-meet me at this cafe?

-(づ￣ ³￣)づ

//

* * *

San walks in happy to see Mingi and Wooyoung haven’t ordered yet. He back hugs Mingi, snuggling in between his shoulder blades.

_He smells so good._

Mingi places his hands over San’s, leaning back into him.

“Hi.”

It’s soft and he doesn’t know if Mingi really heard him.

“Oh, you’re here. Are you hungry? We ate a lot earlier but I’ll buy you something.”

San pulls himself away from Mingi (he really didn’t want to) and pinches Wooyoung’s cheek.

“So sweet.”

“Oh, speaking of earlier, you have to carry me all the way home.”

San looks confused but Wooyoung nods.

“Yeah I don’t think I can shove another solid in my tummy.”

Mingi turns and leans down so San can kiss his nose.

“Better?”

Two more.

“Almost.”

Mingi smiles softly as San kisses under his jaw.

They order drinks and San something to munch on.

San is leans on Mingi the whole time. Holding his hand, kissing each knuckle and his nose. It’s borderline pathetic just how much he actually missed Mingi.

Wooyoung is talking about the food they ate today. San was surprised to hear Mingi ate that much.

“Where are you storing it?”

“He said he walks. A lot.” 

San makes a face.

“That’s just unfair. You’re attractive and fit regardless of what you eat?”

“Hey I _walk_ and Jongho kills me at the gym.”

San whispers,

“I’m just teasing you, Sunray.”

* * *

San pokes the beauty mark on his cheek.

“We match.”

San points to his. Wooyoung giggles.

_I think.._

San smiles to the point where his eyes thin and his dimples are the deepest they can go.

_I’m fucked._

//

* * *

Mingi is laughing so loud as Wooyoung carries him back to San’s place.

“You’re enjoying this too much!”

“Faster!”

Wooyoung speed walks and San cant help but laugh. The sight of Mingi’s long limbs dangling from Wooyoung’s small ones was beyond funny.

Mingi was cooking up kimchi chicken and fried rice. San had hearts in his eyes while watching Mingi cook.

_It's sick how sexy he is no matter what he’s doing._

“San is always cooking for people. This is a treat for him.”

Wooyoung adds. Mingi looks at him through the corner of his eye, doing those fancy flip thingys you see on tv.

“Well, everyone’s always taking care of me. It’s nice to be the caregiver every once in awhile.”

Those butterflies are slamming themselves against San’s chest and he looks at Wooyoung who doesn’t give him a soft look but instead, a concerned one. San raises an eyebrow at him and shakes his head. San glances at Mingi and Wooyoung’s bites his bottom lip, pleading for San to drop it. He doesn’t feel the butterflies anymore.

They sit around the coffee table as Mingi serves them. San can see more grey than turquoise coming from Wooyoung.

“So aside from eating delicious food without me, what did you two do?”

“I met Jongho today.”

“Oh?”

“He remembers you as the bossy blonde one.”

San smirks and looks at Mingi.

“I said you aren’t bossy.”

“I kinda was.”

“He’s extremely funny.”

San nods for Wooyoung to continue as he chews.

“It was nice. All your friends are, Mingi. You hear such horror stories about Internet stars. It’s refreshing to know your bunch isn’t like that.”

Mingi is in his head. San pulls him by the chin to kiss his nose. Whispering,

“Come back.”

Mingi presses his lips together. Wooyoung is looking at his phone.

“I should go. I haven’t finished my homework yet.”

“SHIT HOMEWORK!”

San scrambles to his backpack and yanks out his books, finding a yellow binder and flipping through the pages. Wooyoung is shaking his head.

“You always do this.”

“Shut up it's only two worksheets.”

“Do in your eight am huh?”

San doesn’t say anything.

“Should I head home for the evening?”

San pouts but he doesn’t look up.

“It won’t take me that long.”

Wooyoung is packing himself a container to go.

“He’s brilliant, Mingi. He’s just easily distracted.”

“I recall telling you to shut up.”

Wooyoung kisses his forehead and waves at Mingi.

“Bye bye!”

San searches around for his pack of index cards and highlighters.

“Swear an hour max.”

Mingi is biting the side of his thumb.

“Look, it’s fine. I have to feed Sushi anyways.”

San sets his things down and sits in Mingi’s lap. Pressing soft kisses along his cheek bone, Eskimo kisses before kissing along the other side.

“If you wanna leave you can. But I really would like if you stayed.”

“I’ll FaceTime you as soon as I get home.”

San nods. Last week it was Mingi thinking of a million excuses to hang around. Tonight San finds himself searching for reasons.

He walks him down the stairs and to his car. Not wanting to let go of his hand. Mingi holds the back of his neck as they kissed for what seemed like hours.

San pressing himself against Mingi hoping he’ll change his mind but he didn’t.

“FaceTime me as soon as you get home.”

“Promise.”

Soft kiss on his nose.

“Even if you’re not on your floor.”

“Okay.”

Mingi giggles through this kiss.

“Don’t fall asleep on me unless we’re already on the phone.”

“Okay, San. Okay.”

He hugs him and San breathes him in. Wanting to carry this scent back up with him. He stands there as the sky darkens until his car is out of sight.

He holds his breath, holds in the small bit of Mingi he had. All the way back up the stairs and until he’s sitting on his couch.

It’s quiet and he hates it. He heads to his bed and burrows himself under the blankets, a place where Mingi was faintly lingering. He knows it’ll take twenty minutes for him to get to his place.

_I’ll lay here for ten, and then get to work._

San’s phone rings and he feels bad for being disappointed.

“Hey Youngie.”

“He’s really nice. And funny. And so, so pretty.”

“Hongjoong?”

“Yes but no. I’m talking about Mingi.”

San smiles.

“Mm. He really is.”

“How vivid is he? You know, with the synesthesia?”

San pulls his shiber stuffie close.

“He’s.. blinding.”

* * *

The skies are black with rain clouds and Mingi wishes he stayed.

_You leave on Sunday and go back Thursday nights. It’s not gonna kill you._

He pulls his phone out as he opens his door. The apartment ice cold. Sushi is weaving in and out of his legs as he walks in.

“Sorry I’ve been gone, baby girl.”

He picks her up, kissing her head and petting under her chin. She purrs loudly.

_I’m glad you're always happy when I come home._

He calls San, who is very smiley when he answers.

“Yay, finally.”

“Promise you’ll work more than you talk?”

San pouts but nods, already scribbling away.

Mingi sets up his phone so San can see him as he walks around his living room. Folding a throw blanket, feeding Sushi, and set his little roomba in motion to clean his floors.

“I’ve never seen your place. It looks nice.”

Mingi doesn’t want to show him around via video chat.

“It’s okay.. Keep working, Lovely.”

Mingi really enjoyed listening to San mumble to himself as he worked through his homework. Thank god for modern technology. It’s like they were still together.

Thunder cracks loudly and lightning flashes through his place brightly. He could already feel his soul filling with gloom.

“Sunray?”

“Mm?”

“Do you want me to come over?”

Mingi thinks about the offer.

_Don’t be a baby._

“No you have work to finish and I live further from your uni. It’ll just be a hassle.”

“Okay.”

San looks at him, tapping his pen before going back to his homework.

Mingi looks out the window and sighs. Pulling his knees to his chest. He really did hate being alone when it rained.

_He wouldn’t have offered if he didn’t want to come._

“Lovely?”

“Hmm?”

“I changed my mind.”

“I’ll pack a bag and head over.”

“No don't walk.”

“Why? I love the rain.”

//

San buzzes from downstairs and Mingi lets him in.

-24th floor, room 2405

-got it!

He’s waiting at the front door, impatient as ever. Not in a bad way. In the needy way. San was probably looking around curiously the way he does.

_Stop being the cutest person ever get up here._

His knock scares him.

He opens the door faster than he intends. San jumps a little.

“Hi.”

Mingi opens his arms and San allows him to drape himself over him.

“How dare you.”

Mingi is perplexed. Looking over him, arms wrapped around San’s neck and twirling the ends of his hair.

“I have sat you on my rooftop a handful of times thinking it was something to see and you are way the hell up here! In this nice ass building! What-”

Mingi kisses him, hard. Too hard. There’s too much teeth and he isn’t holding him in a comfy way. He was just so happy that he was there. That he didn’t have to be alone in this storm (in his head and outside). San squeezes his waist, slowing down the kiss. Mingi’s arms loosening their grip on him. He cups San’s face, lips grazing as he whispers,

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

He kisses his nose and Mingi takes his backpack.

“Did you bring clothes?”

“Just a change of pants.”

_Heavy ass bag full of books._

Sushi rubs against San’s leg and he picks her up.

“Whoa she never lets new people hold her.”

“I’m special.”

Mingi lets him walk ahead, taking in his place. San notices there’s a framed photo of Mingi that he took. He smiles to himself (thinking Mingi hadn't seen).

“Wow.”

Mingi sits on the couch and San sits next to him, opening his arms for Mingi to cuddle into him.

_I shouldn’t need him._

“I’m sorry for making you come.”

“You didn’t _make_ me.”

San’s clothes are damp and he feels even worse.

“Come pick out something dry and warm since you don’t have ni-night clothes.”

He pulls him to his room and San shakes his arm when the enter it.

“How dare you cram yourself into my little bed when this huge beauty is here for us to share!”

“But I like being that close to you.”

They stare at each other for a moment. San seems surprised. Mingi feels stupid for saying it. He opens his pj draw and lets San grab a T-shirt.

“I don’t need bottoms. I probably won’t even wear this through the night. You’re like a furness.”

Mingi watches him undress. Not in a perverse way. He just likes watching San do anything really.

His shirt hangs low on him and his chest is full of warm, fuzzy softness.

“What now?”

San asks, happy and adorable as ever. Mingi makes grabby hands at him. San walks over and kisses his nose while Mingi laces their fingers.

“Can we make a fort? Out of sheets?”

“You bet your ass we can.”

This.. was a mess at first. Neither of them had the brain cells to figure out how exactly to get the tent like shape to this fort in the beginning. But, with tape and few hangers, the top half was done. Mingi had to bring in chairs from his dining table to form the walls and a little fan to get some air flow. He stacked the couch pillows high for reinforcement.

“We make a good team.”

“One more thing.”

Mingi grabs his night sky lamp that Yunho bought him a few years back and places it on the bed. Turning it on to light up the inside of their fort.

San pats the space next to him. Mingi crawls over, putting a blanket over his head.

“Why are you hiding?”

“It’s not _why_ but from _what_.”

San looks over his face. Holding his chin, lips in that thinking pout of his.

_Please don’t ask._

“Stay in there as long as you need.”

Mingi eyes swell with tears. San looks panicked but Mingi just leans his head on him.

“Do you see that bunch of stars?”

San looks to where he’s being pointed.

“That’s the Cancer constellation.”

“Oh, that’s me.”

Mingi keeps pointing out constellations. San knows a few and it makes Mingi extremely happy that he hasn’t brought up what almost happened.

He remembers the first time he said that to Yunho. Sitting in his best friends basement after Mingi had a meltdown and he didn’t want to be alone but he also couldn’t handle Yunho constantly looking over at him. How his best friend said the exact words San did. Only they were teenagers back then which meant Mingi watched Yunho play video games until he fell asleep. Which he didn’t mind. But having this company and conversation was just, _different._ Almost needed. He didn’t mind the silence but right now, he needed something to fill the room besides him crying.

San let him lay in his lap, still under the blanket.

“Want to make another deal?”

“Mm?”

“How about I come over whenever it rains? Unless you’re already with me.”

Mingi peaks up at him.

“You’d do that?”

San smiles brightly and nods.

_Maybe I can trust him._

“We can build this fort, now that we have the blueprints, and you can hide away as long as you need to.”

Mingi sits up, pulling the blanket off of him. San has the smallest smile on his face. Mingi turns off the light and dark again. He can see San’s outline.

His fingertips lightly touch Mingi’s jaw.

“I’m still right here.”

They lean in close to each other, eyes finally adjusted to the lack of light.

“Thank you.”

And like the moon always does, he’s glowing. Some would say it’s with the help of the sun. But what exactly was Mingi doing to help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> editor belle, thank you for your hard work.
> 
> 19+ ppl follow me on twt: goteez_ !!  
> also have cc if you dont feel comfy leaving question here: https://curiouscat.me/goteez_  
> pls leave comments/kudos reassuring me bc i am a leo and i will die without positive reinforcement weeeee !!!!


	4. Then and Now: Seonghwa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say there are three sides to every story; person A' side, person B's side, and the truth.
> 
> reminder the italics are their inner thoughts.  
> reminder x2 things are kinda repetitive for a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i plan on doing this with the obvious triangle. this chapter is kinda back and forthy, hope its not annoying or confusing ~

/six months ago/

Seonghwa was excited to see Hongjoong. He had made a new friend at the academy named Yunho, who was actually friendly and not trying to get on his good side for his own benefit (his father _was_ the owner and dean of the school). He finally got the center position in the winter dance recital. He could tell he earned it and wasn’t given it as a form of ass kissing. He even bought Hongjoong his favourite meal from the Chinese place they go to in celebration of his line selling out for the first time. There was so much happiness in the air, it could choke the sadness out of anyone within a five mile radius.

Seonghwa knocked on his door, wide smile on his face. Ready to smother him in all this giddiness.

But the door only cracks open and Hongjoong is anything but excited to see him. Confused is a better word.

“Hey.”

Seonghwa can hear the tv in the background and he’s glad that Hongjoong is taking a break for once.

“Hi! I wanted to surprise you with food on your big accomplishment!”

Hongjoong sighs heavily and leans against the door frame.

“I, um.. wish you would learn to call first.”

Seonghwa doesn’t take it personal. He _has_ been scolded about this before.

“Let me off easy this time. I just-”

“Is it the pizza?”

Seonghwa blinks at the cheery tone on the other side of the door.

_That sounds like.. No you’re paranoid._

“Oh, you have company? I didn’t realise- that’s stupid I should’ve known you’d have people over.”

The door flung open and Yeosang smiling face disappears before he immediately closes it. Seonghwa feels his own smile fade away as his blood boils. He glares at Hongjoong who’s glaring at Yeosang.

“Work is work, huh?”

“Seonghwa-”

He pushes open the door. Yeosang is further away now. He’s wearing Hongjoong’s clothes. A small person by nature but under Seonghwa’s glare, he’s tiny.

“ “I’m around other models too, Seongie.” Bullshit!”

“Hwa-”

“Did you know we were seeing each other?”

He walks in, steps heavy as he nears Yeosang.

Yeosang is playing with the cuffs of (not) his shirt. Seonghwa can’t remember if he’s ever worn that one.

“Maybe.”

Seonghwa laughs out of anger. Licking his bottom lip and shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’re incredible, you know that?”

He knows better than to answer.

“You knew.. You fucking _knew_ and yet you still crossed the line.”

“It’s not how it seems!”

“Oh, no?”

Seonghwa laughs again and it’s creepier this time. He can feel himself vibrating with anger.

“No. Hwa, listen, I-”

“You’re worse than gum under my shoe.”

Yeosang can feel his anger bubbling up now. He looks at Hongjoong to say something but he just stands there with his arms folded.

“What did you gain? More shoots? Bigger check? Honestly what was-”

“Seonghwa, enough.”

“Seriously!?”

“You’ve said enough. It won’t change anything. Go home, we’ll talk tom-”

“YOU ARE _NOT_ MY BOSS RIGHT NOW!”

“And you were never my boyfriend to begin with.”

He looks at Hongjoong with hurt so powerful it almost breaks him in half.

The statement even makes Yeosang flinch.

_I refuse to cry._

Seonghwa nods, bottom lip between his teeth.

“There was a better way to inform me of that.”

He doesn’t look at them as he walks out.

“Learn to call first.”

“Learn to be honest.”

They stare at each other. Seonghwa half hoping Hongjoong will break and ask him to stay. Tell Yeosang to leave. Hoping Hongjoong would choose him just this _once_ instead of putting off his feelings for when it was convenient for him to deal with.

“All of it, just a casualty?”

“I am sorry you didn’t realise what it was.”

He grips the handle of the bag,

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Weeks.”

A laugh escapes Seonghwa and he looks back at Yeosang whose cheeks are red, eyes brimmed with tears.

_Why the fuck are you crying?_

“We’ll talk tomorrow. We have a meeting anyways-”

“No, no. I fucking quit.”

He slams the door hard. He runs to the elevator, pressing the open button over and over again. He can feel them coming, his tears. He doesn’t want them to see him more vulnerable than he was.

“Hwa, wait!”

The elevator open and he hurried in. Closing the doors as quickly as they’ll go. Yeosang’s face a thin line before they shut.

_I hate you._

/now, tuesday/

Mingi is at the river with San. Excited to have this late night adventure with him. The water was cold and San has the kind of laugh that made you feel like all the bad in the world has been wiped out clean.

They kicked water at each other and Mingi even put San over his shoulder at one point.

“Wow the weather is great up here.”

“It’s nice being so high for once, right?”

“Yeah now you’re _obligated_ to carry me around.”

San smiles down at him.

“Actually.. the atmosphere is better down here.”

San wraps his legs around Mingi before he has the chance to set him down properly. Holding his jaw as he leaves butterfly kisses over his face.

San tugs Mingi along the river’s edge and Mingi doesn’t think before he does it. Pulling out his phone and snapping those cheesy photos of person A leading person B somewhere. The low street lights being enough for him to glow under. The city line in the background looking like stars.

_He truly is the night sky._

He turns around, smile glowing at Mingi. Who takes a photo of him.

“Hey, I thought I was the photographer.”

“I can't help that you’re so photogenic.”

San stops and lets Mingi bump into him, kissing under his jaw.

“You make sleeping seem pointless with nights like this.”

Mingi can feel his brain glitching. San always has the sweetest things to say to him.

“Well you do have classes tomorrow. And Jongho is having a party. So we should head home.”

“Is the baby tired?”

San gives him Eskimo kisses before running away, arms open as if he was trying to take off. Giggling and twirling around with water splashing everywhere.

Mingi posts a photo he took of him leading the way. Choosing not to expose his face even though his following will do their best to figure out who he is.

**Nights like this always please ~**

He doesn’t tag San. He wants him to himself as long as he can. What they had wasn’t for anyone but them to share. He didn’t want to become the kind of couple to plaster their relationship all over the Internet for strangers to dissect.

The thought makes him look up at San who’s running back over to him.

_Brace yourself._

He opens his arms and San jumps. Mingi and him laugh as he spins them around. San’s legs dangling in the air.

_Couple._

He stops spinning and San can’t control his laughter. He’s not hiding behind his hand or burying his face in Mingi’s chest. Mouth open wide and head tossed. Highest squeak San’s laugh goes before he starts to run out of air. He clutches Mingi’s shirt and tries to hold himself up.

_Relationship._

Mingi is laughing with San (maybe a little at him), and he holds his shoulders as San tries to pull the silliness from his bones.

_I could do this._

They touch foreheads, soft giggly kisses before he takes off running again. Mingi following after him this time.

_We could do this._

/six months ago/

Seonghwa ended up in the playground of his community. The food he bought set beside him, surely cold by now.

He sat on the swings, he didn’t want to be home. His room never really being a safe or comfort zone for him.

He was waiting for someone, though.

-parking! can see you from here.

-okay

Seonghwa didn’t look up until he was standing in front of him. Yunho has this chunky cheek, super toothy and sweet smile that almost (almost) made Seonghwa forget how upset he was. Yunho realises he was crying and dropped to his knees, a worried look on his face.

“What happened?”

“I’m an idiot.”

Yunho doesn’t hesitate to wipe his tears. Seonghwa holds his wrist to stop him.

“More will just come out.”

“That’s okay, I don’t mind.”

Seonghwa bites his bottom lip to stop it from trembling and for a second he can’t see Yunho through his tears.

“Was it your dad?”

“No. It was Hongjoong..”

Yunho puts his hands in his lap.

“I know we just started becoming friends, but I’m here for you. I’m a really good listener!”

He smirks at Seonghwa. And it was like someone removed the latch on his emotional levy.

“I spend a month in and out of his apartment. Not just for sex, for breakfast. For dinner and a movie. To talk about new ideas for his line. To talk about my dancing. We went out on actual _dates._ And he.. he just..”

Yunho was rubbing his thumb over Seonghwa’s and he wonders when he grabbed his hand. He covers his face with his free hand.

“It’s stupid to be this upset because we’re adults. A month is _nothing_. He was my boss before anything. I should’ve known better.”

“It’s not stupid.. And you can’t help that you liked him.”

“He was so nice to me. At first I just thought that he really liked my work and he wanted me to sign with him again. But then I just noticed it, you know? The stares that lingered. His hand on my waist whenever he could have it there. Lunch breaks were less about work and more about.. us.”

Yunho wipes his cheek with his sleeve and Seonghwa wishes he could pull it together.

“He said it was casual.”

Yunho scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“None of that sounds casual.”

“Maybe I was just so..”

He sighs and shakes his head. Yunho pats his thigh. Smiling softly as a silent encouragement for him to continue.

“I really like him, Yunho. I always wanted to say it out loud so that he knew I wasn’t using him. I wanted my feelings to be clear. But I would get so scared. I was fucking him and I was _scared_ he’d reject me. And look at me now!”

He squeezes Yunho’s hand.

“Crying like an idiot in front of someone I just decided to be friends with. Over something I couldn’t see for apparently weeks. Or maybe I did but chose not to realise it.. I even asked him why he was around this one guy so often. Just “why are you being secretive with him?” or “why are you having private lunch with him and not me?” because I thought we were trying for something. He’d just say “work is work” and feed me some excuse that I ate up so gladly. He’d smile that smile of his, the one that I thought he saved just for me. And I’d drop it. I’d think, if he really didn’t want me around then he would try so hard to convince me otherwise. I would laugh at how jealous I’d get and call myself crazy for over reading certain things. But they say you should trust your gut. I hate him.”

_Yeosang, not Hongjoong. Not Hongjoong yet anyways._

Yunho laces their fingers. Seonghwa looks away, wiping his face and trying to stop his nose from running.

“Don’t be embarrassed.”

“Well, I am.”

Yunho pouts and Seonghwa sighs,

“I wish I knew what people were thinking sometimes. Just so I knew when I was dead wrong about someone.”

They look at each other for a moment and Swonghwa gets butterflies when he notices the blush on Yunho’s cheeks. He leans closer to him, gentle tone when he asks

“Do you ever wish you knew how people truly feel about you?”

“Seonghwa if that guy is dumb enough to pass up the chance to date you, please grant me the opperrtunity.”

He slides off the swing and into Yunho’s lap. He giggles shyly and Seonghwa can’t remember why he called Yunho. Not in a mean way. But they’d only been talking as friends for a few days. He could’ve called anyone else in his life but he called him.

_You feel.. safe._

“You’re not just trying to be cool with the deans son?”

“We’re adults, remember?”

He lets go of his hand to hold both sides of his waist. Lips grazing Seonghwa as his spoke,

“I’m trying to get with you, for _you_. You’re talented, smart, and painfully beautiful.”

He gently presses their lips together. Seonghwa softly pushes away and shakes his head.

“I just got dumped.”

“I’m cool with being a rebound.”

Yunho has this smug smile on his face and Seonghwa already knows.

_I’m doomed._

“What’s that?”

“Cold celebration Chinese food.”

“Sweet, I love cold Chinese food.”

/now, wednesday/

Mingi doesn’t want to get out of bed to head back to his place but Sushi is already past due for feeding. He sighs, rolling over to see the clock reading **9:30am**.

He knew San wouldn’t be back until after two today. And he needed to figure out what kind of party Jongho was having so he could mentally prepare San for the mess that was Choi Jongho’s house parties.

-gonna head home :(

-(TヘT )

-STOP i already don’t want to leave

-(TヘT ) x2

-can you live knowing sushi will perish because i cant say

no when you pout?

-...points were made

-ill pick you up later ~

-i have a bag packed, the yellow one with flowers. take

that and ill just meet u at urs

-okay

Mingi sends San money for his uber.

“Three.. two..”

-SONG MINGI I DO NOT NEED THIS MUCH FOR A

DAMN UBER

-so get something to eat for the drive over.

-i am not a sugar baby

-youre my sweet boi

-（￣^￣）u get a pass just this once

Mingi feels extremely _happy_. He wants to make this work. He wants San around all the time and he knows this isn’t like before.

_San is different. Electric boy. Lovely baby. Mine._

He can feel his heart racing and he holds his breath. Trying not to get ahead of himself. He hates when people called him theirs. He didn’t like feeling as if he were property. But if he could, he’d keep San to himself. Protect him from all things bad and make sure he was always happy. He was selfish in that way. But he knew he couldn’t be his main source of happiness. Hell, he couldn’t even be his own source of happiness. And Mingi was sure Wooyoung could kick his ass if he ever hogged San.

//

* * *

San is eating some of the food he ordered from a place not far from campus. He got Mingi some as well, hoping he’ll like it. Though he’s noticed there isn’t much he doesn’t like.

The car ride is quiet. The driver is listening to the news on the radio and isn’t making any conversation. Which San doesn’t mind. It was a busy day for him and his brain could use the break.

-another ten minutes if traffic stays nice

-okay, did you grab something to eat?

-mhm! for u as well uwu

-see, my sweet boi

-(〃 ω 〃)

San _loved_ that Mingi was calling him “his”. It meant they were getting serious.

San thinks about Wooyoung biting his nail a few nights ago and wonders what he knows. He hasn’t brought it up and speaks so kindly of Mingi. Maybe he was just worried about San placing his heart in someone else's hands. Eight months have come and gone by but San would be lying if he said he was ready to fully love again. And maybe that’s what drew him to Mingi even more. He didn’t believe in love. He wasn’t there to swoop in and save this heart broken soul like it was some cheesy romance movie. But at the same time, San knew that wasn’t true. He felt himself already falling into this electric boy.

_Not love, not yet._

//

* * *

Mingi checked his phone, San said he was ten minutes down the street sixteen minutes ago. He was nervous. He knew all the time periods from distance to distance. It didn’t matter which way he was coming from, sixteen minutes was six minutes too long.

_For once don’t think in numbers. Don’t be paranoid. Maybe traffic picked up._

Finally his doorbell buzzed and he let out the breath he had been holding. He can’t seem to catch it now that he’s exhaled.

_This is WHY you don’t hold it._

He knows it’ll take three minutes to get up to his floor. He’s counting, always counting. He felt relieved San was almost there but he needed him in his arms.

He looks out the peephole and sees San walking down the hall, mouthing the words to a song. He opens the door, making San jump a little but he giggles.

“Miss me that much?”

Mingi pouts, opening his arms. San hurries into them. Nuzzling into his neck and Mingi can feel his smile.

“Why’d you take so long?”

San kisses along his jaw before his lips and wiggles with excitement.

“There was the _cutest_ dog down stairs!”

_Of course. You were off being the adorable human you are._

“The pug?”

San’s eyes are wide. Mingi loves when he does this.

“Does it live here? Are you friends with the owner?”

“Yes and.. well kinda?”

“Mingi!”

San whines and closes the door finally. Pulling him to the couch, sitting him down and holding his face.

“You need to be friends with her! I _need_ to pet that dog again. Do you hear me?”

“You give me a heart attack from both worry and cuteness.”

San straddles him, a confused look on his face.

“Worry?”

“It’s nothing. Just me over thinking.”

“Well, I’m right here. Do not worry about me going anywhere because you are STUCK with me.”

He kisses his nose and Mingi feels the question clawing its way up his throat. He’s trying to swallow it. Keep it down just a little longer.

/five months, two weeks ago/

“I can't believe the worst thing you’ve ever done was steal a guinea pig that you _gave back_!”

Yunho hides his face from Seonghwa.

“Shut _up_! I never tell people I gave it back! I need some kinda street cred.”

“WHO IS GIVING YOU ANY!? IT'S A RODENT!”

Yunho covers his mouth, both of them laughing loudly. The couch too small for their long bodies. Yet they were cuddled comfortably together. Yunho happy to have the basement to himself but his parents always stomped on the floor when he was too loud.

 _So handsome_.

Yunho cupped in side of Seonghwa’s face. His hair a flat mess and he still can’t believe he’s truly this beautiful in real life. This is the same heart stopping boy from the fashion section on Instagram that gave him heart palpitations when they passed in the halls and he’d smile at him.

Yunho doesn't remember when he first saw Seonghwa. He only remembers how badly he wanted to be his friend. And somewhere between watching him dance or laughing at a joke, the lines blurred and he felt himself _liking_ him. Wanting more than a spot next to him at lunch or for a lab partner. He wanted this, the closeness they’ve shared since that day at the park. In all honesty, he wanted _more_ than this.

Thankfully, Yunho was touchy with all his friends. Their legs tangled together and him admiring Seonghwa’s features in such a way was nothing too odd. He dropped little reminders of his crush. Seonghwa always saying it was too soon. However, there was nothing but time in Yunho’s mind. Time to spend with Seonghwa.

He traces his thumb over his bottom lip,

“Can I..?”

Seonghwa looks at Yunho’s lips, softly shaking his head no.

“Not yet.”

“Okay.”

Yunho boops his nose and Seonghwa cuddles into his chest. He wonders if he can feel his heart trying to pound out of it. Wonders if this feels right to Seonghwa the way it does him.

“You don’t have to wait for me.”

Tone soft, like he doesn’t want to say it.

“But then I’ll go back to doing nothing all day or bothering Mingi.”

“How is he? I haven’t heard from him in a long time.”

Yunho sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“It’s been a few weeks for me too.”

“Trouble in best friendville?”

“I don’t know.. He said he needed space after the complete meltdown when _he_ dumped him.”

Seonghwa smirks at how Yunho will not say his name.

“Then the crowd mobbing him didn’t help. He just needs to recharge. He’ll call. He always does.”

Seonghwa looks up at him, trying to read his expression but Yunho keeps it neutral.

“I don’t want to push him too far.”

“I get it.”

He snuggles back into his chest and Yunho plays with his hair.

“That guy was a jerk. Mingi is such a Prince.”

“I’m going to rip that guy in two when I see him.”

“I’m sure he’s heard about your rodent stealing days and is _shaking_ in fear.”

“BABE SERIOUSLY I CAN BE INTIMIDATING!”

“And whining really proves your point, honey.”

Their giggles fade out as the two of them realise they’ve used pet names for each other.. again.

“I should get going.”

“I can sleep on the couch. It’s late, don’t go.”

Seonghwa puts Yunho’s hand back on his head. He gets the hint to play with his hair again.

“Okay, I'm yours for the night.”

_Wish it was longer than that._

/now, wednesday/

* * *

Mingi has his legs over San’s lap while they eat. Listening closely as San talks about his day at school. He really liked it when Mingi asked about his classes. He was always interested in what his lessons were that day and asked San what things meant. He wondered if he’d be this curious if he was still enrolled.

Mingi has his hair in those soft curls with his glasses on and San _adores_ this look. He could munch on Mingi’s cheeks all day.

_Actually._

He tugs him over and gently bites his cheek, kissing the spot and then his nose. Mingi laughs falls back into his original position.

“You’re cute.”

“No, _you’re_ cute.”

Mingi makes a face as if he ate something bad.

“Okay, no. Let's please not be those people. Yunho and Seonghwa are and it’s nauseating.”

San rolls his eyes.

“You’re the biggest baby when we’re cuddled in bed, but you can’t handle the back and forth fondness?”

Mingi pouts and moves his food around.

“I’m not that much of a baby.”

San takes their plates and sets them on the coffee table. He gets between Mingi’s legs and smirks at how shy he’s getting. He presses his lips so softly on the corner of his mouth. A small whine from him and Mingi grabs a handful of San’s shirt.

“You’re _my_ baby, Sunray.”

“Then kiss me.”

San leans in but doesn’t close the gap. Mingi whines again and tugs his shirt.

“And you call me a tease.”

“Maybe I’m just proving a point.”

“Choi San either you kiss me _right_ _now_ or I will not kiss you until Friday night when I go over.”

San kisses his nose and Mingi bites that lovely spot on his neck, making San suck in a sharp breath.

“No kisses until Friday.”

“You’re such a brat.”

“ME!?”

San sits up, hands on Mingi’s hips.

_God you’re so sexy._

He slides his hands up his shirt, resting on his elbows.

“Yes you.”

Mingi turns his head away.

“I said no kisses.”

“Well, can I kiss other parts of you?”

“No.”

Mingi says in a baby tone that San adores. He sits back up and pats his thighs.

“Fine, baby boy. We’ll play by your rules.”

/five months, four days ago/

Seonghwa was waiting for Yunho to pick him up. He insisted that they take turns driving each other around. Seonghwa was glad they had been spending time together. The last two days he’s been so busy with practice and Yunho with studying that it’s been weird only texting. Thankfully this was the last week before break and his recital was this weekend. Which meant more one on one time for them. Seonghwa can’t even remember how they were at the beginning of this. Don’t even remind him they didn’t speak to each other once upon a time.

Seonghwa dodged his advances left and right, trying to make sure he didn’t think of Yunho as just a rebound. Seonghwa has never been that person. You were either worth his time, or you weren’t. If he got burned from poor lack of judgement then, that was his problem.

Yunho was sweet and comforting. He felt safe.

Three days ago when Seonghwa dropped him off, he got out of the car without lingering the way he always did. Which made Seonghwa’s stomach drop. The small talk that Yunho tried so desperately to have at the end of their days was his favourite part. He watched him walk up the pathway to his house before he turned around suddenly, hand over his heart with relief when he sees Seonghwa hadn’t driven away. He jogged back over and asked Seonghwa to roll the window down. When there’s enough space, Yunho cups one side of his face and leaves butterfly kisses on the other.

“I almost forgot about that part.”

Seonghwa felt his heart doing that flip flop thing it does when he likes a guy.

“I would’ve made you do a u-turn.”

He hangs in the window and smiles that wonderful chunky cheek, sugary sweet toothy smile of his.

“You’re such a nerd.”

Yunho boops his nose.

“One day you’ll admit you like me.”

He waves as he jogs back up the pathway to his place.

_One day._

He was all Seonghwa thought about these last couple of days. He knew he wanted to admit it out loud finally. Knew that this wasn’t going to be a mistake but in fact a really, _really_ good choice.

He honks his horn, despite Seonghwa being outside. Looking right at him.

“Hi!”

“Hey you!”

He gets in and Yunho kisses his cheek. Seonghwa can’t hide the way he blushes.

 _It’s different now_.

“So I hope you’re ready to see this Marvel movie because I, for one, am sick of thinking about school.”

“Yunho..”

“Yes?”

He glances at him, keeping his eyes on the road but his brows are high up. Letting Seonghwa know he was paying attention to him.

“Can we.. Is it okay if.. this was considered a date?”

Yunho is trying not to smile.

“Not if that’s how you’re going to ask me.”

Seonghwa shakes his head and exhales.

“Yunho, will you go on a date with me?”

“Finally jeez, hell yes!”

He gives Seonghwa his open hand. He smiles as he laces their fingers.

_Yeah, it’s different. But it’s good._

/now, wednesday night/

* * *

The music isn’t too loud and the place isn’t crowded. Mingi holds on to San’s hand tight regardless. Turning on his life of the party self once in, whats seems to be, the center of this party. San’s eyes go wide when Mingi yells with Jongho about shots. Test tube shots to be exact.

_Don’t worry, Lovely._

"This is a celebration party! Mingi is having his first official shoot!"

The small space irrupts with cheering.

"Tonight is about him! About how hard work really does pay off!"

He and Jongho pass them out. San grabs two and Mingi raises his eyebrows.

“Did you forget that you’re my babysitter?”

Jongho stands on his coffee table,

"I'm proud of you. Cheers to this one and many more!"

Mingi is beaming. Everyone raises their shots.

San opens one of his three and throws it back with ease. He makes a sour face and Mingi giggles.

“Ew.”

“Yeah the green ones are usually yucky.”

He looks at the purple one.

“These are better, promise.”

They interlock arms and toss them back. San nods with approval. He goes to kiss his nose but Mingi puts a finger over his lips.

“Nope.”

“Ugh!”

They glare at each other and Jongho pops in between them.

“What’s with the baby glares?”

“I'M NOT A BABY!”

Jongho pushes his lips to the side.

“Mingi, you might not wanna hear this, but you’re the biggest baby-”

“Did someone say baby Mingi!?”

Yunho pinches his cheek.

_Universe why!?_

Seonghwa hugs San which makes Mingi really happy. Seonghwa isn’t much of a hugger. More like an encouraging shoulder patter.

“I’m _not_ a baby!”

Yunho waves at San and pulls Seonghwa along with him to say hello to everyone. Mingi liked that he pushed Seonghwa to be more open with people. Seonghwa should be dragging Yunho around but no, that social butterfly takes the lead every time. San holds Mingi’s neck as he sways to the music.

//

Mingi has lost count of the shots San had taken but he has stopped him from taking more. Forcing him to drink soda and water any chance he can. Feeding him little finger foods whenever he tried to kiss him. He didn’t mind. San was matching his energy and everyone was enjoying them.

Jongho pulled them together for a quick photo. San extra snuggly in Mingi’s neck, smile so wide his eyes thin into crescent moons.

“Man, I really like him! I’m glad you’re dating.”

He snacks Mingi’s shoulder. San swats his hand.

“Don’t break him! I can't replace him!”

Mingi loves the way San does not fear Jongho in the slightest.

San rubs the spot where he was hit and looks at him with that curious expression.

“I’m fine.”

“I can’t kiss it to make it better for you _baby_.”

Mingi rolls his eyes and spots Hongjoong. He’s texting on his phone and he wonders if he’s talking to Wooyoung.

“Where’s Woo?”

“Almost here!”

He looks back at where Hongjoong was and he’s gone. There’s something uneasy bubbling in Mingi. He doesn’t have time to think on it, San is leaving sucky kisses along his jaw. Mingi leans into him before he gently pushes him back. San whining in the process.

“I said no kissing.”

“But I am _addicted_ to kissing you!”

He gets on his tippy toes and whispers,

“Lets go to the bathroom.”

Mingi shakes his head no and turns his face so he can see Wooyoung walking in with Hongjoong. Shy smiles and awkward stances.

“Oh my god.”

Wooyoung waves and Hongjoong guided him through everyone. Briefly introducing him as they pass by. San wraps Mingi’s arms around him as he waits for Wooyoung to make it to them. When he does, the happiness is radiating off of him. Hongjoong has kept his hands to himself, a record as far as Mingi is concerned.

“Hey you!”

Jongho yells as he pushes past the few people he was talking to.

“Hi, I'm here finally.”

He hugs Wooyoung tight, handing him three shots.

“Catch up!”

Hongjoong steals one and shakes his head no, downing the green one. His grossed out face makes San giggle.

“Okay, noted. Nothing green tonight.”

“Try anything red.”

Hongjoong winks and runs a hand through his hair before he walks off.

“Tell me there’s no such thing as slut shaming and I would be breaking an unspoken rule of the gods if I don’t ride him until my legs fall off.”

Mingi blinks at Wooyoung and San burst into laughter.

“As men we aren’t sexually oppressed but, to help ease your mind, sex on the first date isn’t a bad thing.”

Mingi hugs San closer into his chest.

“Agreed.”

“Be safe.”

“Shut up!”

Wooyoung angry whispers as Hongjoong comes back with drinks and a small plate of food for him.

_Oh, he’s INTERESTED interested._

“Bathroom!”

San whines up into Mingi’s neck.

“You better seriously have to go.”

San pouts and nods.

Mingi leads him into Jongho’s room and to his bathroom. He needed a break from the noise and the guest one wouldn’t help. San faces him towards the door,

“No peeking.”

“I already know what it looks like.”

“Don’t care, if I can’t kiss you then you can’t look.”

Mingi sighs at how insanely cute he finds drunk San. He's even humming to the song playing as he pees. San finished and sucks his teeth.

“You didn’t even try to sneak a look?”

“I respect you and your boundaries.”

Mingi says, still facing the door. The sink runs and Mingi turns and sees a very blushy San. Smiling to himself and playing with the suds between his fingers.

“And here I am, trying to kiss you all night.”

_Oh no, jeez no._

“No, Lovely, I didn’t mean-”

“I know.”

He dries his hands and sighs, running his hands through his hair. He holds the back of neck and gives Mingi with this look that made his skin tingle.

“I’ll be better at keeping my hands to myself.”

“Shut up.”

Mingi walks over, licking his lips before he crashes them into San’s. Who doesn’t complain one bit. His hands are in Mingi’s hair, tongue in his mouth, body pressed against his firmly and Mingi is glad that this was the complete opposite of what he just said.

_Be kind another time._

San puts Mingi against the counter and slides his thigh between his legs. Mingi grinds himself against it as they kiss. Small moans floating out of him when he felt the right kind of friction.

“Okay, rule is obviously over. Please kiss on me.. Touch me.”

San softly kisses under his jaw, moving Mingi’s hips for him. He whines and San moves him faster, sucking on a spot right by Mingi’s adam’s apple that makes his eyes flutter shut.

“Does my baby boy like that?”

“Mm!”

San keeps sucking and undoes his jeans. Mingi tried not to think about how hard he is. It’s been months since he’s been with someone. He missed it so much. And San wanting him (perhaps just as much) only made moments like this feel _that_ much better.

 _I must seem so easy_.

San looks at him as he flicks his thumb over the head of Mingi’s cock. His breath hitches and San kisses his nose.

“Open.”

Mingi opens his mouth and San sticks three fingers in. Mingi sucks before he’s asked to. Pushing his fingers in until he gags. San groans,

“I really wanna take care of you. Can I, Sunray?”

He nods, pulling his fingers out and there’s a thick trail of drool. Mingi spits into his hand for good measure. San licks what fell on his chin before connecting their lips again. Hand working him at a steady pace. Mingi tried to keep his voice down. But he is shamelessly falling apart under San right now. Breathy moans, hands gripping San’s shirt, hips bucking from wanting more.

* * *

“Lovely, more. I want more.”

San picked up the pace. Wanting to please him so badly. Mingi let his head fall back. San left soft kisses down his beautiful neck.

“Saaanie.”

_God this is better than hearing it from the couch._

The vibration on his throat from Mingi moaning gave him tingles.

“Like that, baby boy?”

“Mm!”

San’s free hand slides up his shirt, playing with his nipple. Mingi’s deep moans louder now. San’s skin is on fire. In the best way possible. The way Mingi’s brows knitted together when San’s fingers slipped over the tip of his cock made him smirk.

“Sunray, I could swallow you whole.”

“Then do it.”

San drops to his knees, pulling his jeans and briefs down in one motion. He knew Mingi was thick and a very decent length. It wasn’t a secret after all the makeout sessions and cuddling at night. But to finally have it out and ready for him to put in his mouth,

_Chef‘s kiss._

He kisses his inner thigh, fingertip tracing small circles on the tip of his cock. Mingi sighs, impatient as ever.

“Baby boy, you can’t be a brat and get rewarded.”

“We don’t have time for this!”

San sucks on his balls and Mingi grips the counter. San still drawing small circles and watching Mingi’s face. Not breaking eye contact as he licks up his cock and slowly slides all of him in his mouth. Holding him there for moment. To both let his throat properly adjust and take in the feeling of his mouth being so wonderfully full.

“God, Lovely move. I want _more._ ”

San slowly pulls off and sucks on his tip, slowly pushing back down. Repeat. Mingi is a whining mess. Strung out please’s making San hard himself.

_Focus, this isn't about you._

He picks up the speed, Mingi’s legs untensing and sighing in relief. His fingers threaded in San’s hair, tight grip on him while he sucked him off.

“Mm Lovely, _just like that._ ”

San looks up at his beautiful baby. Happy he was making him feel this good. This view of Mingi a whole different kind of sexy. There’s a little bit of sweat on his forehead already, bottom lip red from how he was biting it. His moans a becoming a melody he wants to hear the rest of his life. The way he said his name, no- the way he called him _Lovely_ , tipping him so far over into a headspace he hasn’t been in for awhile now. San drags his nails up Mingi’s thigh, red lines appearing in no time.

_God I want to see these things in action._

There’s a knock and Mingi freezes up. San pulls off with a pop, hand keeping the same pace his mouth was. 

“Taken!”

His voice starting to rasp and he can feel the burn now.

“You’ve been in there for ten minutes!”

Someone he didn’t recognise yelled from the other side. San went back to what he was doing, deep throating Mingi with every bob of his head. Pushing Mingi’s shirt up so he can watch his stomach raise and fall. San wishes he could see the mirror. More specifically, he wishes he could watch Mingi.

_Maybe I’ll put a mirror by the bed._

Mingi’s moans changing in pitch and San points at the hand towel. Mingi tosses it to him. San opening it over his lap.

“Almost, Lovely.”

San moans and uses his hand to help get him off. Not wanting him to lose a second of stimulation.

Mingi leaning against the counter fully now, no longer keeping his voice down. San was glad the music was loud. He could feel the base on his knees. The bathroom the right kinda mixture of the sweetest moans and wet mouth sounds. San was going to save this for another day.

“Lovely..”

He moans around him again, not being able to get enough of how Mingi calls him that.

San massages his balls and Mingi grips his hair tighter.

_Come on baby boy._

Mingi’s eyes shut and bucks his hips a few times, moaning San’s name with movement. San gagging a few times from Mingi going too fast, too harshly. But god did he love it. Mingi held himself in San’s mouth as he cums. Happy Mingi was looking down at him so San could see his face as he finished. So Mingi could see him completely wrecked.

He pulls San off, small gasp and cum running down his chin. He spits more of it onto the towel. Mingi drags the tip of his cock along San’s swollen lips. He kisses it, eyes fluttering shut as Mingi pushes himself back in. San sucking gently on Mingi’s cock so he can ride out his orgasm.

San is whipping his chin and neck while Mingi sits on the counter waiting to clean himself up. He runs the sink water until it’s warm and rinses off the towel.

“Spitters are quitters.”

“Shut up.”

San rolls his eyes. Mingi reaches for the towel but San swats his hands away and wipes him down.

“Let me do it.”

He looks at Mingi so fondly before spitting into the sink again. Being as gentle as he can when cleaning him.

Mingi pulls him by the jaw and licks into his mouth. San losing all train of thought. Nothing mattered when Mingi kissed him. He pulls away slowly and shrugs.

“I think I taste good.”

“You’re so filthy, I love it.”

Mingi turns red and San stands between his legs. Fingertips lightly running up and down those red lines on his thighs.

“You’re such a good baby boy, Sunray.”

Mingi holds a fist full of his shirt. Eyes soft and small pout as he waits for more compliments.

“So handsome.”

San presses a gentle kiss on his lips.

“Your moans are like a song.”

Mingi smiles softly and closes the space between them. Letting go of his shirt to hold his neck.

“Seriously, I am addicted to your lips.”

Mingi giggles.

“I could kiss you forever.”

Quick one.

“Forever?”

Two quick ones.

“And ever.”

He leans in again but there’s a soft knock,

“Sannie?”

Mingi hurries and pulls his bottoms on. San holding his chin and softly smiling at him. Mingi nods, relaxing and kisses San’s thumb.

He opens the door to see Wooyoung, who sighs in relief.

“Yes Youngie?”

“What are you doing?”

“Mingi.”

“HEY!”

The three laugh and Wooyoung smoothed San’s hair back.

“Just checking on you.”

“I’m good.”

Hongjoong walks in and smirks.

“Mind if we borrow the bathroom now?”

Mingi looks at Wooyoung who’s got the same kinda smirk on his face. San grabs Mingi’s hand and leads him out.

//

* * *

Mingi was feeling shy suddenly when San asks to join him in the shower.

“We don’t have to. I just really want to be near you.”

“I just..”

San smiles brightly and kisses his forehead.

“There’ll be nothing left for you to imagine.”

“We’ve literally had each other’s dicks in our mouths.”

_Yeah but it’ll be all of me, Lovely._

Mingi shakes his head and pulls him into the bathroom.

“Promise you won’t stare at me.”

San holds out his pinky. They interlock them and Mingi giggles.

“Boundaries, I get it.”

“Will you wash my hair?”

San smirks, nodding as he takes his shirt off.

“Get in first, I’ll get our towels and your ni-night clothes.”

San’s shower was small. Mingi doesn’t think they’ll fit. He lets the warm water run down his body.

“I’m coming in!”

San waits a second after saying that before actually coming in. He slides past Mingi to get himself wet.

“Okay, pass me the shampoo and bend down a little.”

Mingi awkwardly does what he’s told. San just smiles and works the shampoo to a lather. Mingi doesn’t know where to look. He knew it wouldn’t be fair to ask San not to stare and then he was gawking at him.

“You can stare at me, I don’t mind.”

_Get out of my head. It’s dark in here._

But San did have a way of glowing.

Mingi looks at his focused face before looking down.

_Bad idea._

Thankfully San has them trade places and Mingi gives him his back. It’s not that he didn’t want this kind of intimacy with San. He knew this was going to work out. That _they_ were going to work out. He just needed more time to get past his insecurities.

When he turns around, San is facing the other way. Mingi feels his heart melting.

_He’s not even peeking._

San’s back was muscular and well defined. It _wet_ was a whole other kind of sexy.

“Trade.”

San kisses his nose as they pass each other. Turning away from each other again.

“You said I’m your baby, right?”

Mingi is facing the wall. But he feels the water hit him as San turns to look at him.

“I did.”

_God this is so embarrassing._

“Then, um.. can you wash my body too?”

He peeks over at San who’s oozing fondness.

“Anything you want, Sunray.”

He kisses along both shoulders and back hugs Mingi.

“I mean, _baby_.”

Mingi puts his forehead on the wall, smiling at how San is giggling at the word.

It was different when San took care of him. Mingi’s friends took care of him because he was an emotional mess most days. They babied him because they had seen him at his lowest (Yunho truly seeing what “lowest” was). It made him feel so guilty. San babying him simply because he liked Mingi was relieving. He had such a caring, gentle way about how he showed his true feelings for Mingi.

San convinces Mingi to sing loudly with him in the shower. Off key notes and giggles filling the room more than the steam. Mingi doesn’t even mind that they’ve been facing each other, bodies touching and eyes wondering everywhere without second thoughts. San spiking their hair into mohawks with suds and giving them bubble beards.

San dried him off when they were done, wrapping him up like a burrito. Mingi waited for him before opening the door, cold air giving San goosebumps. Mingi pulled them quickly to their bed. Laying on top of San to warm him up. Melting into San’s dimples at rapid speed tonight as he kisses over Mingi’s face.

**_Ding_ **

Mingi looks around for his phone.

“Wait that’s my managers alert tone.”

San pouts as Mingi gets up to find his phone.

- Don’t be alarmed, but the photo of you and your friends is receiving a lot of attention. Not all good. Letting you know so you don’t get upset. Don't forget about your sizing on Friday! 

Mingi opens Instagram and looks through the tags his followers usually add when posting about him.

-WHERE IS YEOSANG

-NOOO MY MINSANG SHIPPING HEART IS BREAKING

-shooters for sanggi and sanggi ONLY

-wait is this the guy from the river update?

-whoever the blonde guy is, is LUCKY !! mingi is one hell of a catch !!

-okay but photoshop yeosang over this guy

-you see how happy mingi is? period.

-they look so happy :( blonde guy pls take care of our baby

-no yeosang but at least we got some minho crumbs

“What’s wrong?”

San is sitting upright and Mingi shakes his head.

“Stupidity.”

He closes his phone and gets back into bed, curling into San’s side. He smoothed back Mingi’s hair,

“Talk to me.”

“It’ll just make you upset.”

San nods.

“There will always be things that will upset me.”

_Fuck._

“My followers are.. being really extra about Jongho’s post. They sometimes do this thing called shipping, putting two people who aren’t in a relationship into one. And ever since I hung out with Yeosang-“

“I saw.”

Mingi stops and looks at San who’s focused on a button on Mingi’s pj shirt.

“Oh..”

“The comments on that post, I mean, not this one.”

“Don’t.. pay attention to them. They even ship Yunho and me.”

San lays his head on Mingi’s chest. He shouldn’t have said anything. But he wanted to be honest with San.

He plays with his hair until he can feel San relax again. San’s arms loose around him compared to the normal boa constrictor grip he has when they first lay down together.

_It hasn’t been long but I feel like I know him._

“Are you okay?”

“Mm.”

He sounds sleepy. Mingi didn’t want him to go to bed feeling this way but he wasn’t sure how he could make it better. The people from his past didn’t care about things like this. If anything, they’d post more to fuel it. But San was a sensitive soul. This was why he wanted to keep him all to himself.

/friday/

Mingi is waiting for his turn to be fitted. Things take so long when Hongjoong is around. But he understands him wanting things to be perfect. He didn’t want any shortcuts being taken. He wanted everything to fit perfectly and to look just right.

“I make clothing to fit whoever’s wearing it. I never want someone to put on a piece of mine that takes me _hours_ to create and think, “how can I tailor this so that it’s right for me” SO that means yes, that quarter inch _matters_ a lot actually. Start over.”

A newbie regretting his words as Hongjoong glares. Yeosang plops next to Mingi.

“Sanggi is hanging on by a thread from what I’ve seen.”

“I don’t recall it ever being sewn together.”

They smirk at each other.

“You’re lucky I have thick skin, MinMin.”

Wooyoung walks in, two coffees in hand as he nervously glides across the room. Hongjoong pinches his cheek and winks as he grabs one cup from him. Such a mode change from a second ago.

“New assistant?”

“No, I think he actually likes him.”

Yeosang scoffs and folds his arms.

“Where’d he find this one?”

“That’s San’s best friend.”

Yeosang bounces his leg, cheery smile on his face.

“I’m sure he’s just as lovely!”

“He is.”

Wooyoung gives Mingi a small wave. Mingi waves back, excited smile on his face to ease Wooyoung’s nerves. Hongjoong holds the back of his neck and plays with the ends of his hair. Yeosang looks over at Seonghwa. Mingi notices their exchange of looks before they look away from each other.

_Seriously what the fuck is going on?_

Mingi wanted to ask so many questions but he didn’t really want to get into it. If anyone truly wanted to talk about it, they would have.

“Song Mingi?”

He nods, getting up and walking over to the stylist.

“This is a friend and a long time partner of mine. If you get his measurements wrong, I will certainly know.”

The new guy nods. Mingi almost feels bad. He couldn’t imagine the pressure he was feeling.

“Hi!”

He whispers at Wooyoung.

“Hey!”

Wooyoung gives a quick glance at Hongjoong and Mingi raises his eyebrows. Wooyoung smiles widely before sipping his coffee and Mingi fights back a laugh.

“Keep still, please.”

“Sorry!”

Mingi says to the person concentrating on measuring his shoulders.

Hongjoong watches intensely. Even Mingi feels uneasy. Doing his best to keep still and not have this stare focused on him.

“Preferred colours?”

“I think I chose cool tones last time so.. maybe warm tones?”

“Oranges sound good? Maybe some pinks?”

Hongjoong circles him, mind working as he examines a body he’s seen plenty of times.

“I trust your creative mind.”

The newbie reads off his measurements. Hongjoong nods and points at Mingi, narrowing his eyes.

“Asshole question but, did you gain weight?”

“Maybe? I haven’t been dieting.”

“Good don’t diet anymore, I hate when you do.”

He pats the new guy on the shoulder.

“The waistline was off but now I know why.”

He sighs in relief.

“Kang Yeosang?”

Mingi waves goodbye,

“Come by for dinner if you’re not busy.”

“Mm!”

Wooyoung smiles and Mingi really can’t believe how handsome he is.

Yeosang boops his nose as they pass each other and winks,

“Later, MinMin.”

“Bye!”

Mingi was just excited that he’s done in time to pick up San from university.

/saturday/

Mingi was on time but in his mind, he was late. He didn’t like being on time to anything job related. He likes being early. But the busy rush of the set didn’t leave room for anyone to notice he had just arrived. Hongjoong is checking off things as models stand ready for hair and makeup. Wooyoung is sitting in a chair next to Hongjoong’s, two coffees in his lap. San kisses under Mingi’s jaw and waves as he runs off to chat with his best friend.

“How cute!”

Mingi turns on his heels, eyes thinned out from smiling so wide at the sound of Yunho’s voice.

“HEY!”

They hug super tight and Seonghwa pulls Mingi away.

“Honestly. You were due for hair and makeup ten minutes ago.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

Yunho blows Seonghwa a kiss.

_Yuck._

Mingi’s hair is styled back, undercut showing. Eyes heavy with dark smokey makeup. He thinks he looks coolest this way. This was his biggest mask.

He puts on an outfit consisting of a back crop top and black high waisted jeans. Mingi doesn’t like this at first, feeling boring. But he looks at the details.

The shirt has a few rows of neon orange pinstripe on the left side. Up close you can see the stripes say NE∞N. The stitching is the same neon orange. His jeans have the same orange in the stitching as well. Small infinity sign on the corner of his back pocket.

“It’s the little things that always matter most.”

He looks at Hongjoong.

“This must’ve taken hours.”

“I’m not a beginner, Mingi. It was, however, tedious. But it was worth it. Is it not?”

“I love this.”

“Keep it. That looks even better on you in person than in my mind.”

Mingi smiles and smooths out his shirt, hiding the little bit of his tummy.

“Promise you’ll shine. You have the nicest outfits on set. You’re my favourite here today. I want you to stand out.”

“Bet you tell all the models that.”

They laugh but Hongjoong fixes his hair a little.

“I mean it. You’re destined to be the next big thing.”

“Joong, I will not sleep with you.”

“You’re not my type, angel.”

Mingi waves at Chaeyoung as he walks on set.

“Wow you look better in that than me.”

Her top is the colour opposite of his. Her hair in cute French braids.

“I can’t accept that compliment.”

He smirks at San who’s trying to seem as if he’s not checking him out.

“There was a character someone drew of you a few years back that got a lot of attention.”

“PLACES! It’s a COUPLES shoot so that means, arm holding, hand holding, cute smiles at each other. Excetera, Excetera!”

“Remind me what it looked like?”

She hooks her arm with his, smiling sweetly at him.

_Oh, she’s good._

“You had pink hair, pony tails every time.”

He back hugs her, serious face this time. She holds onto his arms, leaning into him.

“Oh!”

She looks up at him surprised.

“Good one!”

They nod at the photographer. They hold hands, pretending to walk. He spins her once. Soft giggles as they’re instructed to do it once more. Then for her to spin him.

“I do remember! I even have a few of them saved somewhere.”

He puts her on his back and faces San.

“He’s the one who drew you.”

She hugs his neck tightly and smiles brightly at San.

“He’s super cute.”

“Right?”

“Yours?”

She looks at him curiously.

_Yes._

“Hopefully.”

She pinches his cheeks, Mingi is embarrassed. She gets down and hugs his waist. She looks at him as if he made flowers bloom.

_She’s really damn good._

He holds her chin and takes in her beauty for the millisecond he can.

“Okay, solo shots!”

“Good luck!”

She winks and walks over to San, smile so genuine as she talks to him. Mingi switches to work mode and does his best to make every shot interesting.

The photographer and Hongjoong give him praise that makes his soul feel lighter.

_I can do this._

San is with him while he quickly changes.

“I like that top on you.”

“Good because he said I can have it.”

Mingi looks for outfit two and puts it on. San neatly folding his discarded clothes.

_Cute._

He doesn’t like this outfit. Stripes are his least favourite pattern. But San is shamelessly checking him out again. These shorts did fit him well.

Mingi holds his chin and quickly pecked his lips before rushing out to hair and makeup.

Yeosang is already on set and Mingi feels his stomach knotting.

_Well fuck._

“MinMin! Our turn!”

He sings as Mingi gets his lip tint reapplied.

San walks up and smiles at Mingi as he takes his place on set. Wooyoung walks up next to him, they seem to be really happy.

_Maybe he’s talking about Chaeyoung._

Yeosang wraps his arms around Mingi’s neck,

“Pretend you enjoy being this close.”

Mingi smirks and holds his waist.

“Pretend you’re not enjoying this.”

“Oh, but I am.”

* * *

San doesn’t want to watch this; Yeosang putting his hands everywhere on his boy.

_Not mine, not yet._

Wooyoung huffs,

“I don’t like him.”

“I get the feeling no one does.”

Yeosang holds Mingi’s face, loving smile on his. Mingi leans into his touch and San clenches his jaw.

“I’ll eat him.”

“It’s just work, Wooyoung. It’s a couples line.”

_Yeah, remember that yourself._

Seonghwa and Yunho stand next to them. Yeosang looks back at him. Smirk screaming everything San is worried about. But he’d be damned if he let Yeosang see him crack. He looks away once Seonghwa’s glare burns through him enough. Yunho smooths down his shoulders and kisses his forehead.

“I know, Lovebug. But it’s work, okay? And after this you’ll be seeing less of him. So let’s push through.”

Seonghwa softens immediately.

“Okay honey bear.”

_Oh god they are sugary sweet._

Yeosang crouches down for a pose, Mingi drapes himself over him. Photographer encouraging this pose. Yeosang snuggles into Mingi’s neck.

_You’re treading on purpose._

Mingi smiles brightly for the photo before lifting away.

“That was probably the best shot.”

Yeosang holds his hand and pulls him as if they’re walking. He turns suddenly and they bump into each other, faces close as ever. San looks away, pretending to be focused on a light fixture.

The photographer called for solo shots and Mingi walks off set, towards San. Who is perhaps glaring just a little now. Even though Yeosang isn’t paying attention.

“I don’t like stripes on me.”

San looks over his outfit, it looks like a romper but it’s not.

_God his ass needs to be eaten sometime soon._

“I think you look nice.”

“You always think that.”

“Mm, true. You’re just such a good looking person.”

He knows his tone isn’t bubbly like Mingi is used to. He tries to relax himself.

_Don’t get ahead of yourself._

“Mingi!”

He kisses his cheek before walking away, holding onto San’s hand until their fingers are hooked. He looks back and blows him a kiss before letting go.

“He really likes you.”

San looks at Yunho. He’s swaying with Seonghwa in his arms, eyes closed while he prepares himself to deal with Yeosang.

“He’s never really mushy like that with anyone but me.”

“Well, I like him a whole lot.”

Mingi takes a ten minute break to quickly munch on something and San showers him with kisses in between each bite.

“You’re doing so well, Sunray.”

Mingi smiles until his eyes are little crescents.

Hongjoong is holding Wooyoung’s chin while they talk and the way he’s looking at him really surprises Mingi.

_Haven’t seen that look since Seonghwa._

He boops Wooyoung’s nose before walking away. Yeosang walks over, San notices he looks nervous.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

He and Wooyoung having flat tones with each other.

“Can I say something about something else that doesn’t concern me?”

Wooyoung tilts his head curiously.

“If it’s bothering you that much.”

“Be careful with him. Or rather, be careful of yourself when with him.”

Mingi tugs San but he doesn’t budge.

_No way in hell am I leaving him._

“He’ll make you feel like you’re special and you’re not.”

Wooyoung frowns and takes in a deep breath.

“I’m sure you are special. I didn’t mean to sound hateful. But with him, there’s always someone else.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t concern you. But thank you for the warning.”

Yeosang blinks at him, soft smile as he taps the table they’re all standing by.

“Maybe you’ll be the one to break his heart.”

“Sangie! Damn it, get on set!”

He skips by, booping Hongjoong’s nose along the way. Wooyoung walks over and Hongjoong steps closer into his space.

San looks at Mingi, asking a question he doesn’t want to ask out loud.

“I think he’s right.”

“About which part?”

“All of it.”

Wooyoung leans his head on Hongjoong’s shoulder. San sighs,

“Lie to me.”

“I will never do that.”

San pulls Mingi by the chin for a soft kiss. So soft he himself almost couldn’t feel it.

“He’ll be good to him.”

“Thank you.”

It’s painful to watch Seonghwa model with Yeosang. Yunho always with in his line of sight. Offering an encouraging smile. Thankfully Hongjoong called for it to end sooner than the others and brought Chaeyoung back out.

San watches him shake off his annoyance and falls back into Yunho’s arms. Sharing a quick kiss before Yunho feeds him some food. They’re whispering to each other, soft giggly smiles.

_That must be nice. I miss it._

“He gets under my skin so easily. I need to let it go already. It’s just that he hasn’t changed.”

_Wonder who he’s talking about._

He looks at Wooyoung and then at San.

“Call him over.”

“Youngie!”

Wooyoung turns quickly and waddles over to San.

“Mm?”

“Listen, we just met and I get it. I’ve been there and I went through it. He’s charming. He says all the right things and you’ll think he means it. He doesn’t. Wonderful friend. Powerful business owner. Terrible lover.”

“Why is everyone warning me like I’m five years old!?”

Heads turn and San pats his chest.

“No offense to you, because I _really_ like you, but I am not you. Or Yeosang. The history between you three doesn’t involve me and if I’m not different, then oh well. We’re all adults. Move on from it already.”

He walks away, all huffy and running his hands through his hair. But not back to Hongjoong, who’s focused on his work.

_Five minutes and I’ll chase after him._

Mingi is called for another outfit change and he pouts as he walks away.

“I hope your friend is as big as he talks.”

“He can be.”

Yunho leaves butterfly kisses on Seonghwa’s cheek, melting him into puddle.

“Can I ask about what happened?”

“Not here.”

He nods. Deciding now would be a good time find Wooyoung. He looks at the set, Chaeyoung and Yeosang are touching foreheads. Giggling from the closeness. He wonders how she views him.

San find’s Wooyoung by the hair styling station. Pretending to read each bottle with great interest.

“Anything for volume?”

He smirks and hands him a mousse.

“Medium hold.”

“They care, that’s all. I’m sure both of them would’ve liked a warning back then.”

He looks back at the bottles.

“Do you think I’m in over my head?”

San thinks about his words carefully.

_How many times have we been here before?_

He questions, mostly to himself. The odds being against Wooyoung never mattered before. He didn’t know the word impossible.

“Aren’t you always?”

“Give me an honest answer or a best friend lie.”

“Honestly? I think you’re the game changer.”

Wooyoung smiles down at his feet. San can feel him. The way he’s relaxing and sending out these wavelengths of calmness. In this moment, he’s more teal than grey.

“Just promise you _will_ be careful.”

“I am.”

//

* * *

The shoot is finally over and Mingi is taking it all in. This has easily been the best four hours of his career.

_Ha, “career”._

It was already over. He could only hope to be signed again. He helped Hongjoong with whatever he needed, trying to linger as long as he could. Yeosang in baggy sweats again, waving a sweater paw at him as he and Chaeyoung head out.

“You should head home too.”

“Then it’ll be over for good.”

“Just for the day. Trust in your manager’s and my marketing skills.”

Mingi sighs and looks around for San, who’s standing with his things.

“So are you two dating?”

“Are you and Wooyoung?”

“Don’t divert.”

“I haven’t asked yet.”

“Why not?”

Mingi sighs.

“Have you asked Wooyoung?”

“I’m figuring him out still.”

“But you _do_ like him, right?”

“A lot, actually.”

Mingi watches Hongjoong gather his things into his suitcase.

_Well everyone can shut up now._

“San deserves the best out of life. I’m not sure I’m good enough for him.”

“Hey don't talk about my friend! He’s a literal gift from the universe!”

“I was talking-”

“I know, poorly about yourself. Stop doing that.”

**_Ding_ **

Mingi checks his phone.

**Yeosang tagged you in a photo**

-Another wonderful day on set!

Mingi flips through until he sees the photo he’s tagged in. Yeosang snuggled into his neck.

_Great._

“Ask him.”

Mingi looks up at Hongjoong.

“Be romantic. Don’t just ask over ramen. Mean it when you say it. Okay?”

“Okay.”

San is looking at his phone and Mingi can see he’s annoyed. Positive he's looking at Yeosang's post. San closes his phone just as Mingi reaches him. He cups his face, squishing his cheeks up until San giggles. He kisses all over his face. Every piece of skin was touched by Mingi’s lips.

“Can we head to mines tonight? I’ll drop you off for work tomorrow morning. I just miss my bed.”

“Mm.”

San hugs him as tight as he can. Burying his face into Mingi's chest.

//

Mingi is lowkey in a gay panic about how he should ask. San was a hopeless romantic and Mingi didn’t plan on asking over noodles but now he’s not sure how to go about it.

_Have I ever truly been romantic?_

San is typing up an essay, Sushi curled into his lap.

“Do you drink wine?”

“I drink _anything_.”

Mingi pours him some white wine Yunho left a few months back and sits across from him.

“Should I cook us something or would you like to go out?”

“Mm.. there’s a convenient store over on 34th that has really good ramen.”

_Well fuck._

“Don’t you want something else?”

“No I miss my garbage college kid food.”

Mingi is internally screaming.

**_Ding_ **

-Don’t forget to post about your day on set!

“Hey do you mind if I post a photo with us from today? And tag you?”

San lights up and nods excitedly. Mingi looks for photos he likes. His manager always got good canids of him. He smiles at how many she got of him and San being hugged up on each other.

He settles for one of him getting his makeup done, one of him and Seonghwa looking at a monitor, him and Chaeyoung laughing while getting their makeup touched up, and finally; San and him looking through his solo shots. They were holding hands. Standing so close.

-Model life be like ~ Had a blast today! Can’t wait to be onset again ~ HQ's coming soon!

He tags everyone and exhales heavily.

_This feels good._

San closes his laptop, unable to hide his happiness.

“Let’s go get that ramen!”

He pulls Mingi from the table and he almost blurts it out right then and there.

//

* * *

The store is busy and San feels the nerves pulsing from Mingi. He just hugs his waist every chance he gets, soft smile reminding him that he’s okay.

“Ramen must be really good.”

“Too good.”

He’s staring longer than usual today. San doesn’t mind. It gives him a chance to take in more of his gorgeous boy.

“Have I told you how handsome you are today?”

“Don’t think so.”

San holds his chin,

“You are down right gorgeous, Sunray.”

Mingi turns into putty. Forming himself to fit into San’s arms perfectly.

They sit outside the convenient store, slurping noodles and watching people pass by. San doesn’t mind the quiet. He’s sure Mingi tired and can use the white noise of the city.

“This is nice.”

“I told you, too good.”

“No.. I mean..”

San focuses on Mingi. He's moving around his noodles quickly even though it’s mixed properly.

“I mean us, being together, is nice.”

“It’s very nice.”

San scoots his chair closer and stops Mingi’s hand.

“So if I asked you something..”

He looks at San finally. San tilts his head.

“Swear you won’t tell Hongjoong it was over ramen.”

“What if he offers me something I can’t resist?”

“Then your possible boyfriend would feel betrayed.”

San can’t stop his eyes from going as wide as they do.

_Fuck I’m a panicked pan right now._

“What?”

“I want to be your boyfriend, Lovely.”

San feels his heart beating in his ears. Mingi is the softest yellow he’s ever seen.

“I want that too, Sunray.”

They lean into each other, lips taking a moment to move in sync. San can’t stop his smile from getting wider by the second. Mingi cups his cheeks, fingertips dipping in and out of his dimples.

_Mine, finally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> editor jenn, thank you for your hard work.
> 
> 19+ ppl follow me on twt: goteez_ !!  
> (thats also my cc if you don't want to comment/make suggestions here)  
> pls leave comments/kudos bc i am a leo and will die without positive reinforcement !!!!


	5. Then and Now: Hongjoong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The another side of the story.
> 
> People are people and sometimes it doesn't workout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a small (one sentence) mention of a s*icidal thought towards the end. its during mingi's pov and tbh its not very triggering TO ME but just a heads up.  
> i don't like this chapter. im hella projecting and literally got in my feelings so much bc i've been on every end of this bullsh*t but anyways ~

/almost nine months ago/

“Hongjoong, model Park Seonghwa is here for his meeting with you.”

“Five minutes.”

The door closes and he hadn’t looked up from his sketches in what felt like days. Even at home he was nose deep in his art supplies, up to his elbows in different water colour paints and marker stains. This line was going to be different for him. This was going to be  _ the _ line for him up to date, anyways. There was something about each piece he was creating, both on paper and with fabric, that was sparking a new kind of fire in him. He hadn’t seen his friends in weeks. But he needed to finish.

_ Dreams don’t work unless you do. _

He’s almost done when someone clears their throat. Hongjoong hadn’t even heard the door open, much less close.

_ Had it been five minutes already? _

He holds up a finger and adds the last bit of pattern to his design.

_ There. _

Hongjoong looks up and swore he felt the ground quake under him. Seonghwa smiles nervously at him from behind his manager.

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“What a pleasure to be disturbed by such a being.”

Hongjoong doesn’t break eye contact with him. He wanted Seonghwa to know he was, in fact, speaking to  _ him. _

Seonghwa’s cheeks tint pink and his manager clears her throat again.

“Please, sit.”

He hurries to clear a space for them. Making sure not to completely dismantle his layout of things. As Seonghwa is looking over at his work, he feels nervous.

_ That’s the whole reason he’s here. _

“That looks incredible.”

“Thank you. Hopefully you’ll be wearing it and it’ll look even better.”

He doesn’t see the smirk Seonghwa tries to hide.

He huffs when he’s done moving his work aside. Smile warm as ever when Hongjoong gives them his full attention. He takes a seat next to Seonghwa,

“Let's work out the details of this contract.”

//

“Thank you for taking time to see us. I know you’re incredibly busy.”

“No, thank you for agreeing to come.”

Seonghwa’s manager answers a phone call and Hongjoong lets out a nervous laugh as they stand awkwardly near each other.

“You’re quite handsome, it’s a little intimidating.”

“Thank you. I’m sure you see a good bundle of beautiful people from day to day, so it means a lot.”

“Bundles, yes. But none like you.”

He’s trying to keep his cool, but this wide eyed guy is making him regret his words.

_ Too thick. _

Seonghwa bows, ears turning red and gives a small wave before existing with his manager.

/now/

San was lying on Mingi’s chest. He decided to stay at San’s after their lunch date since it was pouring rain. The gloominess found its way into San’s apartment unfortunately (for them both).

Mingi combs his fingers through San’s hair.

_ Always so soft. _

“Want me to cook something? We haven’t eaten today.”

“I don’t wanna move.”

He kisses the crown of his head and pulled him closer. San peaks up at him. Mingi wonders if he looks this tiny when he’s upset like this.

“That’s why I said  _ I _ would do it. You stay in bed and I’ll just whip up something really quick.”

“I don’t have anything.”

San wraps his legs around one of Mingi’s in an attempt to help convince him not to leave their bed.

_ Boa constrictor. _

“Do you have kimchi?”

“Very little.”

“Ramen?”

“Mm.”

Mingi thinks, smoothing back his hair to kiss his forehead. San closes his eyes and Mingi leaves a few more. Earning a tiny smile from San.

“You think that beef is still good.”

“No.”

“Okay.. What about eggs?”

“Three.”

“Kimchi ramen it is!”

San whines as Mingi removes himself from bed. He cradled his face, pressing their lips softly together. San puts his hands over Mingi’s, mega pout on his face that almost,  _ almost _ , makes him get back into bed.

“I know you’re upset, Lovely, but we still need to take care of ourselves.”

He nods but Mingi can tell he didn’t want to. Letting his hands fall to his sides again.

_ Self care 101 _

Mingi’s following was split on the subtle news of him dating. He tried his best to filter the comments but it seemed pointless. Tagging San also proved to be just as bad of an idea. He did gain thirty thousand followers, but the comments left on his posts (which have zero to do with the pair) were just as brutal. Mingi tried to sway San into thinking it’d be good for his art work. That all these new people would probably commission his work. Which worked briefly. San tried to hold it in the first couple of days, too excited about them being “official” to even care. But after a few more days, it sunk in. It always does. It’s like quicksand. The internet is brutal. It wasn’t safe or inviting like everyone thought it out to be. Which wasn’t fair to say since his followers were always making sure he himself felt worthy of anything, really.

He feels arms wrap around his waist and he leans into San’s embrace. Who snuggles into his shoulders,

“Almost done?”

His voice is soft and muffled but he’s close enough for Mingi to hear him.

“Few more minutes.”

He doesn’t let go but Mingi doesn’t mind. He feels tender kisses being placed up the back of his next and he hums at the contact. San hugs him tighter and Mingi runs his fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. He smiles to himself as he imagines San on his tippy toes.

“Why don’t you get us some bowls?”

He can feel San’s nose glide across his skin as he shakes his head no.

“Okay, little one. Just be careful of your fingers.”

San whines at the new pet name and snuggles his face between Mingi’s shoulder blades again.

/eight months, three weeks ago/

Hongjoong carefully takes Seonghwa’s measurements. He’s genuinely focused on getting the numbers right that he doesn’t properly savour being so close to his thighs.

“Do you always personally size your models?”

“The first few times. It gives me a chance to know what their bodies are like.”

He scribbles numbers down on his paper.

“That way when someone else does it, if something is off I will know they half assed their job.”

He stands, more scribbles. Seonghwa watches him.

“I usually book the same models. I like to keep things consistent. So their weight changes are usually noticeable right away. It seems like more work for me but it’s less of a hassle to size them personally the first few times, rather than having to alter their clothing over and over.”

Hongjoong makes notes of the tones Seonghwa is wearing to remind himself what he’s seen him in.

“Plus, I like to make sure each piece fits their bodies as ideally close to perfect as I can get it. I want them to put on something and think, “Wow. It’s like this was made for  _ me _ .” And not feel as if the clothes are wearing them.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. Seonghwa clears his throat, looking away.

_ What a cutie. _

“Sorry I won’t bore you with this kinda talk.”

“No, please it's not boring. It’s refreshing that you care so much.”   
Hongjoong feels himself staring and shakes his head, trying to focus. He walks over to the rack of clothing hes set aside for Seonghwa to try on.

“There’s a number on each set, please try them on in order. They won’t fit perfectly but I’ll adjust them after you walk and I see what needs to be taken in or loosened. I gave a rough guess as to what you’d fit into.”

“Is your eye really that good?”

“I did say  _ rough _ guess.”

“Give yourself some credit and say yes next time.”

He laughs shyly and points to a room divider,

“Sorry I’m in the process of getting this place remodeled. I’ll step out so you can change comfortably.”

“You don’t have to leave.”

Seonghwa doesn’t look at him, just drags the rack over to where he was directed. His manager takes a seat at the table where Hongjoong still has a mess of papers spread out.

It quiet. Which isn’t bad but Hongjoong can’t focus on anything but the sound of clothes falling to the floor and being tugged on.

_ Quit being a pervert. _

Seonghwa steps out and his whole persona has shifted. Those kind eyes and shy smile has faded away. He strides and Hongjoong forgets he’s supposed to be watching the movement of the fabric. Seonghwa is looking at him but not really. Hongjoong feels as though he’s shrinking under his gaze. When he stops for a quick pose, Seonghwa flashes a smirk. He turns to walk back and Hongjoong snaps out of it, getting up to slowly follow him. Paying attention to the pants and scribbling on that paper from before. Seonghwa is surprised when he turns and Hongjoong isn’t far behind him.

/now/

Mingi sets the table up as San sits, watching a time lapse of someone doing a realistic painting a frog on a lily pad. He’s got one of his stuffies hugged tightly against his chest. San kisses any spot on Mingi’s arm he can when it crosses his face. Silent thank you’s that make Mingi melt a little.

“I’m giving you a lot but you don’t have to eat it all if you’re tummy says no, okay?”

Mingi glances down at San as he serves him. He kisses his forehead and San gives a tiny, soft smile.

“Mm.”

San nods and closes his phone, looking over the bowl. His face lights up for the first time in hours. He wiggles a little,

“This looks delicious!”

“Let's hope it tastes as good as it looks.”

San breaks off a piece of egg, grabs pieces of kimchi, and a good amount of noodles. Blowing impatiently before he shoves it in his mouth. Cheeks hollow as he slurps in more.

Mingi takes a small bite, watching San’s reaction. San covers his mouth, eyes going wide the way Mingi just  _ adores _ , and he nods quickly. Two thumbs up.

“Phew!”

San is eating at lightning speed and Mingi is glad he decided to get out of bed.

Normally, he wouldn’t have. He would’ve wallowed in his lonely and whatever sadness bubbled up that particular time and suffered the consequences the following day.

Tonight was different, obviously.

He was lonely because San wasn’t really present (which he understood). The sadness that bubbled up was from knowing this was slightly his fault and he couldn’t do a thing to cheer him up. Not properly anyways. It all seemed to be fleeting.

But like the moon always does, he was lighting up the darkest corners of both their souls. Even as silly as this all seemed.

“You make me so happy.”

_ How on Earth am I even capable of doing that? _

Mingi shakes his head, looking down at his bowl.

“It’s nothing, really.”

San lifts his chin and the look in his eyes makes Mingi’s lungs forgot how to contract.

“It's  _ everything _ , actually.”

Did you know the moon only reflects three to twelve percent of the sun's light?

/eight months, one week ago/

Hongjoong perhaps hasn’t been able to stop finding excuses to have his hand on Seonghwa’s waist whenever he got the chance. Whether it's fixing his shirt or leaning in to “hear” him better, he found a away. Seonghwa didn’t mind. He’d lean in to his touch or step closer toward Hongjoong. They often held each other’s stare from across the set. Or a changing room. Or any space that they shared. He found himself favouring Seonghwa over the other models and he noticed.

“You know, you might want to butter up the others as well before they find a new gig.”   
“You are worth ten of my other models.”

He (of course) doesn’t say this loud enough for others to hear.

“You’d be lost without them.”

They giggle to themselves, eyeing the room to make sure no one is  _ really _ paying attention to them.   
“Indeed. But I’d be devastated without you.”

There’s a shy smile tugging at the corners of Seonghwa’s lips. Hongjoong loves this reaction most. He has a small dimple you can see best when he’s trying not to smile. And maybe Hongjoong daydreams about kissing it. Kissing Seonghwa in general.

“Are we having lunch together again?”

“How does ginger garlic chicken sound?”   
“Perfect.”

//

They’re laughing a little too loudly, a little to closely in this booth. The older people keep giving them side eyes of both warning and annoyance. But Hongjoong and Seonghwa are to wrapped up in each other to really care.

Seonghwa clears his throat, putting his head in his hand to look at Hongjoong. Whose facing him already. Watching Seonghwa laugh like he hasn’t got a care in the world was a magical experience. Seonghwa has classic resting bitch face. So if you had the privilege of being someone who could melt away that expressionless mask, you have no choice but to bask in that moment. Bask in that undeniably, breathtakingly beautiful human. There’s a stillness to the air now as Hongjoong watches Seonghwa’s eyes flick between his lips and his eyes.

“Do it already.”

They scoot closer, leaning into each other but Seonghwa doesn’t allow their lips to meet. Which draws the tiniest, softest whine from Hongjoong.

“You would love that, wouldn’t you?”

“More than you know.”

“You’re my boss.”

“And I stopped caring about that like, four days ago.”

It’s as light as a feather and too quick to savour. But the way Hongjoong’s face looks is enough to have Seonghwa grinning like a devil.

“I’ll give you more. Later.”

“At my place?”

Seonghwa scoots away from him. There’s something about how he’s looking at Hongjoong now that’s incredibly sexy. The way his whole aura shifts with every emotion is a rollercoaster.

“What time?”

Hongjoong genuinely thinks for a moment. He pulls out his phone and Seonghwa giggles as his thumb flicks through his schedule.

“Ah, yes. Okay how’s 8:30 tonight for you?”

“I’m sure I can figure it out.”

//

Hongjoong isn’t sure how he ended up face down, ass up with his wrist tied above his head to the headboard but.. He also wasn’t complaining. He wasn’t doing anything besides falling apart under Seonghwa’s touch. Or tongue rather. The delicate flick of it, how his huffs from his nose gave him goosebumps. He’s hoping he’ll have tiny marks from how hard Seonghwa is gripping his ass.

Hongjoong has to keep count of how many times he’s edged. If he forgets, ice is involved in the worst way possible (he found out from testing his limits).

He can feel his orgasm creeping up again. He’s sure Seonghwa has caught on to when it is coming (heh) as well. But he’s sadistic enough to want Hognjoong to say something.

“I- Seong.. stop. Stop, stopstopstop!”

Seonghwa pulls his face from between his cheeks, wiping his mouth.

“Count?”

Hongjoong is trying to gather his thoughts. He hadn’t even been able to properly say Seonghwa’s name. The fact that he even said ‘stop’ was impressive to him. He gets goosebumps as Seonghwa lightly glides his nails down the back of his thighs. Bringing him back form his thoughts and to the bed.

“Uh, shit okay..”

Seonghwa swirls the cup of melting ice and Hongjoong whines at the subtle warning.

“Wait, wait.. It’s five.”

“I was looking forward to watching you cry again.”   
“Hey I didn’t  _ cry _ okay.”

The bed dips near his shoulders and he looks over at Seonghwa.

“I want to see how well you beg.”

He drops his head in defeat.

“You’ll get left like this while I take care of myself. Right here next to you. I’ll let you watch since you’ve kept count like the good whore you are.”

Hongjoong turns his head,   
“You’re going to ruin me.”   
“Only if you ask nicely, darling.”

/now/

* * *

San is looking over at his art supplies as Mingi cleans up.

_ I should be helping. _

Mingi looks over his shoulder and San smiles best he can.

_ I shouldn't be this sad. _

And yet he was. San didn’t think highly of himself to begin with. But to have complete strangers validate his insecurities, to magnify and intensify them, it hit differently. He hasn’t even checked his phone for the last two days. He deleted that stupid app and figured, if it were important, then whoever wanted to reach him would call.

“Do you want to draw, little one?”

Goodness, the way San felt his whole body fill with warmth when Mingi called him that.

“Yeah, I just don’t have anything in mind.”

“Maybe you will once you start.”

Mingi dries his hands and walks over to the sketch book and pencil pouch on the coffee table. Every step he takes causes swirls of yellow to dance around him.

_ I need to understand these colours. _

“Actually..”   
Mingi looks at him with that curious expression he’s adapted from him. San fidgets with the stuffie in his lap. He doesn’t even notice that Mingi has walked back over to him, lifting his head gently. Eyes starry and sweet as he waits for San to say what’s on his mind. He looks like that damn emoji and San wants to munch on his face.

“Can I paint on you?”

Mingi’s has a gleam in his eyes. San notices his little dimple and his heart decides that’s it's new home from this point on.

“Of course you can, Lovely.”

  
  


San is looking over Mingi’s chest. Trying to mentally map out where he wanting things. Not even sure what ‘ _ things _ ’ he was going to paint. He notices Mingi trying to avoid his eyes. San leans down, kissing up his body. Mingi gets goosebumps.

_ Shy baby boy. _

“What’s going on up there?”

“I hate being so exposed.”

“Should I remind you that we have had each other’s dicks in our mouths on more than one occasion?”

Mingi rolls his eyes.

“You know I don’t like when you stare.”

“We don’t have to do this.”

He shakes his head, tilting it up slightly so San can kiss under his jaw. Mingi idly plays with San’s hair. He figures he should give him a moment to get his nerve back. Knowing Mingi needs to be the one to lead. Or feel like he’s leading.

“What if you painted my back?”

“If that’ll be more comfortable for you.”

He sits up and Mingi does this smile where his face softens and suddenly his boyfriend’s sharp, intimidating features turn to mush.

_ Goodness, you’re unreal. _

Mingi turns over and San is distracted by his broadness. Tracing small patterns into his shoulder blades. He didn’t know what he wanted to paint. He just knew he wanted to create  _ something _ .

He squeezes some blue and grey paint onto his back, mixing the colours and trying to force an idea to the forefront of his brain.

/seven months, two weeks ago/

Hongjoong is starting to realise something. He didn’t actually like Seonghwa. Which normally wouldn’t be an issue. Except, he knows Seonghwa likes him. And maybe that was his fault. He knew he didn’t need to take Seonghwa out for dinner when he wanted sex or cook him breakfast the morning after as a way of saying thank you. He just felt like it was wrong to be so distasteful with his actions when it came to Seonghwa. There was this elegance about him that was above everything ‘friends with benefits’ stood for. And sure, Hongjoong probably needed to say something by now but there was never truly a good moment to tell Seonghwa that he wasn’t as interested. Well, perhaps there was and Hongjoong was too caught up in glory that was Park Seonghwa to even consider ruining what they had. Both in and outside of work. He truly would be devastated if he lost him. Because is there truly a kind way to tell someone you only want them around for work and sex?

Hongjoong had a meeting with a new model. He was under the same company as his friend Mingi. So he already had high hopes for this guy. He was reading over his resume and every time Hongjoong did this it was always so, what’s the word? Peculiar. He’s been running his own business for awhile now and sometimes he found himself still having these outer body experiences.

_ Who am I to truly judge whose fit to wear my clothing when I’m barely recognised as a designer? _

“Hongjoong, model Kang Yeosang is here for his meeting with you.”

“Five minutes.”

He smiles brightly at his assistant who is geedy at the action. He makes a mental note to seem happier while he’s working. He didn’t want this place to feel like a prison. Hongjoong rereads the resume and is just as impressed as he was the first time.

He looks up once he hears the door click open and sees one of the most remarkable people he’s come across.

“Hello!”

His cheery tone leaves Hongjoong at a loss for words. He tilts his head and bites his bottom lip, trying not to laugh.

“I’m sorry, hello. Kim Hongjoong.”

“Kang Yeosang.”

Hongjoong looks past him and is confused,

“Where’s your manager?”

“Heh, I decided to arrive early and not tell her. She’ll get here and be fussy, thinking I’m running late. The look on her face is going to be priceless.”

_ What a little shit. _

He winks, putting a finger over his lips. That happen to be cherry red. Hongjoong laughs and scratches the back of his head.

“Sit, let’s talk for now. Get to know each other.”

“Sure thing!”

He notices Hongjoong’s work on one side of the table.

“Always this messy?”

Hongjoong scoffs.

“The place is almost done getting remodeled. I’ll have my office back soon enough.”

They sit opposite of each other.

“I wanted everyone else to have their work space as soon as possible and to feel comfortable. I take my work everywhere with me as is, I don’t mind the chaos.”

Yeosang puts his head in his hand, charming smile as he lets out a soft sigh.

“That’s very kind of you. Always that considerate?”

Hongjoong shakes his head.

“Not always.”

There's a soft knock. Seonghwa pokes his head in and smiles excitedly.

“Sorry, I know you’re busy.”

“Call next time, please.”

He shows him a takeout bag,

“Just wanted to drop off your lunch.”

Yeosang checks out Seonghwa and Hongjoong smirks. He looks at Seonghwa fondly, letting his fingers glide across his as he takes the bag.

“Thank you, Seongie.”

“You’re very handsome.”

Seonghwa isn’t good at hiding his emotions. So his discomfort from the sudden compliment from the random stranger was written all over his face. Hongjoong can’t help but laugh.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll call you when I’m done.”

Seonghwa nods. Smiling sweetly, sweater paw wave as he exits. Yeosang watches him leave.

“Please tell me you’re fucking him silly.”

He turns back to him, exhaling hard.

“We are at a meeting. For your future employment. With me. Meaning he will be your coworker.”

“Meeting doesn’t start without my manager.”

They hold a stare.

_ How interesting. _

Hongjoong clears his throat, looking over the resume once again.

“So, you’re twenty one-”

“Ah, no. Answer the question.”

Hongjoong huffs, tapping his pen against the table.

“We’re involved, yes.”

Yeosang pushes his lips up like he’s thinking.

“Serious?”

“Not very.”

There’s a twinkle in Yeosang’s eyes that is pure mischief. Just then, his manager power walks in. Heavy breathing and apologising for being a few minutes late. Yeosang erupts with giggles when she glares at him.

/now/

San giggles every time he moves. Simply because Mingi lets out soft groans from the feeling of San’s dick against his ass.

“I swear you’re moving a lot more than you need to.”

“Pinky promise I’m genuinely working. Hard.”

“One of us is, that’s for sure.”

San hums at that. He wasn’t  _ completely  _ teasing Mingi. Not on purpose anyways.

His mind decided on a simple idea. A mango. Which made him laugh internally.

_ A mango on a mango. _

He hadn’t properly understood the nickname but it was cheering him up. Mingi, was cheering him up.

Too often San has people around him who were always dragging him out of his sadness much too quickly. He didn’t like being sad, no one does. But he usually never had proper moments to himself so he could recover at his own pace. It was like his feelings were swept under a rug. And that’s not to say his friends didn’t care or invalidated him. They just had different ways of dealing with their problems. Never really understanding that the bounce back routine wasn’t a one size fits all. San did appreciate them nonetheless. They gave him positivity when he lacked it. Especially Wooyoung.

But Mingi was so delicate with him. Which was so surprising considering Mingi was one heck of a whirlwind when he was with his friends. A pleasant one, really. San hadn’t found this kind of chaos enjoyable since Wooyoung. But Mingi always handles San as if he were downright dainty. Especially these last few days. Never speaking too loudly or pushing him to do, well, anything really. Mingi even offered to do San’s homework. He could really get used to this.

San holds Mingi’s hips, looking over the mango. Wishing it was a little more 3D. He rolls his hips and Mingi whines under him.

“I’m done.”

Tone taunting as his scoots back.

“Painting or teasing me?”

“Painting.”

San can see the eye roll even with Mingi turned away. He sat himself between Mingi’s legs, gently pulling him back into his lap.

“San.”

“Yes, baby boy?”

Mingi groans into the pillows. San holds the dip of his back. Mingi bows himself but then flops himself forward.

“Well then.”

“Shut  _ up _ .”

San giggles and he can see how red Mingi’s ears are even though he’s trying to hide.

“Take a photo! I want to see.”

San gets up and picks up his abandoned phone. He notices twenty four messages from Wooyoung.

_ Jeez, Youngie. _

He doesn’t open them. He noticed his mom called and makes a mental note to call her back. He opens his camera and hovers above Mingi.

“Put your arms under your head.”

Mingi listens. San tried not to drool over how sexy his muscles look when flexed like this.

“Okay turn your head. I want to capture that gorgeous side profile.”

Mingi turns and he’s got a little smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

_ Saving that for later. _

And by later he means for the days they weren’t together. All though lately they’ve been pulling towards each other like magnets. San can not see his days without Mingi. Even if it was just to grab lunch.

He takes the photo and smiles to himself.

“You look so good-looking, a true model.”

“Shut up.”

Mingi buries his face into the pillows yet again.

_ Bunny _ .

/seven months, one week ago/

Juggling these two had been harder than Hongjoong thought. He hadn’t intended on being with them both in this way. But there was something about each of them he didn’t want to give up.

Did that make him a bad person? To want them both because they both filled needs for him the other didn’t, even if it meant slightly bending the truth? Hongjoong has never been interested in one person at a time. He never tried to understand that part of heart. Where others believe in one soul mate, he did not. It was simple as that. For him, any how.

And that’s not to say these two were his soul mates. They weren’t. Not by a long shot.

Seonghwa was what Hongjoong needed in his life right now. He gave things the kind of structure he couldn’t achieve on his own. Whether on set when Hongjoong was running around like a chicken with no head or at home when he was working tirelessly on something. Seonghwa was there to smooth out the wrinkles. Which is partially why he enjoyed his company so much. Seonghwa a good right hand man. Honestly, it was terrible to consider him as more a business partner rather than a lover. Because Seonghwa was undoubtedly in the top five best partners Hongjoong has ever had. Seonghwa knew how and when to touch him. Knew when to be rough and when to be tender. There were places on his body that Seonghwa already knew like the back of his hand. There’s was never any judgment when it came to their sex. No matter how Seonghwa twisted his features outside of the bedroom, he always showed great interest in Hongjoong’s kinks. Ready to indulge him in any, if not all, of his pleasures.

Yeosang wasn’t completely opposite of Seonghwa. But boy, was he different. He was airy, he was fresh, and he was (mostly) unafraid to be himself. His timid mask flies away the moment he felt comfortable with the people around him. Hongjoong thought he knew him so well already and yet, there were layers to Yeosang surprising him with every private moment they shared. He teased Hongjoong in a way that reminded him he was still young. Like booping his nose as he walked by or making faces as he stood behind him while Hongjoong was talking to other models. It was almost destressing to have this brat around. He convinced him to take breaks from work when Hongjoong was reaching a high stress level. He loves dragging him to arcades and filled him up on sugary desserts just for good measure. Yeosang was like a sour patch kid. Deviously sour, thoughtfully sweet. Sex with Yeosang, however, was polar opposite of sex with Seonghwa. Yeosang was the subbiest baby boy Hongjoong had ever had the pleasure of fucking, as he often said, silly. The way he worked for Hongjoong’s approval behind closed doors was sinful.

Where one took his control, the other gave him it. 

One hand held how much he enjoyed working with them and the other held how much he enjoyed fucking them.

There was a balance he was selfishly unwilling to give up just because there was a lack of romance he couldn’t be bothered to find.

However, Seonghwa was growing tired of not having his undivided attention. He was also highly suspicious of his alone time with Yeosang (did he skip the part were Seonghwa doesn’t know about just how involved he is with Yeosang?). This was a truth he was bending.

Did Seonghwa have something to worry about? No, not at all. Hongjoong did prefer his time with Seonghwa.

Why was he always alone with him? He wasn’t technically  _ always _ alone with Yeosang. Not when Seonghwa asked anyways. Work was work, he’s around plenty of people and sometimes they have to be alone.

Yeosang didn’t mind the lightness or casual terms of what they had. He understood that Seonghwa and him were involved and respected when Honjoong had plans with him first. Yeosang was also better at keeping things offset, unlike Seonghwa. Which Hongjoong couldn’t blame him for. Hongjoong was too damn handsy for his own good most of the time. He did fear for Yeosang some days when Seonghwa tried his best to set him on fire with his eyes. Which is what made things with Yeosang so hard to kick start at first.

“He’s glaring at me again.”

Yeosang says in that soft, baby voice of his that makes the hair on Hongjoong’s neck stand up.

Hongjoong was quickly restitching a button on his shirt. Yeosang had smoothed back his hair since it was falling in his eyes.

“He’s  _ always _ glaring. Don’t let it get to you, sweet boy.”

Hongjoong smoothes out the shirt and holds his chin. Yeosang gets shy and swats his hand away.

_ Where’s that grumpy gills? _

He looks over just as Seonghwa turns so the hair stylist can touch up his hair.

_ You could see his jaw muscle flexing four miles away. _

Seonghwa has his arms folded as Hongjoong walks up to him. He dismisses the hair stylist and starts to fix his hair himself.

“You’re going to out me if you don’t stop burning holes through the others.”

“It’s not the others. Just him.”

Hongjoong kisses his temple quickly.

“ _ Please _ don’t be jealous. Even though green looks fantastic on you.”

Seonghwa looks down and clears his throat as someone sits in the seat next to him. Hongjoong motions for him to follow before he heads off set. Seonghwa waits a minute before exiting as well. Hongjoong pulls the taller boy into his arms, sucky kisses on the curve of his jaw that have him melting into him instantly. He smirks as the Seonghwa softly wraps his arms around his neck. It was moments like this when he felt guilty for not feeling what Seonghwa probably was. Not _truly_ _wanting_ him.

“What have I always said?”

“Something about devastation without me.”

Hongjoong laughs and shakes him, patting his butt.

“Exactly.”

“I just.. I hate sharing you.”

“Good thing I put you first any chance I get.”

_ Too thick _ ,  _ as usual. _

Which isn’t a lie.

It’s another bendable truth.

/now/

San was singing softly to some One Direction song for Mingi in the shower. He was quite keen on this group. He wasn't being too shy and San thanks the power of pop music.

He’s reluctantly scrubbing away his work. This was the worst part.

“We must be fireproof-”

“What made you first paint on.. her.”

San blinks, Mingi looking over his shoulder just enough for San to see the corner of his eye.

“Hmm.”

San thinks about his words, it’s not a big deal. But he knows that’s for Mingi, it was.

“Pinterest.”

Mingi looks away and San rinses off his back before scrubbing a fresh squeeze of soap against his skin.

“I seen this photoset of a woman who had all the classic paintings: Starry Night, Birth of Venus, Persistence of Memory and all those, on her back. And thought, “huh. I could do that.” And.. I did. Well, not the classics. I don’t think I’m that talented.”

“Yes you are.”

“False.”

“Did it ever.. lead to, um-”

“Steamy, messy sex?”

San can see his ears turning red. He giggles,

“Not always. When I’m working, it’s all I’m thinking about.”

“Oh..”

_ Crap. _

San rinses Mingi’s back again. He turns him around and his shy boyfriend is back, avoiding eye contact. Mingi tries to trade places with him but San traps him between his arms.

“Did you want me to blow you again, baby boy? Because I’d  _ love _ to.”

Mingi rolls his eyes and flicks San’s forehead.

“Shut up!”

“Why don’t you put you thick cock in my-”

“SAN I WAS TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION!”

They burst into laughter. San wouldn’t ever get tired of flustering him. He kisses along his jaw, hands slowly falling down to his hips. Mingi isn’t melting under him like he normally does. He takes the hint.

“How about..”

San hugs his waist and Mingi brushes back his wet hair.

“We finish washing up, I’ll make us some coco, and you can ask me any questions you have. No matter how invasive they seem, okay?”

Mingi nods, cupping San’s face and pulling him into a kiss. The first kiss in a few days that didn’t feel like they were going through the motions. A real kiss. One where Mingi acts like he’ll never get the chance to have his lips on San’s again. Holding him as if San will slip away and never come back.

San’s the one melting away and down the drain.

//

“Lots of whip cream!”

“Okay.”

“More marshmallows that coco!”

“Whatever you’d like, Sunray.”

San knows all this sugar isn’t good, but he knows Mingi is about to open himself up to things he isn’t going to like and decides to ease this anyway possible.

San hands him his cup and sits next to him. He sighs heavily and smiles,

“What’s on your mind, Sunray?”

He looks down at his cup, eyes flicking between each of the marshmallows pulled on top.

“Did.. you think of her? When you were painting on me just now?”

“No. I was thinking about the mango. And how yummy your shoulders looked.”

“Don’t say things like that. Not right now.”

“What things?”

“Flirty things.”

San tried not to giggle and nods.

“Mingi, when I’m with you, you’re the only thing on my mind. Not even Wooyoung can take my attention from you.”

He looks back down at his cup,

“Do I remind you of her?”

“God no.”

Mingi giggles at the disgusted look on San’s face.

“You’re soft and caring. You’re  _ considerate  _ and patient with me. You’re definitely more supportive than she could ever imagine being.”

Mingi sips his coco. San pushes away his anger, this was not the time.

_ He doesn’t deserve to feel even a pinch of that rage. Relax. _

“She doesn’t sound very lovely-”

“Please don’t.. call her that.”

Mingi blinks at him.

“I just.. really like it when you call  _ me _ that. I want it just for me. So please, let me have that.”

“It’s all yours, Lovely.”

They smile softly and Mongi clears his throat.

“Why did you break up?”

“The first time? She wasn’t happy being with me.”

_ Don't over share. Let him ask. _

Mingi scoots closer and his eyes are big and doe like and so sparkly. San wants to smother him with kisses.

“I feel that. It’s so rough when you’re happy with someone just to find out they’d rather be anywhere else, with anyone else.. I’m sorry you went through that.”

“I’m sorry you have as well. You’re pure sunshine.”

Mingi tilts his head,

“But.. why did you get back together if she wasn’t happy?”

San pouts a little and thinks. Trying his best to be articulate.

“I think we just missed the comfort of each other? We were good friends before everything and she hadn’t fully moved out. It wasn’t a long break up.. Just a few weeks. We wanted to try again.”

San shrugs.

“I kinda felt lost with her. I used to think her being hard on me was a way to motivate me. I thought her tough love only seemed curl to me because I was used to things being sugar coated. I thought she was making me into a better version of myself. But when I spent that first month alone, like truly alone, I couldn’t even remember what or who I actually was.”

San looks at his own cup, tapping the sides.

“Isn’t it funny how we wrap ourselves up in other people, we tend to forget where we start and they end?”

“I’ve only done that once. But.. I don't think that was love. Love is supposed to be two people meeting halfway, then going forward together and that.. was just me running in circles.”

San looks up and Mingi is glowing orange hues. He seems as if memories are flashing before his eyes.

“Why did you break up the last time?”

“She wanted me to find a real career path.”

Mingi frowns at his words.

“I don’t like her.”

San giggles and shakes his head.

“I don’t like her and I understand why Wooyoung was so mad. Maybe not fully but..”

_ Don't let him know it’s as bad as it was. Don’t let him pity you. I can take that from anyone but him and Youngie. _

San leans over and kisses his nose. Then gives him Eskimo kisses. Mingi leans back from him, shaking his head and San tried not to take it personal.

“You’re so talented! That’s bullshit!”

“Breathe. Not everyone understands the arts.”

“Who cares!? It’s your passion, your joy. How could she say something so rude and hurtful to you? Someone she loved? Slept with and-”

“Sunray, it’s over and done with. I’m.. getting past it. Every day I spend with you makes me realise how I  _ should _ be treated. And what I want from my partner in the long run.”

Mingi sits up straight and his cheeks are turning red quicker than a cuttlefish in danger.

“Too much?”

“A little.”

San feels his heart sinking slowly but Mingi dips into his view, and for some reason he can’t help but giggle.

“What?”

“Nothing!”

“Is my face funny to you?”

San puts their cups down and snuggles into his chest. Hiding his giggling face. He feels parts of himself settling perfectly in parts of Mingi and it worries him.

_ Neither of us are ready. _

But who ever truly is ready?

/six months, two weeks ago/

Yeosang is twirling around the kitchen in his boxers while Hongjoong packs him something to eat from the lunch he’s ordered in. Yeosang slept in longer than either of them intended. Hongjoong was a bit needy last night. Keeping Yeosang on the edge as long as he could, him encouraging Hongjoong to use him even after he had cum. He even woke him up early in the morning. Craving his sweet baby boy so much, too much.

“This looks so yummy! You didn’t have to.”

Yeosang hugs him with one arm, nuzzling into his shoulder.

“You were extremely useful last night.”

Not his best compliment but still, a genuine one.

“You finally gonna start calling me dirty, yucky names like “cum slut” and-”

There’s a knock at the door Hongjoong furrows his brows.

_ Oh shit. _

He cups Yeosangs face.

“Go wait in the room for me. I think it’s a brand rep that I forgot I invited over.”

“Always invite such important people over?”

Hongjoong pinches his cheek extra hard. Yeosang whines and swats his hand away.

“I’ll get dressed. I should leave anyways.”

Once the bedroom door closes, Hongjoong sighs as he sees Seonghwa in the camera. He opens the door with a disapproving face.

“Seongie..”

“I know! I know, I’m sorry.”

He leans in and kisses Hongjoong, holding his chin. He can feel the smile on Seonghwa’s lips.

“I actually wanted you to watch me dance. I’m trying for center position and I could use someone who doesn’t kiss my ass.”

“But I do kiss your ass, my love.”

The bedroom door clicks open and Hongjoong closes his eyes as he hears him fussing in the kitchen.

“He stopped by to drop me off some lunch. His manager asked him to since I decided to work with him again.”

Seonghwa nods. Hongjoong boops his nose. He didn’t lie, Yeosang did come by yesterday specifically to thank him.

Yeosang smiles brightly,

“Hwa! You look extra broody today!”

Seonghwa steps aside and clears his throat.

“Yeosang.”

“Don’t be so formal with me.”

He gently shoved his shoulder. Hongjoong grins at how much Seonghwa is trying to smile normally.

“Later Joongie.”

He winks and Hongjoong wonders if Seonghwa noticed the hickey on the curve of his jaw.

“How long is your dance practice? I have a meeting to head to at three.”

“Why do you allow him to be so flirty with you? Aren’t you worried about what people will say?”

“Do you ask yourself this when we slip up in front of others?”

Seonghwa looks down at his shoes, hands behind his back.

“Or is it different with you?”

“I just.. care about your reputation.”

“I can see those juicy clickbait titles. The engagements on my sites will be through the roof.”

Seonghwa pushes his hair back Hongjoong can’t read his expression.

“Um, dance practice usually goes on for hours. So if you’d rather meet up after you take care of business, then that’s okay.”

“I like that plan better.”

Seonghwa smiles and it’s fake. But Hongjoong doesn’t push his limits today.

“Call first, please. It makes things easier.”

“For who?”

Hongjoong sighs.

_ Not today, not today. Change the topic. _

“See you soon, Seongie.”

He tippy toes to kiss him but Seonghwa steps back and waves as he heads towards the elevator.

//

The meeting drug on longer than he wanted. It was almost six but at least he had things setup for the future. His sales were doing extremely well, more people were promoting for him, and he was actually on top of the restock orders (for once). He checked his phone for what felt like the millionth time, wondering why Seonghwa hasn’t alerted him that he’s got the coast guard looking for him.

_ Either dance is seriously still going on or he’s waiting for me again. _

The thought makes him uneasy. Again, he loves his time with Seonghwa. He just hate how guilty he felt for bending the truth in every direction he could.

He showed up to an empty hallway and he’s only a little let down. But it’ll be the first night in weeks that he’ll actually have to himself. His bathtub was screaming his name.

**_Ding_ **

**Video 2:30:**

/Seonghwa dancing with a blue haired boy/

Hongjoong smiles to himself.

_ So elegant. _

At the end, he notices the way this boy has hearts in his eyes for Seonghwa. This is when he should feel.. well,  _ something. _ Anything, really. And he doesn’t. He rewinds just a bit and pauses to really look at how he smiles at Seonghwa.

_ Interesting. _

He puts his phone down and runs the bath water. Spearmint scented bubble bath filling the room while he lights a candle and plays soft violin music. A total cliche when it comes to self care.

He sat there under the water, eyes closed as he listened to the muffled music. Thinking. About the smile on this boys face. Suddenly the guilt hits him.

How he wishes he felt that for Seonghwa, the boy who made the earth shift under his feet not that long ago. The one who has him doubled over in pleasure he rarely feels. The one who has practically helped him run his business for weeks. He should be head over heels. He should be attached. He should be  _ something. _ But he’s not. Hongjoong feels his chest tightening and he emerges, gasping for air. The soap stings his eyes and for a moment, he panics.

_ This has never happened before _ .

People aren’t meant to be with one person forever. Our brains don’t work that way. He has told himself this over and over, has told his partners this over and over. He respected them and never treated them like toys or trash. This wasn’t new for him; the lack of romance. But the way he just didn’t (oh god) care about Seonghwa made him feel so utterly shit, was new.

Once he settled, he pulled the plug for the drain. Watching the water swirl away, sitting in left over bubbles and listening to them pop. To the soft crackle of the candle. The violin music is slow, gloomy. He realises that his mini episode wasn’t from guilt but him being under to long. Which made him feel worse. That he couldn’t even be bothered to be  _ bothered _ by how he was going to end up hurting one of the kindest souls he’s ever met.

/now/

* * *

San has fallen asleep on Mingi’s chest. The couch was too small for him to lay comfortably but he didn’t mind. San’s comfort came first tonight.

He didn’t ask everything he had wanted to. And maybe that was a good thing. For now, he knew what he needed to know. A new issue was dancing in the back of his mind: how was he supposed to be someone San could genuinely be in love with?

Mingi did have the tiniest internal meltdown when San said “long run”. The only thing Mingi ever thought about in terms of longevity was his job and how his mom would feel if he ever actually jumped from his balcony. Even in his last real relationship, he never thoroughly thought about their future. He didn’t know the first thing about love. It was something he thought he’d learn as he went through the motions with someone. Because he did love Yunho. But that's different, isn’t? He couldn’t compare what he had with a boyfriend to what he had with Yunho, his perfect best friend (he doesn’t take criticism and no you can not change his mind). Because then he’d be accused of being  _ in _ love with Yunho. And that’s a can of worms he didn’t want to open. Didn’t want to face the ultimatum of picking between his best friend and his boyfriend. Even though he knew he’d never pick a boyfriend over Yunho.

_ But what about San? _

He looks down at him. Smile pulling itself into place all on it's own. A reflex, if you will, when it came to his lovely boyfriend. But now he’s wondering; would he ever chose San over Yunho? Would Yunho ever understand if it came to that?

_ I’m not even in love. _

San wakes up a little, just enough to scoot higher into Mingi’s neck. He lets out an exhale that tickles. And Mingi thinks about how he could spend his nights like this. All domesticated.

_ Love isn’t real. _

And yet he found himself wanting to try for San. Try to be clever. Try to useful. Try to understanding. Try to be everything he felt he isn’t at the current moment. What was the point in trying if he didn’t hope that he’d end up there, in love? Could he end up there?

He thinks back to the moment when San said he was a good story teller. Mingi was a charmer but he was also easily taken under by dolled up words.

Do the sun and the moon actually love each other?

/six months ago/

Yeosang spent the night, it was so late. Hongjoong felt bad sending him home after all the drinks and sex. Normally Yeosang would call himself an Uber and leave regardless. Wanting his own bed. But he always folded when Hongjooong asked him to stay on these rare occasions.

Hongjoong let him stay in the apartment while he went into the office where he received the news about his line selling out for the first time. They kept him in the dark, wanting to record his reaction. Walking into confetti and balloons. A bottle of champagne popped and many mushy toasts were made on this fine afternoon.

“To your creativity!”

“To our hard work!”

He corrects.

“To you.”

He takes in the cheering, the smiling faces.

_ This is what I worked so hard for. _

There’s a moment of slow motion. A moment where everything went silent. Almost as if he was about to wake up from a dream.

_ The first of many. _

  
  


His phone flooding once his PR team makes a post about the news. He stopped at a red light and let out this laughter that was a mix of disbelief and relief.

_ I’ve actually done it. _

//

Yeosang tackles him once he’s through the door. Smothering him with kisses, legs wrapped around him. It’s almost heartwarming.

“YOU DID IT!”

“I did!”

Yeosang has this smile that grounds Hongjoong in such an indescribable way. His sarcastic, bratty baby boy had moments of pure soft, adorable sweetness. He knew Yeosang was seeing other people. But he wonders how many of them saw this side of him. He shook the thought from his head.

_ You’re not special. _

“Let’s have a huge party!”

“I actually have paperwork I need to finish.”

Yeosang pouts and Hongjoong runs his fingers through his hair. Yeosang leans into his touch.

“You can stay if you don’t have plans. I’ll order pizza and then we can go for an arcade run.”

Yeosang is truly  _ pretty  _ when he’s excited. His eyes sparkle and his smile is just unreal. There aren’t words to describe his beauty.

Hongjoong looks at him,

“Is that my shirt?”

“Mm! Mine was dirty from last night. I put my clothes to wash, with some of yours. I um, hope that was okay.”

Hongjoong shrugs.

“Okay I need to tackle this paperwork so I’m not up late. And we can actually have fun.”

He pats his butt and walks towards his desk,

“Feel free to watch tv or play games. I don’t have many but it’s there if you want.”

//

Hongjoong is sitting on the couch, watching a movie he had no intention of watching but Yeosang is quite persuasive. Yeosang has his head in his lap and he played with his hair mindlessly.

“Is there a part one I should’ve watched?”

“No.”

“I don’t get what’s happening.”

“You’re overthinking it. The story unfolds as the movie goes on.”

There’s a knock at the door and Hongjoong gets up,

“Must be our pizza!”

Yeosang claps, hugging a pillow as he continues with the movie.

He looks on the security screen and sighs.

_ There’s no way around this. _

He stands there, fists bawled and trying to gather his nerve. Hongjoong cracks the door to see a very excited Seonghwa. Small wave,

“Hey.”

“Hi! I wanted to surprise you with food on your big accomplishment!”

Hongjoong lets out a heavy sigh and leaned on the door frame. He couldn’t ever see himself being annoyed with Seonghwa when he was genuinely so kind hearted. Just annoyed with himself for not enjoying it properly.

“I, um.. wish you would learn to call first.”

Seonghwa sucks in a deep breath and almost pouts.

“Let me off easy this time. I just-”

“Is it the pizza?”

Seonghwa blinks at the door, like he’s trying to use xray vision to see what’s behind it. But he looks back at Hongjoong,

“Oh, you have company? I didn’t realise- that’s stupid I should’ve known you’d have people over.”

Yeosang flings the door open and Hongjoong watches their faces flush at the same time. Yeosang throws the door back and quickly steps away. Hongjoong is glaring at him, he can feel Seonghwa burning a hole through him. He’d be headless if he actually could.

“Work is work, huh?”

“Seonghwa-”

He pushes open the door. Yeosang is a good distance from them. Seonghwa looks him up and down, like he’s trying to figure something out. Yeosang looks so tiny when he’s worried and Hongjoong feels bad.

“ “I’m around other models too, Seongie.” Bullshit!”

“Hwa-”

“Did you know we were seeing each other?”

Seonghwa strides in, steps heavy as he closes in on Yeosang.

Yeosang is playing with the cuffs of my long sleeve shirt.

“Maybe.”

Seonghwa laughs out of anger.

_ I should say something. _

But it’s like his jaw locked itself shut and his courage can’t find the key.

“You’re incredible, you know that?”

Yeosang stays quiet.

“You knew.. You fucking  _ knew _ and yet you still crossed the line.”

“It’s not how it seems!”

“Oh, no?”

Seonghwa laughs again and it’s creepier this time. Even Hongjoong can feel his hairs standing.

_ If I back up Yeosang, he’ll hate me even more. _

“No. Hwa, listen, I-”

“You’re worse than gum under my shoe.”

Yeosang frowns now, cheek red with anger and Hongjoong is almost scared of him. He looks at Hongjoong to say something but he just stands there with his arms folded.

_ He has a right to be angry. _

“What did you gain? More shoots? Bigger check? Honestly what was-”

“Seonghwa, enough.”

_ But not with him. _

“Seriously!?”

He pushes off the wall,

“You’ve said enough. It won’t change anything. Go home, we’ll talk tom-”

“YOU ARE NOT MY BOSS RIGHT NOW!”

“And you were never my boyfriend to begin with.”

Seonghwa looks at Hongjoong with hurt so forceful and heavy, his knee wobble.

The statement even makes Yeosang take a step back.

Seonghwa nods, bottom lip between his teeth.

_ Don't cry, you don’t deserve it. _

And by it, he means this pain.

“There was a better way to inform me of that.”

He doesn’t look at them as he speeds towards the door.

“Learn to call first.”

Hongjoong shouldn’t have said that. Of all the things to say, his dumb ass brain shot that out.

“Learn to be honest.”

There’s sting to his words. They hold a stare.

Seonghwa is looking over his face. Hongjoong knows what he’s trying to find. The very things he himself tried to find when he looks over Seonghwa’s face. The things he tries to dig out of him because how  _ stupid _ can he be letting this impeccable human go by the way side?

Even in this moment he’s sorry he hurt him but, not enough to make things work. And suddenly he remembers the blue haired boy.

_ Could I ever look at him like that? _

He wants to cup his face one more time. Say anything but sorry because he didn’t regret one moment they shared together except this one.

“All of it, just a casualty?”

“I am sorry you didn’t realise what it was.”

He grips the handle of the bag,

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Weeks.”

Seonghwa laughs and he looks back at Yeosang whose cheeks are red, eyes brimmed with tears.

_ Not right now Sangie. _

“We’ll talk tomorrow. We have a meeting anyways-”

“No, no. I fucking quit.”

He slams the door and Hongjoong blinks.

“WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME!?”

“Yeosang, honestly don’t be dramatic.”

Yeosang turns him around harshly.

“You said it wasn't serious.”

“To me, it wasn’t.”

They stand their and he isn’t sure what to say to him either. He sighs and walks back to his desk.

“If he’s serious about quitting, I’m the taddest bit screwed.”

The door flings open,

“HWA! Hwa, wait!”

Hongjoong smirks out of irony.

_ Even he’s got more guts and dignity than me. _

/now/

* * *

San rubs his face against Mingi’s chest as he wakes up. He feels the drool spot and his soul shrivels inside him.

_ Oh god. _

He looks up at Mingi, mouth slightly open and arm behind his head. San hugs him tighter, hands sliding in his shirt to feel his boyfriends (always) warm skin.

San misses lazy morning sex. Like, a lot. He misses the sun poking through the blinds and creating patterns on bare skin. The messy hair, the groggy voices, the closeness from bodies not awake enough to really hold themselves up. But he mostly misses going right back to bed after.

Mingi danced around the topic. He thought it was a sick joke from them trying to decide who’d top, but he realised there was something more. Maybe he didn’t trust San enough. Maybe his insecurities got to him too much.

_ Everything comes with time. _

  
  


He’s brushing his teeth when a sleepy Mingi walks like a zombie last him to pee. San already knows to turn and he’ll get a yummy morning kiss for being a good boy. And sure enough,

“Spit.”

Mingi’s morning voice gives San such a mental boner that he always has to remind himself to not actually get a boner.

He spits and rinses his mouth. Mingi pulls him by the back of the neck and San melts into this kiss. More so than usual. Pulling Mingi as close as he can while he leans against the door. Gripping a fist full of his shirt. He can feel Mingi’s smile.

_ Always so smug. _

He bites his lower lip and Mingi’s groan drags out. Full of rasp and San could vore him.

Mingi slowly kisses down his neck. Painfully slow. Dragging his nose along his skin before pressing his deliciously plump lips down. Sliding his thigh between his legs.

“Why do you enjoy torturing me?”

“Maybe I’m into that.”

San lifts his face in genuine curiosity.

“Have we reached a point where we can talk about our kinks?”

Mingi rolls his eyes, connecting their lips again. San pushes him away,

“I’m serious.”

“Shut up for like five more minutes.”

As quick as Mingi’s lips are on his, San separates them again.

“And then kinks?”

“No, then breakfast.”

“I love dirty talk at the table.”

Mingi licks along San’s upper lip, firmly holding his jaw.

“Kiss me.”

San nods mindlessly and lets Mingi pull him towards him.

_ He is so sexy. _

He notices that Mingi emanates hues of red whenever he’s turned on. How cliche. Wooyoung drowns his surrounding in this gray-lilac. But he adores every piece of this puzzle known as Song Mingi.

//

* * *

San must be feeling kinda better. He was willing to get a little bit of groceries for the week and wasn’t just an empty vessel nodding at Mingi. He clung to him still but it was different. He seemed like he wanted to be all over Mingi and not as if he was using Mingi like a crutch. Don’t get him wrong, he truly did not mind. He was just happy that he appeared happy as well.

Two of Mingi’s followers waved and said hello to him as they were packing the car. He waves them over and gave them big hugs. A little small talk and thank yous for supporting him. He felt his soul fly when they told him how proud they were of him or landing his first shoot.

_ I don’t deserve this. _

“Can we take a photo? We know to wait before posting it. Or we won’t post it at all.”

“Yes, of course. Sorry I don’t look appropriate-”

They giggle.

“Who looks good when grocery shopping? Uh, duh, you! Look at your skin!”

“And hair! You’re so boyfriend!”

He shyly looks away, waving his hands in protest. They look over at San and waved him over.

“How rude we didn’t even say hi to you!”

San’s eyes go wide and he points at himself.

“Come!”

Mingi smiles brightly and they giggle some more.

“Thank you for loving our Mingi!”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yes we do. We see how cruel people are online.”

Mingi laces their fingers.

“Honestly, it’s none of our business but, if you’re both happy then that all we care about at the end of the day.”

“We are.”

San looks up and Mingi. The girls giggle and awe at them. They mush together for a photo. Happy yells and bows. Mingi gives them another hug and they squish San as well.

“Please take good care of him!”

“We’re rooting for you. A lot of us are, honestly.”

San blushes and Mingi boops his nose.

They wave goodbye and Mingi can hear them talking about San positively.

//

**_Ding_ **

-Just met @MingiOfficial !! So incredibly nice. So is @tallest_san !! Thank you for today.

-This moment was short and small but it was something I’ll never forget. Thank you, @MingiOfficial and @tallest_san for being so sweet.

  
  


/two weeks ago/

* * *

Hongjoong rolls over and reluctantly opens his eyes. The sun is too bright and that’s his fault for leaving the blinds open for Wooyoung to see the city lights.

_ Wooyoung _ .

His eyes focus on the body next to him. Comforter pulled down just below his hips. He was lying on his stomach, face buried in the pillow.

Hongjoong let his fingertips tread along the curve of his spine. Enjoying the shape of him. He leans over, gently kissing his skin. Wooyoung stretches, groaning. Hongjoong softly giggles to himself as Wooyoung twist his body to pull the sleepiness from his bones. Eyes fluttering open, sleepily locking with his and Hongjoong loses his breath.

_ So damn pretty. _

“Morning.”

“Good morning.”

Hongjoong looks over the marks he left on Wooyoung and hopes it was alright. He hesitated to kiss his nose. Wooyoung yanks him down for a proper kiss. Or, what he thought was proper. He was still half asleep and Hongjoong was trying not to laugh.

_ I can't remember the last time I was this excited about a sloppy kiss. _

“Sorry about my breath.”

He kisses along Hongjoongs jaw.

“That’s what you’re sorry for?”

Wooyoung whines and shoved him. Hongjoong lays on his chest, drawing small circles. Wooyoung holds his wrist up and examines it before pulling it to his lips for butterfly kisses.

“Seriously if the ropes hurt, I’m sorry.”

“You were wonderful last night.”

They play with each other’s fingers and it’s quiet for a few moments.

“Do you wanna um.. stay for breakfast?”

Hongjoong looks up,

“I make really good French toast.”

Wooyoung nods excitedly,

“Okay!”

He sits up, stretching now himself. He laughs as Wooyoung tickles his side. He looks like his thinking and Hongjoong leans down, letting his fingertips graze his cheek before sliding them through his hair. Lips gently twisting together. Properly this time. It’s sweet and deep, the way Wooyoung’s tongue rolls with his is addicting.

_ I could get used to waking up to him. _

Wooyoung sits up on his elbows. Hongjong carefully holds his chin. Finger tracing his bottom lip,

“I can't remember the last time I woke up happy about the person next to me.”

“What a sap.”

They laugh.

“Can I ask something? Just to clear the air?”

“Anything you’d like.”

He leans back, giving him space both physically and mentally. Wooyoung bites his lip nervously and huffs.

“What the fuck is went on with you and Seonghwa and Yeoang?”

“Hmm is it that noticeable?”

Wooyoung shows him a small space between his fingers and he laughs.

“Short version? I am not good at juggling people.”

“So..?”

“I was seeing them both. Seonghwa thought we were dating and.. I admit it was my fault. I never set that record straight. Yeosang assumed everyone was on the same page.”

He smirks remembering that day.

“Yeosang was so mad.. he was on Seonghwa’s side that day and if Seonghwa only knew how he fought for him. He’d probably like him a little more.”

“Was it brutal?”

“I’m sure they both would’ve drain me of my blood.”

Wooyoing sits up fully now, trying to pick his words carefully.

“But you all still hang out?”

“Our friend group is rather small.”

“Did anyone else find out?”

“No. Seonghwa’s father would rather rot than have a spot on his reputation and well, Yeosang is very liberated. Everyone assumes the worst about him regardless. A shame really. He has a kind heart and a brilliant mind.”

Wooyoung fidgets with the comforter. Hongjoong wonders what he’s thinking. He laces their fingers and Wooyoung smiles, still not looking at him.

_ Say something. _

“Look I’ve been tested and cleared. I’m not seeing anyone currently besides you. I know when I explain my past, even in such a vague way, my reputation has never been worse. I know you probably think you shouldn’t trust me but.. I’d really like it if you did.”

“Would it be easier if we just kept things casual?”

Hongjoong finally feels something he thought wasn’t in him.

“I’d prefer if we didn’t.”

Wooyoung blushes.

“Unless you of course want to.”

“No, I’d like to try.”

_ He must like me for me. _

“Should we set boundaries? Seonghwa always told me-”

“I hate boundaries.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ive been sick, started a new job, and VERY d*pressed. i hope this wasnt a let down.  
> twt/cc: goteez_


	6. Mountain Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small towns hold the biggest hearts.
> 
> or
> 
> San's family is hella cute but kinda weird and Mingi does his best to fit in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// kinda touch base on calorie count and what i got through with my ED (even being recovered) so skim through it if that makes you uncomfy !! its in mingis POV when they are in san's parents kitchen, doesn't last long and isn't brought up again but ~
> 
> also kinda jumpy with the time but i hope its not hard to follow !!

A few weeks have passed since San’s mom called him. He felt guilty about it. She hardly bothers him (not that she’s a bother). He’s on the rooftop breakfast plates abandoned and coffee that's gone cold. This has become a nice routine. Even if Mingi is slow to wake up, he really is like those sunflowers he loves so much. San can see the yellow hues slowly fogging out of him as he kindly waters the planets for him.

“Don’t forget to talk to them.”

“I know.”

San thinks this has become soothing for Mingi. Less of a task or obligation for a neighbour downstairs.

He clicks his mom's contact and stares at it. He was oddly nervous to call her in front of Mingi.

_Breathe, he won’t care._

The dial tone seems to go on for too long which worries him. But it clicks and he heard her laughing. Which melts his heart.

“Hi, Sannie. Sorry!”

She tries to regain her composure which made him giggle.

“Hi mommy.”

“Hi my baby, who clearly has not changed when it comes to neglecting his phone.”

“Lengthy insult there.”

He smiles fondly at Mingi, whose bent over whispering to the daisies.

“I was doing to the math and you know what solution I came to?”

“What, mommy?”

“You haven’t been home in almost ten months.”

“I’ve been busy, is all.”

“I hope not with that girl.”

He shifts, holding his waist and watching Mingi. Voice lowering,

“No we broke up, remember?”

“You’ve broken up before.”

“Mom..”

His tone more annoyed than he intends to let out.

“Hey, kiddo!”

“Hey, dad!”

San’s shoulder untense. He sounds healthy. They both do.

“When ya coming up for a visit?”

“My classes actually end this week. I can leave Friday and do my best to make it there in time for lunch. Dinner the latest.”

“Sounds good! Work it out with your mom. Love ya, kiddo.”

“Love you more, dad.”

Mingi is now picking off a few dead leaves from the butterfly weed, apologising to her for not getting there in time. Reassuring her that she was still beautiful. And that this only meant she was making room for healthier leaves. Promising that the butterflies would return to her soon. San makes a mental note to measure it and record it’s growth.

_They’re going to love him._

“So we’ll be seeing you in three days?”

“Can I bring someone?”

“Wooyoung?”

“No, not him.”

He hears clipping and wonders if she’s at the shop or in her garden. He can’t tell if the background noise is customers or the radio.

“Are you going to tell me or is this a surprise?”

“His name’s Mingi.. He’s my boyfriend, mommy.”

“Oh, the handsome one from your update?”

He smiles to himself.

_The “handsome one”._

Mingi walks over, firm kiss on his forehead. San holds his waist, taking in his beauty during this sunny morning. He seemed so golden in natural sunlight.

“Yeah, that one.”

“We’d love to meet him!”

“Good, we’ll see you soon!”

“Love you, mountain top.”

"Love you most.”

Mingi cups his face,

“I have a meeting today for a brand deal. But I’ll be back in time for a late lunch. If not, I’ll ask to have someone pick you up.”

“I love feeling like I’m on some knock off version of Pretty Woman.”

“I have no idea what you’re on about.”

“I like being treated like you're well kept whore.”

Mingi flicks his forehead and kisses it immediately after. San whining and pouting right away.

“Sorry!”

“YOU’RE A GIANT WITH GREAT FORCE!”

“Well, you're not my whore.”

“Oh but I am.”

He winks at him. Mingi sweetly kisses each of his cheeks through giggles.

“I’ll text you.”

“Let me walk you down.”

“No, then I’ll never leave.”

“So you know my hostage tactics already?”

They smile at each other, lingering in that familiar feeling of unspoken unwillingness to separate and for half a second San thinks Mingi really will call and cancel his schedule today. But he knows how selfish that would be and he lets him go without further protest.

  


//

San cleans up around his apartment. It wasn’t particularly dirty but compared to Mingi’s, it was a dump. Which, to be fair, they did spend more time at his. But didn’t want Mingi to think he was a slob. He looks around at the paintings that have hung in his small space for some time now. He takes one down and there’s an outline of where it once was. The sun dulling the paint around the empty space. If he were to have taken this down over eight months ago, he would’ve thought of this moment as a metaphor. Think of her being the sun and him being the paint. But he made a promise to his heart; no more dragging himself down when it came to her. It was one he struggled with, but one he really wanted to keep (unlike when he promised to eat more greens and jog more often).

While he was still easily angered by all that happened, he really was over her. San knew how to simmer himself down as quickly as he boiled over (most days). He knew that if she were to call him up asking for another chance, saying she found a “new part” of herself and it just “didn’t seem right” without him, that he’d laugh in her face. He was truly happy without her. Knew there was no way she could spin and doll up enough words for him to rethink everything he’s already built with Mingi.

_Sunray._

So one by one these paintings come down. He stacks them carefully on top of each other before heading down stairs to see if anyone’s thrown out boxes recently. He’s in luck, on giant box meant for clothes is sitting against the back door. He kicks it, shakes it in case anything is hiding inside. Then drags it up those terrible flights of stairs. He picks a few that he thought were just a little more well made and sets them aside, deciding he wants to sell them. The rest go in the box.

He looks around at the empty walls and suddenly, his small space seems so big. So quiet.

He goes into his art room, grabbing journals that he used for doodles and practice runs for art when it came to her. Shoving them into a gym bag. Wooyoung calls him on facetime.

“Hi Youngie!”

“Hello asshole best friend of mine who refuses to contact me longer than-”

“I get it, I’m the worst human alive.”

“Well it’s no fun when you beat me to the punch.”

San feels uneasy suddenly. Like he’s having some kind of flashback that he can’t remember.

“Can you come over? I need help with something.”

“Oh, you actually want my company? Is Mingi not there?”

San feels it welling. His anger, maybe some tears.

“No. But I need _you_ , Youngie.”

Wooyoung can hear it in his voice. He isn’t smiling anymore and he sits up right. San doesn’t recognise the background.

“Okay, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes aright?”

“Okay.”

He grabs a rolled up canvas from a pink bucket, _her_ bucket, and unravels it. He hates it. Not the work itself. He hates how much he loved creating things just for her and how little she cared. Recalling her dry compliments before setting them aside or her asking if he heard back from any companies he applied to. San notices a small tear on the side and that too, is somehow a metaphor for everything about them. He yanked it roughly, ripping it in two. And then those halves into halves, a little quicker. The next thing he knows, he’s ripping each shred into as many pieces as he can. He keeps grabbing, keeps ripping. One after another, every piece in that bucket turns into sad confetti. And he knows he’s letting out some over do anger (because do you have any idea how hard it is to rip these things?). San kicks the scraps around. Then knocks everything off the desk in front of him. Stomping on everything even if it wasn’t for her. Because he wasted such a prime period of time on someone would could care less about his talent. And while this seems like the opposite of over it, he didn’t give a shit about her. This temper tantrum wasn’t about their problems or the breakup or how he felt pathetically attached to her. This was him being ashamed of himself and easily he allowed someone to reduce him to such a low rate version of himself.

Wooyoung walks in and leans against the doorframe of the small room. San is huffing.

_I don’t feel better._

“I see fifteen minutes wasn’t enough for you're inner tornado.”

“You were right, you know that?”

“I try not to brag about it.”

He smirks at San but it fades once his face remains troubled.

“I was so useless.”

“No, you were so blindly in love.”

“I wasted so much of my potential.”

“You're young San, you’ve still got so much time.”

Wooyoung opens his arms and San quickly folds into them. Missing his first home away from home. The one place where he never felt like he had to be or do anything besides exist. There’s so much grey clouding them and he knows Wooyoung is worried. San feels guilty, knowing he shouldn’t let this be how things go after days without him. But he can’t help himself, he cuddles into his best friend.

“I just need five more minutes to be a baby and I’ll be good again.”

“You can take longer than that if you need.”

Wooyoung moves his head around.

“Kinda mad you ripped everything up without me.”

San giggles and teal starts to seep through the grey. Though Wooyoung is quiet, he knows his happier in this moment than when he arrived.

_I’m okay, Youngie. I have to be._

//

Wooyung helps him set an aesthetic corner for photos of the art pieces he wanted to sell.

“Are you sure people will buy these?”

“Yes! Just post them on instagram with a link to the website I’ll whip up for you, and you're _thousands_ of followers will eat this shit up.”

San grins to himself.

_Can I really do this?_

“Thank your boyfriend because starting out is rough. And now you won’t have to use so many hashtags to gain attention.”

Wooyoung claps and looks at San, eyes wide.

“He should plug your work! And if he charges you I _will_ eat him.”

“I suppose I could ask.”

“What's with the pouty tone?”

San knows he treading lightly and trying to be helpful.

“I just wanna try on my own.. I don’t want Mingi to think I’m using him.”

Wooyoung pinches his cheek.

“Of course you do. And you will do outstanding on your own.”

He looks at the setup, tilting his head.

“Will this appeal to the youth of Korea? White, planets, original art.. What are we missing?”

“My Ryan plushie.”

“Go get that bitch.”

San frowns but walks over to his room to retrieve the plushie. Wooyoung arranges the first piece, his favourite one. Her back with lilies. They step back and he looks at San,

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“It’s now or never.”

//

They sit around for the next few hours setting up a website for San to sell his art on. Hongjoong gave Wooyoung some tips on to set up a nice, professional page (San did in fact give him his best baby glare because what’s _that_ supposed to mean?). However, it was useful. You wouldn’t be able to tell this was Wooyoung’s first time designing a webpage or San’s first shop. What made this whole thing take so long was them bickering about the colour scheme and font choice.

_Yeah, I’ve missed him._

There's a knock and San leaves it to Wooyoung to upload the photos.

Mingi smiles brightly and holds up takeout bags.

“Sorry, I know I promised we could leave these four walls but-”

“Third wheel here who smells food and _really_ hopes there’s enough for him.”

San takes the bag from him. Mingi leans down and lets him kiss his nose. There are smiles tugging themselves into place and in that unspoken wavelength holds their mushy, gushy I miss you’s.

“Hongjoong told me you two were together. So yes, I brought you something to eat as well.”

“San, I love your boyfriend.”

The baby glare is back.

“Relax.”

Wooyoung rolls his eyes and sets the laptop aside. Getting up to clear the coffee table.

“What have you two been up to anyways?”

Mingi asks while he helps San unpack and plate the food.

“I’m selling my art. Youngie has been helping me set things up.”

Mingi looks around, surprised expression just for second before it falls flat and nods. San can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“Can I buy something?”

“Silly, you don’t have to buy one.”  
“Yes you do! Bills need to get PAID.”   
San seems to be on a roll with his baby glare. Wooyoung returns the stare.

“He’s right, you know. I wanna support you.”

“Yeah but-”

“Does it have to be of..”

He trails off with his words but San knew what he was going to ask. Which makes his heart sink a little. He wouldn’t even allow Mingi to sleep on the sheets they once shared. He made it a point to toss them out after Mingi started staying more often. Because Mingi was fresh fruit and she was spoiled milk. San shakes his head.

“If you really want to buy something, you can pick anything else.”

Mingi looks back down at the food and nods. San wishes he could listen to his thoughts sometimes. Try and follow along, occasionally guide him into a bright thought process.

_What an invasion of privacy._

  


They sit, eat and listen to Mingi talk about how annoying this PR is for the brand he’s working with is. San couldn’t imagine being in this kind of work setting. Meetings all the time that were boring, money hungry people with dead passion. He wondered how Mingi managed to stay so true to himself, unlike most of the other influencers the internet shoves in our faces. But San also wonders what kind of person he was prior to this job. Mingi was truly a ray of sunshine but San would be lying if he said he didn’t notice how dim his light was some days. And maybe it was because of all the rain. But he wonders what the world looked like before Mingi had nearly 860 thousand people looking at him. Burning their eyes as if no one warned them about the consequences of staring at the sun.

Which makes San think about how Mingi dislikes when he stares too long. He knows the complicated feelings he must have. Most people would complain about their partner not looking at them enough. But Mingi prefers the quick glances. He’s got this huge (and somehow so small) portion of the world looking at him with microscopic eyes. How suffocating. So San waits until he’s asleep and takes him in then.

Like how the moon only takes in a small portion of the sun's light.

//

Wooyoung facetimes San his whole car ride home. They mayhaps got into a heated discussion about whether you should slice your tomatoes or eat them like apples. Wooyoung wasn’t ready to let it go, finding another “valid” reason on why eating them like apples was in fact, the only proper way to eat them. Like a true intellectual. Mingi looked bored of the bickering and San focred Wooyoung to text him his essays even though he was wrong no matter what he came up with.

San follows Mingi’s gaze to the painting of a lake on his nightstand.

“Is that something you’d like to bid on?”

He back hugs Mingi, kissing his temple. Mingi leans into him, turning his face so San can kiss his forehead.

_So warm._

“It’s so familiar but my brain won’t remember where I’ve seen this. I’ve been trying to figure it out for awhile now.”

“That’s something I did after I went to lake Yamanakako, in Japan a few years back.”

Mingi turns to him.

“How many years back?”

San lets go of him to think. Mingi faces him fully.

“I wanna say it's been three years by now.”

“I went three years ago as well! I don’t remember any lilies though.”

“There weren’t any. WAIT..”

San leans close to him,

“We probably walked past each other.”

Mingi runs his fingers through San’s hair, soft smile on his face. Yellow bubbles escaping him.

“Wouldn’t that be something grand?”

How many times do you think the moon spun around the sun before she notices that wonderful light that lit the whole universe?

  


/wednesday/

* * *

Mingi is helping San pick out packing supplies and stationery. San decided that he wanted to create a personal thank you note for each piece he sold. Which (so far) was eight. Mingi was so extremely proud of him.

San’s post was up for thirty minutes before the website got its first hundred hits. San exploded when he opened his email this morning to see his orders. Mingi was watching his numbers both on the site and his instagram. He was growing. And Mingi wanted nothing more than to rub this in his ex’s face.

_Real enough for you now?_

Mingi secretly hoped she’d see his art, of her, somewhere in someone's house or perhaps it’d turn up on her feed. See how happy his work, of her, made someone else. Someone truly appreciating what he created and _paid_ for. Maybe a business bought a few and she’d walk into their establishment and see his pieces hanging proudly. He hoped she’d feel all the regret he did. Take it all from his veins and carrying it on her shoulders, knotting her muscles to the point where not even acupuncture helps.

He catches himself and tries to relax. None of this was about her. This was about his boyfriend being off to a good start. Putting his name out into the art realm. And right now he needed to help San decide on which plant print washi tape he should go with.

“Lilies would be an overkill, right?”

“A bit. What about this one, with the philodendron?”

“You don’t think that's basic?”

“Succulents are basic.”

San nudges him and puts that one back, putting the one Mingi suggested in the basket.

The cashier is a follower of Mingi’s and they chat for a bit. He feels uneasy, knowing he’s holding the line up. But the boy cuts their conversation short, apologising to the customers behind him.

“I’m sure I’ll be back soon!”

“San, I can’t wait to get paid and buy some of your art! You're so talented.”

“Oh, thank you!”

Mingi boops his nose, giggling as San’s face has quickly turn bright red.

Mingi has San stand in the window front for a photo of him holding up the bags.

**-@tallest_san preparing to pack orders !!**

He updates his story. San told him not to, as Wooyoung said, plug his work until he notices a plato. And technically this wasn’t him promoting his work. This was him being straight up mush for San.

His beanie pulling his long hair back into a mullet, his windbreaker the right kinda oversized, and how he was insisting on carrying everything. He looked so tiny.

//

San was writing and Mingi was carefully placing the washi tape where San had asked him too. Keep a reference letter near him just to be sure.

“This is really sweet. A good touch. Personal which will make it that much more enjoyable and they’ll recommend you with greater praise.”

_Yuck I sound like my higher ups._

“Thanks.”

Mingi doesn’t want to say much. San was scrapping every letter he messed up on, even if it was a silly as a symbol looking “ugly” to him.

“Are you busy this weekend?”

“Not that I know of. I have to take product shots but they aren’t due for two weeks.”

San focuses on the sentence his finishing up, tongue poking out just a tiny bit.

_Cute._

“I’m going to my parents this weekend and I um, kinda told them I’d bring you with me. They seemed really excited about it.”  
He’s done writing but he hasn’t looked up at Mingi yet.

“You don’t have to. I probably should’ve asked first since we haven’t been dating _that_ long and you’re usually busy. But.. I miss them and they miss me, but I will also miss you.. And I just thought it would be nice for us to get away with school ending for me and..”

Mingi is quiet. But not because he didn’t want to go. He didn’t know what to say. Yunho always invited him to family things. But (for the millionth time) it's different from Yunho. Mingi just can’t remember the last time someone who _wasn’t_ Yunho wanted him in their life like this, is all.

_This is a big step._

He scoots closer,

_But I can take it._

“I’d love to go.”

Mingi grabs his hand, lacing their fingers. San finally looks at him. He looks relieved.

_If it’s with him, I can do almost anything._

“I’d love to meet them and see your hometown.”

San smiles the kinda smile where Mingi could swim in the deepness of his dimples.

  


They seal the packages and San is bouncing around their living room. Mingi can’t help but laugh at his little jumping bean.

“Let’s stay over at mines today, post office isn’t far and I’m sure sushi misses you.”

“YES!”

San jumps into his lap, firm kiss on his lips. They’re laughing too much for their lips to move in sync. Not that either of them really wants to get it together long enough for a proper kiss. And Mingi wonders how many people enjoy the messiness of these kind of moments. He has never really liked the idea of perfection when it came to intimacy. Then again, he’s never had anything close to good when came to that.

_He’s so incredibly lovely._

  


/thursday/

* * *

Wooyoung is pouting at lunch. Hongjoong finds in adorable and funny. Mingi is running late which make San uneasy. He knows how Mingi gets when has others waiting on him.

“Wooyoung it’s not a big deal.”

San says with a sigh.  
“Yeah my life long friend not inviting me to go see his family, aka my family, but instead his _boyfriend_ ONLY isn’t a big deal.”

San looks through the menu, pushing his lips up like he's thinking. Like he hasn’t already decided what he’d order and what he’ll suggest for Mingi so he doesn’t get antsy about making them wait any longer.

“You can come next time. I just want them to focus on him.”

“Hongie, tell him it's not fair.”

“Let me remain on the sideline.”

Wooyoung leans over and whispers something in his ear.

“Tempting. However, I will continue to be a bystander.”

Wooyoung folds his arms and San laughs. He leans back over and whispers something else. Wooyoung holding the side of his face and kissing his ear when he’s done. Whatever _that_ offer was makes Hongjoong smirk. They eye each other and San rolls his eyes.

“Darling, San has every right to allow Mingi to steal his parents' hearts.”

Wooyoung squints his eyes at Hongjoong, who just winks and looks away. Doing this eyebrow wiggle.

“Traitors. Everywhere.”

Mingi walks in, he looks so soft. Glasses sliding off his nose and he’s wearing a shirt of San’s that he cut the sleeves off of. It’s different for him and his oversized since of style. But a good different. The kind of different that San’s skin on fire. His biceps on display and the collar dipping low (San also cut that as well).

“I’m so sorry. I spilled coffee on my shirt after getting PR packages from the post office and I forgot to dry the laundry last night. So I just threw this on which, I know, isn’t ideal for this setting.”

He sits and hides away in San’s neck. Breathing heavy, soft curly hair falling into his eyes.

“It’s okay, Sunray. Here look I think you’d like these options.”

He moves just enough to silently read where San points. San holds his hand tightly, running his thumb over Mingi’s.

_God, what a baby. My baby._

“So I hear you're going to meet San’s parents.”

Wooyoung glares at Hongjoong. Whose sipping his tea as if he doesn’t feel the fire Wooyoung is trying to start.

Hongjoong is grey and almost dusty rose. It was hard to focus on what he saw when Wooyoung was always drowning his surroundings (in the best way because Wooyoung best boi).

“Mm, I’m really excited.”

_He sounds so sleepy._

“You should be! They’re such nice and fun people. Wish I was invited.”

Wooyoung says all huffy as he sips at his water. San rubs Mingi’s thigh.

“You can come. It’ll take some of the pressure off me. Though, it’s probably not my place to invite you.”

Wooyoung blinks and his cheeks tint pink.

“But I’m sure they miss you too. San hasn’t been in awhile which means you haven’t either. Unless you go home more often than San.”

San is trying not to smile at Wooyoung.

_This kind heart makes the bitter soul retract._

“Yeah it’s no fun with that one. He is like sugar.”

Hongjoong pinches Wooyoung’s cheek.

“I was trying to be a jerk.”

“Oh.. So you don’t want to come?”

“He’s not coming Mingi. He’s had plenty of time to be the apple of my families eyes.”

Mingi points at something on the menu and San looks for the waiter.

“I was looking forward to you coming.”

Hongjoong looks at Wooyoung, head in his hand and giggling.

“Shut up.”

They all place their orders and Mingi holds San’s arm, leaning on him.

When he clings to him like this, San feels so special. For two years his affectionate side had been held back. He loves expressing his feelings through touch. His favourite love language. San was happy Mingi wanted to hang on him just as much as he did. To kiss on him just as much. Allowing him to hug him as tight as he’d like at night. It was a dream that seemed to be coming true.

  


/friday/

San is packing Mingi’s bag for the weekend. He had to take care of some work stuff before heading off for the weekend.

_We’re really doing this._

“This place is HUGE!”

Wooyoung is turning as he walks around. San remembers the first time he walked into the lobby and felt out of place.

“It’s weird, right? How our boyfriends are from two different worlds and yet still completely out of our league?”

“I love being a sugar baby.”

Wooyoung flips on the couch. Sushi hissing immediately.

“Shut up. You are _whipped_ for Hongjoong.”

Wooyoung has a smile San knows all to well when it came to his best friend and the boys he gave his heart to.

“He is so.. different than what I ever dreamed of. Not to sound completely delusional, but even when I’d day dream of him, I would warn myself. Saying “no that’s not realistic.” or “he wouldn’t be _that_ nice.” Just so I wouldn’t build him up to be this untouchable person that couldn’t possibly let me down. Even with how open these people are over the Internet, I realised I don’t even know a quarter of who he really is. And don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a good catch.”

The two of them laugh.

“But I almost want to avoid him so I don’t use up all the luck the universe has given me. Because you’re right,”

He looks over at San, who stops going over the mental checklist in his head.

“I am whipped for him.”

“Well a little birdy told me he is quite fond of you.”

San zips up Mingi’s suitcase and sits on it, pushing himself over to Wooyoung.

“I told you, you’re the gamer changer.”

Wooyoung waves his hands like he’s swishing the conversation away,

“Enough of that. Remind me where everything is and how to care for your demon child.”

Sushi is purring loudly as San scratches under her chin.

“She just doesn’t like new people right away. After the weekend, I’m sure she’ll warm up to you.”

Wooyoung pouts. Mingi walks in,

“Uggggghhh!”

He groans loudly before falling onto Wooyoung.

“HEY!”

“San will get hurt if I lay on him. And you’re so comfy.”

Mingi does that face where he looks like that one emoji and Wooyoung gives in.

“Do you want to look through and make sure I packed everything you’d need?”

“I trust you.”  
Wooyoung is rubbing Mingi’s back and San feels so at home in this moment.

“I made you a list of things you might forget on the fridge.”

Mingi points and sits up.

“Please eat anything you’d like and feel free to sleep over if you're tired.”

Wooyoung nods, trying to avoid giving his super mega pout as they gather their things and head for the door.

“See you soon!”

  


//

* * *

San is reading the train maps to refresh his memory. Mingi is waiting patiently behind him. He’s a little nervous about being in such an open space with large flows of people. And while he knows these people are trying to get somewhere, he feels uneasy. Remembering the last time he was swarmed. He grabs San’s hand, who looks over smiling brightly at him.

“Okay, let's get going!”

  


They fight over who gets to pay for the tickets. San is walking triumphantly ahead of him.

“You know that means I’m buying you're family dinner, right?”

San turns to him with a pout.

“It was only twelve dollars, you jerk.”

“Yeah but you’re going to beat me to every ticket booth because I don’t know my way around. Which means no, it's not just twelve dollars, you jerk.”

San’s pout turns into an evil squint and Mingi laughs loudly. Too loudly probably but he doesn’t care at the moment.

“Am I that transparent or do you just know me that well already?”

He pulls San into him, he’s being a brat and trying to lean away.

“You’re my boyfriend. I’m _supposed_ to see right through you because I know you so well.”

San blushes and hides his face in Mingi’s chest.

_I care about you so much._

//

He falls asleep on San’s shoulder once they switch trains. This one being the long ride of the whole adventure. He couldn’t sleep last night. But with how San was holding him so closely, smoothing his hair down and kissing the top of his head. It wasn’t hard for that safe feeling to find him and let him drift off.

Mingi knew how to be likeable. He knew how to appeal to anyone who was placed in front of him. But he usually made a fool of himself at first, especially when he was this nervous.

  
  


San wakes him up when they’re close. Pulling out their bento boxes and rubbing his back as he tries to fully wake up. Mingi slowly sits up and stretches. San opens his box and places it in his lap. Mingi’s face is full of disappointment as he’s on a diet again. The chicken wraps and carrots staring back at him make his stomach punch his liver. San notices his expression and nudges him.

“If we go for a run every morning and evening, promise you won’t diet _that_ seriously?”

Mingi nods, not yet awake enough to speak.  
“Here.”

San lifts a wrap up to his mouth and he bites it. Mingi loves when he gets babied by San. He notices a few people watching them and he waves him away. Sighing and feeding himself. San kisses his cheek,

“My big baby.”

The words slowly wash over his ear drums and he allows his insecurities to sink, instead of floating for once. He presses the side of his body close as he can to San’s and watches the scenery pass by him.

 _What a place to grow up in_.

  


//

* * *

The taxi is pulling into the neighbourhood and San can feel those raging butterflies in the pit of his stomach.

San’s mother always joked about being a wicken. She always knew things before others and about others. San just thought that's how moms were. Always one step ahead from being around so much longer. But there are two reasons he believes her:

  1. She always dreamt of bad news the night before it came.
  2. She told San his ex would bring him the greatest heartbreak he’ll ever know after just one hour of meeting her.



So when she caught wind of their breakup, it was no surprise to her. She knew he’d call her crying because she dreamt it. Her words were calming and healing for him back then. Mailing him tea and his favourite dried flowers.

He spent more time with his grandparents growing up. His grandmother also being “extra spooky” (as the annoying school kids said) as well. She was better at keeping all that to herself. San misses her so much.

_She would’ve gone crazy for him._

His mom is standing out by the mailbox, long dress flowing in the wind and holding her hat on. She always looks like she’s in some kind of movie. And San supposes that too was apart of her magic.

The driver honks and she waves excitedly at them.

“She’s adorable.”

“She’s something, alright.”

She basically yanked San out of the backseat, hugging him so tightly she knocks the breath out of him. Mingi gathers the bags and San finally gets a good hold on his mom as well.

“Hi, mommy.”

She’s quiet for a moment. Taking a deep breath in, like he was her favourite scent.

She pulls away and cups his face.

“Hi, mountain top.”

“That's the sweetest nickname I’ve ever heard.”

They turn to him. San notices the taxi is gone and he evilly squints at him again.

“I’m Song Mingi.”

“I’ll decide what you can call me once I figure you out.”

Mingi’s eyes widen and San giggles to himself.

“You plan on letting the boys inside?”

San waves at his dad and grabs his bag. Looking at Mingi with that questioning look. Unsure of who he was asking this unspoken to. Mingi kisses his forehead and nods. It’s grounding. San is nervous when he turns and sees his mom watching them.

_Stop reading him._

//

San’s old room didn’t horribly feel like a time capsule since he did go home on holidays and slowly transformed his bedroom from high school him to.. Slightly more grown up him. His volleyball trophies still sat proudly on display and his CD collection is still lined up along his wall by the window. But he hardly has any more posters up. And his bed sheets are a boring solid colour. He mentally smacked himself for forgetting his also has a plushie collection here.

“More babies!”

“Ah, yes.. The collection isn’t small.”

“Why don’t you have them all at our place?”

“I just took the,”

He whispers,

“Important ones.”

Mingi pulls him by the neck for a kiss. They’re once again too lost in laughter to kiss properly. They nearly miss and knock teeth. But a knock on the door makes San glad they weren’t doing anything serious.

His sister is leaning on the door frame. She’s got a smirk that mirrors San’s.

“Long time no see.”

“Miss me?”

“Hardly.”

San always feels so small around his sister. She had this way about her that made him think she could rule the world with a simple flick of her wrist. Actually, he knew why he felt this way.

She could actually control others with her mind.

Once when he was small teenageer and she was a not so small teenager, an older boy was walking them home and San can’t remember much of the conversation. Just that she was very annoyed. But he vividly remembers his sister tucking him behind her and saying,

“Punch yourself as hard as you can in the face.”

The older boy laughed nervously, obviously thinking it was a joke. But she folded her arms and he stopped laughing. He seemed dazed. Next thing San knew, the older boys fist flew up into his jaw. His sister was unimpressed.

“Not good enough. Goodbye.”

San remembers her dragging him away as the older boy pleaded for her to stay. He tried to look back but she forced his head straight.

“Listen, Sannie. One thing you don’t ever do, and I mean _ever_ , is let someone convince you that you need them. Got it?”

He nods but she glares at him. He notices her nose is bleeding.

“Got it.”

“Good.”

San could say everyone woman in his family had _some_ kind of powers.

“This is-”

“Song Mingi. I follow you.”

“Oh, um hello.”

She sizes him up and San shoves her. She shoves him back.

“You’re photos don’t do you justice.”

Mingi laughs the way he does when he’s nervous.

_Cutie pie._

“Call me noona. Don’t give him my real name.”

Mingi takes a small step, a confused look on his face.

“Why not?”

“Then we have a bond and if I don’t like you.. well.”

She looks at San and if he had a dollar for every time she had others believe she could curse them, he could put himself to college and buy a car.

“C-can I use the bathroom?”

“Sure! Up the hall, second door from the end on the left.”

She smiles while pointing. She has dimples at the corners of her mouth, both on top and bottom that she’s always hate for some reason.

The moment the door closes, San pinches her. Angry whispering,

“Stop scaring him! Aren’t you too old for that?”

She flicks his forehead and angry whispers back,

“After the last train wreck you brought home, you’re lucky I didn’t bring out the big weirdo guns and pull out one of his hairs.”

San gives her his baby glare,

“I’d burn you at the stake myself.”

“I’m not a witch you, idiot.”

“You can literally control people with your mind.”

“Grow up.”

She lunged at him and he flinches. She laughs and punches his arm.

“Yeah mature! YOU grow up!”

//

* * *

Mingi splashed water on his face.

_Breathe it’s been five whole minutes._

There’s soft bickering outside and Mingi smiles to himself.

_Already, San?_

He opens the door to see San all grumpy looking. Mingi walks over, arms open and San tucks himself away in the comfort of Mingi’s chest.

“Happy to be home?”

“Very much.”

“MOUNTAIN TOP, COME TRY THIS NEW SALMON RECIPE I LEARNED!”

They head into the kitchen and so many scents hit Mingi like a bat to the face. There are herbs hanging from the ceiling and lined along the window seal. The yummy aroma from the baking pan that’s fresh out the oven with food that looks like it was cut from a magazine. He can feel his stomach throwing a tantrum as he eyes the potatoes. He could technically this with zero guilt.

_It’s not unhealthy and San said he’ll run with me._

San’s mom feeds him a bite and San’s eyes go wide with satisfaction.

_Salmon is roughly 260 calories. Asparagus is 3 a spear so if I eat ten, I’ll be at 290. The potatoes are probably 240 a cup. But I wouldn’t eat a whole cup._

“It’s so yummy! I love it.”

“I changed a few spices to fit our palettes a little more.”

_Even if I did, I’d still be under 600 for the whole meal. I could have dessert after dinner later and still be under the calorie count they want me to have. And-_

Mingi is brought back by his nose being booped. He blinks and San smiles softly,

“Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere worth staying.”

San holds the fork to his mouth. They giggle like teenagers as he feeds him. Mingi sighs happily when his taste buds are flooded with flavour. San leaves butterfly kisses on his cheek.

“Glad my kids don’t lie to me and that I can actually cook!”

“It’s delicious.”

San grabs plates from the cabinet and Mingi watches how San moves with his mom. Like it hasn’t been months. San got his sweet eyes from her. The way she looks at him like he was a fallen star walking among us humans. Sharing his stardust with us even though we don’t deserve it.

“How much can you eat?”

San’s mom tilts her head, excited smile on her face and Mingi tries to hold back his own smile that wants to spread across his face.

“He’s on a diet so-”

“Diets don’t exist in this house.”

She piles on the sides and Mingi is trying to stop the numbers from crunching in his head.

San sets the plate down in front of him and smoothes back his hair.

“Promise we’ll go walking when I’ll show you around. We can still go for a jog after dinner as well.”

“You’re already skinny! Why on earth are you dieting?”

“He’s a model, mom.”

Mingi jumps at the sight and sound of his sister.

_When did she even get here?_

She smirks and his mom pats her shoulder,

“Honey don’t teleport when there’s guest here.”

“Can I have one normal visit with my company ever or is this how it's going to be until one of us dies?”

“Unbelievable. Wooyoung would never treat me in such a way.”

Mingi giggles at the banter his mother starts.

“He’s so mad he wasn’t invited.”

His sister says with a laugh.

“I am too. That’s my other kid. Plus I need his luck for bingo tomorrow.”

San hides away in Mingi’s shoulder. He exhales slowly and starts to eat. Ignoring anything that wasn’t the taste of this home cooked meal and the sound of San’s voice as he talks about him selling his art.

**Ding**

**-Don’t forget to update your story once a day! Hope you’re having fun!**

  


//

San is leading the way, arms open and eyes closed while he takes in the sunshine. Mingi looks around. So many brick building and lots of trees lining the walkways. It was something out of a tv show. It only added to the feeling of San not feeling like a real person most days.

San shows Mingi his old high school and where he’d sit with Wooyoung during lunch break. The oak tree was full as ever. San laid in its shade for a few minutes and Mingi takes a photo of him. The smile on his face being something he wants for a rainy day (in his mind).

“What are you thinking of?”

“How nothing ever really changes.”

Next was the movie theater, San’s first job ever. It’s a vintage looking building. Even with the lights off, Mingi can just tell that this is the hot spot for teenagers in this town. He can picture them standing against the wall and taking aesthetic photos. He can picture San charming as ever, selling tickets or convincing people to get a large popcorn. Mingi wonders how many people he took on dates here because of his discount. He’s suddenly too shy to even ask as a joke. But San was lurking in the corners of his mind again.

“This job didn’t get me much dates. I feel like nothing I ever did made me cooler back then.”

“I find that so hard to believe. This had to be the coolest job in town.”

San’s grip on his hand tightens.

“Sadly Wooyoung was the one out robbing everyone’s hearts by working at the ice cream shop. Not me. He would bring them here and I’d help him look even cooler by letting them in for free if my manager wasn’t working.”

They look at each other and the breeze has a tender push to it. Mingi can’t stop bumping into him as they walk. Finally, he hooks his arm around his neck and San holds his waist, cuddling into side.

There’s a honk and San waves at his dad as he pulls over in his pick up truck.

“Fellas need a ride?”

“Sadly we will be walking.”

San squeezes Mingi,

“Hey, I don’t mind walking.”

“Suit yourselves!”

He drives off and Mingi looks down at him,

“Please tell me drove that around as a teenager.”

“Why? Country boys your thing?”

Mingi puts him in a headlock,

“I just think it would be hilarious to see you trying to see over the dashboard, short stack.”

“FUCK OFF I CAN SEE _WELL_ OVER THE DASH!”

Mingi lets him go and San smoothed out his shirt,

“Can’t believe you’re treating me like Wooyoung.

“He does seem to be the favourite around here.”

San sucks his teeth and Mingi giggles.

  


The walk is quiet for sometime. Mingi is too busy taking in the cuteness of this town to even notice how San hasn’t really looked at him or said much until they reach an area with a dead field. He looks around, waiting for San to point him towards the next path but he doesn’t.

“You okay, Lovely?”

“Hm? Yeah, we should turn around. There isn’t much after this.”

He holds out his hand and Mingi holds it loosely.

_What did I do?_

Mingi counts his steps, trying to avoid having an internal meltdown. His dad drives by again, honking and flashing his lights. It wasn’t even dark yet. He probably just wanted to annoy San.

“Want a ride now?”

San looks back at Mingi.

“We can, if you’re tired.”

San exhales,

“Thank god.”

He jumps into the back bed and Mingi climbs in a bit more carefully. He cuddles into San’s side. San kisses his forehead and leans back off the side, wind pulling his hair back and skin glistening in the sun from the sweat. A tv show scene.

_I hope you’re not mad at me._

  


//

Mingi is helping his dad carry fertilizer to the back garden.

“Careful of your back!”

“I am!”

“Jeez he’s like his mother. HEY, his young and limber.”

“Young, yes. Limber? Depends on the activity.”

Mingi blushes and baby glares at San.

“Why don’t you go get the green pots for these babies to move into.”

He nods and skips off. Mingi huffs, hands on his hips. His dad tosses him some gardening gloves.

“He always like that with you?”  
“Like what?”

“Motherly.”

Mingi laughs,

“If anything, I’m the one treating him like he’ll break at any moment.”

His dad nods, pulling on his own gloves and kneeling. Mingi kneels and fluffs the dirt like San’s dad is doing.

“So I hear you're a model.”

“Very amateurly.”

“You’ve got nearly 900 _thousand_ followers, what exactly is amateur about your abilities?”

_God another San._

“I just had my first proper shoot, is all I mean.”

“Is it enough to pay your bills?”

“And then some.”

He sits up properly and pats Mingi’s shoulder,

“Then take pride in your work.”

San is making all kinds of noise as he walked over with these huge pots. Mingi is in love with how small San was and yet some how he was the biggest person Mingi has ever met (mentally anyway).

It was so cute to watch San help his dad repot these flowers. This is where he must’ve learned how to care for plants so much.

_And people._

“So, Mingi, do you have a favourite flower?”

San smirks at his dad and Mingi wonders why.

“Sunflowers!”

“Fitting.”

“How so?”

“You seem bright.”

Mingi jumps from the sound of his mother's voice suddenly behind him. San giggles and Mingi feels like things are settling.

“He is.”

“Colour wise?”

_Oh yeah, that._

“In every sense.”

She nods and bends over to smell the pink flowers.

“Take these to the shop for us, mountain top.”

“Okay.”

She walks back towards the house, stopping to yell

“Rules haven’t changed! Dinner will be done by six-”

“I know! Be home by 5:30”

  


Mingi and San load the truck in silence. Which is okay for him. He didn’t have much breath after lugging those things around.

San has his arm stretched out across the seat of the truck and Mingi can’t help but think about how attractive he looks. He scoots closer, enough for San’s fingers to tug his shirt. A silent invitation to move closer. Mingi doesn’t get too close, worried he won’t have enough space to drive. But San is playing with his hair and Mingi feels small again. Feels safe.

“So I never told you, My parents own a flower shop. The only flower shop in town, actually.”

He turns using one hand with ease and his other hand twirling Mingi’s hair.

_Sexy._

“That explains so much.”

“Yeah I worked here during the summers during the day and the theater at night.”

“That’s a lot for a teenager.”

“Mm, they needed the help.”

_You are unlike anyone I’ll ever meet._

This small building with green awnings and sign reading,

**“Choi Flowers**

**Blooming flowers & Planting dreams”**

_This family is so precious._

San pulls in and his sister opens the back gate.

“Bring them around this way. I just mopped.”

“Sure thing!”

Mingi smiles his sunshine smile and San laughs as her cheeks tint pink.

“Wow, you’re photos seriously don’t do you justice.”

“Why does everyone flirt with my boyfriend?”

“Honestly don’t know how this nerd manages to get all the top tier people.”

San pouts and Mingi nudges him,

“I like nerds.”

He winks and San looks away. Shy smile dancing across his face.

  


Once they unload the truck, they help rearrange some things in the shop. San does most of it by himself, remembering where things go. Walking around as if he’s been thrown back in time and this is his job again. Mingi thinks about him saying, things never really change and he supposes for this portion of his life, maybe they don’t. But Mingi didn’t really think that was a bad thing.

He dreads the day San wants to meet his family. He doesn’t have this, any of it. A hometown, a family house he grew up in, or literal memory lanes he could easily walk San down. He didn’t have secret spots for thinking or a summer job to show him. He had too many houses that were never his and towns filled with sketchy people. His parents were their own train wreck. Yunho was his only escape back then. And even Yunho has it rough for awhile. His parents actually decide to get clean. To give him the one thing they took from him and his siblings for so long, a life worth living. He remembered staying over at Yunho’s just so he could sleep some nights.

Perhaps that’s why he felt the way he did with San. He was stable. He was consistent.

His sister sits on the counter next to Mingi,

“So what’s a famous model doing with my brother?”

He whips his head towards her. The question and her tone when asking it makes his skin itch.

“I’m not famous, by any means.”

“You got attacked not that long ago. I’d say that’s something that happens to famous people.”

Mingi scoots away from her,

“I happen to really like San.”

“But why?”

“Because I do!”

San pokes his head out from a corner.

“Do you ask everyone he dates why? That’s _rude_. He’s likeable, he treats me well, and I don’t have to explain anything to you!”

He pushes off the counter and yanks San out the door. He can feel his heart in his throat but he can’t stop his feet from moving. He climbs in the truck, slams the door and San doesn’t look back as he drives off.

  


Mingi doesn’t know his way around but he knows this isn’t the way back to the house. There’s a local pool coming into view and Mingi sinks in his seat.

“Why are we here?”

“I just need to get something and then we’ll leave.”

He parks and turns Mingi’s face, gentle and quick kiss. Mingi watches him walk up to the fence. The lifeguard walks over to him. They’re laughing and she looks past him and into the truck. She waves and Mingi lifts his hand but she looks way before he can wave back. They look like they’re disagreeing about something but she sighs at San who has his super mega pout going. After a few moments she nods, giving him a finger before walking away. San slides his hands in his back pockets.

_I wanna pinch his butt._

The girl comes back with a key and she looks like shes giving him a stern talking. San’s got that dimpley smile of his spreading across his face. He hops back in the truck,

“What’s that for?”

“Secret!”

  


They drive with the radio going in and out of signal. Mingi doesn’t miss it. He enjoys picking the songs that play while he drives, but he did like how they’ve slipped back into their comfortable silence. Just the wind whipping by, the soft overplayed tunes and San’s hand on the back of his neck.

San parks near a lake and sighs,

“Cooled down?”

“Yeah.”  
“Sleepy?”

“Not really.”

“Good! Normally you get drained when you get like that.”  
_Like what?_

San pats his thigh,

“Come on, I’m sure the trail looks beautiful right now.”

They leave the truck and there’s people laughing, small children riding their bikes and eldery folks walking. Mingi can’t get over how any of this is actually real.

San tugs him along, lacing their fingers and smiling up at him. He looked so lovely in this moment; the sun shining through the leaves, the breeze blowing his sweaty hair into his face, and his smile like a canopy from everything bad he’s felt in the last few hours. From everything bad he will feel in the future as long as he’s by his side.

San leads him to a small pathway, it was littered with leaves but you could still see the red clay coming through. There are lily pads on the edge of the lake and San reaches down to poke them every so often.

“This is my thinking space.”

“What do you think about?”

“What a broad question.”

They stop in the middle of the path way, the lake is small but the people on the other side seem tiny. San holds both of Mingi’s hands.

“Sometimes the lake floods and the path gets hidden under the water.”

Mingi presses his forehead on San’s,

“My sister means well.”  
“I don’t care. She could’ve worded her question differently.”

San pushes his lips together to keep from both laughing and smiling. Mingi lets go of one hand to boop his nose.

“She’s protective.”

“She’s _rude._ ”

“Hey, she’s still my sister.”

Mingi pouts and San kisses under his jaw. Holding his waist and Mingi is melting under his touch. Wrapping his arms around San’s neck.

_Why am I so easy?_

“Let’s just make it to Sunday, okay?”

Mingi nods and San takes some photos of him by the lake.

**New places, same faces. Don’t forget to go outside ~**

  


//

* * *

Mingi did in fact buy dinner from his mom’s favourite place downtown, his dad’s favourite wine and even his sister's favourite dessert. San can’t get over how much of a suck up he’s being.

San watches Mingi wash dishes with his mom after dinner and he can feel himself turning into a puddle. The way Mingi laughs with mom is endearing. His sister has steered clear of them for the most part. She was quiet during dinner but San was glad Mingi didn’t let it make things awkward. She was flustered when he handed her a plate with a few squares of yakgwa.

“Heard you like this. Please enjoy it.”

Once everything was cleaned and put away, it was movie time. Like every Friday has always been. Only it has become a date night routine for his parents once San moved out for university and his sister found other things to do. Which was adorable. San could only hope to be this in love with someone one day. He glances up at Mingi.

_Maybe. One day._

He snuggles into his side and pushes that hopeful thought away for another day. For now he’s trying to focus on the movie but he’s seen it dozens of times and he really just wants to smooch his boyfriend.

“I’m kinda tired. Gonna lay down.”

“Kay sleep well.”

San gives Mingi a look but his eyes are glued to the tv, popcorn bowl in his lap as he and his mom mindlessly shove a handful in their mouths. Perfect synchronization. He huffed and walked to his room. He flops on his bed and waits a minute or two before texting Mingi,

-how dare you not realise i was sneaking off (︶^︶ )

-oh, but the movie is really good

-(︶^︶ ) x2

He can hear Mingi’s deep voice but he can’t make out what he’s saying. Then his door opens and his pouty bay is back.

“You better tell me how that ends.”

San makes grabby hands at him. Mingi closes the door, dragging his feet,

“Girl ends up with the first guy because the second guy a jerk and not her real prince charming. Also she almost gets sent back to the story book.”

Mingi lets San pull him into the bed and climb on top of him. San kisses his nose before his lips. Missing how they felt, so plump and perfect. Made for kissing. Made for biting. And sucking. His big hands are gripping San’s hips.

“I miss you.”

San says all out of breath, kissing the curve of his jaw.

“I miss you more.”

It hadn’t even been a full day since he was last like this with Mingi. But he’d grown so accustomed to being all over Mingi whenever he wanted.

He rolls his hips and Mingi pushes him off gently. San lets him scoot up and can’t help the confused look on his face.

“Just.. It’s your parents house.”

“Okay um, let’s go somewhere.”

Mingi turns red and laughs nervously.

“Where?”  
San pulls out the key from earlier.

“Secret.”

  


//

San learned two things about Mingi on the drive to the pool.

  1. He’s a big scaredy cat
  2. He can’t climb a fence (which why San got the key but YES he wanted to see if he could do it. And YES it was funny, worth every second.)



“Are you sure no one will catch us?”  
“Mingi no one is doing round checks on the pool.”   
“So you’ve done this before?”   
“Just once.”

San opens the ‘Employee’s ONLY’ door, smirking to himself.

 _Eunbi always has my back_.

He sees two towels folded neatly on the table with a few snacks and drinks.

“Did you plan this?”  
“Poorly, but yes.”

San takes off his shirt and throws it at Mingi.

“Strip for me.”

He pulls a chair out and sits, legs wide open and eyes low. Mingi rolled his eyes but he slowly lifted his shirt over his head, letting them both fall to the floor.

_Holy shit that worked._

Mingi walks over while undoing his pants and San is keeping his cool. Mingi straddles one of San’s legs while he undoes San’s pants. He leans down and San sighs into the open mouth kiss. Mingi’s hands slowly sliding up his torso to his neck. pulling him closer. Mingi was so captivating in moments like this. When his confidence shoved it's way to his forefront and commanded the attention of every sense in San’s body. With how Mingi holding his neck the way he is, sucking on that spot that drives San insane, almost makes him forget why he brought him here. He pulled away, talking in a whisper as his lips drag against San’s skin,

“Are we going swimming?”

San is too dazed. Mingi’s lips are like a drug in that way. Addictive. Giving you a high unlike anything you’ve ever had. Where you feel it down in your bones. He holds his jaw, turning San so they lock eyes.

“Lovely?”

“Yes? Yes! We are.”

But they don't move from this potion. He didn’t realise how much he missed this. Not just the feeling of Mingi’s tongue on his or their bodies pressed together as close as ever. San missed the intimacy that came with their kisses. The way Mingi held him by the neck gently, how he stopped every so often to let San kiss his nose. The little grunts or gasps in between. How Mingi’s fingertips always tread his skin like it was their first time, careful and curious. The subtle teasing they’d do to get the other going. How Mingi always looked at San like he was the only person on the earth as he looked over his face as they caught their breath.

 _Electric boy_.

Mingi is still a little self conscious tonight. Sucking in his stomach every time San got near it. He hated it.

“You’re so hot Mingi.”

“Shut up.”

“You are.”

He starts looks him over and Mingi covers his eyes.

“Stop it.”

“I can barely see you as is.”

He doesn’t remove his hands and San sighs.

“Let’s swim. I’ll go turn on the pool lights.”

Mingi gets up, pulling his pants off and grabbing a towel. San grabs the snack on his way out.

  


They do laps at first, mainly because they forgot about jogging and he knows Mingi would feel better after. Then San scared Mingi every time he tried to float. Which was well deserved in San’s opinion because who believes there’s a creature in a pool when the lights are on and it's just them two in the pool.

“You know I have a weak heart.”

“Chicken!”

“This is abuse.”

San lets Mingi hook his legs around him, lip pouting so low it is almost touching the water.

“So, you mentioned how you’ve snuck in here before..”

“I have.”

“Tell me about it.”

They pad over to the edge, opening the drinks and San laughs,

“With my first real boyfriend. Who was my first real kiss. Boring cliche story about two small town boys trying to figure out their sexuailites.”

“Do you remember his name?”

“Ricky. Foreigner from Italy.”

Mingi burst into laughter and San shoves him away.

“Sorry! Honestly, that’s so cute!”

“Then why are you laughing!?”

“You just look so proud.”

They swim back to the middle and come together again like the magnets they are. Mingi wrapping his legs around San.

“Who was your first kiss?”

Mingi groans and shakes his head.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Oh come on, I hardly know about your past.”

He makes a motor noise with his lips and mumbled something. San dips his head into his view with questioning eyes.

“I said Yunho..”

“You’re joking.”

“Sorry I didn’t have some Italian guy ready to kiss me in the pool after hours.”

San kisses the corner of Mingi’s lips.

“I just didn’t have anyone willing to kiss me. I felt left out and ugly and Yunho.. just offered.”

“And you didn’t realise he was your soul mate? There were no fireworks?”

Mingi makes a disgusted face.

“I don’t believe in those. But no, if anything it made Yunho realise he was a terrible kisser. We agreed to never speak of it again. That was the year we started dance camp and suddenly people found me attractive.”

“Well you do know how to move your hips.”

Mingi hides away in San’s shoulder, blowing bubbles in the water.

“Speaking of best friends.. Can I ask you something?”

Mingi lifts his head,

“Anything, Lovely.”

_San think of something else don’t you DARE ask him._

He looks down at the water and shakes his head.

“Do you.. This is so stupid.”

Mingi lifts his chin and looks at him with those stupid emoji eyes.

“Do I what?”

“Think I’m likable? Because you mentioned how Wooyoung is the obvious favourite and that's always been true. Between us anyways. Which is fine because I’m not _jealous_ of him. I know he’s funnier and nicer, you know? He’s got this way about him and it’s clear why people prefer him. But my sister is kinda right. Why me?”

The crickets are so loud in this moment.

“Why not you?”

“Don’t answer me with a question.”

“You always tell me to be kind to myself and fluff my ego, but you're not very nice to yourself.”

Mingi lets go, separating them and they hold a stare.

“You're likeable, San. You’re worthy of love that’s so grand, the gods get jealous. And I might not be the one who gives that to you but that would be my loss.”

San hates the space between them.

“Can we go back to your parents home?”

“Sure.”

  


/saturday evening/

* * *

Mingi is helping his mom clean up after dinner again. He hates how odd things have been between him and San.

It’s weird how neither of them wanted to break off what they had but also couldn’t figure out why the other wanted to stick around.

“It’s a full moon tonight.”

San’s mom says with a smile. She looks behind her at San who’s pestering his sister.

“You should fix whatever is going on later at 12:38 in the am when the moon is fully exactly.”

Mingi tries not to look at her with all the shock he feels. She sighs, looking out the small window in front of them.

“Love is complicated, isn’t it? The easiest thing to find and the hardest to keep.”

She tilts her head, waiting for him to speak.

“I wouldn’t call this love.”

“Not yet.”  
She pats his shoulder and walks off. Mingi notices a trampoline in the far corner of the backyard.

_Huh._

He goes outside, starts ripping of the weeds and drags it out from the corner. He takes his time dusting it and taking off any stray weeds stuck in the springs.

_Was this what she was looking at?_

San is sitting on the porch when he turns around.

“What are you doing?”  
“Preparing.”

/12:35am/

San is so sleepy but Mingi refuse to let him rest. He dragged him outside, taking pillows and blankets.

“Mingi why are you doing this?”

“Your mom is right.”

“About what?”

“Us needing to fix this.”

He motions between them. San looks upset but Mingi just helps him onto to trampoline. He spreads the blanket out and San looks so relieved be laying down. Mingi looks up at the night sky and points,

“That’s the big dipper. A lot of people think it's this with those three, but it’s actually this with these three.”

“I’m one of the people who’ve seen it wrong.”

They giggle.

“And that bright star, right there. It's called Sirius and it's part of a constellation, but people tend to think it's a planet. It’s brighter during the winter but you ever lose it, just look for Orion's Belt which is right..”

Mingi turns and San follows him,

“Ah okay, right there. Sorry this is also easier to see during the winter. Anyways, Orion’s Belt is always pointing towards Sirius.”

“I will try to remember that.”

They lay on their sides, facing each other and the crickets are yelling for them to get it over with already.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything about Wooyoung that might have felt like I was comparing you both.”  
“No please, I’m sorry. I should’ve known you didn’t mean it like that.”

They scoot closer, holding hands.

“I just.. Have had to live with knowing I’m the runner up when it comes to him. To everyone, really.”  
“Not to me. You’re in first place in my heart.”

“Even with sushi?”

Mingi nods excitedly and they giggle some more.

“I like you so much, Lovely. I can’t explain it. I just know you treat me differently than anyone I’ve even been with and I poke you often because I’m trying to make sure you're not some hallucination I’ve created to cope with my loneliness.”

Mingi pokes San.

“Yes, real.”

“You’re a loser.”

Mingi grins, they scoot even closer and tangling their legs.

“Don’t ask me why you. Because honestly San, how could it not be?”

San kisses his nose.

“Let’s not do that again.”

“What, exactly?”

“Pretend we know what the other is thinking. Or fight.”

“We’re gonna fight. That’s just human nature.”

“And after the next fight I will ask you to promise me we won’t fight. Over and over until we’re old and out of reasons to argue.”

It's quiet and San looks like he’s mentally kicking himself in the ass.

“You really think we could make it that far after just three months?”

San nods, he seems tiny in this moment. Honest souls are brave ones.

“Even if we’re just friends.”

That makes Mingi’s chest tight. He’s not really sure which part. The part where San could be in love with him, a person who doesn’t believe in that. Or the part where they might end things and he’ll never have moments like this again.

_But I’m not in love. So why do I even care?_

  


/sunday/

San’s parts have sent them off with a bouquet of roses and sunflowers mixed together. Mingi was sad to be leaving. He felt like this wasn’t enough time for San but he also knew San wanted to leave just as much.

His sister smothered him with love and Mingi was grateful to see her softness. She looked at San as if he knew the cure to every disease; like he was the most valuable thing on this earth (he was). She wacks his shoulder,

“Be kind to him.”

“I will.”

Mingi takes a photo of the bouquet once they’re on the train back, small card with the shops name

**Loveliest gift from the loveliest souls. Stop by if you’re ever in town ~**

he turns the card over and smiles at the flawless cursive letter on the back:

**Mingi, feel free to call me mom as well! Your soul is cloudy, but it clears the world around you. You will make a huge mistake by hurting my Sannie. But rest easy knowing love will find you both in the end. Don’t forget to plant your dreams and let them bloom.**

**Ps, stop dieting!**

San doesn’t look over this shoulder to read the note. He probably knows it’s private. There’s a line Mingi should worry about but he figures she worded it wrong.

He leans his head on San, who scratches his leg obnoxiously to aware Mingi he was bitten by bugs. Like he said he would be if they slept outside.

**Ding**

_-Can’t wait until you’re back. DAZED called, they want you! Call me ASAP!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure how happy i am with this. i just really wanted to be soft and have domesticated sangi. i hope everyone likes it !! also probably wont update for awhile bc i wanna work on other things without the anxiety of updating this. PLUS THE COMEBACK HELLOO ????
> 
> twt (19+ only): goteez_


	7. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon has always loved the sun; even if she's never said it out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I KNOW IVE BEEN GONE BUT LIKE, you know how it goes.  
> some reminders:  
> // -> time passing/ scene change  
> *** -> POV change  
> italics are inner thoughts ~

The sound of the measuring tape sliding between fingers puts Mingi on edge today. It’s too cold in this room and the people surrounding him are breathing on him too much for his liking. This feeling is mainly because it’s not Hongjoong inspecting every inch of his body. And even that used to get his nerves going.

He’s been good at keeping his diet. Even got San to start working out with him. Yet Mingi can’t help but look at the other models. Can’t help but think about how he just couldn’t compete next to them, no matter how hard he tried. But he was determined to fake it until he made it (wherever it was he was trying to get to).

Mingi does his best to breathe normally. To not suck in his tummy and to relax his face.

San smiled every time he allowed his eyes to wander off to the side where he stood and it eases him a little. Hongjoong is biting his thumb nail, brows furrowed. The scribbling on paper and mumbling under their breath knots his stomach.

_ Did I not lose enough weight? Am I not toned enough? _

“Okay Mingi, go ahead and have a seat. We’ll call you in when we select a few outfits for you to try on.”

Their smiles are routine, they don’t mean much to him.

“Thank you.”

Mingi speed walks over to San. He knows he’s trembling.

Mingi wants San to tippy toe and wrap his arms around him, allow Mingi to disappear into his chest long enough to shake this feeling.

But this wasn’t Hongjoong’s set. Mingi had to keep his distance and remain professional. So he settles for holding San’s hands (probably a little too tightly) and counting.

_ Inhale in two, three, four,. Exhale two, three, four. Inhale in two, three, four. Exhale two, three- _

“You’re diet is  _ trash _ . They can’t expect you to gain the muscle they want you to have and be eating the way you are.”

“High protein and low carb isn’t  _ trash _ , Joong.”   
“Yes it is when you're intake is  _ low _ .”

San kisses his nose, quick eskimo kisses.

“Can we talk about something that isn’t food or numbers?”

“MinMin?!”

Mingi squeezes his eyes shut.

_ You’ve got to be joking. _

Yeosang hugs him from behind and Mingi can feel the heavy breath San lets out before he opens his eyes to see how annoyed he is.

“Yeosang! What are you doing here?”

He lets go of Mingi, small wave and wink at San.

“Fitting today. Can’t wait to be in this issue.”

“You’re joking..”

Mingi tries not to laugh at San’s mumbling. San nudges him, slight blush from being embarrassed.

“I know, DAZED is really going to be a highlight for my career. Yours too! Who lands this as their  _ second  _ big shoot?”

“Talent.”   
San says, flat smile as he tug’s Mingi close to him.

“Of course, nothing less.”

_ You could cut the tension between them with a knife. _

Hongjoong leans over with that bright smile of his,

“Who is this lovely person? Fellow model?”

Yeosang smirks, gently moving away a few strands of hair from this girls face. She giggles quietly both at Yeosang and Hongjoong’s question.

“Oh no! But I wish. Just a good friend.”

They lean into each other and Yeosang squeezes her into his side.

“She’s a close friend. Moral support if you will.”

Mingi notes the way they exchange awkward glances and how Yeosang’s arm stays wrapped around her waist a moment longer after.

_ Oh. _

“Song Mingi?”

San cups his face, whispering,

“You’re okay. It’s just trying on clothes. Don’t hold your breath either.”

Mingi is melting into a puddle that fills San’s dimples. Mingi give San a quick, firm kiss before walking away. He knows San has that smug smirk of his on his face.

  
  


Hongjoong is tiny but Mingi can see him peeking into the thin windows that lines the top of this room.

_ Who’s shoulders are you on? _

Mingi tried not to laugh as his head disappears and reappears, wobbling before falling back down. He feels better knowing Hongjoong is going to such lengthens just to be nosy.

It’s hard to not think about how replaceable we all truly are. No matter how close we seem to our friends or partners. All it takes is a moment, a millisecond of realisation, for everything to change.

* * *

Was trying to stand on the shoulders of a short person (aka San) while being short as well the  _ BEST _ idea Hongjoong has ever had? No.

Was he still going to risk it all in order to see what his best friend was trying on? Yes.

“Well?!”

San groans from under him.

“It’s all black clothing so far. How boring.”

San wobbles again and Hongjoong jumps down.

“Sorry!”

“Don’t be. One more time.”

San whines but he still lets Honjoong heave himself back up onto his shoulders. Mingi is all sunshine smile as he talks to whoever is in front of him. It makes Hongjoong relax.

_ Sweet talk ‘em, that’s it. _

Mingi is shown a few coat options. He stands there, chin in his hands as he looks over each one carefully.

_ Don’t you dare pick that ugly burlap one Song Mingi so help me. _

He points at that exact one and for a moment Hongjoong feels his soul starting to astral project. But thankfully it's being taken away and Hongjoong’s soul is being stitched back to his body. He jumps back down, slight sting in his heels.

“He’s fine. I’m overreacting, one hundred percent aware of that. But I just know how he can be on his own. Plus micromanaging is my middle name.”

San slowly nods and mindlessly plays with his necklace. It’s a small crystal.

_ Curious. _

“I get the feeling you’re about the same way he is.”   
“Which is?”

“A nervous wreck. But you’re both so good at hiding it. Except when you're both alone.”

San stops fussing with his necklace and sighs.

_ So he does crack a little. _

Hongjoong points at crystal.

* * *

“That’s a cute necklace.”

“Thanks, my mom gave it to me a few years ago.”

Hongjoong leans against the wall.

San can talk, a lot to say the least. He can fill any silence even if it’s just awkward rambling. But, despite popular belief, he does prefer to stay quiet. So in times like this, when he’s worried beyond the point of pointless conversation, his brain is repeating:

_ Please don’t talk, please don’t talk. Don’t ask anymore questions. Don’t feel obligated to say ANYTHING. _

Hongjoong nods, opening and flicking through his phone. Receiving San’s mental pleas.

It really was silly for him to be this worried. San knew Mingi was a big boy. Grown. Capable off all things he set his mind to. Mingi has worked hard for this.

This was a quality San didn’t know how to overcome; being over barrening.

Which, to an extent, he knew Mingi didn’t feel that way about him. The extent being San’s ability to convince himself that he doesn’t drown people the way he thinks he does.

Hongjoong pushes himself off the wall, putting his phone away and asks,

“So what’s the stone mean?”

San takes a moment. Trying to think of a way to tell the story behind this necklace without Hongjoong thinking his family is weird or viewing him as weak. He could say what he always says, nothing it was just cute. But he wanted to be honest with his new friends. San wanted more than just Wooyoung to know him.

Mingi comes out, bowing and thanking everyone before letting the door shut. San can feel his body relax.

Mingi walks over, pout forming already as San opens his arms wide. Mingi waste no time, snuggling into the crook of his neck and pulling him close. San bending back a little, tippy toeing so Mingi doesn’t have to hunch over too much.

_ My baby, I got you. _

“How’d it go?”

“I might have messed up my walk but-”

“You’re not on a runway. I’ll have a few choice words with them if they even consider critasing you on that.”

Mingi’s manger was a little scary. Powerful above all. He smiles at her but quickly hides away in San again.

“But they for sure want him, right?”

“Of course they do, Hongjoong.”

San can feel Mingi smile against his skin.

“Mingi you can head home for the day. Celebrate a little. Don’t lock yourself away, okay?”

She sound’s motherly. San can imagine how close they are (as they can be). Mingi pulls himself away and kisses the corner of San’s mouth.

_ Tease. _

“I’ll try, promise.”

//

San is nervous to have Hongjoong over.

He’s not  _ completely _ embarrassed of his place. For San, it was more than enough. More than he could have hoped for while being a full time student and having an unstable job. He had a bedroom, a workspace, and a kitchen. He had enough things to fill the space and make it cozy enough for his soul (and Wooyoung). Mingi has left little pieces of himself around this hole in the wall, making it  _ that  _ much more enjoyable. Coming home after a long day felt right, even more so knowing he’d be coming home to Mingi. But he couldn’t help and think about how Hongjoong was on a whole different kinda living level than him. Though he didn’t seem like he was the kind of person to care about things as trivial. Only this wasn’t so trivial to most people.

Hongjoong is looking around, curious eye straining to look through the cracked art room door. Mingi is kissing over San’s face. Sweetly, gently. Holding his neck with both hands and slowly moving his face as his lips do their best to touch every inch of his cheeks. San can’t help but smile, pretend to be a clay under his hands. Slowly letting Mingi mold him into a person he could fall in love with.

_ Don’t think that way. You’re not like that anymore. _

San runs his fingers through Mingi’s hair, pulling him into a hug. Trying not to think about anything that’ll throw the whole tone off.

“Hongjoong you can go in there if you like.”

Hongjoong spins on his heels, waving his hands and shaking his head.

“I’m sorry no, it looks like a work area and I know how personal those spaces can be.”

“Take advantage, no ones ever allowed in there.”

Hongjoong’s surprised face is cute. His eyes are already big, so watching them widen further is adorably funny. The small pout his mouth forms, slightly open. Understandable that people flock to him. There isn’t a moment where he doesn’t capture your heart.

_ That must be nice. _

San walks over and opens the door. Heartbeat in his ears, eyes looking for something to fuss with. He settles for his necklace again as Hongjoong spins a few times. Slowly. Trying to decide what he wanted to pick up first. San nervously wondering if he’ll regret his choice.

Hongjoong finally reaches for a sketchbook.

Safe zone, San’s coffee shop phase. In this moleskine notebook you’ll find blue sketches of his surroundings. There’s a few faces in there that are a little rough, he was still perfecting his personal style when it came to facial features. San was tired of endless black ink filling his pages so he opted for blue. Which he liked. He tried to pick one colour for each of his sketchbooks for awhile. A fun time for his artwork.

Hongjoong flips through each page, cover to cover. It’s quiet and San doesn’t know if he should be standing around like he’s waiting for feedback. He hates that people assumed he wanted it. Hongjoong closes it and sets it down in the wrong spot (but that’s okay). Walking over the rolled up canvases. He taps his chin for picking one up from the green bucket. Aka the landscaping bucket. He smiles at this one, it’s of the bamboo forest.

“You’re so talented, San.”

Hongjoong doesn’t look at him when he says this.

“Thank you.”

“I’m glad you’re selling some of these. Putting yourself out there and making a name for yourself.”

He carefully rolls it back up. Mingi is leaning on the door frame. Hongjoong smiles at them both.

“It’s weird, right? To think we're all so close to achieving our dreams?”

The small room is warm from soft laughs weighted with happiness at the statement.

_ Huh, he’s right. _

  
  


Mingi heads down stairs to get the takeout Hongjoong ordered. Insisting he needed to keep active and climbing all those stairs will do him some good.

“I forgot to mention I invited Wooyoung. I hope that’s okay.”

“He’s always welcome.”

Hongjoong smiles fondly. Eyes running along the coffee table as if he’s watching a memory twirl across the surface.

“So you two are getting pretty close.”

“Yeah I don’t think we’ve spent more than two days apart.”

Wooyoung loves being around people. Even when he needs to recharge his soul. Maybe that’s because he’s got five siblings he was smack dab in the middle of and they were always crammed into tiny houses growing up. The only privacy he ever got was everyone leaving the living room when San would sleep over. San remembers one summer break during junior year of high school, Wooyoung’s siblings went to summer camps or to stay with his grandparents. But he stuck around because of his job. You’d think Wooyoung would soak up the silence. Take up all the room he could for once. But instead he spent every moment he could with San or other friends when he wasn’t working. Wooyoung never liked feeling lonely. Even if all they did was sit on their phones or watch San play computer games. That was better than realising he had no one by his side. It’s the main reason he lives in dorms. Someone is obligated to be there most of the time. And when they’re not, he’s got Hongjoong now.

“I see Mingi is getting comfortable here.”

San grins.

“Mm, he’s usually here. I’m looking into getting Sushi her own litter box and bed so he doesn’t waste gas going there to take care of her just to drive right back when he’s done.”

“He’s never really liked his apartment. But it’s convenient for him.”

That felt like a warning.

_ He’ll never move in. _

But he doesn’t blame Mingi. San couldn’t imagine passing up the chance to live in a place like his.

San always told his mom that he’d buy her a nice house. Not too big but definitely not like the one he grew up in. One his parents wouldn’t have to worry about fixing so often and a huge yard. A real yard to plant everything she wants. Maybe build her a greenhouse and a gazebo that had a swing; places she could read and have as her own. San loved his childhood home and apartment, truly. But what person doesn’t imagine having better for themselves?

Mingi walks in with Wooyoung and the food.

“Look what we got as a free gift!”

“Excuse me, I’m expensive.”

Wooyoung makes a face at Mingi but quickly smiles at his panicked expression. Wooyoung grabs a few plates and utensils before plopping himself into San’s lap. They hug each other tightly. San could always feel his soul settling whenever they hugged like this.

“Hey, that’s my seat.”

Mingi says with a pout but Wooyoung just shrugs.

“Sorry I’ve had this seat since I was knee high-”

“You haven’t grown much since.”

The trio burst into laughter at the insult. San pulling his best friend back into his chest, Wooyoung’s mouth hanging open as if a comeback will slip out any second now.

“Mingi play nice. Youngie will disappear again and I’ve missed him.”

Wooyoung mumbled under his breath about disrespect and having fake ass friends. Pushing out of San’s embrace and sitting next to Hongjoong, but refusing any form of affection as he was still giggling. Mingi takes a seat in San’s lap, snuggling for just a moment.

“Miss you.”

“Miss you as well.”

It was borderline disgusting how clingy they had been since coming back from San’s hometown. But it helped. They weren’t walking on eggshells with each other. If something needed to be said, it was said. It was dealt with and they moved on.

(Silly things like Mingi sleeping until noon when San wanted to spend time with him or San not picking up his clothes from the bathroom floor after his shower.)

“Is it okay if Yunho and Seonghwa come over? They’re near and wanna hangout.”

“Yeah sure. Oh shit, the recital is soon right? We have to make time for that.”

Wooyoung scoots closer to Hongjoong. He leans close to his face, smirk that’s laced with mischief. Hongjoong gently tucks his bangs back.

“Oh, I forgot. Are you two okay with Seonghwa coming over? We can always meet them somewhere else.”

Mingi nods, chewing his food so cutely.

_ Disgustingly fond. _

“I’m good. Seonghwa knows how to give face when others are around. This is also your place, you should keep the company you want.”

Wooyoung rolls his eyes. San can see the gray seeping out of him but he smiles.

“I’m fine as well.”

San gives him a look and Wooyoung frowns.

_ I’ll drop it for now. _

//

When Yunho and Seonghwa walk in, everyone can’t help but stare.

“I get it, I look different with dark hair.”

Seonghwa pushes his newly black hair out of his face and behind his ear.

“Different is an understatement.”

Mingi says, San nodding along.

“You look fucking  _ hot _ .”

Wooyoung’s words make Seonghwa’s cheeks tint pink and Hongjong nudges him.

“What? He does.”

“I know Mingi introduced you as ‘professional boyfriend stealer’ but could you, uh, NOT!”

Yunho is a scary string bean. His voice bellowed a little more than he planned and it honestly looks as if it scared him as well.

“Well, you do look good. It really suits you.”   
“Thanks San, I’ve missed it.”

“I wanna be blonde again!”

“Youngie, no.”

“SAN YOU SHOULD GO BLACK AGAIN!”

“How boring, no offence Seonghwa.”

Wooyoung whines but San just ignores him. Serving the pair that just walked in some food.

“Oh  _ come ON _ Sannie! You’re hair is so long now. You’ll look really good!”

Mingi looks at him and San feels his ears heating up.

“I can see it.”

“Anyways.”

Hongjoong softly smiles at Seonghwa. Who smiles awkwardly back, tucking himself into Yunho. He wraps one arm around him, kissing Seonghwa’s forehead. Cheeks full of food. It's cute.

“Yes, anyways. You never told me about your necklace.”

San looks at Hongjoong.

“I did, my mother gave it to me.”

“But it’s a healing crystal, right?”

“Mm, San’s mom is-”

“Intuitive.”

Wooyoung looks at him with confusion knitting through his brows but San clears his throat.

“She um, knows a lot about plants and flowers and their healing properties. My parents own a flower shop.. My mom noticed I was having a rough time and made me this.”

He slides the crystal back and forth while he talks. Everyone is listening carefully. It’s different than when he was young. The air isn’t thick and his words don’t feel like someone’s reaching down his throat, pulling them out. Waiting for the right words to be dragged kicking and screaming from him to be used against him. They  _ want _ to hear about her.

“Smoky quartz helps with deflecting negative vibes. It’s said to lift depression and brings emotional calmness, relieving stress and anxiety. Which, it does help to an extent. I don't know if it’s actually working or if the placebo effect is kicking in.”

San says with a nervous laugh.

“I don’t think so.”

San looks at Seonghwa.

“I think stones and herbs are such a natural way to balance ourselves out again. You’re mother must be so in touch with nature to know right away what she can do to help ease whatever is hurting you. I can only imagine what her garden and shop must look like. A painting or movie scene, I’m sure.”

“Everything about San’s mom feels like a movie.”

Mingi says before putting a big spoonful of food in his mouth.

“She’s literally mother nature!”

Wooyoung says a bit loudly.

“Growing up with San was so nice and peaceful. His mom is like, I can’t describe it. She just  _ knows _ , you know? The house has all these plants that are meant to clear the air of allergies. She always has fresh flowers to suck up bad energy. I really miss her homemade candles and watching her talk to everything in the garden. She would make me special bath soaps when I was sad or just because she thought the scent would suit me. Do you remember our full moon haircuts? She’s like a fairy.”

_ Fairy. The nicest thing anyone has ever called her. _

“We’d love to meet her one day.”

San looks at Yunho. He’s pulled Seonghwa into his lap, hugging him close to his chest.

“She’s lovely. I miss her. We should bring some of the plants from the roof down. We could use greenery in our place.”

_ Our. _

Mingi is glowing yellow.

This space is cramped with six bodies who couldn’t be more different if they tried.

But the universe has a way of leveling everyone out. Reminding us that we are all equal one way way or another.

The mixing of all their colours was creating the most beautiful painting San had seen yet.

  
  


//

* * *

San was magnetic. The way people pulled towards him always left Mingi dizzy.

But that’s what the moon did best, pulled.

Mingi’s got his pinky linked with San’s as he gets his makeup done. He’s listening to the artist talk to San about the special effects makeup she’s done for a few movies. He has no earthly idea who she is but clearly, from the way San’s eyes go wide every so often, she’s a big deal.

“I mean, art is my passion but I’m not talented with a paintbrush. Give me a makeup brush, some rubber latex and a clean face though. That’s where my talent lies.”

“Makeup, in any form, is art. Transforming a face whether into a scary monster or enhancing facial features, like now, requires passion for art. Plus artist is in your job title.”

She blushes through her peachy tones and Mingi smiles.

“Song Mingi, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry I don’t mean to make it sound like I don’t know who you are. I just have so many faces with don’t come with names just concepts- rambling sorry.”

“Please ramble, your voice is soothing.”

She looks over at Yeosang. Mingi wondered when he got there.

“Oh. Thank you! Never got that before. Well, anyways, I just wanted to say I’m really excited to see how your shots turn out. I saw a few photos from your portfolio and working on your face- god that sounds awful.”

She pinches the bring of her nose. It makes them giggle.

“You’re just really handsome and I know you’ll be the main talk of this issue.”

“Thank you, that’s really kind of you.”

“So if you’re nervous or anything just, breathe. You’ll rock it out there.”

“He always does.”

San laces their fingers and smiles that wide, deep dimple smile of his. Mingi can see a drop of his heart in each of them.

“Cute.”

San glances at Yeosang who’s looking at Mingi through the mirror. Mingi just tugs San along to the set.

  
  


The set was boring. Off white background, big studio softboxes, his outfits were all black. But this was his second real shoot. And it was for a  _ huge  _ magazine. This could be the true catalyst.

_ So don’t fuck it up. _

“Every time you hear the beep, play the beep.”

**Beeeeep**

“That’s your que to change your pose. It could be a simple head tilt, a facial expression, or moving your whole body. You know what to do.”

And so he does.

The photographer is quiet which make him nervous. But San keeps giving him thumbs every so often. Looking over shoulders to see the shots. Mingi tries to stay professional.

_ Damn it Lovely I can not laugh. _

They drag out two chairs for him to use and he sighs at the mention of up close shoots.

_ It’s a good skin day, don’t freak out. _

“MinMin! Set buddies once again.”

“Yay.”

“Are you always so cold on set?”

“I’m not cold. I’m just trying to keep a focused mindset.”

Yeosang sits in the chair beside him. Legs dangling off the arm.

“Well relax. It’s just taking photos, not defusing a bomb.”

Mingi tries, evening his breaths. He knows Yeosang is lowkey right. Mingi just couldn’t afford to not leave a good impression. He wanted everyone here today to spread lots of good things about him. It was apart of networking himself.

Yeosang, on one hand, had his name out and floating about in this industry. The whispers between models on set today tell Mingi that his name isn’t always carried with care from ear to ear. Which unsettles him. He was a bit annoying but Yeosang was far from the awful things that were said about him.

Maybe that’s why Mingi was so patient with Yeosang. He knew there was more to Yeosang than empty flirts and sarcasm. Maybe he wanted to know the person Hongjoong knew and found interest in.

Yeosang tilts Mingi’s head,

“There’s that side profile that’s to die for. Listen, try keeping your face like this when you want to show off your jawline. See the lights there and there?”

“Yeah?”

“Okay well, now you're casting good shadows on yourself. Remember to use the lighting. It’s not just here to make you appear in the photos.”

“Good job, nice tip Yeosang.”

Mingi makes a mental note. Yeosang rolls up the bottom of his slacks twice,

“Show of your body a little. You have nice feet, not to sound weird.”

They giggle and Yeosang huffs with annoyance.

“Who dressed you, why on earth didn’t they do this? You’re in sandals for  _ fucks sake _ .”

“Yeosang, leave him be. Focus on yourself.”

The photographer says, getting impatient.

“Thanks.”

Mingi smiles his sunshine smile.

“That almost looks genuine. Also flex, you're arms are yummy.”

He nods. San doesn’t looks amused when Mingi looks over. But at least he was still peering over to give him a thumbs up whenever a shot looked good to him.

  
  


San is bouncing from foot to foot when Mingi comes out of the changing room. Smiles matching each other, ear to ear. Their hug is soft but firm enough to let the other know they’re glad to finally have the other in their arms again.

_ Disgustingly fond. _

“Hey, Sunray.”

Every time San kisses Mingi’s nose, he feels a year added to his lifespan.

“Wait up, MinMin!”

Mingi looks curiously at Yeosang as he jogs over. His birthmark is showing and it makes Mingi smile. His loose fitting clothes that hang off him perfectly.

“Now  _ that  _ is a genuine smile.”

San takes a step to the side and Mingi holds his hand tightly.

_ Stop trying to leave me alone with him. _

“What’s up?”

“I’m having a party tonight. If you wanna come. Sannie boy, you too.”

“Sannie boy?”

San’s tone says it all. Mingi tugs him closer by the hand.

“Sounds fun. Let me give you my number and you can text me the details.”

Yeosang smiles like he’s trying to hide his excitement. Lips pursed, fighting the curve that’s trying to form as Mingi typed his number into his phone.

“See you later, MinMin! You too Sannie boy.”

“Bye!”

//

“Why didn’t you tell me you had to paint tonight?”

“I didn’t want you to think you  _ had _ to stay home.”

San is on the couch but Mingi can hear the pout on his face.

“I can  _ still _ stay home.”

He looks over his outfit options.

“No your manager is right, you should be celebrating.”

“Spending time with you is celebrating.”

“Sap.”

Mingi giggles to himself. He decides on a jade turtle neck and some jeans. He doesn’t feel like fussing with his hair. It was still partially styled from the shoot.

San is stretched across his couch like a kitten on his tummy. Mingi lays on top of him, sliding his hands under his shirt.

“Say the word and I’m staying.”

“You’ll be ignored. I have work to do.”   
Mingi kisses along his shoulders, hands sliding higher. He notes how San’s breath hitches the closer he gets to his nipples.

“I think I’m pretty capable of getting your attention.”

“Mingi, you’re already dressed and agreed to go.”   
Mingi slides one hand back down, fingertips tracing the waistband of San’s briefs. San lifts himself so Mingi can slide his hand in completely. He doesn’t.

“I’m not obligated to see anyone or do anything.”

San whines, letting himself fall back down.

“So if you ask me to stay, I will.”

Mingi lets him roll over to face him. San is holding his waist, looking at Mingi’s chain hanging between them as he speaks.

“I want you to go, have fun and make some friends. Promise.. I’ll pick you up if you need me to.”

“I’ll uber. I don’t want you to stop working when you have deadlines.”

“Okay.. I’ll be here with Sushi.”

Mingi kisses the corner of his mouth. San cups his face a little firmly. It makes them giggle as he pulls him close. A kiss that made Mingi feel like a bundle of tuberose opening up under the moonlight.

One that felt like San was asking Mingi to stay. The way he was sucking his lip a little harder, legs slowly wrapping around his hips. The way San was holding Mingi’s jaw and how his eyes were smouldering.

And yet he couldn’t just ask out loud.

So Mingi grabbed a jean jacket and left.

//

Yeosang didn’t live far from Mingi (not that he’ll tell him that in case of surprise visits). He doesn’t see any crazy lights or hear loud music. Maybe Yeosang wasn’t that kind of party person.

Yeosang tells him to just walk in, only losers knock at when entering a party.

Mingi finds himself doing what he always does before entering a room full of people he didn’t really want to be around; holding his breath and counting to thirty.

Yes, thirty. You could only imagine how annoying he was when kids used to say ‘on the count of three’ ha.

_ Get it over with. _

He pushes the door open and is relieved there isn’t too many people. Enough to fill the place but not in an over crowding way. Chaeyoung is sitting on the kitchen counter and waves at him. Mingi (you guessed it) gives his sunshine smile and heads over to her. She hugs him tightly, letting him take her off the counter.

“Hey!”   
“Hello.”

“Yeosang didn’t tell me you were coming.”

“Surprise!”

She looks on either side of him.

“Where’s the cute blonde one?”

“San’s working at home.”

Mingi hates how sad he sounds. Like they’ve been married for years and he couldn’t bear the fact that he was without his other half.

_ I do miss him. _

“San, I  _ will _ remember his name.”

She wacks his arm, eyes wide with curiosity.

“So you two are dating now right?”

“Yeah!”

She makes the cutest squeal and jumps. Mingi feels proud to admit that to someone who wasn’t in his friend group.

_ I hope Lovely is just as proud. _

“I’m so happy for you! You both are so sweet together.”

His heart is oozing. He ruffled her hair.

“Dark again?”

“Turns out blondes don’t actually have more fun.”

“No matter what you change about yourself, it suits you.”

“You always this sweet?”

“More like, honest.”

Chaeyoung holds his stare as she sips her drink. Mingi wonders if she thinks he’s lying.

“Where’s Yeosang?”

She twirls and shrugs, not putting in much effort to actually finding him

“Somewhere. But hey, let me introduce you to a few people. It’s good to make friends with a crowd who can open a few doors for you.”

She winks and links their arms.

“Plus you can keep all these creeps at arms length for me.”

This was nice. Mingi felt relaxed with Chaeyoung by his side. She didn’t let Mingi go once she hooked herself to him. He was able to talk to people and make friends without thinking about hitting the self destruct button. A few people posted to their stories with him. Perfect.

_ Networking _ .

Chaeyoung helped conversation flow, which was nice. Mingi was so used to talking and everyone just listening. He’d internally yell for someone to cut him off or chim in. Which Chaeyoung did. Talking over him when she wanted to say something or teasing him with a laugh whenever he would studder over his words. Mingi felt himself relaxing as the other did so as well after a while. It felt oddly normal to be around these strangers. Which was good since he was trying to work with them in the future.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“Avoid the coke line and go into Yeosang’s room okay? That door over there.”

Mingi tries to act like that didn’t set him on edge and walks over to the door she pointed at.

Once inside, he leans against the closed door. Eye squeezed shut and counting his breaths. People who did any kind of drug didn’t bother Mingi. He knew people could function on the hardest of drugs. Hell, he had an “uncle” who was in the military that was on heroin and still performed his duties  _ well _ . It was the drugs that got to him. The way a substance could turn a person without the user giving it a second thought. He got it, it was a coping mechanism for a lot of people. From muscle aches to anxiety to forgetting the horrible things that may have happened or are happening to them. And there were a good handful of people who knew when enough was enough. But Mingi spent his short life time around that vice and watching how the simplest of that spectrum can ruin everything. So no reason eased this feeling.

A touchy subject for him with many contradictions he couldn’t, and quite honestly didn’t want to, try and explain.

But people were people. We are all perfectly imperfect creatures. Who was Mingi to judge  _ any _ of them?

Someone moans, snapping him out of his thoughts and Mingi looks over at the bed. Empty. He notices the bathroom light is on, door cracked. Yeosang is on the counter, one girl on her knees in front of him and one on the counter next to him shoving her tongue down his throat.

_ Shit, shit leave quietly. _

In the process of the two switching places, Yeosang notices Mingi standing there (like an idiotic deer in headlights). He smirks before his face is turned to kiss the other girl.

Bee line back to Chaeyoung.

“I will wait in the coke line.”

She burst into laughter, covering her mouth as she spoke.

“Oh no! No, no god. Do I- No nevermind I don’t wanna know.”

She pulls him over to the bathroom, shoving people out of the way and out of the bathroom. Giggling still as she shuts the door. Heavy sigh leaving her,

“I won’t look. I just need a break from everything.”

She gets into the tub, closing the curtain. Mingi felt odd but he did had to pee.. So..

“Scale of one to ten?”

He laughed.

“Like nine out of ten.”

“At least I know you're not dramatic.”

He smirks.

“God, being friends with him is such a rollercoaster sometimes.”

“Do you like those rides?”

Her laugh echoes in the small room.

“I have a love hate relationship with them.”

“Does that say anything about your friend with him?”

The muffled music filled the air, demanding to be heard.

“He’s a good boy. The best boy, actually. He just doesn’t make the best  _ choices _ . People are so quick to judge regardless, you know? Yeosang is..”

The running sink allows her to gather her thoughts.

“Once you know him he just doesn’t care, you get me? He’s unapologetic about his hobbies and he tries really hard to be someone you’re proud to call your friend. Yeosang is brutally honest at all times because he knows how shitty it feels when you’re being lied to. It’s honestly so funny to watch some people try and figure out if he’s joking sometimes. He used to be so closed off. Hiding away and never talking to anyone unless they spoke to him first. He wanted to blend into the background. Be some minor character in this whole play of life. Yeosang swore he was happy being alone most of the time. But he’s just got so much shine to him, you know?”

Mingi dries his hands and she opens the curtain.

“He wouldn’t even talk to me for months when we trained together. Back when we wanted to be idols.”

She sticks out her tongue and finger in her mouth, fake gag. He leans against the counter,

“But something changed. So what was it?”

She waves for Mingi to join her in the tub. He had no intention of going back to the party right now, so he crams himself into the tub with her. Letting her throw her legs over his. They laugh at how silly they must look. He closes the curtain again. Liking how it feels to be separated from the party even more.

“I think it was his first shoot ever. He came back to the dorms just  _ rushing  _ with excitement. Talking so incredibly fast about all the positive feedback he got and how they were planning to use him again for another project. He was like, I can’t explain it. Radiating all these positive feelings. I’ve never seen him like that before. Not even after winning in one of his video games.”

There’s a spark in her eyes and even though she’s gazing at the lining of the tub, her dimple slightly dents into view.

“I get it, he can come off as a shithead and he’s sexually liberated.”

“Good word.”

“No slut shaming!”

“Never!”

Giggles float up and over the shower curtain.

“People hate to see someone happy with themselves. There’s always gotta be something wrong with us that we crave to fix. Which is weird. The whole world is weird and beautiful and fucked up but so perfectly in line.”

“Deep.”

“Drunk deep.”

“Nice drunk deep.”

She takes out her phone,

“Gonna post a cute photo of you squished in this tub.”

Mingi doesn’t argue, just poses cutely. She smiles at the photo.

“Are you fully gay?”

Mingi can feel his cheeks burning.

“Last I checked.”

“Then blondie is lucky to have you.”

“Are you drunk flirting with me?”

“Secret?”

Mingi holds out his pinky. She wraps her tiny one around his and a smile dances across his face.

“I’m jealous that everyone but me is confident enough to be authentic.”

“You can be authentic with me. Even if it never leaves this tub. I’ll tuck it away into my back pocket, safe and away from everyone.”

Chaeyoung eyes gloss over and her grip on his pinky tightens.

“I’m a lesbian.”

It’s a whisper that's so soft and cracked that Mingi can feel every once of her sadness.

“How’d that feel?”

She laughs, sniffling and blinking away tears.

“Really good.”

“Wanna say it again?”

Chaeyoung laces their fingers, sitting up straight this time.

“Mingi, I’m a lesbian.”

“Yes you are.”

The door flies open and the curtain is pulled back.

“Found my babies!”

“You better have cleaned yourself up.”

Yeosang looks at Mingi,

“You little gossiper!”

“Please he didn’t have to tell me for me to know what you were up to.”

She swings her legs over the tub and Yeosang helps her out. Mingi gets out on his own. Chaeyoung tugs him down, soft kiss on his cheek.

_ You’re welcome. _

“Let’s take a mirror photo!”

Yeosang pulls them close to either side of him. Chaeyoung takes a few, Mingi knowing she posted bunches at a time. Yeosang takes out his phone and takes a video,

“With my babies!”

He kisses Chaeyoung’s cheek and then Mingi’s.

“Come! You need a drink and I need arm candy.”

Yeosang tugs Mingi along, his tiny hand only gripping two of Mingi’s fingers.

_ Cute. _

  
  


“So you and Chaeyoung?”

“What about us?”

Yeosang sits on the counter, tiny straw between his lips as he sipped on whatever was in his cup.

“So you’re not a gossiper.”

“Girls just aren’t my thing.”

Yeosang lets his head fall back against the cabinet. Mingi likes the way Yeosang has a drunk blush.

“Humans, in any form, are my thing.”

“Noticed.”

Yeosang giggles and nudges Mingi with his knee. He talks with his eyes closed,

“Love that I’m attracted to everyone my heart dares me to fall for. Pleasure is my sexuality.”

He leans forward, cup in the air.

“Gender? Never heard of it!”

Yeosang yells and a few people cheers him.

“San feels that way. I think, anyways.”

“Where is Sannie boy?”

“Working.”

“He trust you all alone with me?”

Yeosang dips his face close to Mingi’s. That smile with mischief tangled in his teeth is dangerous.

“We aren’t alone.”

Mingi smirks, gently pushing him back with one finger. Yeosang smiles, bottom lip between his teeth.

“No, you’re not!”

Chaeyoung jumps on to the counter, mushing herself between them.

“You don’t have to cockblock.”

“Plenty of that and here, leave Mingi be.”

She hands him a drink.

“I’m not a drinker.”

“Babysit that one then. Look like you have some kinda fun.”

Yeosang hops off the counter and moves his body to the song playing.

“Unless you’re a killjoy.”

Chaeyoung pulls them both to the living room where everyone else is dancing. The three of them in their own world. Mingi forgets about the other people. He can only hear Chaeyoung laughing and Yeosang singing off key. Can only feel their hands and bodies on his.

_ Friends. _

//

* * *

San has set three paintings he’s completed so far aside to dry and he’s feeling really proud of himself. Tonight’s pieces felt simple to him.

San was so focused on trying to keep himself busy while Mingi was out. He thought about texting him, asking if these were good quality pieces or was he rushing? Were they messy? But he didn’t want to bother him. San knew Mingi needed to do things on his own (because they  _ couldn’t _ and wouldn’t always be together) and this party was a good career move.

Yeosang was a good career move.

But he was done for the night, so San decides to see what Mingi has posted. He was notified that he updated his story a few times but San didn’t want to stop working.

_ How bad could it be? _

City lights with a song his uber driver was playing.

Chaeyoung twirling under a disco ball, she was full of glittering lights. Smile bright despite the dim lighting.

A repost of him in a tub, text reading:  **reunited!**

_ Cutie pie. _

Another repost of Mingi, Chaeyoung and Yeosang. Boomerang of them making faces and peace signs.

San clicks on Yeosang’s handle. He looks over the page, working up the nerve to be nosy. He didn’t  _ have  _ to know.

Oh well.

San clicks Yeosang’s story. Skipping through the outfit updates, past the toasting boomerangs (lame), blowing through all his separate friends.

The repost of them in the mirror.

“With my babies!”

San watches the way Mingi smirks when Yeosang kisses his cheeks.

_ Oh. _

He closes his phone and sits there for a moment or two. Not really thinking about anything but a still frame of Yeosang’s lips touching his baby  _ again. _ And Mingi allowing it  _ again. _ San shakes his head and huffs, blinking away wet eyes and intrusive thoughts.

San searches ‘sanggi’ and flicks through three pages before coming across a two second video. Yeosang close (like always) to Mingi’s face. Both smiling before Mingi pushes Yeosang away. Caption reading: this ship sails itself.

**_Ding_ **

-be home soon! hope you're still up when i get there.

San doesn’t reply.

He calmly puts away his art supplies. Properly placing things into their containers. Running each brush under water before leaving them to soak. Rising his palette with care.

_ Don’t be stupid. It’s all a show. Mingi needs this. _

San fulls Sushi’s water bowl before stripping himself down and crawling under the heavy layers of blankets Mingi has on their bed.

It really was a silly reason to be upset. Mingi would’ve stayed home if San had it in him to be selfish for once in his life. The words were there in his throat, throwing themselves into uvula like one would throw themselves into a closed door. Trying to break through and be heard. San also couldn't stand seeming so pathetic, so needy. San wasn’t kidding about being an afterthought for everyone in his life. People were there when he needed them most. But if it wasn’t life or death, then San had to wait or do it on his own. Even Wooyoung has done this a handful of times. He wanted people to choose him because  _ they wanted _ to choose him.

_ We’ll talk about it tomorrow, Don’t ruin his night. _

//

San is still awake when the door clicks open. Alarm pad turning off, then being reset. He can hear Mingi’s deep voice treading along the apartment as he talks to Sushi. San can hear his heart pounding.

Mingi doesn’t turn on the lights when he entered their room. Instead uses his phone light as he takes off his clothes. San doesn’t look at him, eyes closing as he feels the covers peel off him one by one.

“You know, we’ve been dating for almost four months.”

_ Yeah? _

“Spent a lot of time in and out of each others beds. Sleeping, fucking around.”

San gets goosebumps from the cold air as the final sheet is pulled off him.

“Meaning I know a lot about you Choi San. Like how you heavy breathe when you’re asleep. Unlike now.”

Mingi rolls him over, eyes adjusting to the dark again.

“Caught me.”

San smiles and he hopes Mingi can’t tell he doesn’t want to. Even though he seems to know so much about him already.

_ Don’t ruin the night. _

“Are you tired?”

“Not really.”

“Mm, good.”

Mingi’s lips are chapped when they touch San’s. His breath is heavy with whatever liquor he was drinking. Mingi slowly climbs on top of San, tongue making itself at home in San’s mouth like usual. And San tries to forget all the troublesome thoughts from before.

“You’re in a mood.”

“Just missed you.”

“Missed you more.”

Mingi takes his time kissing down San’s neck. Soft nips to his skin and sucks. Carnations sprouting from his neck along his collarbone. Hickeys are tacky to San but he liked the idea of people knowing he was Mingi’s.

_ What does it even matter? _

Mingi rolls his hips and San is trying to focus. Trying to get himself into what’s happening. Because he did miss Mingi. And he did want to fuck around. So he adjust them and when Mingi grinds against him again, the friction felt just right.

“I wanted to kiss you all night.”

Mingi lifts San’s legs, gripping his thighs.

“Are you sure?”

_ What _

“What?”

“You’re just kissing everywhere  _ but _ my lips.”

San pouts and Mingi hurries to connect their lips again.

_ Good save. _

San threads his fingers through Mingi’s hair, tugging at it. Mingi’s movements seem desperate. He’s kissing San differently. He’s moaning in such a needy way.

“Slow down.”

“No, I wanna actually  _ do _ something tonight, Lovely.”

“Mingi..”

“No, not that name.”

“Can this happen tomorrow?”

Mingi pulls himself up immediately. San can feel the panic running through his veins.

“I’m just tired.”

“You said you weren’t.”

“I thought you just wanted to talk.”

Mingi scoots to his side of the large bed. They hardly ever laid apart.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be sorry. How was the party?”

“Fun. I met a lot of people.”

_ One rule San and of course you broke it. _

“I seen you got to hang with Chaeyoung. How is she.”

“Good.”

“Mingi-”

“I’m going to shower.”

“Want me to go with you?”

“No, sleep like you want to.”

“That’s not fair.”

Mingi slides off the bed.

“I’m telling you to rest, what isn’t fair San?”

“You’re making me feel bad.”

“I’m not trying to.”

San squints when Mingi turns on the light, gathering his pajamas.

“Why do you let Yeosang be so close and flirty with you?”

His breaths are short and quick and he doesn't mean to sound so bitter.

“He doesn’t flirt with me seriously.”

Mingi looks at San, annoyed already.

_ Swallow it. Don’t drag it out. _

“Okay. I’m sorry, I won’t talk about it.”

“Say what you need to. You already brought it up and it clearly bothers you.”

He shakes his head, burrowing himself under the blankets.

“Don’t slip in the shower.”

* * *

Mingi thinks they’re too old for this. They agreed to talk things out and yet here they were. So he grabbed his things and heads to the shower.

_ What if it wasn’t Yeosang? _

He asks himself as the water heats up. Mingi looks over his face in the mirror, liking the way he disappears as it’s slowly fogs. It was a good thing because he can’t convince himself that something was wrong (with himself) if he couldn’t see.

_ Maybe San just doesn’t want me. _

The hot water relaxes his muscles but fails to ease his mind. Autopilot brain takes over and Mingi is washing out the smell of that party from his hair. Scrubbing his skin until it turns red in hopes that he’ll rid himself of this feeling.

_ He just goes along with waiting. Always stops when I ask and never tries to push his limits. Yeosang is just an excuse because he’s around. _

The door clicks open and Mingi peaks out of the curtain, cold air hitting him and making him shiver a little. San is standing there with a towel in his hands.

“Can I join?”

“Please.”

Mingi close the curtain and waits for San to come in. When a blonde head of hair pokes in, Mingi’s mind simmers down. San has a weak smile and Mingi pulls him into his arms. Kissing the crown of his head and letting San hide away in his neck.

“I don’t show how insecure I am but it fucking eats at me, Mingi.”

Mingi hates the way San sounds like he’s going to cry.

“I don’t wanna fight, Sunray.”

“I know, Lovely.”

“So I don’t want to talk about it.”

“We won’t.”

They look at each other for a moment. Mingi lets him get under the water, tracing lines into his back.

San turns around, Mingi loves the way those hickeys look on his skin. He softly taps each one.

“Do I look hot with them?”

“Incredibly.”

San pulls him by the chin, feather light kiss only fuels Mingi’s greedy side. He fights the urge take more than he’s given.

“You know I want to fuck you until neither of us can walk, right?”

Mingi feels his cheeks burn and not from the water.

“You  _ have _ to know that. Tell me that you do.”

“Kinda.”

San cups his face,

“Kinda? You  _ kinda _ know that you leave me with blue balls on a daily basis?”

Mingi giggles and pushes San away.

“Mingi, are you really oblivious to how crazy I am about you?”

“Suppose so.”

San trails his index finger along the soft v cut Mingi has.

“Suppose I should fix that.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Maybe I was just a tad bit hasty earlier.”

Mingi tries to keep his composure. Hide just how much he loves when San drags his nails across his skin. Hide how even after all the times San has kissed along his jawline, Mingi crumbles with every gentle one pressed into his skin.

The wall is cold even with all the heat. Mingi jumps up but San presses him back down. Slender fingers sliding up to his neck, Mingi lifts his chin and San raises his eyebrow.

“Oh?”

San gets a good grip on Mingi’s throat and his eyes flutter shut. He’s shamelessly getting hard again.

“What did you want to do earlier, Sunray?”

“Anything.”

“Mm, you wanted something specific.”

San pulled him by the neck down to eye level.

“Tell me.”

“Eat you out.”

“That all?”

He let go of his neck, one finger holding his chin up to kept eye contact as Mingi lowered down to his knees. Sucky kisses from one of San’s hip to the other. Mingi turns San, biting his lip as he looks over San’s ass.

“For now.”

He glides his fingertips up his thigh, slowly spreading San’s legs apart. Mingi couldn’t help but suck more hickeys onto the skin of his thighs. San shivering with each one.

“These are for us only.”

San nods, reaching back to pet Mingi’s head. He spreads his cheeks and pressed his tongue flat against San’s hole. Smirking at the his body reacts. Flicking the tip of his tongue, gripping San’s hips as he pushes himself back into Mingi’s mouth.

“Please tell me you have lube in here.”

Mingi kisses you the dip of his back, slowly turning San back around. Ignoring his question and taking almost of San’s cock in his mouth. San threads his fingers through Mingi’s hair.

He loves when San fucks his mouth. The grip on his hair, San’s moans, and best of all; feeling of San filling his mouth.

He pulled him off, loud pop from him not wanting to stop.

“Why? I'm not done.”

“Because Sunray.”

He pulls him up by the hair, smirk on both their lips before they crash into each other for a kiss that held so much hunger for each other.

“I want you to fuck me until I can't feel my legs.”

“You’re going to let me top?”

San is looking at him differently. The way he changes is scary. Still fully lost in lust, but not like Mingi was a piece of meat. Not that San ever made him feel that way.

“I need to feel as close to you as possible right now.”

* * *

San knew Mingi would make him feel good.

He always did.

San just didn’t think he’d feel  _ this _ good. Great. Fucking  _ fantastic _ .

Mingi’s long fingers pumping in and out of him while he was deep throating him almost sent him over the edge. The only reason it didn’t was because Mingi had an idea. One San didn’t think was true but Mingi said he had seen it in a video, so it most definitely was.

“Sunray I don’t think my dick is long enough.”

“Just try Lovely. Please?”

Even with lips swollen and chin covered in drool, his little emoji face made San weak.

“Fine. On your back.”

Mingi happily flipped himself over, hung his head off the bed and opened his mouth wide.

San got lucky with Mingi. So incredibly lucky. From the way he was treated to the things Mingi allowed him to do in the bedroom, there was no better fit.

_ Lucky. One l word I can use right now. _

San gently pushes himself in Mingi’s mouth, down his throat so easily. Mingi reaches up and San quickly laces their fingers. There’s a red hue flooding the room. San looks down and yeah, Mingi was right. The bulge of his cock was visible in his throat.

“Sunray, you’re such a good baby boy.”

His free hand reaches to trace over lump in his throat. Here pulls back just enough for Mingi to get a good breath of air and back in. All the jokes about wanting San bring so far down his throat that if he came, Mingi wouldn’t even need to swallow rushed to his mind.

That’s how he fucked Mingi. Hand still over the outline, also remembering how his baby boy liked his hand on his throat. Mingi tugged on his hand. He pulled out, lifting his head up as he caught his breath.

“I’m so close baby boy.”

“I want you to cum on neck. Like a necklace.”

_ Pearl necklace. _

“Okay, Sunray.”

San pressed a firm kiss on his forehead. He saved Mingi the worsening sore throat and decided to jerk himself off, leaning over him to be close to his neck. Mingi opened his mouth and sucked in his balls. San’s moan crack as little pearls decorate the base of Mingi’s neck like he asked. When San looks down at him, he's got the biggest smile. Eyes closed with contentment.

_ Lucky. _

“Do I look pretty?”

“You look gorgeous.”

San runs his fingertips along Mingi’s scalp before lifting him up.

“Take a photo.”

“What?”

“Nothing fancy, use your phone. I wanna see.”

So San once again does what Mingi asks. Snapping a photo for him to see. He looks pleased.

_ Hot. _

Mingi opens the camera again gathers a good blob of the cum on two fingertips, taking a photo of himself licking it.

“For later.”

_ Really hot. _

“Sunray get inside me and rearrange my guts,  _ now. _ ”

San says it with a groan that makes Mingi laugh.

“I think I have condoms still somewhere around here.”

He's still in a daze. So San walks over the the closest where he keeps, as Mingi calls them, he play time things and digs through his little box. Finding both condoms and lube. Both still good for use.

“Little later for the condoms, don’t you think?”

“Better late than never.”

San straddles him, tender kiss on his baby boys swollen lips. Not caring about the sticky mess he is now becoming.

“Cum up your anal canal doesn’t.. bother you?”

“Sunray you could shove mud up my ass and I would thank you as it slid out.”

Laughter dances along the dresser top and this room has never felt so light and airy.

Mingi is back to having San withering way under him. He’s already out of breath and all Mingi has done is stretch him open. But he was three fingers, knuckle deep and playing with his nipples. San couldn't help it. How easy it was to fall apart under Mingi’s touch.

_ It's easy to fall for Mingi. _

Maybe that was the high from Mingi sliding his cock inside him. Maybe it was from the way Mingi was watching him as he did so. Maybe it was the way Mingi held him, or kissed him, or called him Lovely, or told him he was beautiful, or so many other things San could pull from the clouds.

San wanted to feel as close as he possibly could because he wanted to reassure himself that Mingi didn’t want to be with anyone other than him. Though he was allowed to leave at any point. San would never deny him that. But there was something about the way Mingi was doing his absolute best to take care of him. More so than other times they’ve fucked around. It was almost like Mingi also wanted to reassure himself that San wanted him, all of him. And maybe San never fully realised just how badly he wanted things between to work. Even if it wasn’t for the long run. Seeing Mingi getting a simple kiss on the cheek set of signal flares inside him he didn’t even know were there. But somehow Mingi saw them. And this shared moment felt like something more than shared bodies high off lust and curiosity. San held it in. He couldn’t allow myself to even consider that emotion just yet.

But the moon always did love the sun. Even if she never says it out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the "explicit" scenes seem lackluster. im like.. over the whole smut thing and kinda wanna dance away/around it as much as possible.
> 
> i hate twt (cc): gottez_  
> 20+ stans only !!
> 
> ps i rad through this ONCE so like theres most likely typos and shit i'll have to fix


	8. Everything Has Changed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> San feels a lot more than he says. Mingi doesn't mean to be so oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i have been gone :(( this ch is also waaaay shorter than what i normally put out for this fic sorry :((  
> some reminders:  
> // -> time passing/ scene change  
> *** -> POV change  
> italics are inner thoughts ~

San doesn’t think sex changes a relationship much. He understands the way it could bring people closer together, but he never made it a monumental thing.

It was just bodies fitting together they way they were meant to.

Just people doing what nature called them to do.

But it was different with Mingi. As San found himself saying more and more when it came to this ray of sunshine he found himself twirled in. The way Mingi took care of him as they fucked was unlike any partner San had before. 

The way he looked at him, touched him. The way he tuned into every noise or made sure each shake from his body was a good one (they were all _ really good _ ones).

San felt like he was floating through Mingi’s apartment whenever they got up to fuck in a new space. All he wanted was to reassure himself. But what he got was a new box of feelings gift wrapped and ready for him to open, as if he didn’t already feel those things inside. Yet this simple act of bodies fitting together and human nature kicking in, seemed to amplify them.

San was sure of two things.

One being that Mingi did want to be right there with him. Just as much as San wanted to be with him.

Mingi was putting their sheets to wash (finally). San hadn’t picked up his phone once during they’re two day escapade. Mingi of course had to for his job. San watched as his boyfriend walked back over to him, cupping his face as he leaned down to connect their lips. He smelled like chamomile and lemons. San was happy they finally had a shower. He loved the smell of Mingi’s skin but he missed the way he mixed his body washes to smell so unique from the people around them. Mingi pulls away and San kisses his nose.

“Are you tired?”

“Only a little.”

San whispers to him, fingertips tracing his cupids bow.

“We could watch the sun rise if you like?”

San hums at the idea. It’s been awhile since he’s done that with Mingi.

//

Forty stories high is a hell of a difference compared to his four.

Mingi let San wear a hoodie that swallowed him. He was very much in love with the feeling of swimming in fabric that smelled like Mingi. His large hand still holding San’s even with sweater paws. San only let’s go so he can lean himself over the railing. Mingi holds his hips and San can’t help but giggle.

_ I’m okay, Sunray. _

And in the same thought, hoped he didn’t let go.

San always enjoyed this particular time frame of the day. He understood the hype around golden hour. And while he agreed with them, it was here in blue hour that he found his soul dwelling. It was a bit tricky to catch it. Probably why he spent so many mornings up on the roof (both in his childhood and now) waiting for the world to tint blue. Everything felt softer during this time. The world wasn’t forced to be so fierce and saturated. Or maybe he felt like  _ he  _ wasn’t forced to be something he wasn’t.

Mingi pulled him back into his chest and San smiles up at him as he placed a firm kiss on his forehead. He looks out over the buildings and how everything is muted in colour. The world still half asleep. Dreams getting ready to roll their credits as alarm clocks clear their throats in preparation for a rude awakening.

San liked to spend this particular time of day, both in the morning and during the evening, with Mingi. He knows how tired he gets of being the focal point of almost one million people. Though San felt it wasn’t possible to mute Mingi, but like everything else during this time frame, Mingi was softer. Not allowing anyone or anything to force him to be more than what he was.

“Hey.”

San says in such a small tone he only seems to have with Mingi.

“Hey back.”

Mingi presses another tender kisses on his temple.

_ Don’t say it. _

The sun greeted them orange clouds and warm sticky air. San pulls away from Mingi to lean himself closer to the rays slowly making themselves visible. Wanting her kisses first. Soaking up all the love the sun has to offer until he’s overflowing. San was greedy with the sun in that way.

San looks over at Mingi, who’s resting his head on his folded arms.

He wanted to soak up every moment he could when it came to Mingi.

San was greedy when it came to Mingi.

“Is that why you’re such a bright person? Because you’re so high up, close to the sun?”

Mingi smirks, though he doesn’t look at him.

“Sap.”

  
  


* * *

Mingi can always feel when San is burning holes into him.

_ I wonder what he’d do if he knew I know when he’s looking at me. _

Considering that they’ve literally done nothing but lay around and fuck for the last two days, Mingi would say he use to all the staring. Not feeling like he’s got to hide from San anymore.

Mingi looks over at San, who giggles and hides his face behind sweater paws.

“You’re cute.”

San blushes and turns away from him, even after all their shared time and reused compliments. It made Mingi feel good.

He found himself missing San so much during that party. He had fun, of course. But Mingi could’ve ran all the way home. And even though they had a small argumentative moment, Mingi was glad San still chose to be with him.

Mingi always thought of sex has something special and intimate that he shared with people he deemed worthy. Then he got his heart broken and turned himself into a revolving door for boys. The act he once felt held so much more significance than bodies causing friction quickly became something he did to feel validated. He disappointed himself most during those months.

But sex teaches you a lot. More than people care to admit (than he’d like to admit).

San made everything feel  _ different _ .

San was different.

Mingi wanted to wait. Wanted everything to feel perfect and planned out. This was the one thing he wanted to do on his own terms and not when someone else told him to.

The other night he did plan on going straight to bed. It was late and he didn’t want to bother San. He hardly got any sleep even on a slow day for them both. But seeing San after missing him, kissing him after watching others kiss each other.. He wanted so much more than what he had been getting. For once he was ready to be greedy. To allow himself the pleasure of fucking the most perfect boy he’d ever come across. Because maybe he didn’t deserve someone like San but he still chose him.

San was glowing in the morning light. Mingi is jealous of every person who’s ever seen him like this before him.

“Absolutely gorgeous.”

San looks back at him,

“What?”

Mingi gay panics on the inside.

_ Shit didn’t mean to let that one slip out _ .

“The view.”

San smirks the way he does. Mingi always gets whiplash with his duality.

“Which view?”

San tucks himself between Mingi and the railing.

“How are you not scared of falling?”

San turns red as a rose. Mingi giggles and cups his face, thumbs running over his cheeks that are soft as petals.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

//

Mingi was helping San send out orders. He was a day behind but Mingi doesn’t let him beat himself up too much over it considering it was mostly his fault. Buttering him up with promises about new art supplies and lunch from that american restaurant he loves.

San hops back into the car and leans over, butterfly kisses over his cheek.

“Missed you.”

“Missed you more.”

Mingi cups his boyfriends giggling face.

_ Lovely. _

San looks at his phone as he settles back in the driver's seat.

“I had a weird flux of followers. My sister watches over my account for me-”

“You should just let my manager do that.”

“Shut up. Like I haven’t posted or responded to comments in days and boom, rush.”

“Huh, I lose followers when I don't post.”

Mingi leans his head on San’s shoulder, waiting for him to be done flicking through whatever it was he was looking at. Playing with the fingers of his free hand.

_ Everything about him is pretty _ .

“Oh.”

“Oh?”   
San show’s Mingi what he’s looking at.

One photo of San with his sister laughing at his parents shop. One of Mingi and San when they were bringing in those pots. Another of Mingi smiling in the kitchen as he helps their mother cook. One of just Mingi admiring the flowers in the backyard. And one of the couple sleeping on the trampoline. It’s from far, maybe the back porch. But it was right as the sun was rising.

**-It was nice seeing my baby bro happy. Even nicer to see the reason behind it all (recently). Now I’ve got two cool dudes in my life making the flowers bloom faster. Missing them both so much already.**

She didn’t tag him and yet people still found the photos.

“She’s sneaky.”

“That’s your take on E-”

Mingi covers his mouth,

“Don’t you dare tell me her name.”

San shoves Mingi back over to the passenger side and they both laugh.

“You’re annoying!”

“You love it.”

Silence floods the car faster than water did the Titanic.

“There’s, um, a lot I love about you.”

“San..”

Mingi buckles himself and San nods quickly.

“Got it. You and the whole not believing in love thing.”

“It’s not that-”

“Also you have to learn her name at some point. So please get over her dumb ass act.”

San smiles but it's not genuine. Mingi wants to apologise but San turns on the radio. Volume higher than usual and he sings along to the random song.

Mingi loves when San sings. For a moment he thinks he’s ruined another moment between them. But San grabs his thigh like always.

San was still choosing Mingi.

Like how the sun had the whole universe in it’s palms and it still chose the moon.

  
  


//

* * *

Wooyoung was sitting crossed legged on San’s couch watching Hongjoong and Mingi move some of the plants from the roof into his apartment. He sighs,

“Hot guys working up a sweat really gets me going.”

“Hot guys just standing there breathing get you going.”

Wooyoung baby glares.

“Speaking of hot guys, what have you and Mingi been up to?”

San hands him a cup of tea and sits next to him, smile spreading across his face as easily as butter on warm bread.

“Just, you know. Hanging out.”

Wooyoung pokes his cheek.

“You got the stupid smile. Spill.”

“Spill what?”

Wooyoung rolls his eyes.

“ _ Come on _ San I know that smile. Who’s topping?”

“Is it not obvious?”

Wooyoung thinks.

“No, I take you both as bottoms.”

“I hate-”

Mingi comes in with the croton plant, setting it down with a huff. He winks at San before heading back out.

“Ah, so Mingles has it in him!”

“What?”

“To top.”

“We are  _ not _ having this conversation.”

“Whhyy?”

Wooyoung whines and San groans, hiding behind a throw pillow.

Wooyoung leans forward to look out the door and make sure the coast is clear.

“Is he big?”

San deadpans.

“Of course he is.”

They giggles like adolescence. Wooyoung smacks San a few times.

“Tell me,  _ tell me _ ! Long? Thick? Veiny?”

“Long and thick.  _ God _ Wooyoung I thought having his cock in my mouth was amazing, but being fucked by him is just.. I felt so good.”

Wooyoung scrunches his nose, smiling.

“I love that for you. I was tired of boring blow job stories.”

“Excuse me, they aren’t boring. I happen to really love sucking Mingi’s dick.”

Hongjoong freezes in the door frame. San can feel his skin burning.

“T-thank you?”

Mingi says from behind Hongjoong. Wooyoung shrugs,

“Hongjoong is really good at-”

“Can you to have gossip hours about us perhaps when we aren’t around?”

“Awe, you don’t want me to tell Sannie how good you are on your knees?”

Hongjoong is as red as his hair. Wooyoung has a smug look on his face.

“If you want there's, um, some baby wipes in the bathroom.”

Hongjoong glares at Wooyoung before going off to clean himself up a bit.

“You’re in trouble later.”

“Mm, I can’t wait. We have some new toys I’ve been  _ dying _ to try. He’s so patient! It’s borderline annoying.”

“Brat.”

“Yeah and my punishment is being ignored half the time.”

They laugh and Mingi sits himself in San’s lap, snuggling into the crook of his neck. 

“Did my bay work too hard?”

Mingi nods and Wooyoung fake gags.

“See? Bottom.”

“Wooyoung, shut  _ up _ .”

Mingi grabs a hold of Wooyoung’s chin and pulls him close.

“Don’t be jealous because Joongie isn’t clingy. Be nice or I won’t give you tips on how to activate  _ that _ baby form.”

Wooyoung swats Mingi’s hand away.

“You’re too pretty up close.”

//

Mingi is between San’s thighs for the third time that day and he can not get enough of his boy.

_ My lovely boy. _

San is so pretty when he’s like this. Sweaty- no. Glowy, cheeks flushed and hair a mess. San has turned into quite the rag doll. Allowing Mingi to move him any way he pleases. But right now Mingi wanted him just like this; a leg over his shoulder and San gripping his hair as he brings him close to another orgasm with both his mouth and fingers. Mingi loved the way San sounded in bed. Whiny and breathy. San often had a lot to say but when Mingi was fucking him, in any form, he lost all his words. Just having enough sense to praise Mingi. It fluffed his ego.

Like now, San is an array of sweet broken moans that fill their small room. Mingi couldn’t help but watch him. The way San scrunched his nose or left his mouth hanging open. His tummy moving quickly. There wasn’t a moment in time where San wasn’t lovely.

“ _ God  _ Sunray I’m so fucking close.”

Mingi moans around him. Letting the pet name sink into him. He’d be lying if he said his throat didn’t hurt just a little. But it was the kinda sting he likes. Warm cum coating all the soreness makes up for it. Seeing San lay flat against the mattress, eyes shut as he tries to bring himself back down made up for a lot in Mingi’s mind.

“You okay baby boy?”

Mingi kisses up his stomach. San’s rubbing his scalp, silent apology for if he pulled too hard.

“I’m good.”

The rasp in his voice catching up to him finally. San pulling in him for a kiss too chaste for what they just got done doing. But Mingi savoured these moments. San’s hands taking their time as they travel down Mingi’s body.

“You have to paint.”

Mingi manages to get the reminder out before moaning against San’s neck at the feeling of his hand working him. His hard on hurting at this point from the neglect.

“So fuck me quickly, Sunray.”   
Mingi can admit his brain was turning to mush with how often San called him that.

“No you’re gonna- oh fuck,  _ fuck _ .”

San giggles and flips Mingi over.

“You’ve been so good to me.”

Mingi watches as San straddles him.

“My baby boy should get a treat. Would you like that?”

Mingi nods, hands trailing up San’s thighs.

_ What a view _ .

There was something undeniably sexy about watching your partner bottom out. San never looked so good. The way way he let his head fall back and how he wiggled his hips until he was filled with Mingi’s cock. The look in his eyes when he was satisfied with how well he took Mingi.

  
  


//

* * *

San was so focused on the piece he was working on, Mingi wrapping his arms around his neck scared him a little.

“Sorry, I waited until you lifted your brush.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

He leans back into him.

“Reheating some of our leftovers.”

“Mm, how did I live without you?”

Mingi kisses his cheek a few times.

“You were doing fine before me. You’re just dicknotized.”

“I can’t stand you.”

They giggle and San feel all those feelings tapping on the top of that box he’s trying to keep them in.

_ This is so stupid. Don’t bring it up again. _

Feelings have never been San’s strong suit. He always felt way too much way too fast for his liking. For anyone's liking. He remembers the day he told Wooyoung he felt like they were soul mates. It was cold and they were laughing in the icy grass. He just looked over and said it. It felt right. But Wooyoung sat up and had a mini crisis, as he thought San was confessing to him. San was always the one to admit his feelings first. Rushed or not. He’s heart always took over his mouth. But after his ex, he promised to dial it back. Wait for the other person to lead for once instead of convincing himself that his two left feet could waltz into love gracefully.

Mingi’s phone rings for a facetime call and San glances at the name before handing it over as if he hadn’t.

“Hey Yeosang!”

“Hey cutie pie!”

Mingi fake giggles at the pet name. San can tell it's fake.

_ At least, I hope it is. _

“What are you up to?”

“Just reheating some food.”

“Boo, boring.”

Mingi walks over and takes the brush from San’s hand, placing it down before sitting in his lap.

“Gotta take care of my hardworking baby.”

San smirks and Yeosang sighs with a smile.

“Sannie boy you truly lucked out with him.”

“I know, right?”

“Come over, both of you! Chaeyoung is coming and we’re having a movie night!”

“I still have a lot to do.”   
San pouts and Yeosang mirrors his action.

“Okay, well if you change your mind please come over.”

He winks and waves before hanging up.

The microwave beeps and Mingi lifts San’s face towards him for a quick kiss before he gets up. San can’t stop the words from leaving him,

“You can go if you want.”

He doesn’t want him to leave but this was reflex San hadn’t gotten over. It’s hard not to remind people they weren’t anchored to him. The plate slides slowly out from the microwave and San can’t tell if Mingi’s considering the suggestion or annoyed that he’d even offer the idea after all the time they’ve spent together.

“I just don’t want you to think you have to stay home and be suffocated by me-”

Mingi tilts his head back, kissing his nose for once.

_ Oh that shit hits different. _

“I told you, I don’t have to see or do anything I don’t want to.”

He trails his finger tips down San’s throat, pausing when San swallows and he wonders what is going through his mind.

“If I wanted to see him, I would’ve been out the door.”

He lets San turn himself around.

“You don’t suffocate me, by the way.”

“Okay.”

Mingi pulls him to their table and San wishes he could shove his insecurities out the window.

“Can we hide under the blankets. Like before?”

He doesn’t look up from the plate being placed in front of him.

“Of course. As long as you need.”

San looks at Mingi. He smiles until his eyes thin out into little half moons.

//

It’s quiet in the room. Faint whale sounds are playing on the alexa and San has his salt lamp on with a candle he mom made him for these kinda moods. But Mingi doesn’t force conversation or try to fish out what’s bothering him.

It was nice to know he’d never pry into San’s mind when he clearly needed room to just decompress.

* * *

Mingi found it nice to be on this end of the situation. Knowing he wasn’t the one having yet another internal meltdown was fucking mint.

_ What a nice day off. _

He mentally punched himself for that. San was clearly upset. But he didn’t dare push any boundaries.

He could tell San was falling asleep. Mingi was twirling the ends of his hair the way he liked and let him wrap around his body the way he does.

San was good at this compared to Mingi, he felt. He had soothing sounds and ambient lighting with relaxing scents. Mingi had a specific pillow he hugged when crying and a cat that waited for him to pet her whenever he was done. San made an effort that Mingi never even considered when he got like this. The fact that San tried to keep hope floating spoke volumes to Mingi.

_ I really need to be a better person. _

San was getting heavier and Mingi kissed his forehead. On que, San’s hold on him got tighter.

“I’m right here Lovely, don’t worry.”

**_Ding!_ **

-You haven’t posted an actual post in awhile. Make sure you get to it soon! Don’t forget we have a meeting Tuesday as well. Enjoy your evening!

Mingi sighs. He did forget about that meeting. He made sure to lie about his shoe size so he could get San some cool kicks.

He flicks through his photos for a few photos he’s been wanting to post.

San sitting across from him, peeking from behind the sunflowers he surprised Mingi with all those months ago. San and him walking, his arm thrown over San’s shoulder as they shared a bungeo-ppang. He tag’s Wooyoung in that one for credit. San sleeping on Mingi with Sushi sleeping in the dip of his back. The last one would be just their hands, fingers laced. This one is dark and kinda crap quality but it was the night they ran through the river.

**-The last four months have been lovely, thanks to you. Hopefully you’ll be around for another four. And then another four after that. You are the brightest side of the moon.**

Mingi tags San and posted the photo set. Deciding the put his phone on do not disturb and deal with the aftermath in the morning.

_ Honestly, who cares? _

Not him. Not when the worlds best boy was cutting off all circulation in his left leg.

Why would the sun strain it's eyes to look at the beauty of Tethys when Luna was right in front of him? Peeking over the Earth in hopes to catch his attention like she always did. Like she always will.

//

Mingi wakes up to San snuggling between his shoulder blades. Hands sliding around his chest.

“I love when you wear silk.”

“I know.”

He rolls over to face him, San smiling with his eyes closed. Mingi kisses each freckle on his face.

_ It’s like the stars didn’t want to leave you. _

Mingi grabs his phone and sits up so quick San almost falls off the bed.

“HELLO??”

“HOLY SHIT SAN!”

“WHAAT?!”

“I HIT ONE MILLION FOLLOWERS!”

They both yell as loud as they can, tangling into each other. Sloppy kisses as they both can’t stop laughing and smiling.

“SHIT! Okay, OKAY wait I have to call my manager back.”

“Go, go go!!”

Mingi paces in the living room, smile hurting his cheeks.

“Good morning, my million boy.”

“HI!”

He can’t help but be loud. She laughs and bounces with each step he takes now.

“You finally did it!”

“What finally did it? Was it the photo shoots? Was it the recent news about working with Charm? You know they just worked with Key-”

“Mingi, breathe! Slow down and just enjoy this moment.”

San squeezes him.

“I know and I am! It’s been a really good week and this just..”

Mingi lets out a happy sigh. The good kinda breathless.

“Fine, I’ll bite. You get to know what two posts have been clicked on the most and that’s it mister.”

He puts the phone on speaker.

“Okay. Also, San is with me.”

“As expected. Hello, San.”

“Hiya!”

Mingi seems to bounce with every click of her keyboard.

“In the last two weeks, you top posts have been the one you post with those sunflowers “with some cool friends” and.. Oh.”

“What?”

“Your post from yesterday. The one about San.”

San looks at Mingi with a confused smile.

“That post is actually climbing with likes and comments. It’s almost in our top five highest liked post.”

“You.. posted about me?”

“Yeah!”

San hides away in his chest and Mingi smiles into his hair, kissing the crown of his head.

“What happens now?”

“Um, we both get a nice pay raise for one.”

Mingi rolls his eyes and he’s lowkey glad San didn’t see him. He’d get an ear full.

“But also you get a little plaque and certificate! San, you still there?”

“I am.”

“You should come with Mingi on Tuesday. I’d love to manage you as well.”

San’s smile stirs so many emotions in Mingi.

“I keep telling him to email you.”

“You’re too talented but above all, too sweet. I’d hate to see the industry try and eat you alive.”

“Kids these days say vore.”

Mingi flicks his forehead and San makes the funniest noise.

“What was that?”

“The sound of my skull cracking because the green bean giant over here-”

“It was deserved!”

“Boys..”

Mingi presses apology kisses into the reddening spot.

“Respond to some comments for about an hour or so okay? Post about having a live on Monday for your big million! Maybe hint at a giveaway or two and I’ll throw something together for you to announce during the live. Maybe San’s art can be included. Get him some more exposure.”

“You got it.”

San squeezes Mingi again.

_ You definitely were a boa in a past life. _

The next hour is filled with Mingi laughing at the comments from his followers. They were truly funny people. When his phone would freeze from the rush of comments, he’d switch to a new post. He honestly felt bad that he hadn’t down this in such a long time. He missed connecting with his followers. Mingi decides to go through their pages and like a few of their post. Reposting people who have photos with him or San’s art to his story.

He was grateful.

//

* * *

Mingi set up the living room to be, and San quotes, more aesthetically pleasing. There’s something so foul about telling an art major, whose also practicing artist, their space isn’t aesthetic.

Mingi also put a little makeup on both of them. He wanted to look good for them. San hadn’t seen him this excited about his job in weeks.

“Ready?”

“If you are.”

San is out of frame, for now. He wanted Mingi to get the attention he deserves. It was cute watching him. He was waiting for a certain number of viewers to hit. So for now there was lots of waving and hellos to random names popping up.

“Okay I feel like this is a good amount of people. I can tell you guys what I need to.”

San looks at the number, 30 thousand plus.

_ Huh, what small number. _

“This is a really lame thank you, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you! I can’t understand why one million people are interested in my face, but I am able to have my dream job and pay my bills thanks you each of you. I never thought I’d make to ten thousand. It’s so silly to some people but I’m glad each of you have faith in me and are willing to support me on this journey. Thank you, a million times. Thank you! I love each of you.”

_ Hm that sentence minus two words. _

He answers a people for a few minutes. San loves the way he’s glowing orange. Mingi is most genuine when he’s like this.

“So Monday I’m having a proper live. Maybe I’ll play a game or two with you guys, we can do the split screen thing on here. I’m doing two giveaways as well! Oh and San-”

He pulls San into frame, kissing his cheek.

“-is also going to be there. He can pick one activity to do. Just one though.”

“Why?”

“Because knowing you, we’ll dye our hair or something.”

San looks at the comments and giggles.

“They think you should dye your hair!”

“WHAT!?”

Mingi’s eyes go wide as he reads the flashing comments. He groans and hide away in the crook of San’s neck.

“San best boy, thank you!”

He doesn’t mean to start talking to the viewers. But Mingi doesn’t stop him. Soon they’re both laughing and this quick pop in turns into almost two hours. By the time Mingi ends the live, the viewer count had lowered to just above fifteen thousand and they chose red as his next hair colour.

San felt good. He felt included and like Mingi was actually proud to be his boyfriend, like he was proud to call Mingi his.

  
  


San decided he wanted to post something for Mingi as well. But he had to create it first.

So there they were, Mingi laying on his tummy in the living room with San on top of him. Humming along to the music he’s got playing. He can’t tell if Mingi has fallen asleep as he stopped jumping from the cold paint touching his skin. San was incredibly focused. Not even wanting to toy with Mingi. Just recreating (to the best of his abilities) a sunflower painting of Van Gogh. San has his laptop open from reference and has an incense burning. He himself can feel the sleep creeping up on him from the setting. But he really wanted to get this done. San doesn’t dare look at the clock.

“How’s it coming, Lovely?”

Mingi’s voice is wrapped in sleepy rasp and San leans over him carefully to kiss his cheek.

“Almost done.”

Mingi reaches a hand up to rub San’s scalp.

“Wanna see after okay?”

“Of course, Sunray.”

  
  


San is finally fanning the completed piece. He’s actually proud of how well he did on this. Mingi was snoring and San doesn’t have it in him to wake his poor baby. So he carefully takes some photos of his back and smiles to himself. It was cute. Mingi laying there, mouth slightly open with his hand curled in front of his face. Hair a mess and the rug making his skin tone pop. He almost doesn’t want to share this.

**-Sunflowers by Van Gogh (version: turquoise background). Symbolizing loyalty and longevity. Charm: delightful disposition. These are your favourite and it’s easy to see why. I hope to watch your garden bloom for a long time.**

San knows it's late but he also doesn’t care too much about his algorithm the way Mingi does.

He grabs some pillows for them both and a sheet he doesn’t care too much about to cover them with. Tonight, Mingi is the one holding on tight as ever.

_ I could spend a long time in your arms. _

San knows what’ll happen if he even entertains the idea of that particular feeling. He’ll blurt it out at the wrong time and it doesn’t matter what either of them feel because it’ll just be.. Wrong. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t day dream about saying it. At any given moment. When they’re on the roof, or driving across the city, or sitting on the couch with facemask on.

But what is he supposed to do when he was falling like cherry blossom petals for a boy who doesn’t believe in love?

/monday/

* * *

Mingi was in love with how set his manger set up his living room for the live. Everything was pale blue with lots of yellow accents and sunflowers. Mingi picked two followers he sees often and knows are truly there to support him for the giveaways. He went through their pages to find little hints about things they’d like (candies or favourite colours) to make sure they had tiny surprises and not like those other influencer's that try and get rid of their stuff. San even painted little mini photos of the winners. Mingi couldn’t express how proud he was of San’s talent. He wasn’t the one who could be creative enough to produce art in such a way. But he still walked around showing off anything San simply doodled.

“San are you okay with dying your hair as well?”

San was surely an owl in one of his past lives. The way his eyes widen and how often his head tilted. He pointed to himself,

“Me?”

“Yeah it’s would be a fun couple thing! Not matching because Mingi probably wouldn’t be keen on that.”

Mingi squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head no.

“But we can match outfits!”

“Already planned out. I picked some clothing from Charm for both of you.”

She checked her watch and handed them a bag. Mingi felt like an idol. This was just for him hitting a certain number, he couldn’t imagine having this every time he stepped onto a set.

“Go ahead and change into these on and put some makeup on. There’s a script for you to read over-”

“Hey wait, why a script?”

“Just to make sure you hit some points we need you to hit. There a sure chance you’ll have a high view count today with the giveaways and the hair change. Not to mention everyone trying to do the split screen live with you. You’re not acting or anything. It’ll still be organic and you don’t have to be a robot.”

_ Easy for you to say. _

San grabs hold of his hand and Mingi never wants to lose the feeling he gets when San laces their fingers together.

“Come back.”

“I’m here.”

  
  


Mingi was always nervous. But he was counting to thirty and San was by his side.

_ I can do this. Everyone’s excited. It’ll be fine. _

It was already too hot and Mingi was wondering how he was going to pull this off in an organic way. He fluffs his newly blonde hair and hopes it still looks okay.

“Mingi, whenever you’re ready, go live. I’ll be here to hand you both things or get you water.”

“Okay!”

He skims over the script again and can feel San’s eyes on him (as always).

“You’re so handsome. It really is unfair.”

Mingi laughs and leans his head against San.

“Don’t try and fluster me right now.”

San kisses his forehead.

“Let’s get it, don’t keep them waiting.”

Mingi takes a deep breath, holding it as he presses the button to let his followers know he’s live. He waves and waits for at least fifty thousand people to show up. Mingi giggles at the comments, everyone losing it over his blonde hair.

“Yes it’s blonde for now! Haven’t had it like this in a good minute.. No I don’t miss it. I feel weird blonde, haha!”

His manager hands him a phone so he can look through comments with ease. San leans close to him to rad as well. It doesn’t take long for the view count to reach what he wants and he claps.

“Let’s get start then!”

The live beyond fun. Mingi got to do the split screen interaction with twenty people and played fun games with them. He made sure to talk about his upcoming collab’s without sounding like he was reading off a script (oh wait). But most importantly, he laughed. A lot. He was filling his living room with so much joy, he was sure to the walls would crack from the force in which he laughs were bouncing off them. Even his manager was giggling away with him. And San, well he was glowing the way he always does.

The moon always reflected the sun.

Now they were sitting with hair dye processing. Mingi with cherry red, San with black and a section is getting bleached to white. Everyone said San was sure to be the next eboy. Mingi liked that concept for him. Too bad he was the softest human walking this earth.

“I’m dying my hair too, yay it’s like we’re together!”

“Call a friend?”

San looks at Mingi with those curious eyes.

“Who do you guys want me to call?”

The comments flood with the one name he was dumb enough to hope they wouldn’t say. He looks at his manager and she nods.

“Okay, let’s see if Yeosang is available.”

San scoots away.

_ Why does he do this to you? _

The screen is still for a moment and he’s hoping it’ll say he’s declined but,

“MinMin! My baby!”

Yeosang has that smile of his where his features are soft and round. Mingi can’t help the smile that creeps on his face.

“I’ve been watching on and off. I'm about to head out.”

“Everyone requested you!”

Yeosang giggles shyly, hiding behind his hand.

“Our fans like our.. dynamic.”

Yeosang says as he bites his lower lip. Mingi gets butterflies and he sits up straight, like San can feel them. He was flicking through the comments and Mingi can see his jaw flexing. He leaves quick butterfly kisses on his cheek that seem to have no effect. But he sees the goosebumps on his arm and smirks.

//

* * *

_ Electric boy. _

“I like the red so far. It’s almost like the rainbow was made for you.”

“What?”

Mingi asks with a confused laugh.

“Every shade just looks good on you.”

San looks at Mingi, slight blush on his cheeks.

“Don’t you think Sannie boy?”

San smiles,

“There are few, if none, things in this world that have the nerve to look bad on Mingi.”

Mingi looks at San as if he really were the moon. And San is sure there are times he looks at Mingi as if he were really the sun.

“Yuck, saps. Anyways! You two have fun. I’ll see you around MinMin.”

Mingi laces their fingers together and San still wants to be sure of two things.

It’s easy to pretend you don’t feel something for someone. It’s hard to pretend when you’re face to face with that person every moment of (almost) every day. All San had to do was stop himself from saying it. Because there was so much to lose when it came to Mingi and pushing him in a direction San  _ knows _ is wrong. There was no hiding under the blankets or a rooftop high enough that would serve as a good enough bandaid if things didn’t work out. Because things aren’t always so simple.

They rinse the dye out of their hair and the bathroom is stained with red and clumsy giggles. San can’t help but smile as Mingi blow dries his hair for him. That box with those feelings he's trying to bury in the backyard of his heart jumps around like in the cartoons. Why was it so incredibly easy to fall like this?

_ Why is it so incredibly hard for you to fall, Sunray? _

//

Mingi fell asleep counting the stars on the wall from his projector. San was glad he slept in just underwear because Mingi was a furnace. San twirls small pieces of his hair and listens to his soft snoring. Thinking about the post from before.

_ Four more months. And four months after. _

San thinks about the one from today. Their faces squished together and Mingi giving finger hearts.

_ Lots of things to be happy and grateful for; each of you and Lovely over here. _

Mingi stretches and San kisses his nose.

“Do that forever.”

“Promise.”

He snuggles into his neck and San doesn’t know why he feels as sad as he does. Maybe he was selfish and too stubborn to admit it. Once Mingi is snoring again, San moves his cherry hair from his forehead, gently kissing it.

“I love you.”

It’s a whisper. A breath, even. There’s almost no bass in his voice. But it felt good to say it finally. And like he hoped, he didn’t her him. San wraps himself around him best he could with Mingi on his chest.

Do you think the sun hear all the things the moon whispers into the darkness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20+ follow me on twt: goteez_


	9. Then and Now: Yeosang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes jumping to conclusions is a make or break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW MY ASS BEEN GONE FOR TOO LONG AGAIN BUT LIKE ITS THE HOLIDAYS OKAY !!  
> take a shot for every taylor swift lyric you read hehe

Mingi is running wild trying to get himself together for this meeting. He didn’t realise they hadn’t done laundry and he also didn’t have the outfit he had in mind at San’s place.

“Should’ve double checked everything.”

“It’s okay, you’re human.”

“I was  _ reminded _ and still-” 

“Here.”

San hands Mingi a plain white tee with jeans and Mingi stares at him. San sighs with a smile, forcing the clothing into his hands,

“I know you like being dressy when going to meetings but hear me when I say  _ no one _ pulls of the causal boyfriend like you.”

“Do you at least have a blazer?”

San pouts while he thinks, slowly turning on his heels to go back to the closet. Mingi smacks his butt and San giggles.

“Move with urgency! I’m trying not to be late!”

San gets a grey blazer and finds a belt he likes. Mingi sighs at his reflection as he brushes his teeth.

_ Why do I look like this. _

Mingi sometimes doesn’t know who he’s looking at when he looks in the mirror. Not quite a stranger, but most days he really did feel like he wasn’t looking at himself. A shell of himself, maybe. One that doesn’t look the way he remembers or feels, so it's always unnerving when he catches his reflection. Or maybe Mingi was just too hard on himself. He traces down his nose, turning to the side and eyeing his profile.

“You realising how good you look from the side?”

Mingi feels his cheeks heating up,

“No.. I, uh just..”

Mingi starts brushing his teeth fast and hard. San hugs his side, looking at him with doey heart eyes. Mingi’s got toothpaste suds on the corners of his mouth and while San has seen many things spilling out the corners, he just knows there’s no reason to be looked at so lovingly. But San still tippy toes to kiss his nose before walking away.

_ Huh. _

//

San is twirling in a chair as they wait for everyone to show up to the office. Mingi’s manager still trying to get San to agree to letting her manage him. Mingi giggles,

“Could you imagine managing us both?”

She sighs and checks her watch,

“I will not deny that, when together, you both give me a headache sometimes. I don’t think it would be that bad. San is a sweetie pie.”

Mingi likes the way her lips slightly turn at the ends, like she’s holding back. He likes the way everyone seems to like San with such little effort. It’s an envious trait.

“I don’t know. Mingi works so hard and I know that I wouldn’t have the same kind of work ethic. Plus I have school still.”

“Well, the offer still stands.”

Mingi get the most butterflies when San smiles at him softly, dimples  _ barely _ there and when he blinks soft. Lashes batting gentle winds to let those butterflies catch flight. He seemed to be smiling like that every time Mingi’s eyes caught his today. San still making him incredibly nervous was something Mingi hoped to never get over. It was different than when they first started dating. He was scared before. Not of San, not really. Scared of how everything that happened before that was still looming over him like rain clouds that hang over the city. Scared of everything San was so willing to offer him, his open hands and heart on his sleeve made Mingi want to runaway as fast as he could. But San was the kind of stability that Mingi needed. The kind of understanding soul Mingi always craved. It was so hard to stop himself from falling. It was too soon. And besides,

_ Love isn’t real. But goodness does he make me wonder. _

  
  


San plays with Mingi’s fingers under the table. It makes it hard to focus. He is always hyper aware of San’s body on his whenever they touch. Mingi is the one who’s usually running hot as far as body temp goes. But whenever San’s touches him, innocently or not, the feeling lingers in warm patches. Sometimes Mingi can feel them long after.

“We’ll talk it over and give you a call when we’ve decided.”

Mingi hates when he loses time because he’s too busy thinking about something that usually isn’t important. San, however, is important. So he doesn’t beat himself up over it. His manager fixes his hair a bit and Mingi feels like an embarrassed teenager.

“Why don’t you show San around? Maybe he’ll change his mind once you give him a tour.”

San laces their fingers and places his head on Mingi’s shoulder, looking at him with those doey heart filled eyes.

“Lead the way.”

The place isn’t that exciting. Mingi was lucky he wasn’t doomed to a dorm like others in his company. But they had a few cool rooms for them, like the game room. San drooled over the computer room. Carefully tracing over the new screens and gently clicking the keys of a keyboard. The cafe was huge and usually had a theme. San made Mingi take photos for his story in a certain area that had fiddle leaf figs with a neon sign above them that read ‘eat happily’ which, he found ironic considering the way his company had them diet.

“It’ll be cute! Because you’re cute, super cute.”

“Just admit you wanted to take photos of me you sap.”

“Shut up, it’ll make your followers happy. And me. Because-”

“I know, cute.”

“That you are.”

San doesn’t turn to acknowledge Yeosang. Mingi just smiles cutely for San’s photo.

“Mind if I join?”

Yeosang plops himself next to Mingi before either answer. San pouts at all times. But he has a specific pout for each mood. Like now, when his eyelids hang low and his cheeks seem to hollow. He was annoyed.

“Sure thing.”

Yeosang pulls Mingi close and San takes a few photos. Mingi winks at him and pats his thigh. San all but jumps into his lap, throwing his arms around his neck and snuggling close. Yeosang coos at the couple.

“You two are  _ so _ smitten. It’s adorable!”

San is close to vibrating with frequency high enough to shatter glass. Mingi slides one hand up the back of his shirt, fingertips drawing tiny circles in the dip of his back.

“Gross I barely like him.”

Mingi looks at San and they both make a disgusted face.

_ He’s perfect. _

San twirls the ends of Mingi’s cherry hair. Yeosang smirks,

“Hey, we should all grab some lunch.”

“What’s the food like here?”

“Yuck, Sannie boy, we are not eating here.”

He smacks San’s leg and tugs him by the wrist. Mingi let’s San get lead away. Hoping this lunch outing will help San realise that Yeosang just needed more friends.

Yeosang has them driven over to this dive bar on the east side of Seoul. It was a bit of a drive but San seemed to really enjoy it. He’d lean over Mingi’s lap and point out things and sing softly to the radio. Running his thumb over Mingi’s with certain lyrics and smiling to himself.

_ Wonder what he’d do if he knew I noticed. _

Yeosang dozed off. It was really endearing to Mingi. He was always softer when he wasn’t trying to be the person people made him out to be.

_ Or maybe he isn’t who I think he is. _

But Mingi wasn’t who people made him out to be either. A fair trade of fake personalities.

San kept leaving little soft kisses along Mingi’s cheek as they walked into the restaurant. Mingi doesn’t mean to put him in a headlock but that’s how it goes when you’re a giant.

“You’re being  _ extra  _ sweet today.”

“So a headlock is the reward!?”

Yeosang giggles as they slide into the booth. San is fake pouting as Mingi pulled him into his side, kissing his forehead before they look over the menu.

“My treat! Anything you’d like.”

“No, Yeosang I don’t-”

“Ah, I’m the oldest so I’ll pay Sannie boy.”

“By like  _ months _ .”

“Hush it’s free food.”

Yeosang has that child like smile and Mingi notices the way San looks him over.

* * *

_ He is handsome. _

San doesn’t know why he always feels less than. Everyone is his life has always reassured him when he needed it and his parents loved him more than most. Even though his ex tore him down subtly and slowly, he still had the support system most people dream of.

“This place has really good food. It reminds me of my moms cooking.”

San hums, peeking over the menu at Yeosang. Mingi hide’s their faces for a quick kiss. San can’t help the mushy, gushy lovesick way he keeps looking at Mingi. It felt good to have whispered it and now, he just wants to yell it at the top of his lungs.

_ Don’t say it, don’t say it. _

He cuddles closer into Mingi’s side and sighs contently. Holding it in.

San is starting to truly understand Yeosang’s charm. He was finding everything about him likable. Which annoyed him because it’s hard to dislike someone who happens to be the cutest being with zero effort. Plus Yeosang had a lot in common with San.

_ Maybe that’s why Mingi is so nice to him. _

San watches Mingi laugh. He adores the way his nose scrunches and how he doesn’t cover his mouth. Doesn’t hide or try to quiet himself.

“Excuse me.”

A girl with her phone held to her chest and a nervous smile bows quickly.

“I uh, hello! Sorry I know you’re eating but I just.. Yeosang I am a really big fan. Can I please take a photo with you?”

Yeosang beams and cleans his face quickly.

“Yes! Please, sit.”

She laughs nervously as Yeosang presses himself against her for a selfie. They talk about what she ordered and he tells her that what she chose was his favourite thing to order. San wonders if that’s true. She waves goodbye as she sits back at her table. Yeosang watches her with his head in his hand. He waves down a waiter.

“Hi, can you bring me the bill for that table whenever they’re done?”

“Of course.”

“It’s a surprise so.”

Yeosang puts his finger over lips. The waiter nods and San is trying to remember he doesn’t actually like Yeosang. He’s trying to remind himself of all the petty reasons to want to kick him under the table.

_ Maybe I’ve been wrong. People can just be flirty. His past doesn’t affect me. _

“You can’t pay for both lunches.”

Mingi rubs San’s thigh and he looks at him with a baby glare. Mingi winks and San doesn’t know why he blushes. It’s been months. Months of sleeping together and fucking and dancing in low refridgater light during late night snacking.

_ I love you. _

“I can do whatever I want.”

Yeosang says with a matter of fact tone. San spreads his leg and can see Mingi smirk from the corner of his eye, hand squeezing his inner thigh. He slides his leg over Mingi’s and his hand trails higher, ghosting over San’s dick. Mingi was nodding as Yeosang talks about the meeting he was in. San can feel his face heating up and he wants to  _ whine  _ but he holds his breath. No matter how good of a tease he was, Mingi was five steps ahead of him.

“So, Sannie boy, are you going to work under our company?”

“I dunno.”

“There’s chit chat about it. I hope you do! It’ll open up many doors for you and your art.”

“Yeah I know. I JUST-”

San jumps from Mingi gripping his cock, knocking into the table. Mingi looks at him with those  _ stupid _ emoji eyes of his.

“What’s wrong, Lovely?”

San pulls his leg back and side eye’s Mingi, clearing his throat.

“You tickled me.”

“Oops, I didn’t mean to.”

Mingi presses a firm kiss on the curve of his jaw.

“Anyways, I have to finish university first. That’s more important.”

Yeosang nods,

“You know that company pays for schooling. You don’t even have to pay them back.”

San sits up straight. The thought of not paying for  _ anything _ school related hit him like a train.

Their food came and they all ate happily. Yeosang was excited when the pair expressed how good it was to them. It did remind San of home cooked food, but nothing like his moms.

_ Me, a mama’s boy. _

The waiter handed Yeosang the check for the other table. He wiggled with excitement, writing a little note as well. Shaking his head and humming softly to himself as he scribbling away.

_ Stop making it hard to dislike you. _

Yeosang hands the paper and his card over to the waiter. He peeks over the booth, watching. Mingi looks so fond and for once, San isn’t mad about it. He gets it. The girls look around and Yeosang giggles when they wave at him. His fingertips barely above the booth as he wiggles them back.

//

* * *

Mingi is letting San strip him down. He’s melting under him as usual. San keeps looking up at him through his lashes, his sweet boyfriend becoming pure sin when he was horny is a favourite thing for Mingi.

“Can we.. I wanna put something on for you.”

Mingi feels so  _ shy _ as the words leave his mouth. He never feels like a piece of meat when San looks at him though.

“Sure, Sunray.”

Mingi lets him leave a few more kisses across his collar bones before rushing to his bag and going into the bathroom.

Mingi sighs and looks over the tail and ears. He’s nervous. He knows people drag others for this but he really liked it. He really wanted  _ San _ to like  _ him _ in this. Mingi starts slow, putting the ears on first. Admiring himself for a moment. He felt, dare he say, sexy. Mingi pops the lube open and stretches himself open just enough to push the plug for the tail in.

_ Relax, relax. _

He lets out a breathe he doesn’t release he’s holding. Finally, it eases in and Mingi feels calm. He wiggles his hips, feeling the tail sway against his thighs. Lastly, he types a big bow around his neck, soft orange silk ribbon that almost matches the faux fur. It’s long, in case San had other plans besides it sitting pretty on his neck. He sighs, giving himself one last look.

“Okay.”

Mingi hesitates at San’s door.

_ Don’t be stupid. It’s just San. _

He cracks the door,

“Close your eyes.”   
“Closed.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, Sunray. Come in baby boy.”

Mingi shouldn’t feel soft hearted and it it wasn’t for his hard on, he’d melt into a puddle. He peeks into the room and San was sitting with his eyes closed. He walks in, tail in hand as he fusses with the tip of it.

“Open.”

San’s mouth hangs open just for a second. A second that made Mingi feel like he truly was the sun. He shrugs, playing it cool.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

“Yeah?”

Mingi stop fussing with the tail and San motions for him to spin. Mingi does so, peeking over his shoulder. There’s nothing that compares to Choi San watching you with lust filled eyes. He stands and Mingi feels small. Not small like all the other times where he felt like he could hide away in San. But small like he couldn’t run  _ away  _ from San.

_ Huh, is this what everyone on discord talks about? _

San runs his finger down the the silk ribbon.

“I don’t have a proper collar but-”

“You know I love you in silk.”

Mingi nods and San smirks.

“You look sexy as fuck right now.”

He sinks to his knees and Mingi swallows hard. He hadn’t even started yet and he was so worked up.

“Gonna to take  _ real _ good care of you, baby boy.”

Mingi doesn’t have time to respond. His breath caught in his throat when San licks a fat strip from the base of his cock to the tip. Pressing a soft kiss on the tip. Mingi whines and San sucks on the spot just below the tip. Mingi moans, threading his fingers through San’s hair but he smacks his hand.

“Keep them to yourself for now.”

“But-”

“No buts.”

Mingi huffs, ready to make a snarky comment but he bites it back when San take him into his mouth again. Tongue swirling around the tip of cock before popping off, kissing down his cock and licking back up.

“Mm, have I ever mentioned how much I  _ love _ your big,”

Kitten lick on the tip.

“Thick,”

Another,

“Cock?”

Two more

Mingi hides his face and whines with every word.

“I haven’t?”

San takes him in his mouth, sucking slow and hard. The pop when he pulls off seeming louder than usual in San’s small room than normal.

“I love it. I love sucking it.”

Que San’s mouth feeling like heaven for a few seconds and Mingi groaning when he pulls off  _ again. _

“I love fucking it.”

San makes the best gag noises Mingi has ever heard.

“Don’t stop, please San.”

But he does. Watching a trail of spit fall. Drawing small circles on the tip with his finger.

_ You’re driving me insane. _

“That’s not my name when I play with you, Sunray.”

“M’sorry. Lovely, please. More, Lovely.”

Mingi lost all shame when it comes to begging San for things in the bedroom. He pushes his hips towards San, who opens his mouth. Watching him like his trying to decide just how much he’s going to give. San turns his head so Mingi’s length presses into his cheek. The watching of it stretch was something he never knew he needed to save for later. He pulls off again, suckling on the tip. Eyes closed, enjoying both the taste and the sound of Mingi’s whiny grunts.

“Lovely..”

San opens his eyes, sucking on the spot just below his head again. Mingi  _ loves  _ that. He almost forgets why he called his attention.

“You,  _ ah. _ You said you’d t-take care of me.”

San takes him into his mouth again, wiggles until his nose brushed against his tummy. He pulled off with a questioning look.

“Aren’t I?”

Soft kiss on the tip, lips glossy with spit and precum.

_ God you're beautiful. _

“Mhm.”

Another kiss that makes Mingi’s cock twitch and tap San’s face. He giggles.

“Then?”

“Fuck me before I lose it.”

San hums at the request. Sucking away at that spot again and Mingi hates the teasing. San was too fucking good at it. He can feel his legs trembling and San circles his thumbs on the inner parts. It was calming. The way San always knew how to react to Mingi, anyways.

“Get on the bed. Gonna take some pretty photos of my baby boy.”

Mingi is all huffy and he hates how his eyes water. San smiles gently at him, cupping his face and placing soft kisses everywhere but his lips. Mingi’s hand fight the urge to hold him still and  _ kiss _ him

“Promise I’ll be quick, Sunray. You just look  _ too _ good. Wanna look back on this.”

“I, uh.. I have more tails and stuff..”

Mingi watches the way his pupils dilate. It makes him giggle. The giggle earns him a smack on the ass.

“Sit pretty.”

Mingi sits on his knees, pulling the tail over his lap. It’s so fluffy and pretty;  _ he _ feels pretty. It made him feel good that he’s doing what he’s told, being the best boy. Being  _ San’s _ best boy.

San takes photos of him. Praising him for his posing and beauty. Taking breaks to kiss over his body, suck hickeys into his skin. San finally kissed him when he was done. biting his lips and tongue rolling with his  _ nicely. _

“I want you.”

Mingi whispers when San pulls back to look at him.

“Only because you look so god damn good with your mouth stuffed.”

He holds his chin,

“I really want tonight to be about you.”

Mingi feels his blush spreading in every direction it can. But San lets him fall to his knees, mouthing along his cock before taking it in. Sighing in relief and his eyes closing.

_ If you only knew how much I loved your dick. _

He opens them to see San with his phone in hand again.

“You look so good is almost sinful.”

Mingi was good at putting on a show. He was even better when he actually enjoyed what he was doing. So when San watched this clip over again when alone or missing Mingi, it’s going to be well worth it.

San pulls him off they climb back into bed. Mingi doesn’t know how he’s going to live without San kissing over his body. But he’s tired of waiting.

“Lovely?”

“I know, I’m going baby boy.”

* * *

Mingi lifts his hips, San bit his lower lip so hard he was sure it would bleed.

_ God I’m in love with him. _

He kisses up Mingi’s thighs and gently pulls out his tail. Mingi makes the cutest noise and San dips down for a quick lick.

“Lovely!”

“I couldn’t help it!”

They giggle. San loves that they can laugh and that sex is never serious or treated like a task. He takes his time, enjoying the way Mingi groans as he slides himself in. Rubbing circles on his hips.

“God you feel so good.”

San smirks down at him.

“Do I?”

“Shut up and  _ move _ .”

He pulls back and snaps his hips forward hard. Another cute noise from his baby boy. Again, another. Again, a deep moan as he arches his back and  _ oh. _ San found his spot already.

“Such an easy baby to please.”

He watches Mingi’s fist’s ball the sheets tighter and tighter with every thrust. His moans dance across the pillows and Mingi fills the room with deep red hues. San doesn’t think he’s ever made a partner feel this way, this good both in and out of bed. Which makes the whole falling in love part seem easy. Because they were good together, right? They had bumps but they were working. San comes back when Mingi moans his name like a prayer, like a song. He flips him over, wanting to look at him. The bow coming undone at this point. His ears lopsided.

“You’re beautiful.”

He says all breathy. San meant to say something else. But he didn’t want it to be when he was balls deep with Mingi’s legs wrapped around him. Not for the first time. Mingi was gripping his forearms and San knew it was close. Mingi always closed his eyes really tight and turned his head away, as if not seeing what was happening would slow him down.

“Look at me.”

Mingi listens, opening his eyes.

“Don’t you wanna see how you get me?”

San asks, lips ghosting over his. Mingi nods, wrapping his arms around his neck. Watching the way San wants him to.

Do you think the moon watches the sun set and rise with earnest eyes?

//

Mingi is sleeping on San’s chest. They took a shower and San bought Mingi a bunch of giraffe bath toys. Mingi tried to pretend he didn’t like them. But he was really happy to have them when San was washing him up. He really liked taking care of Mingi after sex. Liked how clingy he got and how needed he felt. San looked down at him, lips parted with a hand under his chin.

“Sunray?”

Nothing.

“I love you.”

Mingi rubs his face against his chest and sits up, stretching himself like a little kitten before he squints sleepy eyes at a very panicked San.

“You say something?”

“No, no I was just humming.”

“Mm.”

Mingi gives him a few soft peaks on the lips before flopping on his side. San exhales  _ hard _ and forces himself to go to bed.

/few days later/

Mingi has been dragged back to the couch for the fourth time while trying to leave and San is still hoping he’ll agree to stay without him asking directly.

“I promised Jongho I’d be there.”

“I know.”

San kisses along his jaw and Mingi sighs. San can feel his goosebumps.

“You can come, you know?”

“Youngie wants bff time.”

Mingi grips San’s thigh and he smirks into his neck.

“But I can put it off..”

“I can’t put this party off.”

San huffs and deflates. Mingi sits up, towering over him. Hands sliding up and down his thighs.

“I’ll come home early. I just need to show face. Jongho always comes to my stuff and is super supportive of me.”

“I know.”

He doesn’t mean to be so pouty.

“Then I’m all yours again, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Always.”

_ I love you _ .

“See you soon.”

Mingi leans down to let San kiss his nose. San doesn’t like watching the door close behind him.

//

* * *

Jongho hugs Mingi tightly when he walked in. It was good being with him again. Jongho was very much like a brother to Mingi.

“You look good!”

“Thanks!”

Jongho pats his back and Mingi sees Yeosang laughing. He tilts his head at Jongho,

“Since when do you know him?”

“Yeosang? We are working together.”

“Oh.”

“Are you uncomfortable? I thought you two were friends?”

“No, I’m fine. Just curious.”

/then/

Yeosang walks into the NE∞N building. Glancing around at all the construction workers resemble ants. He wonders if that analogy is rude. He keeps it to himself regardless. Smiling brightly at the receptionist,

“Kang Yeosang for Kim Hongjoong.”

She types away, not even flinching at the noise happening around her.

“Where’s the other party?”

“I’m sorry?”

“It says in the appointment note that there’d be two of you. Mr. Kim isn’t keen on things not playing out as planned.”

“Oh, yeah. My manager is running late.”

She scribbles something down and stands, smoothing out her skirt,

“Follow me.”

“That’s a lovely skirt.”

“Thank you, Mr. Kim designed it.”

“Is that a plus, free clothing?”

Yeosang asked, laughing lightly. She glances at him, brows furrowed.

“It was a birthday gift.”

_ Okay I’m a jerk. _

“Ah, well. He’s clearly good at his job.”

She stops at a door, knocking and entering. He waits outside, swaying from heel to toe.

“Five minutes and he’ll be with you. We are remodeling. Forgive me for the lack of seats.”

“It’s okay, maybe I’ll grow.”

She laughs, covering her mouth. Yeosang, tilts his head,

“Your laugh is cute.”

She clears her throat, blush dusting her cheeks as she walks away.

Yeosang counts the minutes as he paces the hall. When he doesn’t come out after seven minutes, he walks in himself.

“Hello!”

He says in the cheeriest tone he can muster. He stared at Yeosang with owl eyes. He tilts his head, biting his bottom lip.

_ Cute. _

“I’m sorry. Hello, Kim Hongjoong.”

“Kang Yeosang.”

Firm grip makes Yeosang happy he’s not treating him daintily like most people do. He looks confused for a moment,

“Where’s your manager?”

“Heh, I decided to arrive early and not tell her. She’ll get here and be fussy, thinking I’m running late. The look on her face is going to be priceless.”

Yeosang gives a cheeky wink and puts a finger over his lips. He notes the way Hongjoong looks at them before exhaling.

“Sit, let’s talk for now. Get to know each other.”

“Sure thing!”

They sit and Yeosang looks at the organized mess happening on the other side of his desk.

“Always this messy?”

He teases. Hongjoong scoffs,

“The place is almost done getting remodeled. I’ll have my office back soon enough.”

Yeosang hums, eyeing him from the opposite side of the table.

“I wanted everyone else to have their work space as soon as possible and to feel comfortable. I take my work everywhere with me as is, I don’t mind the chaos.”

Yeosang puts his head in his hand, smiling with a sigh.

“That’s very kind of you. Always that considerate?”

Hongjoong shakes his head,

“Not always.”

_ Honesty. How rare. _

There’s a soft knock at the door and the most handsome person Yeosang has ever seen walks in.

“Sorry, I know you’re busy.”

“Call next time, please.”

He wiggles a takeout bag at him.

“Just wanted to drop off your lunch.”

Yeosang doesn’t even hide the way he checks him out. He ignores the smirk Hongjoong sends him.

“Thank you, Seongie.”

“You’re very handsome.”

The look on his face tells Yeosang he didn’t like being complimented for forwardly. Still, he smiles politely at him.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll call you when I’m done.”

Seonghwa waves with a sweater paw and Yeosang feels so much fondness, turning to watch him leave.

_ His ass! _

“Please tell me you’re fucking him silly.”

He asked with an exhale as he turned back to Hongjoong.

“We are at a meeting. For your future employment. With me. Meaning he will be your coworker.”

“Meeting doesn’t start without my manager.”

Yeosang likes the way Hongjoong eyes him. He clears his throat, looking over what Yeosang assumes is his resume.

“So, you’re twenty one-”

“Ah, no. Answer the question.”

Hongjoong taps his pen on the table with a huff.

“We’re.. Involved, yes.”

Yeosang pushes his lips to side, trying to read that answer.

“Serious?”

“Not very.”

_ Excellent. _

Yeosang wants to say something clever but his manager burst in the door. Huffing apologies about being the taddest bit late. Sending Yeosang a glare that causes him to erupt with giggles.

/now/

Yeosang waves at Mingi. He likes his outfit; the way you could see his fishnets through his jeans, the crop top, his smokey makeup. Yeosang was truly divine. Mingi walks over, hugging Yeosang tightly. He taps a small hickey on his neck.

“Sannie boy marking his territory?”

“You can say that.”

Yeosang tilts his head,

“What brings you here?”

“Jongho and I are good friends.”

Yeosang lights up.

“Interesting. Tell me, what his type? He is delicious.”

Mingi laughs and looks at Jongho.

“You know, I don't think he’s been with a guy but.. He’s a pretty open minded person.”

Yeosang throws back a shot and claps.

“Fan-fucking-tastic!”

A song with too much bass for the speakers comes on and Yeosang tugs Mingi to the dance floor. Excitedly moving his body to the beat.

/then/

Casual was Yeosang’s middle name. He truly didn’t mind what him and Hongjoong had. He likes that it was light with no strings. It made things easier. And he was his boss after all.

Hongjoong didn’t treat him like a side piece of ass. They went out for lunch and dinner. Hongjoong even let him stay the night a few times. It was nice, Hongjoong was nice. But Yeosang new it wouldn’t last long. He’d get his fix in now and move on. He didn’t want routine or to become attached. Plus he didn’t want Hongjoong to put him before Seonghwa. To Yeosang, they were a perfect match. Watching them on set and how they were together made him feel sad that Hongjoong wasn’t exclusive. He really thought Seonghwa could be a person Hongjoong build a life with. Yeosang did this often, thought up fairy tales for the people around him. Even strangers. Gave them happy endings he didn’t see in his future.

Hongjoong is restitching a button onto Yeosang’s shirt and he can feel Seonghwa burning holes into him. He glances around and sure enough, fiery daggers are being thrown across set in his direction.

“He’s glaring at me again.”

Says in a pouty tone that he knows will melt Hongjoong.

“He’s  _ always  _ glaring. Don’t let it get to you, sweet boy.”

Yeosang pushes back some hair that’s in his eyes, smiling down at him as he finishes. He smooths out his shirt and Hongjoong catches his chin, smiling fondly at him. He doesn’t know why he feels so shy. Yeosang swats his hand away and heads back to the set.

It did get to him. The glaring. The whispers.

But he’d never let anyone see him sweat.

/now/

Mingi stands next to Yeosang and Jongho as he tries to keep the conversation between them going. Yeosang reminded him of a chameleon. There wasn’t a pace he didn’t fit in. Mingi wonders if it’s genuine or if it’s an act like him. Either way, the pair seemed to be getting along fine. For once, he didn’t feel like everyone was waiting on him to be the life of the party. He was blending into the background and it was refreshing.

“Mingi, you should come!”

He blinks and Jongho flicks his forehead,

“Stop spacing out, jeez.”

“WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BRUT!?”

Mingi rubs his forehead, all pouty and annoyed.

“Wherever you are inviting me it’s a  _ hard _ no.”

“Awe, don’t be like that MinMin.”

Yeosang holds his fingers. Mingi sways them before pulling his hand back.

“Can we talk, MinMin? Like, alone?”

“Yeah.”

“I have a balcony.”

Yeosang grabs Mingi’s fingers again and leads him out there. Summer air unbearable as ever, even at night. Mingi takes back his hand, folding his arms as he sits on a small couch Jongho has out there. Yeosang sits as well, throwing a leg over Mingi’s lap. He sighs, allowing it. Tracing the lines of his fishnets that are showing.

“What’s up?”

“Can I state the obvious?”

“Wouldn’t be out of the norm for you.”

Yeosang giggles and for the first time, he looks nervous to Mingi.

“I like you. More than a friend. I know I shouldn’t but I do.”

Mingi stops tracing lines and swallows hard.

“I thought so.”

“I don’t expect anything from you but I just wanted to say it. Because..”

Mingi holds his breath.

_ Say this is a prank _ .

Yeosang is watching him and he takes his leg back, crossing them.

“Because if you knowing would change anything then, now you know.”   
  


/then/

Yeosang is twirling around the kitchen in his boxers while Hongjoong packs him something to eat from the lunch he’s ordered in. Yeosang didn’t mean to sleep in as long as he did. Hongjoong was feeling some type of way last. Keeping Yeosang on the edge as long as he could. Though, he encouraged Hongjoong to use him in anyway he needed. He even woke Yeosang up early in the morning. Mumbling something about needing his  _ sweet baby boy _ .

“This looks so yummy! You didn’t have to.”

Yeosang hugs him with one arm, nuzzling into his shoulder.

“Well, You were extremely useful last night.”

Yeosang snorts at how unromantic that line was.

“You finally gonna start calling me dirty, yucky names like “cum slut” and-”

There’s a knock at the door Hongjoong furrows his brows.

“Go wait in the room for me. I think it’s a brand rep that I forgot I invited over.”

Yeosang knows he’s lying.

“Always invite such important people over?”

Hongjoong pinches his cheek extra hard. Yeosang whines and swats his hand away. Knowing it wasn’t his place to call him out.

“I’ll get dressed. I should leave anyways.”

Yeosang can hear them mumbling. He knows Seonghwa is here and Hongjoong is trying to buy him time. Probably forgetting they had plans or something and not wanting Seonghwa to visualise Yeosang’s death. He sighs as he opens the bedroom door. He tip toes into the kitchen, grabbing the food packed away for him and tying the noisy bag.

“He stopped by to drop me off some lunch. His manager asked him to since I decided to work with him again.”

_ Why lie? _

Yeosang shakes his head and smiles brightly.

“Hwa! You look extra broody today!”

Seonghwa steps aside and clears his throat.

“Yeosang.”

“Don’t be so formal with me.”

He gently shoved his shoulder. Hongjoong grins Seonghwa’s awkward smile.

“Later Joongie.”

Yeosang all but skips away. He doesn’t feel good leaving.

/now/

Mingi looks down, playing with his fingers. Not sure what to say. Yeosang stops him from fussing with himself.

“You know I’m dating San.”

“I do.”

“Is this your thing? You just find happy couples and try to break them up?”

“Ah, is that how you view me?”

Mingi shakes his head,

“I think you’re great. I think there’s so much about you that keeps people on their toes and interested in you. I don’t think you’re any of fucked up things people say about you. But you play the part  _ well _ . Under all that,”

Mingi waves his hand at Yeosang.

“You’re really kind. Really funny. You are so genuine when no one is looking.”

“And yet I’m still in the friendzone?”

“I think you  _ need _ friends, Yeosang. You need more than just Chaeyoung.”

He hums, playing with his own fingers now.

“I didn’t  _ try _ to break them up, you know?”

“I don’t know anything about that.”

Yeosang looks at Mingi.

“Hongjoong is vague and Seonghwa is so defensive there’s no point in asking.”

“You know why I like you so much?”

“Because I’m funny.”

“You’re considerate. You think about everyone in the room even if you don’t realise you’re doing it. Even when all eyes are on you, you find a way to share the spotlight. No matter what I say or do, you always consider San.”

Mingi feel butterflies at the mention of his name.

“Hongjoong is sweet. But he isn’t considerate. To be fair, he did admit that to me. But, I dunno. I just thought he held Seonghwa with such care, you know?”

“I do.”

“And then he just..”

Yeosang shakes his head and Mingi give him a moment to decide what’s appropriate to share in this moment.

/then/

Yeosang reads about Hongjoong’s clothing line selling out and he couldn’t be more excited. He spent the night at Hongjoong’s again and decided to tidy up for him. Bouncing around with excitement.

When he comes home, Yeosang almost takes him down with the force of their collision. Wrapping himself around Hongjoong,

“YOU DID IT!”   
“I did!”

He smothers him with kisses and the way Hongjoong giggles warms his heart. Yeosang let’s go, tugging Hongjoong’s arm,

“Let’s have a party!”

“I actually have a lot of paperwork I need to finish.”

Yeosang can’t help the way he pouts. Hongjoong smiles fondly, running his fingers through his hair. He also can’t help the way he leans into his touch. Happy to have this affection.

“You can stay if you don’t have plans. I’ll order pizza and then we can go for an arcade run.”

Yeosang perks up at the offer, nodding excitedly.

Hongjoong looks him up and down,

“Is that my shirt?”

“Mm! Mine was dirty from last night. I put my clothes to wash, with some of yours. I um, hope that was okay.”

Hongjoong shrugs and walks towards his desk,

“Okay I need to tackle this paperwork so I’m not up late. And we can actually have fun.”

Yeosang smacks his butt as he walks away.

“Feel free to watch tv or play games. I don’t have many but it’s there if you want.”

//

Yeosang, after thirty minutes of cheek kisses and being absolutely annoying, was lying with his head in Hongjoong’s lap as they watched a movie. Hongjoong was playing with his hair and this was a bit more domestic than the pair was used to. But he was content.

“Is there a part one I should’ve watched?”

“No.”

“I don’t get what’s happening.”

Yeosang sighs, waving his hand,

“You’re overthinking it. The story unfolds as the movie goes on.”

There’s a knock at the door and Hongjoong gets up,

“Must be our pizza!”

Yeosang claps, hugging a pillow as he continues with the movie.

The movie is a bit loud but he hears Hongjoong talking.

“Is that the pizza?”

The talking stopped. He wonders what he could be talking to the pizza guy about. He was too polite to not listen to small talk. But he was hungry.

_ I could take the pizza while they talk. _

He pauses the movie, skipping over to the door and flinging it open. Yeosang’s eyes widen and feels his face flush as he sees Seonghwa standing there, staring back at him. He tries to close the door and backed away quickly. Hongjoong is glaring.

“Work is work, huh?”

“Seonghwa-”

He pushes open the door. Yeosang is pretty far from them. Seonghwa looks him up and down, as if he’s trying to figure something out. Yeosang feels so helpless under his glare.

“ “I’m around other models too, Seongie.”  _ Bullshit _ !”

“Hwa-”

Yeosang tries to speak.

“Did you know we were seeing each other?”

Seonghwa takes heavy strides in as he closes in on Yeosang.

Yeosang is playing with the cuffs of his long sleeve shirt.

“M-maybe.”

Seonghwa laughs out of anger.

_ Hongjoong, say something. _

But it’s like his lost all ability to speak. Just leans himself against the wall. Which was annoying Yeosang.

“You’re incredible, you know that?”

Yeosang stays quiet.

“You knew.. You fucking  _ knew  _ and yet you still crossed the line.”

“It’s not how it seems!”

“Oh, no?”

Seonghwa laughs again and it’s creepier this time.

“No. Hwa, listen, I-”

“You’re worse than gum under my shoe.”

Yeosang frowns now, feeling his cheek heat from anger. He looks at Hongjoong to say something but he just stands there with his arms folded.

_ Coward. _

“What did you gain? More shoots? Bigger check? Honestly what was-”

“Seonghwa, enough.”

_ Liar. _

“Seriously!?”

He pushes off the wall,

“You’ve said enough. It won’t change anything. Go home, we’ll talk tom-”

“YOU ARE NOT MY BOSS RIGHT NOW!”

“And you were never my boyfriend to begin with.”

Seonghwa looks at Hongjoong with so much hurt in his eyes. The statement even makes Yeosang take a step back.

Seonghwa nods, bottom lip between his teeth.

_ Don’t cry, he doesn’t deserve your tears. _

“There was a better way to inform me of that.”

Seonghwa doesn’t look at either of them as he speeds towards the door.

“Learn to call first.”

_ Asshole. _

“Learn to be honest.”

Yeosang wants to scream. He wants to drop kick Hongjoong.

Seonghwa is looking over Hongjoong’s face. Yeosang wonders what he’s trying to find.

This was so painful to watch.

“All of it, just a casualty?”

“I am sorry you didn’t realise what it was.”

Seonghwa gripped the handle of the bag,

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“Weeks.”

Seonghwa laughs and he looks back over at him. Yeosang is trying so hard not to blink, as his eyes brimmed with tears.

It wasn’t his turn to cry.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. We have a meeting anyways-”

“No, no. I fucking quit.”

He slams the door and Hongjoong stares at the door.

“WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME!?”

He can feel himself vibrating with anger.

“Yeosang, honestly don’t be dramatic.”

Yeosang harshly turns him around.

“You said it wasn't serious.”

“To me, it wasn’t.”

They stand there and Yeosang wants to hit him. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t because he should’ve known. All the fucking signs were there and he was blind to them all. He sighs and walks back to his desk.

“If he’s serious about quitting, I’m the taddest bit screwed.”

Yeosang flings the door open, running down the hall.

“HWA! Hwa, wait!”

But the elevator doors close before he can stop him. Yeosang slams the door when he walks back in.

“You’re an asshole!”

“Can you not slam the only front door I have?”

Yeosang pulls all the clothes out the dry and throws them on the floor, searching for just his.

“He’s so kind, you know? All the glaring and short answers could’ve been avoided if just told him the truth! And he’s so  _ pretty _ and, and he basically helps you run shit. How.. Why..”

Yeosang is huffing as he pulls his clothes on.

“Seonghwa chose to believe what he did.”

“FUCK OFF! Own up to the fact that you never gave him the whole truth!”

Hongjoong sighs and gets up, trying to hold Yeosang’s hands but he snatches them back.

“Don’t fucking call me unless it’s for work.”

“Yeosang-”

“And you  _ better _ apologise to him. You..”

He wipes his face roughly, tired of his own tears.

“I don’t care if I’m the bad guy but just.. Don’t let this go. You have no idea how badly this is going to mess with him.”

He slams the door as he leaves.

_ I hate you. _

/now/

Mingi checks his phone,

-miss u, how gross (｡ﾉ﹏＼｡)

-gonna give u the fattest smooch when im home

\- òwó

“I’ve tried to apologise for so long because I know that whatever Hongjoong said was half ass and probably sounded like a customer service email when you get a wrong size.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance.”

Yeosang puts his face close to Mingi’s, looking over his face.

“When I look into your eyes, I pretend your mine all the damn time.”

“What a shame that you waste your daydreams.”

“More like a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”

Mingi rolls his eyes.

“Do you consider San important?”

“Very much so.”

Mingi kisses his nose and Yeosang leans back, sighing. Blowing pieces of hair out of his face.

“You're too good for me anyways.”

Mingi nudges him with his knee.

“Be my friend regardless.”

“Need time to get over this heartbreak.”

They laugh. Mingi doesn’t feel like jumping anymore.

“I don’t mind waiting.”

“Ugh, don't say that. It’s too romantic.”

Jongho pops his head out,

“Come dance with me.”

Yeosang jumps up and takes his hand, winking at Mingi as they head in.

//

* * *

San and Wooyoung are lying on the living room floor, watching the smoke slowly clear out the window. It’s been too long since San had gotten high. He missed the way his mind shut the fuck up.

“Can we go back to doing this more often?”

“Maybe. It triggers Mingi when he’s around drugs.”

“Hmm.”

Wooyoung looks at San,

“You have that stupid grin.”

“What?”

San looks at him.

“Don’t tell me you’ve said it.”

“No!”

Wooyoung baby glares at him.

“I haven’t! He’d dump me on sight.”

Wooyoung goes back to looking at the ceiling.

“Don’t you think it’s pointless to date someone who doesn’t think he’s capable of feeling love?”

“I just think he’s scared.”

“Everyone’s scared.”

“I mean of things working out.”

“Stupid.”

San wacks him.

“It’s not. I dunno.. Maybe he’s just so used to things going perpetually wrong, he doesn’t want to wait for them to fuck up, you know?”

“The only way to break a loop is to go right. Not stand still.”

San rolls his eyes. This was the thing he tried to explain when people asked why he bottled some things up. He was either correct or dismissed. But Wooyoung meant well. He always does.

“I love him.”

“We been knew.”

“It scares me.”

They look at each other. Wooyoung waits for once, not speaking until San does.

“Because what if he never falls?”

Wooyoung chews his lip, seeping grey across the floor.

His phone dings and it’s a post notification from an account that ships Yeosang with Mingi. He forgot he had them on.

-cropped the video from Jongho’s ig update. wish we couldve seen more clearly T ^ T

San sat up, heart falling to his stomach.

Yeosang leaning into Mingi. Like he was going for a kiss.

“What?”

“I, uh. I don’t know.”

Wooyoung tries to look over his shoulder but he locks his phone. He feels dizzy. Sick.

“Help me air out the place.”

“What is  _ wrong _ ?”

San ignores him, opening the window and Wooyoung fans the smoke out.

_ Don’t cry, Don’t cry. You don’t even know if it really happened. _

//

Mingi walks in and San is sitting cross legged on the couch.

“Hey you!”

“I’m not happy.”

Mingi freezes. San can feel himself shaking.

“I’m not beating around the bush and I swear to god if you lie to me-”

“What is going on?”

“Did you kiss him?”

“Who?”

“YEOSANG!”

Mingi looks confused and San hates it.

“Why do you think I kissed Yeosang?”

San opens his phone and throws it. Mingi is a good catch. Stupid perfect boy.

Mingi’s eyes widen and he shakes his head,

“No, no okay that is a really bad angle of what really happened.”

“So what happened?”

“He leaned in but nothing happened. I told him tonight that we’re just friends. He even asked me to give him space.”

San shakes his head.

“I don’t believe you.”

“San-”

“It’s just a kiss and I know people have done worse, can do worse. But I-”

“Nothing happened though!”

Mingi’s eyes gloss and San doesn’t look at him. He doesn’t want to feel bad.

“Call him, ask!”

“I packed your clothes up in those two bags. I just.. Really need a break.”

“This is so stupid.”

“Yes my feelings are stupid.”

“They are because  _ nothing _ happened!”

Mingi sits next to him, turning his face.

“I swear.”

“I love you.”

Mingi blinks at him.

“What?”

“I just wanted to say it to you finally. Not whisper it when you’re asleep or to Wooyoung.”

His hands fall from his face and that hurts San more than he can say.

“That’s why I want a break. Because I’m in love with a boy who doesn’t believe in love and is out kissing other boys.”

San hates the sob that forced its way out of his throat.

“And he apparently thinks my feelings are stupid suddenly.”

“Can we talk in the morning?”

San rolls his eyes and walks into his room, slamming the door behind him.

//

* * *

Mingi is pounding on Yunho’s door like he was the police.

_ Come on, come on. _

Yunho finally flings the door open,

“You realise that the whole house can still hear you banging on my door even if I live in..”

Yunho realises he’s got tear stained cheeks and lets him in.

“I’ll get some coco and the blankets.”

Seonghwa sits with his knees pulled to his chest, waiting outside the blanket fort. Yunho sits and waits. Glancing at Mingi every so often.

“I’m literally human dumpster juice.”

Yunho purses his lips,

“I don’t think so.”

“San thinks I did something and when he wouldn’t believe me, I may have called his feelings stupid.”

“Oh..”

“What did you  _ not _ do?”

“Lovebug, I  _ told you _ , you can’t talk if you’re not in the fort.”

“I hate it here.”

Mingi laughs.

“See honeybear, he laughed and I’m not in the fort.”

“Mango, you hear something?”

“The brain cell holder.”

Yunho looks offended.

“Alright, since you’re feeling talkative, what are you denying?”

Mingi chews the inside of his cheek,

“He thinks I kissed Yeosang.”

“Thinks!?”

“Lovebug!”

“There’s a video where it looks like it but, Yunho, I swear nothing happened.”

“Duh you’ve been cheated on. Even a stupid kiss would be a knife in your chest. You’d never do that.”

“Kisses aren’t stupid and I’d be  _ very _ upset if you kissed someone else, honey bear.”

“There’s.. More.”

Yunho laces their fingers and Mingi’s eyes water.

“He said he loved me and I.. asked if we could talk in the morning.”

Seonghwa rips open the fort and it felt like those scenes in anime where the character is quite large with flames not only in their eyes but everywhere.

“You said  _ WHAT _ !?”

“Honestly death would be the best solution.”

“Mingi..”

“I KNOW I JUST.. Don’t know what to say.”

“Not the love isn’t real bit.”

Mingi huffs, burning himself with the coco.

“Yunho doesn’t believe in labels and he still forces the word boyfriend out when introducing me. You mean to tell me you don’t feel an overwhelming amount of caring feelings for San?”

Mingi knows he does. He just didn’t think it was the right time. They were fighting. He said something really mean.

Yunho flicks his forehead.

“You sleep on the futon tonight.”

“Now  _ I  _ hate it here.”

“Good.”

/two mornings later/

Mingi gathered all of San’s things in case the conversation didn’t end well. It made him really sad, searching the apartment high and low for his things. But San has ignored all of yesterday. Earning a mean text from Wooyoung.

There’s a knock and Mingi jumps a little.

San looks like hell.

“Hi, Lovely.”

“Hi, Sunray.”

_ Thank you. _

They sit awkwardly on the couch. It’s like San has never been here before.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what exactly?”

Mingi has heard San speak like this to others and he  _ hates _ that he’s on the receiving end.

“For calling you stupid. And just leaving after you said something really important.”

He can see San’s lip tremble.

“Jongho saw the chaos and called me. He told me nothing happened and that Yeosang and him spent the night together. That you were helping him the whole night.”

“They- Wow I was not expecting that to work out.”

The pair giggles but it fades as quickly as it started.

“San, I do believe in love. I just.. I..”

He takes in a deep breath,

“I know my past has nothing to do with you and that I need to work through what’s holding me back. But I just mean, I don’t believe people mean it when they say they love me.”

“Well, I do.”

“I know. I truly know you mean it. Time scares me and how there’s never enough of it. It was just a bad time for you to say it. I wanted you to be happy and smiling and glad you were with me. Not ready to leave me and me saying stupid shit.”

“I know Mi- Sunray. I just really wanted to tell you. I have for so long.”

They face each other properly.

“Really? Even though it hasn’t been that long?”

“Here’s the thing,”

San huffs, lacing his fingers with Mingi’s

“I don’t think love is as hard as everyone makes it out to be. If I taste something once or hear a song once or even wear an outfit  _ once _ and I say I love any of those things just after  _ one time _ , people are happy. People are so glad that I have something that makes me happy and will continue to have in, whatever it is, my daily life. It’s simple for us to express love for everyday things immediately. But it's so weird for humans to admit love in a short, or what they consider short, time span for other humans. But it’s simple as any other thing. I think the keeping love alive part is hard and scary but the falling is quick. I knew the day I met you.”

“You.. Did?”

San nods, soft smile that Mingi loves so much on his face.

“I think that’s why I was so mad when you ghosted me.”

“I’m still sorry about that.”

They giggle and the air in the room doesn’t seem so thick.

“It really hurt to see Yeosang be so openly flirty and you not even bat an eye at it. So when I saw that video I just..”

Mingi tightens his grip on San’s hands.

“He asked me if you were important and I said very much.”

San’s eyes water and he tilts his head.

“I think he actually wanted to ask if I loved you.”

“What would you have said?”

“Of course I do.”

Mingi cups San’s face,

“I love you, San.”

“You mean it? You’re not just saying it because I said it or because I’m crying?”

Mingi shakes his head no. San pushes himself forwards and they almost fall off the couch. Lips twisting and tasting like salt from the kiss. San pulls back to look at him, kissing over his face.

“I love you, I love you, I love you-”

“I love you too!”

They laugh and touch foreheads. San notices his things gathered off to the side.

“Guess you gotta put all that back where you found it.”

“Move in with me.”

San blinks at him.

“It’s silly to keep going back and forth. I’ll drive you to campus when I can. You can turn the guest room into an art room-”

Mingi can’t stop the smile that’s spreading on his face even though he was trying to kiss his boyfriend. San was such a sap.

_ My sap. _

“Ask again.”

“Will you move-”

“YES!”

They laugh loudly. Everything from before seemed so silly. But he was glad it worked out, for once.

//

San was skipping around, packing his clothing and singing as Mingi sat watching him.

“You know my lease is almost up too. This is perfect timing.”

“Unbelievable.”

“Also glad I didn’t order Sushi cat stuff for here because then we’d have double certain things.”

“She will be happier now that I won’t be gone or moving her so often.”

San straddles Mingi, kissing down his neck,

“He should have some last minute fun.”

“Choi San you are a demon, I swear.”

“You love this demon.”

“I do, I love you very much.”

San sighs, arm’s around his neck.

“We’re really doing this?”

“Jeez we aren’t getting married, Lovely.”

He twirls the ends of Mingi’s hair, looking at him like the other day. It all made since.

The Sun offered to die every night so that the Moon could live. The Moon would never allow this. If the Sun died, then who would the Moon have to love? A bond so strong and love so deeply yearned, eclipses formed.

If they didn’t give up, neither could these two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall peep that 10 in the ch section.. one left..  
> ALSO I SEE YALL TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY FIC SANGIE ON TWT, hopefully this changed your mind about him hehe.  
> twt: goteez_ (20+)


	10. Delicate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which these two souls settle into each other perfectly, as they were always meant to.

Mingi still felt like rainy days, but less gloomy. He didn’t hide from the rain anymore. Not when San loved it so much.

He didn’t hide from himself anymore. Not when San loved him so much.

He sat on his balcony, cross legged between two plants that he and San brought over during the last couple of weeks. The apartment looked better with all the green. They also made him feel less lonely. They moved things slowly. Selling some furniture and other things they chose not to keep, deciding San’s pace to be the meet up spot.

San is letting Yunho twirl him round and round while Seonghwa looks through San’s paintings. Mingi thought he looked like those mini people in snowglobes and Yunho was disturbing the settled snow.

San letting people go through his art was another big step.

Mingi wasn’t so scared of big steps anymore. It all felt easy now. Or rather, he let it all be easy now.

Jongho huffs loudly, aware everyone that he’s  _ tired _ and  _ overworked _ .

“Jongho it’s your own fault for being the strongest out of the lot. We all did our share of helping.”

Seonghwa says, not looking up from the piece in his hand.

“Yeah convenient that everyone chose what they were carrying  _ after _ I showed up.”

“Mm, should’ve been on time.”

Jongho sticks his tongue out at Seonghwa.

“Keep it in your mouth.”

His face falls and Yunho laughs. Mingi can’t help but giggle.

“You’re scary.”

Seonghwa looks at San, who's trying to steady himself after the endless twirling.

“Can I buy this?”

“You don’t have to buy it, silly.”

Seonghwa frowns at him,

“I will pay you for your hard work and you will accept it.”

“Fine, but not full price.”

Yeosang skips in with lunch for the boys,

“I have arrived with food for the starving! Everyone say they love me.”

“Just this once, love you Sangie!”

San takes the bags and Mingi pulls his knees to his chest, resting his head on them. Just watching. Yeosang tilts his head at him, walking out and plopping next to him.

“You don’t blend in, MinMin.”

Mingi sticks his tongue out at him.

“Babe, you want a lot or a little?”

“Whatever you give me.”

Jongho nods and Yeosang has the same kinda grin everyone around him seems to have these days.

“That heart eyes already?”

“What can I say, you handed me the perfect person to get over you with.”

“Oh is that so?”

They laugh and Yeosang nudges their knees.

“He good, like really good. Kinda don’t wanna see anyone else but him.”

“Damn, dick  _ that _ good.”

“Excuse me, I’ll have you know that his personality is wonderful and his little gummy smile happens to be my favourite thing ever and..”

Yeosang looks around before leaning over,

“He blows my fucking back out okay.”

Mingi shoves him over just as Jongho walks out.

“Hey, careful! He’s dainty.”

“YEAH!”

Jongho waits for him to set up and hands him his plate, bending down for a kiss that seemed so sweet to Mingi.

_ Love is a wild thing. _

Seonghwa clears his throat and the trio look at him.

“Can I talk to you, Yeosang? Mingi you can stay since you already know what this will be about.”

“Why can’t I know?”

Seonghwa stares at Jongho.

_ Three, two, _

“Fine, I’m going inside.”

Seonghwa waits until he hears the door slides closed.

“Walk away.”

Seonghwa looks over his shoulder to see a pouty Jongho. Yeosang giggles. Though Mingi thinks it’s more of a nervous one than a teasing one. Seonghwa fusses with the hem of his shirt, avoiding making eye contact.

“I think I’ve been mad at you long enough.”

Yeosang looks down at his food.

“I know not everything was your fault. Though it’s easier to tell myself that. This whole thing is exhausting and I think we’ve all given it enough time to make us miserable. But.. That doesn’t mean I’m ready to forgive you.”

They look at each other.

_ I really shouldn’t be here. _

Mingi chews the side of his thumb. Seonghwa runs his hand through his hair,

“Maybe it’s because I haven’t forgiven myself for how awful I’ve been.”

“You haven’t been awful.”

_ Yeosang never cared about being the bad guy. _

Seonghwa sighs like he’s been holding in too much air.

“You’re involved with a lot of people I consider best friends and it’s..”

He looks away, Yeosang doesn’t.

“It’s just easier to coexist than to dwell in hatred.”

“Coexisting sounds nice.”

They look at each other and Mingi likes how the sun shines through the clouds in this moment.

//

* * *

San bought paint for the apartment.

_ All this white is boring. _

He picks a wall in the kitchen under the cabinets and tilts his head, waiting for inspiration to hit him.

“Whatcha thinkin ‘bout, Lovely?”

“How you brighten up the sky.”

Mingi blushes and shakes his head. San nudges him with his elbow.

“Neon kitchens are fun, don’t you think?”

“They can be.”

San looks at him and Mingi is still dusted with rosy cheeks.

“Have I ever told you that I like how you look during golden hour?”

“Hm, can’t recall such a poetic moment.”

Mingi hops on the counter and rolls his eyes.

“Shut up and let  _ me _ be the sap for once, please?”

San folds his arms, nodding for him to go on.

“Because golden hour is when everything is supposed to be more beautiful than normal. And yeah, you look twice as good during that moment. But it’s like you’re actually  _ allowing  _ yourself to be beautiful, does that make sense?”

San walks over, putting himself between Mingi’s thighs. Drawing pattern on them, not ready to look his boyfriend in his stupid emoji eyes just yet.

“You spend a lot of time making others feel beautiful that it’s nice to see you be so, I dunno, saturated in colour.”

San looks up at him through his lashes. Mingi wraps his legs around him, smiling down.

_ I’ll be so fucked if you ever leave. _

“I used to think all love ever did was break and end. But the more I tried to run from you, the easier it was for you to find me. Your mom was right, love found us.”

“Like flowers in the concrete.”

“What?”

Mingi asked with a giggle.

“They push throw all the hard to find the sun.”

Mingi cups his face and hesitates before closing the space between them. San hopes that Mingi never stops treating him so delicately.

“Is it cool that I said all that?”

“Yes.”

San answers with a giggle.

Neon orange sky with yellow clouds that are lined with red.

Mingi perfectly displayed during a time that reminded him of San.

//

* * *

San had been painting their bedroom for the last few days and it made Mingi really sad to think that when they move out, it’ll have to get covered.

Currently, San was adding the final touches to the clouds in his night sky. He was using his arms to mix colours, so he was covering in little test patches.

_ Not like I bought you plenty of things but sure, be organic. _

He back hugs San, kissing up his neck. San leans back into him turning his face for a quick kiss.

“Almost done?”

“Yeah! Whatcha think?”

Mingi squeeze’s San as he looks over the sky.

“No stars because you turn on your night light, it’ll look like they’re moving. You know, like if we’re outside?”

“You’re so thoughtful.”

They sway for a moment and it feels like the night when they were on the trampoline back at his moms.

“Hey, remember when you went all Shakespeare with the golden hour bit?”

“Honestly you’re about to get zero romance from me.”

San gently tosses what’s in his hand on the floor and spins himself, wrapping his arms around Mingi’s neck. Just smiling the way he does that melts Mingi into tiny puddles, filling his dimples.

“There’s a moment right before sunrise and right after sunset that a lot of people don’t pay too much mind to called blue hour. No one really pays attention to that time, but it’s so pretty to me. I think the world just looks, calm. And honest. You know?”

“And you say I went all Shakespeare.”

“Don’t interrupt me.”

San snickers and Mingi tickles him. It earns him a few whacks on the chest before they steady themselves again. He can’t help himself, kissing over San’s face tenderly.

_ I’m in love. _

“Hey are you listening?”

“Mm.”

San cups his face.

_ I’m not scared. _

“I think.. That’s when you’re the most authentic. And I think that’s hard for you- well, for everyone. Anyways, I like you most during this time. Because you’re not trying to be anything or anyone but yourself. It’s nice. I know a lot of people don’t get to see that part of you, except Yunho but-”

“He doesn’t count.”

“Yeah.”

They laugh softly, pulling closer to each other. Gravity seems to favour these two.

“You mean to tell me it’s when I’m  _ boring _ I interest you most?”

San rolls his eyes, soft smile on his face.

“I’m saying, there isn’t a moment where I’m not finding new reasons to love you.”

Mingi’s cheeks heat up and San bops his nose.

“What, were the seven billion times prior not enough?”

He twirls the ends of Mingi’s hair.

“It’ll never be something I get used to, but.. I kinda like that. I never want anything you say or do to feel normal.”

Mingi watches the way San looks over him, watching his wheels turn endlessly like they do.

He wonders how he got so lucky. He still can’t understand how he got the courage to speak to him in the first place. What if he never went out that day? Would they still have met? What would’ve been different? Mingi likes that he thinks about all the ways they would’ve met and fell in love. Or rather, he liked that every thought about falling in love started and ended with San.

“Why both can’t be lost in thought.”

San teases before he pulls away. Mingi helps him pick things up a bit, still thinking. Thinking about how San gave him so much confidence to be authentic, as he says. How there was a lot that happened in such a short span of time that Mingi would’ve never done in one whole year. It worried him that they’d burn out. Like a fire with too much wood thrown in at first and wouldn’t last the night. But he held his breath a lot less often. San was more emotionally honest. Which was nice for both of them. But sometimes, just laying next to each other and tracing features on each other face was more than enough. The embers meant just as much to Mingi as the actual flames.

“What should we do for dinner?”

“Hongjoong actually wanted to come over. Work stuff but I can ask him to bring pizza?”

“Okay!”

The universe is always expanding. Always creating and destroying itself. Yet the sun always looks for the moon, who's always waiting for the sun.

“San?”

He tilts his head, curious eyes wide as he waits for Mingi to speak. Whirlwinds terrorise the butterflies living in his chest.

“I love you, always.”

San smiles, thin crescent eyes and deep dimples that hollow his cheeks.

“And I love you, always.”

Mingi still felt like rainy days most of the time. But San thought of him as a sunray.

Talked him into peaceful time frames and kept a picture of him in his wallet. So even when Mingi was a rain cloud just waiting to pour rain on everything he touches, San was there to remind him that the sun will always shine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you ALL for reading and sticking through all my prolonged chapters. i hope this story was worth the read. I was nice to get some of this stuff off my chest and even nicer to find people who relate to not only my feelings but the people i wrote the member's based off of.
> 
> thank you to bee for reading every chapter and pushing me forward when i didn't want to finish.  
> thank you to lei for telling me this was worth posting in the first place.
> 
> i will miss this fic so much.  
> be kind to yourselves and others.
> 
> i hope the sun always finds you ~

**Author's Note:**

> this story is kinda sorta a venting process for me. some of the bad is personal so if it makes you sad, sincerely i am sorry. pls leave a comment telling me your fav part (maybe?).
> 
> thank you lei, bee and belle for always pushing me to be proud of what i write. you three are my biggest support system.


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